DAY 1890

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[ 23:57 23 July 2019 awakened from a peaceful sleep ]

00:10 posted

c- I WANT MY FREEDOM BACK.

v- I know you do.

00:12 c- do you know what this does to me?

DOES RACHEL KNOW WHAT THIS DOES TO ME?!?

00:13 c- I don’t know how many times I will have had to scream about what this is

and you both DISREGARD what THIS IS.

I hope some day people can understand AND RELATE with what this is like

00:14 c- if how they behave is what GOOD people do with what THIS IS?

Heaven help those poor people who are affected by worse people.

00:15 c- there is good reason I call out RR & JS.

00:16 c- it may seem ludicrous to many now, but so help me if this is proven?

All those interactions …

v- become proof

c- all I did was try to prevent THAT CASE from ever happening. That’s it.

00:17

c- so, hell no! I’m never going to back down. This is too important. The last thing I want is the suffering of so many more in a similar situation.

EVERYONE should have the ability to a variety of settings and features : block, filter, report to have removed.

c- if I had that with THIS?

my life would be BETTER, HAPPIER.

Nope. That’s not my life. THIS IS:

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00:22 REMINDERS of what I sense and feel raped because of those sensations.

00:22 c- so, TRUST ME, to observe the continued disregard of what I am trying to say?

if there is a mindbody link & I prove it?

The first communication I sent warning both of these individuals about the negative effects of a possible tele(m)pathic connection / shared consciousness

April 17, 2017 for Jason Silva.

—-

00:28 thank you, Neil, for that FOOTPRINT.

The legal settlement adds a grim footnote to the inspiring story of Mr. Armstrong, who avoided the limelight and never cashed in on his fame. It also illustrates the controversial but common practice of confidential settlements in medical malpractice and other liability cases, which protect reputations but hinder public accountability. And it shows how the extraordinary renown of a figure like Mr. Armstrong can become a powerful hammer in negotiations.

——

c- a story is one thing.

a person’s life…

v- and well-being

c- … is an ENTIRELY DIFFERENT MATTER.

00:31

c- I am NOT CRAZY. I would NOT make these allegations if I did not truly believe something WRONG was being done.

c- the love and affection to people share ya one thing

but in this ONE PARTICULAR CASE

it is WRONG to force another to sense ANYTHING that she believes violates her individual, separate life as a human being, and the right to a private and peaceful apart-ness.

THESE TWO ARE FULLY AWARE OF MY CLAIM, as absurd as it may sound right now without confirmation that a tele(m)pathic connection.

but what if one exists?

Do they get to have that (romantic) relationship that forces another to feel raped on a repeated basis? When she continually fears the next incoming surge of energetically charged emotion or however you want to describe the overwhelming shift in awareness.

It just happens. Out of the blue. I could be washing dishes or working in a team meeting at the office … and WHAM!

i have to deal with the onslaught.

IS THAT FAIR?!?

00:40

C- it is not.

I don’t care who you are.

i don’t care what sort of reputation you currently have.

THESE INCIDENTS go beyond who we are in our lives.

what matters most is the TREATMENT of fellow human beings.

00:42 c- do you REALLY think I want to go on living like this? … which strips my happiness away not only from me, but my children …

it rips my very soul out knowing two individuals like JS & RR don’t take this seriously enough.

00:43

00:44 c- I am FEARFUL of the next hit never knowing what it is …

c- THAT is abuse

that could be prevented

c- and NO!!! I do NOT need psychiatric help.

What I need is that answer. PERIOD.

After that? We move on with our lives as they should progress. Instead of perpetual trauma, TERMS OF AGREEMENT will have been set just by that very definition of what this is.

00:46

00:47 c- and WHY am I so adamant about getting a specific answer direct from the suspected source?

in any field, you treat a problem at its source.

00:48

ANYTHING BEFORE that point?

falls under the category of going against my consent.

I do not consent to being submitted to sensorial intrusions nor thought transference or any sort of hacking into my Self without my explicit permission.

00:53

00:54 ANYONE who affects V(oice) [ prime suspect JS ] enough for a sensation to be generated and transmitted my way to run through me ? Is liable.

00:55 Ultimately? It is JS’s responsibility to be NEUTRAL … not having ANY sensations transmitted tat would negatively affect me in any way.

