In Between

I sit here on this cold rock, the light fading, fall on the verge of winter, and a chill runs from my lower back up to my neck and shoulders. I wonder where you are. You are always on my mind. Why do you keep coming back? We’ve been apart so long. I will never be alone with my thoughts. You know how much you affect me. You stay away. It’s very convincing why, I tell myself. Why do you still hang around? You say you love me. Love endures?

I only entertain the idea of torture, solitary confinement, briefly. I have to. Without you life seems unjust. I am a prisoner at times. From my cell I reach out to you. Do my imaginings keep me sane or hold me in a straight jacket of my own making? Why is it I imagine touching you, and without thought, you react and love me back? Is my mind playing tricks on me? Am I riding the waves of my dreams, letting them take me for a turn?
I am adrift, alone on the sea of us. Above, I gulp in an abundance of air. Below, I go breathless. I am on the surface, a woman on the verge of drowning on your tears, about to pass out from the dizziness of your breath. My melancholy tips you over. My humor bubbles into your laughter.