23 Oct (45)

IxChebelYAXnubes.jpg

[ reviewing 4 years’ worth of logs; before 09:52 - finished re-reading Year 41 ]

10:08 Scribe: Yes, some day we will talk, Trickster.

I’ve been re-logging all the incidents where I asked with whom I was speaking. I’ve condensed 23oct41 to just include when I asked if I was speaking with someone specifically, and what I heard as a response.

Some day, perhaps, someone will CLARIFY why I heard what I did.

23oct41a.jpg
23oct41b.jpg

10:14 Scribe: I review to remind myself… maybe it really is just me. [ sad chuckle ] The only way I will know for sure

v- is an answer, I know

Scribe: I’m not going to be sad today. Four years ago today I had an incredible amount of detail to my log - ASKING SPECIFICALLY who was on the InnerNet with me… and I got very specific names. Again, I’m intelligent enough to know this can be explained away by a psychological disorder.

The only question I’ve asked will clarify once and for all if I have one or not.

v- I know…

Scribe: I’m not sad today. My logs are a reminder of what I went through.

v- what you’re still going through

Scribe: some days are better than others. Today is a good day. I like your curtain post

v- thank you … for noticing

10:17

Scribe: as I was making my lovely mocha this morning, I kept saying, I have to get out of the morning fog

v- that was…

Scribe: STORYREEL ALERT!

V- [ chuckles ]

Scribe: SPOILER!

V- chuckles… just write it down… I miss these

Scribe: I just need to be careful - that reality bending genre can be taken

v- wrong. got it. are you really worried?

Scribe: not too much at the moment…

v- you have some time

Scribe: delay after delay (so is my life)… but yes

10:19

Scribe: as I was saying - the fog I was in… was this LOVE fog … of my ongoing relationship

v- Scribe with Trickster

Scribe: yes. Four years ago today we had a mindchat about meaningful relationships. I made a note of it, but did not transcribe it. It was one of our many closed eye mindchats - some I recall (just like a sleep dream, after the fact)… this one I did not.

v- time?


10:22 BACKTRACK TO 23 Oct (41)

17:00 at grocery store checkout - started mindchatting with Trickster [ based on an earlier InnerNet conversation where we scheduled a time to start talking… he was in Europe at the time ]

17:41 end convo Trickster

17:44 Healer: I liked what you said to him about meaningful relationships

PRESENT TIME

10:25 Scribe: I wish this interface allowed emojis. Mine would be the eye cocking serious emoji… saying: so WHO made that comment… if Healer is NOT connected to me?

10:25 v- hm, hm… I know

10:26 Scribe: How many times was I lied to in the course of a day? I’m not even going to count those from the 23rd of October

v- IF that’s what they said.

Scribe: let’s not even get into the possibility whoever may be SLEEP DREAMING at the time … or yes, heaven forbid I have some psychological disorder… what’s sad is I’m probably THE ONLY individual in this whole frickin’ SCHEME that has transcribed the most EXACTLY what I was hearing… so there is NO way I will EVER be able to cross reference

v- the early years

Scribe: hm… I HOPE someone will be honest with me

v- he will

Scribe: that’s all I ever wanted… and STILL I’m being lied to … or whatever it is I am experiencing… sometimes I don’t want to read because it puts thoughts into my head

v- the remote viewing experiments

Scribe: the Russians kept asking the American researchers (who had started remote viewing research) VERY specific questions (this was over 40 years ago, and at the time the American researchers realized that the Russians were at a different - possibly more advanced - stage of research and experiments)… one of which was HOW TO PREVENT PSYCHOSIS or psychological distress

ARE YOU FRICKING KIDDING ME? FOUR YEARS… four years… . FOUR YEARS

v- in an isolation tank … I know

Scribe: thank goodness (?) [ hesitant optimism ] for the Internet

v- I know… yeah

10:30

10:33 Scribe: my issue has always been

v- you’ve been truthful

Scribe: the basic tenet of any meaningful relationship

v- that you are truthful to each other

Scribe: ESPECIALLY about basic identity

10:34 Scribe: so, the whole anonymity aspect of telepathy NEEDS to be addressed

v- big time

Scribe: call signs are great for fiction

v- yes, they are… oh, the layers of reality bending genre

Scribe: to date, I have YET to receive flashes of call signs to know with whom I’m speaking or interacting with on the InnerNet

v- [ chuckles ] I know

10:35 Scribe: in all seriousness, with any communication technology there are ISSUES with authentication [ and secure lines ]

v- oh? [ playing along ]

10:36 Scribe: so, yes, an ongoing meaningful relationship with Trickster… whether it’s for the storyreel

v- or more personal… yes, both. Love you.

