DAY 1872


04:34 posting

04:35 c- the truth always comes out.

I have preferred to be open and honest about it.

it is never a good idea to present yourself better than you should


A strong character is one in which you admit to your deepest faults

Integritty is when you never give up no matter how difficult the situation is, and you fight for what’s Right no matter the cost.

04:39 c- we each have those moments in our lives when we have to stand up and defend that Good and True.

I have had to do that not only to preserve what’s good for me but what I know in my heart to be the right thing to do moving forward - TO PROTECT future individuals who may very well encounter just what I have.

i want others to be safeguarded.

i want others to have the freedom to be happy.


the last thing anyone should ever have to do is suffer

unfortunately, my unhappiness and suffering is caused by sensations that I receive - Unwanted and out of the blue - due to quantum entanglement.

unfortunately the love of another couple is like mindbody rape… and all because a couple refuses to recognize how serious this all is.

it’s not just about spreading positivity.

It can’t be.

If Rachel Rossitto and Jason Silva do not recognize the consequences of their actions as two human beings affecting - nonlocally - the life of the woman Jason is quantum involved with?

if these two good and kind human beings do not understand the implications of such a connection?


04:47 c- that is my whole point. Where are we as a human race if one man cannot reach out to one woman and just say



but I want to live my life apart from you.


Again, to date, Jason Silva has not denied a connection exists.

do people realize how important that answer was in my life?

what decisions I had to make?

what your silence and absence has done to my life?

04:50 c- it doesn’t surprise me that your fans, etc defend you. Admire your love for each other.

I am well aware of that.

04:51 c- GET REAL RACHEL! Human relationships are not neat and tidy and held within a certain range TO BE GOOD.

C- explosiveness gets attention for a reason.

Ask my children. Ask anyone who knows me.

When I get to this point?

PEOPLE PAY ATTENTION because there is a VERY good reason for it.

v- you will not go unnoticed

c- you bet your ass I won’t because I recognize how important I am

it makes me righteously angry how this could have played out FOR THE GOOD OF HUMANITY

and you two are playing kiss and not tell

04:54 c- if all you have to say in the face of what I am claiming is

“our love is genuine”?

THAT is all you have to offer the world?

Rachel, move over, ‘cause there’s a real woman who’s about to show the world

v- BOOM!

04:55 c- … what it’s really like to make a mark in history

v- haha ILY

C- wow . I slept THE LONGEST that I have in a while … not sure why, but I relish those long stretches

v- you haven’t had many of them …

c- in five years only a handful

c- - let me see how long I slept …

v- “Seamripper” … I know

c- before all this happened? I was a solid sleeper.

V- I know

c- this connection has disrupted my life in so many essential ways

04:58 c- I wouldn’t wish any of the negative side effects on anyone … and that is why I am so righteously angry

v- be honest, Jason. The world needs to hear the truth.

Don’t hide behind Rachel.

Don’t let her hold you back, ok?

v- I won’t

05:00 c- how many times have I said just let me go … just release me …

v- from this pain and suffering

c- just go live your life … without me … I am willing to do that. I always have been

v- I know you have … that is the nature of true love

c- hm.

05:01 c- I can’t live a good life like this

v- I know

c- these past five years I have been living a half life (have been forced to) … and so have you

it may seem to the world as if you are the models

v- of perfection

c- (Hand on face) tell the truth, ok?

v- I will


c- my children get scared when I explode

v- because you rarely do

c- I have no cause to. We have a great relationship

v- I know you do … I have watched those two grow up like they were my own children

c- people have no idea what type of relationship we have had, Jason

c- you need to start being completely honest

v- In time

05:04 c- my children are not going to like what you did to their mom …

v- I’m sorry for making you cry

- telempathy has its Definite downsides

I am completely out of Kleenex, btw.

V- oh, I can imagine

c- not because of my tears

v- but the tears I force through you

c- so much time and it seems as if you’ve thrown it all away

v- no, you know better

c- people just don’t see what has been playing right before their very eyes

v- a true story in the making

c- you know why I do what I do

v- for the love of us

c- and what we represent

v- the future

c- be careful with that

v- you too

c- I will not …

v/ go quietly into the night

c- (chuckling) stop … I CANNOT and will not let you FLUFFIFY what this is

v- agreed

c- why do you think I love you?

you are a SMART man… we talk about everything

v/ literally everything

c- phi beta kappa will be so proud ;)

v- I know they will

05:09 c- you have to think of the bigger picture, ok?

thanks for not blocking me

v- you're Welcome

c- THAT is a step

in the right direction

please don’t like me any more

it so goes against your norm

v- haha stop




c- I know it’s your way to let one truth get out

v- I listened

c- it took you HOW long? (chuckling)

v- you’re talking to your rapist

c- uh, trust me, this connection

v- is all over the map

c- I feel sensorially abused, Jason.