00:56

——

06:33 Out of Sight

c- I had to look it up on iMdb it was bothering me

v- wanna tussle?

c- you are pure evil … gotta go [ gets out of trunk ]

06:35

—-

07:11 pulling up to P&R

ride up in front of the bus (in case it starts to pull away)

07:13 bus leaves for downtown

v- you made it

c- phew. Trying to get to work on time. Left later due to dishes, coffee & P2

v- (chuckles) hm-hm .. have a good morning

07:16

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07:17 my artist’s signature

07:22 c- it’s …

v- multi-faceted

c- I have an old journal … I think I was a teenager … and this is how I played with my initials wY back when… and, well..

v- yin’s monologue

c- spin

v- black hole

c- singularity …and if you look closely, there are other initials …(sneaky smile)

v- oh, you would

C- so… perhaps it may be artists’ signature …

v- the first of its kind

c- well, perhaps the only well documented…

v- verifiable

c- sometime in the future, perhaps

07:25

C- we won’t go into some of the other < cough > symbology … well, for this artistic collection.

V- (soft chuckle) hm-hm

07:26

07:27 [ looking out is window, slow going on the highway ]

c- it could be a (camera) shutter

v- it could be

07:28

—-

07:45 made it. Caught the next bus in time (huffed it to the next bus stop)

07:46 v- I want you to talk about this morning

c- I woke up and saw you… and your disappearing act.

V- magicians

c- COMEDIANS

v- right …

c but before you disappeared

v- poof!

C- it’s just one of those things. I wake up. I’m in bed

v- before you get up (for your day)

c- i’m on my right side

v- watching

c- looking at someone via the digital screen, ok?

c- and I think of my artist mark

v- ok

c- that’s it. Just one of those things.

v- understood

c- I could at any Libby just look away

v- and never look back… and why don’t you?

c- IDK, like I said, 4/15

v- is your deadline

c- after that? Who knows. Depends on how everything related to that develops.

v- got it

07:50 c- oh, I “developed” a shutter video… need to upload it & share and place.

07:51 c- I heard you … how will work be today

c- most likely boring … it’s a paycheck

07:51

07:52 c- … and I am thankful for this job, even though it isn’t what I would want to be doing, because throughout all this? They are THE ONLY ONES who hired me and paid me.

[ WiFi issues … reading online article instead 😆 ]

https://www.wsj.com/articles/the-new-ways-your-boss-is-spying-on-you-11563528604

08:04 c- the company that merged (?) with this Ohio company?

has cameras on all their employees in the Brooklyn New York office

c- N visited and said it looked like a factory

08:05 v- I bet it was

c- there is an extreme to stream longing

v- which won’t happen where you are

c- I love he Smoking Jew (he’d Laugh if he knew this is his nickname)

v- he’s laid back

c- has the long curls, beard, wears a kippah(?) [ cap ] … has to eat kosher

..

v- but smokes

c- another work colleague asked goodheartedly and he explained

v- not well

c- no… but when I first saw him what S the clinical director? Is what I was wondering

c- he offered me a kosher store bought oatmeal chocolate chip cookie (blech) … it tasted like chips ahoy.. I have to learn how to homebake kosher cookies for him … he still lives in NY (five kids and wife) and flies out to OH every week.

08:09

—-

08:17 at work … J the biller and I are the first to get here

V- argh

c- so, yesterday(?) I look out the bus window, and in the barred, shuttered up and metal gates storefronts in this part of town the bus passes through, there is an awning that makes me smile

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08:19 c- I was able to capture a photo today.