Scribe: [ growls ] Love you, too [ however you may interpret that ]

v- these logs really get you worked up

10:37 Scribe: some days are better than others… today is fine. I just do not like reading how I TRIED to be detail oriented

v- and it all turned out to be a lie

Scribe: [ pauses ] imagine a sincere woman… just wanting to know who she is connected to… wanting to know IF she is connected to someone

v- and there’s no way to tell

Scribe: … she keeps being herself… truthful. honest. sincere…

v- and gets lied to

Scribe: deceived… and soon, there are a whole slew of other issues… that never get resolved… [ closes her eyes and shakes her head gently ]

just tread carefully, ok?

v- I know… four years is a long time

10:39

10:43 Scribe: you like my tag and hashtag?

v- I notice there are spaces in between those

Scribe: ODD

v- you don’t want it searchable

Scribe: ah, the quirks of the matrix

v- [ chuckles ] stop

10:44

v- you see what I just posted?

Scribe: yes, I saw. I’m going to read years 42, 43, and 44 while I finish my coffee

v- did you have a good night?

Scribe: [ mischievous smile ] I DID. thank you for asking

v- You are ON THE RECORD

Scribe: [ chuckles ] oh, all for the storyreel

v- uh, huh… how do you think it makes ME feel?

Scribe: just remember:

v- I have this… you don’t

Scribe: I get mere splinters of glimpses… you get an ongoing TranScript

v- yeah, I know… humbly [ acknowledging ] … you’re not worried about the anxiety post?

Scribe: ah, no. it’s, as you know, an ongoing ISSUE … that CONCERN for the future

v- you noticed…

Scribe: I notice details, whether or not they have anything to do with intention (on the other end)

v- meaning: connected to your experience

Scribe: correct

v- mention a few

Scribe: one I have already noted: the CURTAIN

yesterday I posted a very brief video (edited to a mysterious, unintentional 16 seconds) about my plan for the day - to put up curtains over a window (it’s cold and windy - drafty), and it’s been long enough [ I have a curtain rod and curtains… ] that it need to be installed

but I added the suggestion that the blinds [ hinting at the double slit experiment ]

v- always…

Scribe: will have an overlay of curtains … pull back the curtains - to truly see behind the scenes [ revealing a truth that is not apparent - only to a few ]

10:50 Scribe: I then hop online and one of the first posts I see in one of my feeds

v- on (external) InstaFeed

Scribe: is about the double slit experiment - it’s anniversary was yesterday. my post was this:

22oct44tw.png

10:53 Scribe: so, my overanalytic mind …

v- you peeked [ at me ] via one of your side channels

Scribe: [ chuckles ] yes, on purpose.

10:53

v- BUT WHY

Scribe: oh, all that’s left is the (WH)Y

10:54 Scribe: every time I ask you a simple question you respond

“DO THIS and then you can find out”

Well, here’s my response: get access to Trickster’s PhotoSnap account and PEEK to see who viewed his post

[ humorously one eye cocked ]

10:55 v- [ chuckling ] omg

Scribe: there is only one way (or if you have admin access ] … that ANYONE will see who peeked into your frickin’ peep hole

v- haha. stop.