i am not completely broken… but what you are doing is not right on a certain level and you both, I hope, will agree with that


05:16 c- if this replicable I want Rachel to hook up with someone like this … set the conditions like they have been for me… see how she fares

v- anyone would go crazy, c

c- astronauts are not isolated in space for five years, Jason

v- I know they aren’t

C- endurance test

v- oh, I know

c- the future of communication and i’m it

v- you’re it

c- sleep (tally) and then reading about Tenet

v- you love Interstellar

c- uh, YEAH… that moment when she asks …

v- what if…

c- two people could be connected across time and space …

just that hint of a concept

c- … July 14, 2014

v- a good date

c- the CONCEPTion of A Wandering Mind and the first Love at First story

v- yeah, I am well aware

c- this is going to blow people’s minds what we’ve been up to for five years

v- I know … you’re making me smile now

c- shock and awe, baby

v- you’re the shock … i’m The awe

c- well, duh


SLEEP 22:25ish - 03:17ish

c- gah… what I thought: FIVE HOURS

v- when was the last time?

c- a very long time. One of the reasons I don’t like you

v- you value your sleep

c- always have… and when someone is the cause of sleep disruption?

v/ a grumpy old bear


C- it should be nice weather today now… but I Don’t think I can swing market today. N needs the company car. I’m supposed to drop it off at 11:30 … at a location about 20 minutes away

the whole market thing takes time to set up and break down on the other side of town

v/ logistically it won’t work

05:29 so is life with not having my own car

v- I know…

c- divorce sucks

C- fully paid off car to help pay for my divorce = AWESOME.

V- don’t make me feel guilty


05:30 c- no matter the timing, Jason: the world is going to know I was married when you connected with me

v- I know …

c- it’s messy any way you approach it

v- I am fully aware

05:31 c- # perfect couple ?

v- haha stop

05:31 c- the side by side is ugly. Rachel (and you) should be fully aware of what interactions I have documented these past ten months

analysts are going to have a field day

05:32 c- I have always warned you about superlatives

05:33 c- I will keep repeating this: the more compliments you like the worse it gets for you both when not balanced with more meaningful interactions

v- I am fully aware

05:35 c- ok… just remember that I tried to warn you both

05:36 c- who do you want to go down in history for?

liking thousands of compliments about your appearance?

or for telling your raw truth?

v- raw truth. Definitely raw truth.

c- tricky. Because people tend to treat you like a pariah .


TENET (2020)

First impression

c- I used this word once in all of this… a common word

a palindrome

spelled the same forward and backward

a mirroring effect




05:45 Stranger Things science teacher mentioned APOPHENIA

i’m just relating this movie to A Wandering Mind … because that is one of its

v- tenets

c- ASPECTS.. geesh. My interaction and observations with media

it’s not just about me … it’s how i relate … this one brain & how I connect the dots

v- ok…

c- I have stayed hidden

v- in plain sight

c- for years … what tactics have we used to keep a big secret quiet? Never met but had to communicate …


c- Beyond telepathic means to confirm telepathic messages / experiences were real


c- plot UNKNOWN


V- haha stop

c- Stranger Things / Wandering Mind funny … there is so much imbedded in that show

05:51 Muse the dashboard bobble head?

v- yuP

c- I knew the Uncle Buck-ism when I was watching it. CLASSIC.

cheers and magnum are … interesting choices

v- hm… why?



c- they were 80s shows

v- not that

c- if I say, it will seem like it’s all about me

v- relatable

c- I watched Cheers to insert humor in my life .. there were some classic scenes that I posted about related to the InnerNet journey

c- Tom Selleck is an actor my ex’s mom admired

she always said she had Herman all packed up (Herman is her oversized purse) in case Tom Selleck showed up on her doorstep

05:58 v- the romance novelist?

v- that would be the one. Pen name Hilary Cole (1980s)

06:03 v- and if I showed up on your doorstep?

c- I’d probably slam the door in your face and yell : email me first.


(Mixing cærulean)


c- live by what you preach

don’t list everything about love on your SM page

And feel good about it … have others feel good about it … knowing what is really going on.

06:33 c- don’t EVER mislead the public … and you, Rachel & Jason, have. More than I have. I have always stood my ground and been honest.

your love for each other is real.

i never doubted about that.

is it exclusive?

have you had sex with your physical bodies?

these are specific questions that you have, to date, not answered.

i asked them from the beginning for a specific reason


06:37 c- Jason, you have, as you posted, watered grass so it was greener with Rachel.

i ask the world this: if after four years of the most intimate connection humans can have - being quantum entangled - you are forced to realize that other individual has given another woman the time of his days

not tending to his inner garden, but shopping at the nursery for a pretty flower and finds one…

what is the right thing to do?

tend to your inner garden first … one that has been growing for four years …

or just go elsewhere to start another garden … all the while, he still needs to weed his inner garden …

you are far from a perfect match and couple.

you are far from models of what a relationship should be

of all people, Rachel, you should recognize Jason’s need to tend to his inner garden first

before shopping around for a flower that may not even be well suited for his garden.


