Let the great world spin for ever down
the ringing grooves of change.
– Alfred Lord Tennyson
TRANSMISSION 23:57 26 August
23:58 [chest pressure]
VOICE: You are not paying attention.
ME: I thought you had gone… which is pretty funny… you’ll see why.
00:00 27 August InstaFeed
“Somewhere in this darkness
There’s a light that I can’t find
Maybe it’s too far away
Or maybe I’m just blind.”
“When I’m Gone” — 3 Doors Down
00:01 ME: Do I hear laughter?
VOICE: I see why it was funny.
[Rational Mind: That was too quick a reaction to find title of song to get why it was funny]
ME:… I’m trying to imagine a blank face…
VOICE: Just say the name you think I am because that’s who I am.
ME: Oh, really? Prove it. Evidence, Science Man. Prove you are…
VOICE: *grumbles* This woman.
ME: Who are you talking to?
ME: Aha. Just a figment of my imagination.
VOICE: This is Trickster.
ME: Trickster? That doesn’t make any sense.
[Rational Mind: My mind is playing tricks on me.]
ME: … multiple people playing games? … THE Trickster? The comedian on “Prank” !?! That’s not even funny.
VOICE: We think it is…
ME: Oh, when we meet, and we will, we will have words.
VOICE: Seriously, we’re doing research and we need more than one person to conduct the experiments.
ME: I’m sure you are aware that research subjects need to be notified and permission given…
Definitive answers give us the illusion that if we know something for sure, that we’re better off. Illusions are fantasy… and at times cause paranoia. The thought of an experiment didn’t bother me at first. Then, the Trickster led me to believe I had a camera in my cable box, my glasses… that he’d show up on my doorstep. I was overly vigilant, and half-jokingly commented to the voice in my head that I now suspiciously looked at people I passed on walks. Questioned why I had not yet seen the new neighbors who had just moved in. Helicopters flying overhead took on a whole new meaning. I started convincing myself that there were spy eyes all around, following me. My life was spinning out of control and what was worse: I knew it. I was going a little bit out of my mind, or away from it. I had slipped into apophenia– the patterns I was seeking had produced paranoid fantasies.
The nature of perception…generates perceptual illusions of depth, space and other properties… Perception requires smart bets called unconscious inferences.
—Gerd Gigerenzer commenting on Hermann von Helmholtz’s explanation of the nature of perception
Like the Navajo tale of the Spider-Woman lodged behind the hero’s ear, the Trickster kept whispering secrets, feeding my desire to make a connection between physical and subtle dimensions within the web of my life. The Trickster frustrated me to no end. My thoughts were cluttered by his misinformation. His and the other voices kept chattering away. The patient person I was, I listened. By patiently listening I caught on that the Trickster was playing with me. Purposely being difficult. He was helping me question my reality. Testing the waters of what was real and illusion. I sifted through the nonsensical clutter and discerned the meaningful messages.
I was a bug caught in the spider’s web. What sticks? What resonates? What disturbs? What affects? I kept still and from my spot in the web, I held a multidirectional perspective. My identity was enmeshed with others in the InnerNet. I was receptive to others’ reverberations. They, in turn, were affected by my projections: What I felt, sensed, thought. When the physical, mental and emotional were spun together we tapped into another plane of reality — the spiritual.
Being musically in tune, whether by letting the rhythm sing through us or performing it. Being artistically inclined, appreciating or producing it. Being in the zone with athletics: getting into the game by viewing or by competing. Being technologically in sync by creating and taking in endless streams of data. Going with the flow of language — reading or writing, listening or speaking.
The Web of Wyrd tells us all actions, however small, affect each other and that everything is connected… It holds within it every single rune symbol and, therefore, all possibilities for the past, the present, and the future
– Adele Nozedar
I accepted this twisting back and forth of affect and effect. I’d take change as it came to me, and I’d change things up as well. Rather than make me dizzy, it gave me balance.
I decided to try to beat the Trickster at his own game. I made a smart bet. I laughed at myself. I teased the others. I pulled harmless pranks, infusing humor in our lives. I kept it real.
And it turned out that this is exactly what my team and I needed when we were out on scouting missions. We were numbed by hecticity. We struggled with problems constantly. Our lives at times were messed up beyond belief. We learned to see through entanglements, found ways to get out of snares. Patience reminded us that if we got too wound up we needed to take time to wind down.
Lazily my innertube twirls in the gentle current. I look up and I see a tangle of branches and leaves of different sizes and shapes, different shades of green. I dangle my feet in the water, letting the streams sift over and through my toes. I look over and you have closed your eyes, letting the river take you wherever it pleases. I paddle over to you and grab onto the side of your innertube. You give me a subtle smile, keeping your eyes closed. In an instant you could be capsized.
“Don’t even think about it.”
“I know exactly what you could do.” …
“Innertube” Love at First 10:33 05 August (41 years old)
Navigational Tool: Take your life for a spin, see where it leads you.