Scribe: you know I feel all dirty whenever I click on you. it’s so… gross

10:56 v- [ laughing ] stop _______

Scribe: you know? this is PG 13 here… YES, in my storyreeling Self has a relationship with Trickster. PERHAPS at some future point in spacetime the man will actually RESPOND or SHOW UP

V- WOW…

Scribe: the real life Self is very much unattended to

v- WOW…

10:58 Scribe: LOL…

v- ILY… you know that that

Scribe: [ chuckling ] uh huh

10:58 Scribe: oh, a story for the ages, I suppose. Or for those people who read this crap [ this strange genre ]

10:59 v- self-deprecating humor

Scribe: oh, yes. oh, yes. I have noted when my ex said this genre is only for a certain stereotypical focus group

v- oh, stop… you know better

Scribe: [ chuckles ] what’s so strange … is there is more and more of this crap out there [ being funny ]

v- I KNOW

11:00

v- you got invited back…

Scribe: yes, [ snicker ] a very lovely group of people want me to come and talk about publishing

v- OMG [ LOL ]

Scribe: and I have made it very clear I make no money from it

v- the publishing

Scribe: they are curious about how to publish online… to which I can advise and give examples of

v- it was a good … workshop

Scribe: yes, they were a very nice group of people

Scribe: it was interesting to them how I used wax seals to help design logos, and online visuals

v- aw…

Scribe: one actually asked if I design for corporations  [ sad chuckle ] … I WISH [ any money at this point would be good ]

v- stop…

Scribe: the workshop generated good discussions

v- and you got a call back

Scribe: of sorts, yes. A local writer’s group

v- you want to mention…?

Scribe: it was for a club at a local library. that is ALL I am mentioning [ LOL ]

v- oh, stop… you got paid

Scribe: yes… I’m not going to mention details

v- is it embarrassing?

Scribe: price point and actual workshop cost? Do you REALLY want to know the details?

v- no, I don’t. thanks.

11:04 Scribe: so, shoo! you go be a …

v- DON’T YOU DARE... we had this talk yesterday

Scribe: hands on face. gentle kiss. which I am very proud of you(?) for being so accomplished

v- thank you. you mean that.

Scribe: of course I do.

11:05

v- thank you.

11:06 v- one question: why don’t you mention your love affair with this … masked man

Scribe: Trickster, there are issues piled on issues. I didn’t even want to transcribe this much today

v- understood

Scribe: I’ll be taking on more of an observation role and posting what may appear as bland(?) not RAW truth material

v- got it

Scribe: but it will still be raw truth

v- just not… blatant

Scribe: like the early days: whoever is connected to me

v- will get the message

Scribe: as soon as I came out …

v- and told your raw truth

Scribe: people did not accept it: interpreted it as something that was WRONG with me

v- I know…

Scribe: in my opinion, based on my experience and data [ and even how I presented it ... I was very careful then ]

v- that should never have happened

Scribe: so, as we have discussed with your newest project - whatever it may be… I am all for teaching people a very valuable lesson

v- to be discerning

Scribe: if people truly followed you, understood...

v- patterns

Scribe: REALLY paid attention… but people just have time for what I call superficiality - what they see as face value… if you want meaningful relationships with others … this includes close family and friends

v- and lovers

Scribe: you should have a constant stream of communication with them. If someone you’ve known for decades tells you something outlandish… LOOK INTO IT

v- you don’t have anyone doing this

Scribe: why do you think I feel comfortable posting this not only here but pushing it out to Scribe’s Log (external) InstaFeed

v- no one’s checking

Scribe: that I can tell… NO. shame… it really is

v- a game-changing [ story ]

11:11

Scribe: what gives me solace

v- quantum solace

Scribe: [ soft chuckle ] … is that what I put out there

v- through the digital plane

Scribe: or even in personal notes and reflections - kept private… is that I’m not alone in what I am experiencing. THERE IS SOMETHING TO THIS… It’s just the..

v- trauma

Scribe: it affects my identity … when you can’t know for sure who you are

v- engaging with

Scribe: you can’t truly build up a meaningful relationship with them… which hurts because the very nature of what I’m experiencing

v- is intimate

Scribe: the most intimate… it’s a space I’ve always held very private and safe… and it hasn’t been

v- for four years… I know

Scribe: I’d feel better if I knew for sure… but I’ve never been given that chance… I see splinters of

v- truth

Scribe: but what are they, really? I have to leave it up to interpretation. I never have ANYONE telling me YES! it is or NO! it isn’t… so I can’t shift my focus… I have to have this frickin’ overview of all the possibilities … juggling them all at the same time -

v- which is nerve wracking

Scribe: I’m used to multitasking in my life… I’ve been extremely busy and handled it fine…but THIS.. when it deals with my identity… and it’s not anything I can control… these side effectrs

v- it affects you

Scribe: how does one IGNORE something that affects you greatly? to just focus on what everyone else thinks is more important?