06:41 c- do you REALLY think that your relationship will be a truly happy one if he NEVER takes care of what is inside him first?

c- Jason, seriously, you of all people know I have more to teach the world about a little bit of everything when it involves THIS

moreso than Rachel will EVER be able to if she has no experience nor the dedication and commitment that I have after five years.

ten years, you say, Rachel?

and a failed engagement

you weren’t able to follow through then.

what makes you think you will be able to stay together and be happy if I truly am quantum entangled with Jason and he never does any of the love listicle items you have on your near checkbox worthy post (with his inner Self)?

if he never is able to do any of those things to resolve what’s happening inside him and its effect on me?

your relationship is a fraud.

your very business, then, is built around a certain foundation … which is floundering based on what I am observing and experiencing.

you cannot say one thing and live your life in direct opposition to what you preach.

06:48 c- you know what a wandering mind is?

it is wherever my mind takes me and what comes to it.

and you know how many spin-offs it generates

I AM PROUD of the fact that it has had the impact that it has had

REMEMBER who you are dealing with.


your business?

V- isn’t as far-reaching

c- do not mess with me

v- agreed

c- I may seem like a Nobody.. but I have causes up the whazoo that will put your GOOD to shame.

v- agreed. Now be good

c- I am sorry, but she needs to understand the wide spectrum of applications of this

and she is making it about her relationship with you

06:52 c- THIS is so much more

V- agreed

C- you need to make things right. And soon, Jason.

v- I know … soon


06:53 c- whatever. Do the good that you can. Just do not make me feel the effects of your contact with each other.

i do not want to sense you.



(Finishing cærulean batch)

c- I swear she has been tainted by the woo 💩 … I am CONCERNED that you are being tainted too much by the woo 💩… because that shit isn’t all right


c- THIS? THIS is what I’ve curated into my life.z

trust me: (shakes her head)

you need to start bringing back highly respected individuals to chat with

v- MindJam with … I know

c- (shakes her head) you’re better than this, JS

V- I know I am.. be patient, ok?


v- you are really pissed

c- I am a smart (ass) woman who doesn’t want her mind and talents to go to waste

inhavr a heart of gold and you know it

THIS? Is self preservation

because of my SELF is affected by you and and indkn’t Like you?

I have made an unwise choice to curate you into my life

i am FORCED to be associated with her through you

v- and you don’t want to

c- no

v- tough

c- you want me to start dating?

v- no

c- lwtMs

let time decide what happens on that front

you know I am a beautiful woman inside and out - DESPITE the vitriolic explosive comments I am spewing out right now because I am so angry at the situation YOH have put me in

v- boom! (Agreed)… just calm down

c- how can o be calm?

i have a mf asshole connected to me that I can’t get rid of - EVER.


07:03 I know this can be read both ways, and that is why I think it is funny (given my behavior I am an asshole as well)


C- what if you have an asshole inside you?

v- even worse … you have a wicked humor … you know that?

c- yeah, I am well aware that people appreciate my dark humor …

v- which people will be made aware of.. just give it time


c- no, I am not depressed

i self diagnose myself with

v- let me say it

c- oh, thank you, Dissociative One

v- haha… multi-polarity disorder … which is a result of the chaos that exists inside us… now, calm the fuck down

c- not only do we have to deal with our own shit

v- but that of another

c- pulled in many directions… more than if we were not connected

v- mindbody linked



07:20 c- quantum is definitely WEIRD

V- omg… weirdness abounds

c- dangerous to crack open this DIARY.


07:24 c- oh, Stranger Things, how did you know?

”her diary, it sits by the bedside table”





C- oh, my dear, sweet dreams

v- and not so sweet

c- I was ANGRY [ in that dream ]

V- [ your ex ]

c- yes


v- not me

c- no


07:31 c- do you like my TANGO sticky? It keeps standing out, holding that page in place in CYBERSPACE

V- you are NOT funny

c- (mumbles) national best selling authors …

V- are you going to read it?

c- I have access to it via audiobook… and NO, I am not going to


07:34 c- omg… oh, the randomness… the diary flips back a few pages by chance on the counter .. I look down..