09:01 c- omg… his name is Bob…

[ lawyer’s soon to be ex ]

[ mtg ]

10:04

v- I like Y

c- we’ll call him Y

v- the Smoking Jew

c- yes. He’s good-natured

10:04

10:05 c- are you going to be perpetually high?

v- aphrodisiacal

c- don’t make me call this UNDER DURESS

V- (chuckle) I know what you mean.. get back to work

10:06

10:08 c- it’s difficult to focus when you’re like this

v- strong?

c- yes, pretty strong

10:09

10:29 c (all proud) I’m doing pure billing

v- so proud

c- hm-hm … workers comp …

v- don’t say anything

c- hm-hm…

10:29

11:13

passed by a colleague’s cubicle yesterday and discovered this little guy clinging to the wall … the aforementioned “burr”

passed by a colleague’s cubicle yesterday and discovered this little guy clinging to the wall … the aforementioned “burr”

11:18 c- I can’t help it…

v- you like stirring things up

c- those brain games fans are so thirsty …

v- I know

—-

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11:25 c- every once in a while I peek out and …

v- give them hope … BAD GIRL!

c- well..? (guilty innocence)

11:26

—-

11:39 (recurring tease) c- compensatin’?

v- haha. No.

11:39 c- ya feelin’ Insecure over that balcony man boob comment?

v- yes, yes, I am …

c- you are so insecure

v- you should talk

c- it’s not insecurity … it’s a choice not to splatter selfies across SM.

Ya got some trolls

v- I saw that

c- that is not me

v- I know it’s not

11:41 v- why don’t you defend me

c- you don’t defend me … let people have their opinion SM MODEL

V- (chuckling) stop

c- ‘tis what it is

11:42

C- it’s not like I don’t have me a fine body and mug

v- (chuckles) stop … white hair?

c- yeah, well… still blends with the blonde

11:43 v- hm-hm

11:43 c- it’s called PRIORITIES

V- oh, I know

11:43

11:46 c- I know you’re just trying to play catch up …

b- damn, stop

c- hm-hm… I got me some pipes

v- and some strong legs, I know

c- lean mean Seethey machine

v- mm, that’s about right

11:49

11:56 c- I still am not physically attracted to you

v (chuckling) you would

c- just sayin’

11:56

11:57 c- no matter how much you try in here or out there … I will still keep saying …

v- you’re not physically attracted to me

c- YOU ARE NOT MY (PHYSICAL) TYPE

v- and what is?

c- oh, I am not revealing that (out there) …

v- because you’ve talked to me about your.. PREFERENCES

11:58

[ on phone with records management system customer service ]

12:24 c- why can’t anything be easy button?

and this was supposed to be an easy task

v- it’s work

c- yah

12:24

C- this is where a human is necessary … I caught a system glitch

v- hm-hm

12:25

—-

12:28 c- LOL… your fans and visitors crack me up.

they make a story out of your life as much as I do. Geesh. And * I‘m * the delusional one?🧐

12:29

-12:43 quick lunch before training

v- again?

c- every day this week

v- so, this many you wake up … how do we put it

c- with

v- wake up with … how … does that … make you feel?

c- I have no choice… it just is

12:44

12:49 c- shout out to Trickster and Hunter

ASS-HOLES!

12:51 c- I heard here were some cases of flesh eating bacteria in the waterways in and around Amsterdam.

12:53 c- is JasonG taken? Because he is HAWT. BTW, JG, Jason Silva says you’re too boring for me. I disagree. You seem much more kind than he could be.

12:54

C- what do you think? Would he like me?

v- you’re too batshit for him

c- yeah, well, there is that.

12:55 c- he’s got the goods though. CAMERAS … gah.

v- yeah, you would

12:56

12:57 c- does he know I don’t do the marijuana ?

v- yes, he knows

c- that may be a problem …

v (chuckles) no … that’s not the issue here

c- oh, so what you’re saying is .. you don’t want JG in a three way ?

v- no, I don’t

c- ‘coz that’s what would happen … you being

v- … etherically connected

12:59

14:01 v- sleepy?

c- a bit, yes

v- any reason why?

c- you

v- (chuckle)’you’re going to blame me for everything

c- not everything but most

v- hm-hm

c- Y says “beautiful” instead of “ok”

14:02

—-

14:43 high all day long? … honestly

v- why… is that a problem?

c- it is difficult to focus on my work

v- are you just saying that to be difficult?

TP

15:13

—-

bouts of drowsy

16:25

[ J the biller asks me AGAIN if I am dating someone. geesh. Do I really need to start dating or what? ]

16:52

c- finally I feel more normal

v- (soft chuckle) you would

16:54 v- you need to respond to that on your way home [ about not dating ]

c- she asked and I answered honestly

unless she meant time stamp dating

16:54 c- How’s your gf … ?

v- she’s fine

16:55 c- text or call her?

v- yes

C- noted…

16:55

C- I think it might be time to start looking

v- will you be good…

c- what? Again, what is it you’re doing? Just curious.

