17 Apr (44)

LogWMS111744.PNG

08:57 Scribe (happy relieved): it's here.

[ trying to remember why I had needed the photos/video archive to begin with. looking for the photo ... ]

17 November (44) - the hardcopy archive "array"

09:09 Scribe: It's good to know my redundant tendency was still in place ... I found the photos & videos that were missing from my primary backup drive... because I manually pulled them over from my computer to an external hard drive

09:11 posted

09:12 dog is whining - I need to feed her her "gourmet" breakfast. the elderly dog won't eat regular dog food anymore ... needs freshly grilled meat mixed in (or fairly fresh & reheated)

09:13 Scribe: it's interesting to see a post within a post ... I selected this photo because it was the one that I had been looking for when I discovered my backup drive didn't have it (argh)... and today is the 17th... SO, I'm being numerically weird.

09:14

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09:16 Scribe: how important is your data to you? back up back up back up [ double check ... redundancy drives ] .... and do periodic checks that what you want saved is there.

09:17 Scribe: in all honesty, I was hoping I'd find the extra backups of the photos and videos more for birthday and holiday reasons - and also all my artsy & landscape photographs & videos ... all the screenshots, although important..

v- they tell part of the story

Scribe: ... but I'm letting go of that more and more. I'm realizing they are not as important now. Although they could be "evidence" ... I'm letting go ... [ especially when there is no direct indication it's worth anything (scientifically) ]

09:20

[ grabbing random SM post I came across yesterday ]

Scribe: not that I believe in this post entirely ... for if we don't force some things... good things evaporate and aren't reinforced.

On many levels, though, may life seems like I keep having to be the initiator [ relationships of all kinds ] ... and that makes me wonder... why isn't anyone making the extra effort as I have tried to [ to keep those relationships going ] ... maybe I'm just THAT person who is the glue that keeps friendships and relationships going ... 

v- you're talking about family, too

Scribe: yeah ... IDK... when you move away from the majority of where your family lives, it happens. You're the oddball and it's not convenient ... you don't see each other at family gatherings... and an e-mail, call or even SM poke is "too much effort" ... people are strange... over time, you realize who are truly close to you.

09:27 Scribe: Again, I don't fully ascribe to this ...

ForceItLeaveIt.jpg

09:28 Scribe: I can count on my hand how many people have visited me out of state... and how many times my (nuclear/immediate) family and I have made that extra effort to visit family and friends where they live.
09:29 Scribe: you know all my personal anecdotes... I try to not be negative, but upon reflection

v- it sucks, C... seriously, the people in your life.

Scribe: [ shoulder shrug ] eh [ being positive ] life gets in the way?

09:31 Scribe: The only thing that comes to mind is the conveniency factor. An old joke is that my family and I have heard ... "oh, goodness, it's 45 minutes away" [ like that is too much] [ our perspective: we make regular roadtrips 9-20 HOURS ] ... 45 minutes is the OTHER SIDE OF TOWN for us ... [ large city, but still ]

09:33 distance is relative, APPARENTLY

09:34 Scribe: one personal anecdote tied into A Wandering Mind - my aunt and uncle (and three cousins) without fail would make a yearly (sometimes bi-annual) road trip from Wyoming to visit Wisconsin family - their cars weren't the greatest (they tended to break down, but my uncle was handy). THAT IS A LONG-ASS ROADTRIP.. but they came

v- because no one came to them

Scribe: my parents, sister and I (and grandparents) did on a few occasions... more than I can say for the majority of our large family. It's a shame.

v- oh, I know, C ...

Scribe: my perspective, again... but if you value a relationship

v- you show it... you make the effort

----

09:39 Scribe: and if people visit you? be the best host(ess) you can be... I have a very fond memory of my great Aunt who lived in southern Missouri. I was around 10 years old... I remember her bending over backwards to make sure everyone was comfortable, cooking for everyone... it's a fond memory. One I pull from if anyone visits

v- you're a good hostess?