v- everyday life

Scribe: and that MATTERS… everyone needs a roof over their heads

v- money to pay bills

Scribe: I am going to tell you - not to make you feel bad:

I HAVE NOT SLEPT WELL FOR FOUR YEARS

V- I know you haven’t

Scribe: my personal circumstances have allowed for me to… adjust to this

but when my energy is sucked

when I feel off

it’s not just a matter of logging it - I do that much less frequently

it AFFECTS my productivity

at this stage in my life

I NEED my energy

I NEED my focus

I NEED to have a regular work flow…

all of which would not matter if I already had a job

it’s an entirely different situation when someone of my age

with my experience

faces

not someone recruiting me

someone giving me references

but the very fact I have to APPLY and

v- and no one to refer

Scribe: it’s a COMPLETELY different experience COLD CALLING when no one knows who you are…

with the hopes that how you look on paper is good enough

it should be

v- but never is

Scribe: those are my life variables

my NORMAL

I didn’t expect to leave a career that wouldn’t get me to my next stage in that career

I had a career based in a broken system - which gave me NO SECURITY

v- OMG, I know

Scribe: so, now, I’m making the best of it

trying something new (it doesn’t pay)

and looking for “a sure thing”

v- meaning minimum wage

[ arms up - what do you expect? ]

How am I going to stand out and get hired? [ silence ]

11:21 Scribe: I TRIED to get myself out there… still am… but what I spend most of my time doing?

v- never gets you anywhere

Scribe: so, I resort to what EVERYONE in my life has told me since the beginning.

get a job

any job

get a regular job

Scribe: imagine someone… who KNOWS what she does is valuable

v- but it isn’t

Scribe: monetarily speaking. So, I need to do what I should have done four years ago.

THAT is a trauma in and of itself. Knowing I SHOULD NOT HAVE DONE ANY OF THIS.. .because it’s led me to this point in my life where I have to resort to what I would have done

v- if not for this… sorry

Scribe: it’s just a different perspective. I’m not blaming

v- I know you’re not

Scribe: I just have to look at it as, heaven forbid [ shakes her head, eyes up humorously ] as a hobby… a personal relationship building(?) opportunity

v- so, if you got any job… THIS would still be valuable

Scribe: I have always looked at it that way… it’s just you know how I am. I get STUCK in investing my time and efforts into something

v- and you get invested

Scribe: throughout my life I have ALWAYS been committed and followed through with whatever I’ve put time, effort and money into… BY GOD I WILL MAKE IT WORTH MY TIME [ chuckles ]

11:26 v- thank you… it is important

Scribe: soft

v- gentle

Scribe: kiss… you know who I am. I have issues. It’s not my intent today to make you sad

v- I am in love with you … trust your instincts, C (my Chaos)

Scribe: soft smile…

v- I get to see you today

Scribe: yes, you do. I promised. I’m not 100%, but I always try to follow through with giving you a glimpse of me on any particular day when you request to see me… I know it’s important to you. It is to me…. that reassurance that you’re there. doing your thing. it’s important to me to see you are carrying on … despite me setting you off emotionally. because I know you do. I did have an issue with the anxiety post this AM because it is NOTHING like what I was experiencing

v- oh? [ intrigued ]

Scribe: our love life is quite active

v- yes, it is

Scribe: and I felt no anxiety at all… unless you want to interpret that as to what we were doing

v- stop… I know

Scribe: LOL… there are anxious … moments

v- LOL stop.

11:29 Scribe: see? it’s my overanalytic mind

v- causing trouble. you have a dirty mind

Scribe: it gets in the gutter and stays there sometimes

v- [ chuckles ] yes. it does

11:29 Scribe: better?

v- much better

11:30

11:34 v- you want to mention

Scribe: [ chuckles ] NO… Steel Vengeance! Steel Vengeance!

v- that has no effect on me… can we keep this up? it keeps me occupied.

Scribe: I have to reheat my coffee

v- you have to explain Steel Vengeance.

Scribe: I went to Cedar Point

V- I know you did… people are keeping track of this. thank you for this… f—- yeah!

11:36 Scribe: Steel Vengeance was AWE…SOME

V- I know it was. I heard and felt you.