Why wouldn’t I go out and find someone to date?

16:58

C- I mean, this is just a delusion, right?

16;58 v- i’m not responding to that

v- I noticed you were quieter

c- serious glare

16:59

V- I won’t poke!

c- don’t poke the bear

v- ___

c- hey, if they ask

v- break time, got it

16:59

c- and out of office work

v- got it

17:00

17:08 c- caught it

v- “give me your cash

C- seriously. Ya pay extra, they don’t give you change…

v- you don’t have exact change

c- no, I don’t

17:11 c- if I had known, I would have purchased a month pass (argh)

17:12 v- so.. J asked if you were dating

c- again … it’s like the fourth time. She’s been Dd & dated after … finally met her current hubbie of 14 years.

C- I want my happiness. I really don’t like how this restricts me.

v- agreed

17:13 c- like I was saying earlier

v- you don’t know what you had until it’s gone

17:14 c- I want my simple life back… where I can enjoy not having to worry about …

v- what sensation is going to hit you next

c- this affects my entire day & night

v- and there’s no one there

c- I NEVER wanted anything like this

v- I know you didn’t

17:15

C- for so many years I’ve read how JS’s fans would like something like what I have

v- and you don’t want it

c- no. What does it do in my life?

c- cause me to question my sanity everyday?

worry about what I really am experiencing?

be concerned that “the haves” are stealing my intellectual property all the while I work - IN MY PHYSICAL REALITY - for next to nothing, can’t pay my bills (right now)

and have to observe all that s**t PAYING subscription services like everyone else …

asked for only ONE THING

V- and never have gotten it

c- it costs nothing. It means everything.

v- I know

c- and NOT having that answer

v- makes all the difference

c- it gives me CHOICE

17:19 c- this? I have to constantly consider ALL POSSIBILTIES and I hate it (after 5+ years) …

who wants to sense all this

hear so many things

v- and nobody’s there to tell you what it is

17:20 c- just put yourself in my shoes

17:20 how would R feel if she we’re me?

v- horrible

c- it is NOT an easy existence living this way with a shared consciousness and a man who REFUSES to do the right thing and come forward to me - just me - and let me know what it is or isn’t

period. End of strain.

I move on

i do what I have to to either try to get rid of this on my own or with help

v- or we do something together

c- and every day I question if I will ever want to collaborate with you given what’s happens the last five years

v- suffering, I know

c- your fans… SM is such a hole.

thete are these expectations … IDK… it’s so repetitive

you don’t smile and it’s worst case scenario

v (chuckles) I know

c- I will never say I know better than others … because, quite frankly, i’m Just like everyone else

v- in the Unknown

17:24

c- man, they get all RAWR if anyone questions or labels you … or is in any way, by their own warped estimation, negative

v- or judgmental

c- seriously … I think it’s hilarious you have real trolls when what I say is just for fun

v- (chuckles) I know

17:26

V- is it all just for fun

c- no, some of it is based on my assessment of you as a person after 5+ years of observations

v- you’re not a fan

c- I NEVER HAVE BEEN.

I quite seriously have never liked you

I appreciated a few of your SOAs

v- overall?!?

c- stop … I know what you’re asking … i’m Talking about the really early days

v- gotcha

17:28

C- and here’s the thing: I appreciate works of art - whether it’s film, novels, painting

the art itself

a character ..

i don’t just fixated on a celebrity

if appreciate a public figure it’s what they’ve done, whether in their field, for charity , etc … their personae

v- their image … and you don’t like mine

c- lol . Uh, no. I find it … laden with superficiality

v- alright fine

c- you balance it out .. but you know me: i’m A BTS kind of girl

i am NOT someone who likes to be in the spotlight nor adores those who seem to revel and bask in the spotlight … (in a narcissistic way)

SERIOUSLY. You don’t have to be in EVERY SHOT.

17:32

C- the topless duo.