Scribe: I try to be [ chuckles ] ... you know my personal anecdote about an unexpected "drop in" when I had two little ones and a full time job to juggle. I may not have been in the best mood.

v- but you hide things well

Scribe: [ chuckles ] my grumpiness may have slipped. It was a while ago. They left early. ... it wasn't just me, though [ chuckles ] ... he won't mind if I reveal this: my ex tends to not have any filters and says things without really thinking how it may be taken...

09:42 V- NO! [ playfully acting shocked ]

------- [ feeding dog ]

09:54 Scribe: So the whole "if you have to force it, leave it" quote... I don't fully ascribe to. If we all didn't "force it" many relationships would fall by the wayside.

09:55 Scribe: IDK... it depends on the relationship.

v- mention what you were thinking...

Scribe: SM has it's pros and cons ... one of the cons is this false sense of "closeness" I think people associate with their interactions online. As if they've done their part in a relationship by keeping in touch. I realize with physical distance it creates difficulties for people - if they truly can't visit on a regular basis... but then again, people may only share certain aspects of their lives

v- for show. I know.

Scribe: you get a little bit of everything with me. I try to be as honest as I can... I gloss over a lot - because...

v- you don't want to hurt people's feelings

[ emergency... ]

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10:06 Scribe: she JUST did her thing, but after eating her body pushes out whatever is in her old bladder, etc. [ chuckles ] thank goodness for these rubberized mats and area rugs all over the place.

v- full coverage

Scribe: almost ... of course, it's inevitable the few bare spots she gets, too. I don't want to imprison her in the kitchen

v- unhappy dog

Scribe: she wants to be around people. I don't blame her.

10:08 Scribe: errands to do

V- thank you ... for this

Scribe: you're welcome

V- you don't reveal to much

Scribe: hm, hm. I try not to.

10:09

—- 

20:33 Scribe: I had to... 

 v- watch a trailer? 

Scribe: yes... it had me at “elephant in the room” 

v- haha, I know

[ Incredibles 2

... 

v- watch anything recently? 

Scribe: you know I have... the staple remover scene piqued my interest (there were others, but it was PECULIAR] 

20:36

——— 

“if our thoughts were always open to each other, our individual identities would begin to blur. We’d be different kinds of social beings, living under a different social contract.“ -Wired

23:23 Scribe: no, the f—- way (being sarcastically humorous) 

Scribe: anybody there? (Being funny, isolated voice in a very quiet chamber) 

23:24 

23:25 Scribe: nearly four years in. Knock, knock (like rapping on an empty skull)

23:26 Scribe: if you’ve been following my DISTRESS CALL you’d get my humor. 

v- because you’ve been talking about this for a long while

Scribe: mark twain quote... 

v- I don’t want to hear about the moon from someone who hasn't been there (paraphrase)

23:28 Scribe: I laughed at this phrasing: “lobbing balls in play”

23:29 Scribe: wayward ball, anyone? 

23:30 full quote: “Pressed, she [Jepsen] imagines more science fictional scenarios: creators collaborating by throwing each other thoughts, like children lobbing balls in play”

23:34 [ more expletives ] “Openwater’s name was suggested by the musician Peter Gabriel, a friend of Jepsen’s, who rhapsodized in an essayabout the “transparent waters” we’ll swim in one day. “We will need to create ‘swimming lessons’ to teach us how to be comfortable being open, honest and exposed … ready to float and navigate in these waters of visible thought,” he wrote“

23:35 Scribe: Come on board, InnerNet Navigator has LOTS of experience in these unchartered waters!

23:36 Scribe:  ah, open sourcing

v- has its negatives, I know

23:37 Scribe: to be snarky: how much are people making off of me?

Scribe: that is a part of the story that ain’t gonna be pretty any way it’s portrayed

Scribe: FOUR YEARS... the longer the timeframe the worse it sounds

v- you’ll be well taken care of

Scribe: so.. Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norrell-ish in the land of False Hope

23:42 Scribe: oh, this article also touches upon the possibility of “interrogators and torturers [using] such devices on their subjects?”