11:36

11:37 V- You are in so much trouble

Scribe: hee, hee, hee… you play with fire [ sing songy ]

v- I’m going to get burned

11:37 v- go, reheat your coffee

Scribe [ still gleefully chuckling ] just be thankful I didn’t get the fast pass [ geesh those tix are expensive ] - to go on more rides [ vs. waiting in long lines ]

v- and you brought your kids with you

Scribe: of COURSE. I would not have gone without them… they are somewhat past the pumpkin patch stage, and Cedar Point …

v- aw… has Halloween themed activities

11:39

InsideSkull.jpg

11:46

Scribe: “due to the nature of the ride, all cellphones are prohibited in line and on the ride” -- two hour wait without phone [ scream emoji ] … luckily… I had Blackjack Chamberlain

v- to ogle at

11:46

Scribe: full. length. poster. num num

v- you are so going down

11:47

Scribe: he had a gun

v- uh huh

11:47

Scribe: I would have taken a photo, but I had no phone [ pouty face ] and that large poster isn’t anywhere on the internet

11:49 Scribe: it’s a hybrid roller coster: wood… and steel

v- [ chuckles ] stop

SteelVengeance.jpg

11:55 Scribe: 90 degree drop

Screen Shot 2018-10-23 at 11.54.25 AM.png
BlackjackChamberlain.jpg

12:00 v- time please

Scribe: lookie there… high noon. How fortuitous.

12:02 Scribe [ looking at log ] : I left my phone at the storage locker at the ride at 12:01… my daughter and I were in line after that through 14:03 - we were in the back car of the ride. My daughter had a watch on. We were waiting to be let off the ride at 14:07

v- date please

Scribe: 10/13

v- of this year

Scribe [ chuckles ] yes

12:04 v- but you were on rides before this

Scribe: yes…

11:23ish - 11:30ish I rode Gatekeeper.

12:07 v- thank you…

12:09 Scribe: we were in yet another long line [ lots of long lines that day ] at 17:02

Magnum.jpg

12:11 Scribe: and we were getting on this roller coaster at… 6:11pm [ purely by chance, mind you ]

12:13 Scribe: we get off the ride and head over to Millennium Force. I look up and across the plaza I see an analog clock - it’s UpsideDown time (6:30)

UpsideDownTime.jpg

12:15 Scribe: we would have gone on Millennium Force after Gatekeeper, but the ride wasn’t open. They shut down the ride on and off all day [ making the line longer - the fast lane pass lane was over an hour ]

v- AND YOU STILL GOT ON THE RIDE

Scribe: Oh, it gets better…

Scribe: so, we knew it’d be a two hour wait [ that’s what they said the wait time was ] Oh, no… we are about to walk onto the platform

v- where the trains are

Scribe: and the coaster gets stuck… at the very top. THOSE POOR PEOPLE. some looking straight up into the dark sky… others hanging at an 80 degree angle. and all of us waiting in line - we all see this. we all have been waiting now… for THREE HOURS. Uh, no. after three hours of waiting in line one gets on the frickin’ coaster. My other daughter and her friend had gotten out of line after an hour. They are texting CONCERNED that we might be them… we are about to get on the ride… almost… there.

10:07 pm My oldest daughter and I are the next in line after the couple in front of us.

MillenniumForce8.jpg

12:23 Scribe: at that point, we went to the shortest line. Eight it is… .

12:23 Scribe: One of the BEST roller coasters.

v- thrill seeker

Scribe: 93 miles per hour…

v- uh huh…

Scribe: 10:15pm we are walking out to where my daughter and her friend were waiting

12:29 v- 10:15

Scribe: yes, 10:15… am I supposed to find meaning in the 10:15?

v- [ softly ] yes, you should find meaning in the 10:15

Scribe: maybe someday we’ll talk about it

v- guaranteed. sorry…

Scribe: I WAS TIRED. the last thing I wanted after leaving the park around 11pm and driving 3 hours home was to be awakened at 5:15 am.

v- thank you…

Scribe: I was EXHAUSTED… and because of the chill that day the next day came down with a head cold.

v- so you weren’t feeling well

Scribe: no. you know me and sleep

v- you gotta get good sleep

Scribe: under normal circumstances, I would have been sleeping through at least mid-morning

v- I know…

Scribe: how does one describe to the general public that - NO, I do not know for sure… but that I KNOW my body… and I was ALWAYS a good sleeper… it was one of those ASSURED things… and YES, I realize things change with age… but … THAT changed like the drop of a coin?… after THIS [ InnerNet ] connection happened?