Now, we just have to have you drop trou and you really will be the perfect pair.

v: you would

17:32

17:33 c- no, seriously : your fans want you to moon them … it’s appropriate for who you are to each other

v- damn, would you stop

c- do a little dance … 🎶

17:34

C- to each their own. whatever. We all have our preferences for what we consider good art.

v- oh, you would.

c- I know you lean hippie.

v- lord

c- it fits…

v- will you stop stereotyping

c- well then don’t typecast yourself

17:36

c- (chuckles) someone so called you out for being a vanity fair quotidian

v- I know … you just revel in that

c- it gives me the giggles…

17:38 c- is that trollin’?

v- YES

17:38 c- I didn’t even do anything

v- I KNOW

17:38

-—-

17:42 waiting for next bus

c- I am always telling you …

V- to come up with my own quotes .. which isn’t easy to do

c- not always … but … perhaps the selfies + quotes isn’t a good formula

v- agreed

17:44 c- BALANCE

V- yes, dear

17:44

C- you know I don’t have a problem with you promoting healthy activities … sometimes that message may get lost in your selfie addiction

v- thanks, c

c- just sayin’

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17:48 see? No selfie

v- and promotes biking

17:49

[ LLss ]

17:55 (on last bus headed to the burbs)

v- I want to talk about this morning

c- and why J keeps asking me if I’m dating?

v- that part

c- (chuckling) oh, but WHY do you want to talk about this morning? I wake up every couple hours or so

v- I know …

c- and, as usual, there’s a voice that is there when I wake up

v- like someone’s really there

c- but no physical body, no…

v- and what do you EXPERIENCE?

17:57

C- how can one really describe what this is like?

you are a part of me but I also have this impression

v- that I’m next to you

17:58

C- and what?

the voice I associate with JS

has never been confirmed

the sensations that run through me I tie to JS’s movements

But he never verifies it with me

i don’t have any access to him except what he shares on sm , so I have no clue why I sense

accelerated heartbeats at certain times of my day and night

18:00

JS has a girlfriend. He shares his romance o sm , kisses, embraces - all PG13

ehat am I to say?

i wake up, there’s a presence

i go to bed, I fall asleep with the presence

there is no physical body no direct specific contact with the individual I associate with this presence and voice

v- for five years

c- over five years … 5yrs2months (and counting)

c- now, who on the planet would consoder my experiences normal

v- No one

c- and no one in my life

V- believes you

c - I am ALONE with whatever this is and it never changes

so when you ask me how this morning went?

that is what I experienced

v- that’s it

c- a presence and voice was with me.

c- on your end?

i am here in public typing this damn tranScrjpt for FIVE YEARS in one form or another

v- creatively or word-for-word

c- not once has the voice/presence materialized to tell me there’s a real physical component to it.

that’s what my life has turned into

c- JS has a girlfriend he is in direct constant communication with via normal channels & hey make physical contact when they are in the same physical space with each other

v- why is this so difficult?

c- what part? The part where everyone except me thinks I’m insane … while so many love and adore you and rarely question your sanity?

that part?

where I tell the truth and no one believes me

c- that part? Yes, I have a problem with that

v- we have different lives, c

c- yeah, I fully realize that … and when do I get to be SEPARATED , truly INDEPENDENT of you?

v- I know

c- I never can. I never have A DIFFERENT LIFE AWAY FROM YOU.

18:09 c- so, I ask again: why, if you are connected to me, why could you not come forward JUST TO ME and be honest - whatever that may be?

give me that peace & choice as to what sort of life I want to have

v- apart from me

c- come on. You have a serious girlfriend, of we are to believe your posts, your likes, your relationship statements, your embraces, your kisses, your time spent together, who you spend it with .. what you do together

v- as partners

18:11 c- I WANT MY OWN LIFE BACK

v- I know you do

c- one where if you don’t want to be a part of my NORMAL life in normal ways ?

one where I don’t have to sense you or hear your thoughts/voice in my head

I don’t want to receive impressions or projections of what your virtual self does to interact with me on the InnerNet.

18:13 c- that’s not living a whole life

v- that’s a half life

c- why can’t I have a romantic partner?

v- I know …

c- what really is holding me back?