23:45 Scribe: FOUR YEARS. line up POWs, those who’ve been insolitary confinement, Been tortured, controlled, held unwillingly... (amongst other atrocities) I will be able to relate... all because my f—-ink question hasn’t been answered.

23:48 Scribe: ethicists will have a field day once this is out... and I heard what you just said... and AGAIN all I ever wanted was an answer... to be AT PEACE. 

16 Apr (44)

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09:29 V- she's baaack

Scribe: please, don't taunt

09:30 posted

09:31 Scribe: I'm just peeking out a little today. All I'll say is this: most of my side channels remain private. I have my reasons. With this TPic connection ...

v- you feel vulnerable, I know

09:31/2 left deaf ear

09:32 shutting down computer [ something was acting glitchy - magnified web page ( couldn't access content block, images poking through open windows ]

-------

09:36 Scribe: that's the second technology glitch already this morning... what I was about to type [ already said in my head ] ... 

With this TPic connection - and the prolonged unanswered question -

v- if it is TP or not

Scribe: ... I have become more and more sensitive. For the most part, I don't let it affect me. But at odd times I react in unusual ways.

v- by making everything private

Scribe: except the one place which for the masses would be the only private space

v- your head, I know

Scribe: and body

09:38

09:39 Scribe: it doesn't matter what I do. I could completely shut myself off from the digital plane [ and, for the most part, I did - FOR SIXTEEN DAYS ] ... it did not make this connection fade AT ALL. The only good thing about the data fast is I shut off all the noise. My mind couldn't try to interpret all the incoming signals. All I had to deal with were, what I interpret as, TPic side effects:

energy drains [ I experienced a severe one late yesterday afternoon ]

09:41 Scribe: that alone AFFECTS my general daily rhythms. I attribute it to TP. But who the f--- knows what all is involved with the energy drains. 

the jolting awake during the night [ I slept fairly well last night, but still was awakened for whatever reason every few hours ]

09:43

Scribe: Stoic me does NOT appreciate the TNMs. They are NOT ME.... but I deal with them. I understand... to a point. Years later, I STILL have to contend with an unanswered question which is the very ROOT of all these issues.

v- your belief

Scribe-hmph.

v- [ quietly said ] you may be right...

Scribe: I'm going to be a bit grumpy because I have to vent ... 09:44 [ incoming call ]

Scribe: YEAH! [secondary, layered conversation: if I don't occasionally vent it gets repressed....]

v- glasses arrive? [ secondary reply: ... and that's not good ]

09:45 Scribe: yes. I was hoping I'd be getting a call sometime early this week.

09:47 posted

09:47 Scribe: I was joking that I needed my new glasses to come in ASAP ... every time I lean my head down, these old glasses fall off my face.

09:48 Scribe: the frames are broken... have been for a long time.

09:48 v- _____

Scribe: I'm not going to go into that. Headed out to go pick up my glasses.

v- thanks for peeking out.

Scribe: you're welcome. trust your inner life... I'm here.

v- I know you are... thank you

09:49

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10:35 Scribe: just more to add to the TPic side effect list [ for the field guide ]

AHB (accelerated heart beat)

wind tunnel inner sense

cinnamony warmth inner sense

localized inner sensations [ on specific body parts ]

temple pressure

cheekbone pressure

10:36 posted

10:38 Scribe: and the obvious one: an inner voice as I distinguish apart from my own [ and at times, the other voice is less distinguishable from my own inner voice (but may still be from an Other ]

10:38

 ——-

12:01

IMG_1333.JPEG

12:02 Scribe: snicker ... these are SO different

[ maintenance visit ]

12:06 Scribe: let’s just call these my “scribal tendencies” look

v- nerd  

Scribe: remember my nerd in a pod comments way back when ? 

v- yes, I do

Scribe: APPARENTLY, that materialized ... in a way. These were far less nerdy than the other frames

v- that fit your face. I know.

12:11

12:12 Scribe: when the assistant gave them to me to put on, I said

”I can see!” (My Cousin Vinny scene flash)