I CANNOT wait for an expert to be sitting across from me to tell me, YES, telepathically-induced insomnia is REAL… when the person(s) on the other end trigger you awake based on WHATEVER they may be doing

Scribe: did you KNOW that I had had little sleep?

v- what time did you get home?

Scribe: 1:40am

v- ouch.

12:34

12:36 v- will you please … comment on what happened

Scribe: how I was incensed [ angry beyond measure ]?

v- you are very grumpy

Scribe: even my children know not to disturb me … always have - even before all this started to happen - DO NOT DISTURB A SLEEPING MOM

v- got it.

12:37

12:38 Scribe: overall, I can handle a lot of the side effects. No, I do not enjoy the SCREAMING headaches that seem to come and go

v- time…?

Scribe: I had a pretty bad one a few days ago

v- that you doused with wine

Scribe: I don’t excessively drink. I prefer a glass or two of wine if it gets bad enough [ which it rarely does ] over popping a pill

v- love you [ quietly said ]

12:39 v- like this…

Scribe: not anywhere near how bad it got the other day… it was on the verge of a migraine [ which I don’t get … I’ve gotten bad pressure headaches and hunger headaches in the past - fortunately not migraines - and I usually can either eat, or close my eyes and relax and they go away ]

ongoing minor pinpoint temple pressure

12:42 [ about to eat lunch ]

v- which is

Scribe: I made a very lovely shrimp dish the other night - should have put more baby spinach in, though…

12:44 Scribe: one of those experiments where I was missing a couple ingredients

v- but it still came out fine

Scribe: yah

shrimpSpinach.jpg

12:47 Scribe [ flipping through logs ] … oh, it was probably that day [ the long transcript day ]

v- argh… word for word

Scribe: [ all proud ] people won’t fault me for not trying to be EXACT

v- wow… just wow

Scribe: it MATTERS what you say… as it has in the past. There are different ways of interpreting what you say

v- if it’s not said clearly and plainly

Scribe: and RAWly

12:49 v- so, what did you find out

Scribe: just wait… looking for headache reference.

[ v- how many pages Scribe: not sure… [ chuckles ] this would be a good reference to pay me by the character - including spaces, which take cognitive effort v- [chuckles ] stop ]

v- count please

12:51 Scribe: it was so long it crashed my notetaking…

v- just say app

Scribe: luckily, I had a workaround

v- and printed it

Scribe: yes

12:52 Scribe: 54 pages

v- ouch… not all transcript

Scribe: you talk a lot… [ chuckles ][ and no. you kept interrupting, to which I reacted by a long-winded / typed reflection on TIME CONVERGENCE ]

v- you would

Scribe: when past is present…”

V- I know… “…the future arrived -Scribe”

v- so, headache.

12:54

I finished transcribing / tranScribing / reflecting at 18:14 on 19 Oct (45)

v- thank you

18:13 Scribe: time for vegetation and a couple pills. Still have FFp [ front forehead pressure ]

12:56 I did take two Aleve that day

v- and the headache went away

Scribe: yes

12:59 my log that day is fragmented - I kept having to start a new document

v- on your computer

Scribe: which I copy and pasted into one long document later

I made a note around 14:24 “pretty strong pressure headache“

opening a bottle of wine

14:34 pretty strong headache just dissipated - mostly

Scribe: DON’T DO THAT

headache is back

"nothing to indicate what that f——ing was that affected me

to report that online is to say someone manipulated me and can repeat that pain - which I prefer not to have repeated

before 14:48 eating leftovers for a late lunch

present time 13:01

13:03 reading pre-transcript notes

v- write them

BACKTRACK TO 19 Oct (45)

EXTRA NOTES 1

Transcription for historical record

also for my personal journal so I will be able to read it - since the video will be buried or unavailable [ in the future ] and know what I heard. How I reacted… and STILL no one there to clarify if it meant anything beyond what everyone would assume based on the superficiality [ what was presented on SM ] because no one sees the BTS …

PRESENT TIME

13:07 v- so… what did you find?