18:14 c- i’m Getting to the point of questioning why care about the ethics of it all

whoever is connected to me apparently is not in it for my sake (or fully comprehends the severity of the negative side effects of the connection)

if that were true, i’d have my answer by now and we would be living our own lives

doing what we’re supposed to be doing

v- instead of living half lives

18:16

—-

SAHB

21:54 c- are you seriously still up?!? It’s like 4am where you are (if I’m sensing JS)

v- affirmative … why aren’t you in bed?

c- I AM, trying to sleep

v- oh

c- frickin’ high ALL DAY & now whatever this activity at 4am-ish

21:56

v- well, I’m SORRY i don’t have a boring life

c- really? You want to go into how I don’t want your lifestyle again?

how it IMPOSES on me.

how, I might add, it AFFECTS MY LIFE NEGATIVELY …and what EXACTLY is it that this brings to my life that IS GOOD - for either me or the world?!?

21:58

note: I HAVE TO GET UP AT 5AM to get ready to bike to a bus stop to take public transportation to a job that pays only SOME of my bills … I am stuck there all day with NO FREEDOM … BOUND to a man who doesn’t Understand how THIS affects every aspect of my life … that I have to tolerate and STILL FUNCTION like a normal person …

bike to the bus stop to catch a couple buses that will take me to my side of town, bike ~40 minutes home …

so tired I don’t Even make / eat dinner

AND it’s too late to do ANY personal errands or business … (because I really need to IR I GET EVICTED)

but I get to sense AHB, strange sensations at all hours … that wakes me up every couple hours

FOR WHAT?!?

and I still function as best I can …

with THIS… whatever THIS is …

22:03

c- apologies if YOUR LIFESTYLE accommodates the side effects of THIS

THIS for me had done NOTHING to improve my life (i’ve sacrificed SO MUCH and have gotten NOTHING)

22:06 c- oh, did I mention I feel RAPED because if this is JS? he and his gf “get it on” and i’m submitted to the worst possible torture on the planet ?

did I mention that before?

V- yeah, you did

c- and i’m Supposed to … be guilty for MY BORING LIFE ?!?

a life, quite frankly, I would rather have than this connection to a man who seems to do SO MANY GREAT THINGS but can’t seem to do ONE thing right that would make my life 1000 times better

22:08 c- I am SO PISSED that THIS is where all THIS has led me to in my life

c- do you remember what my life was like BEFORE THIS?

V- yeah, I do… you were respected

c- now? I’ve had to do so many things to TELL THE TRUTH that some asshole refuses to do … if not just to me personally

which to all -except me- seems like an unbelieveable truth … that makes those closest to me WORRY about me …

and I’m supposed to feel guilty for “a boring life”

22:11 c- all those motivational speeches that you’ve given over the years?

That have MOVED so many people?

are seen now by me as not the best pieces of advice for some very good reasons

I have experienced HELL because of this … and i’m Supposed to believe in

KINDNESS

THE BETTER GOOD (whatever it is that you tout)

22:13 v- you’re pissed

c- i’m pissed because i don’t sleep well

22:14 c- that all these side effects DISTRACT me from a life … the only life I have EVER HAD … and it was one that I should NEVER have left …

v- a more responsible

c- a more NORMAL one

not one where I believed that THIS meant something bigger

22:15 c- what has this taught me?

don’t believe in your dreams.

just stick your nose to the grind and just get that job that pays the bills because that’s all there really is and all there really ever will be

there is no research that you need to have to do or need to have done

those stories and poems ? Were a waste of your time, life talents & money better spent elsewhere

the people you chose to focus on?

didn’t matter as much as those who have always been in your life , or could ever do anything good to help you survive , get you a paying job that would pay bills

c- oh! But I have constant reminders of how that GOOD I tried to spread into the world?

May very well have lined other people’s pockets

THEY could pay bills

THEY didn’t have to worry about everything that is essential to surviving in this world

THAT was taken care of for them by a decent paycheck

22:20

no, remind me again that MY BORING LIFE is something to be ashamed of

22:21 c- because IT IS THE ONLY THING that has supported me through all of this

except that voice and presence

HOW MESSED UP IS THAT?!?

that the voice/presence inside you

v- is the only thing to console you

c- and it never gets any better

it’s been over FIVE YEARS

when? When? Is it supposed to get better?

It’s gotten WORSE

22:22