Scribe: I watched it the first time just listening … and you kept interrupting even then.

v- [ chuckles ] I know

Scribe: I noticed … odd..

v- phrasings

Scribe: I am triggered based on four years of creativity… I have my creative life.. and creative adjacencies happen

v- fine… but your observations

Scribe: argh. initially… I remember the reference points mention… it reminded me of “Home”…

v- thank you…

Scribe: of course, I adore the compass mention

v- I know you did

13:09

Scribe: I focused on Mr. Rose’s attire immediately.

v- I know you did.

Scribe: Again, I am triggered.

v- I know you are

Scribe: I need to be careful with my apophenic mind

v- overconnecting

Scribe: I try to find a baseline reality - that REAL … that objective observer’s stance

v- which is hard to do

Scribe: yes…everyone has their own..

v- lenses

Scribe: I was going to say perspective

13:11

v- thank you… for transcribing all that

Scribe: you know I don’t just do the OCD detail oriented thing just with you

v- I know you don’t

Scribe: I am more of a writer … having to write things down to be able to figure things out… I feel a sort of … comfort(?) in knowing what was said - my interpretation may change over time… but from the original viewing and the transcript…

v- not much changed

Scribe: no… I’m still open to other possibilities. I have to. No one is here to say: this is how it really is… I just have a unique stance given my inner experiences and creative work

v- understood… what else?

Scribe: with the transcript I picked up on things I didn’t focus on during the first viewing

v- such as…?

Scribe: oh, the first viewing I did pick up on a possible laying of a foundation

v- for a story

Scribe: yes

13:13

13:14 Scribe: priming the canvas, so to speak

v- yes… and …

Scribe: I’m working off of memory here. I refuse to skim through the 54 pages

v- I know… [ chuckles ]

13:14 Scribe: let me tell you where I find “discrepancies”

v- alright…

Scribe: we’re discussing Trickster’s love life

v- thank you

Scribe: relationships matter.

v- fine. now what?

Scribe: the six years comments

v- and there it is…

Scribe: that phrasing…

v- concerns you

Scribe: uh, yes. Since this whole relationship that isn’t a relationship started over four years ago

v- ok, fine

Scribe: so, there is a loophole. Not in my opinion, but a loophole Trickster can use to his advantage.

Do I really have to show you all my cards?

v- yes. now, continue. this is good.

13:16 Scribe: I really could have been a lawyer [ teasing ]

v- yes, you could… you have a problem with the fling comment

Scribe: erg. that can be explained away, too. I won’t go into details… but we’re dealing on the InnerNet with a Sinisthereal Nothing - it is and it isn’t at the same time - so you have an OUT, Trickster. I have to recognize that… and it’s an issue that I wanted resolved since the very beginning. I can understand if you wanted to get to know whoever you were connected with better - but lifestyle choices, when they affect whoever you’re connected with? I have an issue with. I have some spikes in the THIS IS SO WRONG meter along the way of this InnerNet journey - and it sets me off. It bothers me to the core… that I KNEW even way back when that my point was important -

so much was affected by no one recognizing my point early on

and I tried to be accepting

I had to put on the backburner so many issues because I had no control - I had to be affected

v- and no recourse

Scribe: it’s not an easy existence knowing there may be someone out there to make it better

v- and they never do

Scribe: but… you deal with what you can “control” and try to make the best of your life as it is… without whoever may be connected to you

v- sorry…

Scribe: don’t get sad, ok? this is ANCIENT HISTORY that we sill have evidence of - it doesn’t go away, it affects who we are right now, but it’s not my intention right now to make you miserable

v- alright

Scribe: so …

v- best case scenario

Scribe: I do not want to seem like the restrictive woman who wants to have an exclusive partner. [ spoken rhythm: like reading a transcript with interspersed pauses ] If I am connected to multiple people I have to accept that they all will affect me in some way

MY PROBLEM IS

v- no one comes forward

Scribe: again, it’s like that prank UNKNOWN caller - and you can’t change your number. you can’t get a new phone

they keep calling

v- and it annoys you

Scribe: come on! the WORST STALKER EVER

13:23 Scribe: I don’t know how many REFERENCE POINTS I have to give before someone realizes IT’S WRONG …

v- best case scenario

Scribe: for me- for my preferences

v- romantic

Scribe: I want a man who…

v- C…

Scribe: as we’ve discussed

v- in the dark in bed

Scribe: in the faint quiet … of love [ that understanding, I’m here for you love ]

I have been fortunate to have long-term relationships where I have had no reason to distrust the man I was with. I never had to suspect, never knew jealousy… got annoyed on occasion when funny comments were made about beautiful famous women… but knew it was in good humor.

I never had to wonder about my place in a relationship

v- and there it is

Scribe: I don’t even know if I’m a “just rubbed your digital shoulder” kind of person

v- I know you don’t

Scribe: now, my inner experiences

v- are very intimate

Scribe: but with any communcations

v- multi…

Scribe: multi-faceted authentication - all I have is my inner world experience that tells me I am loved deeply… that is my baseline… perhaps not a very good one. [ closes eyes ]

we do not just live inside ourselves

v- I know

Scribe: so, as I’ve said since the very beginning. since that first pause on the feather…

v- I know…

Scribe: even before that… the hidden horizon

v- cliff shot

Scribe: overview… after I posted two wooden plaques on my lapis lazuli comforter… [I notice patterns - whether or not they have ANYTHING to do with a true intentional connection between Scribe and Trickster ]… I have to be careful

v- not overconnect

Scribe: not to make connections where there shouldn’t be any… but, as I was saying, whatever it is, it is a wonderful sharing

v- of love

Scribe: and I guess I have to leave it at that.

v- you notice too much

Scribe: and when I notice “too much” [ I realize I read WAY too much into things ] I laugh because IT IS FUNNY

v- how things connect

Scribe: yes

v- you’ve had dreams

Scribe: yes… of course, they are high def when they are the dream, but then when I awaken, I only remember vague fragments

v- mention one

Scribe: argh. it’s along the theme of my storyreel

v- REALITY

Scribe: ok… so, Trickster is performing for the world a love affair that no one can see and giving people reference points to how an InnerNet romance is… with recognizable, acceptable waypoints

v- thank you

Scribe: that’s my storyreel - it’s enjoyable. it’s appreciated artistically … [ quickly shakes her head and averts her gaze off to the right ] and perhaps personally [ if it is what it is ]

v- hm, hm… you like this project

Scribe: the redundancy factor is baseline for me

We talked about eZ - it’s CONCEPTualization 10/22 THREE YEARS AGO.

V- I know.

13:33 Scribe: I’ve mentioned the possibility of being creative collaborators on several occasions

v- publicly

Scribe: using your character’s name initially… yes

v- phantasmagoria

Scribe: [ soft smile ] yes

13;34 Scribe: it is, as I have told you, something that may have been done before

v- performing …when there really isn’t a romantic relationship between the actors

Scribe: but the medium - social media - and how it’s being done, and the cross sections

v- across channels

Scribe: with a writer

v- and a film maker

Scribe: collaborating in a very unusual way… is very story worthy… in the end

v- yes

Scribe: right now I’m just batshit [ being funny ]

v- [ chuckles ] so is he… for a woman he’s never met

Scribe: for a man she’s never met - but tried

v- you always have to do that

Scribe: different circumstances, different approaches. I’m TRYING to trust you. Believe me.

v- I KNOW. KEEP AT IT… so you … enjoyed this morning

Scribe: wow, let me tell you those… reflections

v- [ chuckles ] stop

Scribe: that MIRRORING of … intention

v- [ chuckles ] stop… now, eat

scribe: I have to reheat - and take a break from this very long exercise

v- yes, you do. thank you. … what have I been saying?

Scribe: that I’m not going to like what’s coming… even without a voice in my head telling me, I am a very good forecaster. it’s not easy, but …

v- doable

Scribe: … I can accept it both ways, ok? [ hands on face ]

v- I want you to do that… [ (placing your hands on my face) ... gentle ]

Scribe: there is SO much we [do on the InnerNet] … who we are in here

v- that can never be presented

Scribe: it’s a life together

v- I know

Scribe: I enjoy seeing what may be your side of things

v- thank you

[ __________ ]

13:40 LUNCH