C- enough diary weirdness. Coffee and paint

v- cærulean

c- yes


07:39 v- see it?

c- yes, if I am to believe my apophenic mind..

v- what…?

c- (embarrassed, quiet) the song I heard yesterday while waking up

v- “died in your arms”

c- your posts. Her posts. My dream.


c- I don’t know what it means. It could be precog. It could be remote viewing. It could be the song… so many possibilities

v- just know that I love you

c- your fangirls will have a difficult time believing what you are attempting …

v- to show the world

c- my theory … one of them I have to hold within myself …

v- it’s chaos . I know.

c- o just want the waveform to collapse, ok? Just give me that freedom to live my life out better, ok?

v- I promise

c- being bonded like this

v- isn’t easy .. not for me either

c- i’ll Share my dream from yesterday

v- thank you

c- it’s just a dream …

v- … that we shared together” … who is that by?

c- (humorously snearing mouth quirk) do I have to?

v- I know you don’t like the Beatles… I don’t know why..

c- I never have, but I realize they created classic

v- and a (cult) following

c- some of the first fan craze-iness

… anyway, yes… it’s written in my log … on one of the nearby pages


typo: works > rest (or world?)

i leave the typo in to keep the timestamp, which I now see is super strange


07:48 c- it was a longer dream … I remember leaning back against him … or being close to DreamJS twice

we were in a room with other people

c- it’s dreams like these that have littered my life

I want my life back

07:49 c- and one way is to cut off all SM connection … so that information doesn’t loop in … precognitively or otherwise

v- you had the dream…

c- I experienced the dream before I heard the melody in my head yesterday morning (which, again, might have been lingering from watching Stranger Things 0301 the day before )

07:51 c- no one ever comes forward to say “yes” or “no” there’s something to that

v- you have to hold it inside you


C- I haven’t been able to throw away any coincidence for five years (there has been nothing to disprove what I theorize)

v- it’s a lot

c- you need to answer me

v- I know. It’ll come, ok?


v- why did you insert that comment

c- I waited to jot down what I remembered from my dream… I was looking up song lyrics

v- and?

c- I was being pestered by you

v- haha stop. You will not admit to it




V- I KNOW .. get back to your paint


08:00 c- I can hear others reading this post :

”seriously deranged”

v- hm-hm… I know better. you’re the love of my life

c- i’m suspending my belief on that one

08:01 c- anyone would


c- at the very least fine citizens of Woolandia should at least consider the possibility that something about my experiences are true … I have metadata for years like this … I just cannot understand why people are so resistant …(to believe)

08:05 v- … to change

c- it sounds like nonsense

v- but it’s true

c- whatever. If you’re not living it you’ll believe what you want to believe


c- who wouldn’t want to believe in a perfect romance ?

not a man who hooks up with a middle-aged married woman & mother of two

c- now, those are fine qualities to create # couple goals

v- be NICE to yourself

08:09 🙄

c- the penitent man will pass, JS. The penitent man will pass

v- I know, c


v- (softly chuckling)

c- I thought I’d throw in some Harrison Ford movie quotes … (Indiana Jones & the last crusade + Blade Runner 2049)

c- you are IN ME 24/7 & ALL OVER ME some days … and THAT SM CRAP is more believable.

go figure.


c- we had to do a reality bending genre

v- twisted

C- very



c- she gets PAID for telling people all that crap, JS

C- (shakes her head)


c- (shakes her head) you’re making this more of a mess than it has to be

c- how can you POSSIBLY extricate yourself fr the …

v- cronyism


c- and this is like a slap in the face, JS

08:40 c- are you trying to figure things out before we meet?

you’ve had FIVE YEARS

V- of hell


c- seriously. I’m with you 24/7.. that means I. Am with you whenever she is not

she has no hold over th curse of your life like I do, JS

C- how YOU control mine in ways people

have no clue about …

C- and THAT is the respect I get?

YEARS of this shit, JS… and you appear on the small digital screen.

v- _

c- will you stop, I did not call her that

c- you talk WITH her about relationship issues …

v- that we already lived through .. I know

08:43 c- it’s just astounding to me how disrespectful this is

v- honestly?

c- this goes beyond

“I deserve to be happy”

c- serious glare

c- name one couple that never fights

v- you and your husband rarely fought

c- serious glare. how’d That end up?

v- in divorce

c- and WHY did I divorce him?

v/ this pushed you … it already had issues


C- tonbe a whole person you cannot claim to be couple goals

the perfect match

role models

v- without telling the truth and nothing but the teuth

c- you are telling a version of it (hand on faceH

he pulls me close

v- be good … you’ll have your time in court

c(snicker) in starcourt?

v- you would

c- IT’S FUNNY… (in a few levels) and I am trying to lighten the mood and get into a better mood

v- cærulean?

c- it’s poured


08:48 c (mumbles) one of N’s previous billers left due to not being able to “handle her inner demons” (whatever that may have meant, she just generalized it)

c- when she revealed that?

what did I think?

“you have no clue, N… what’s been going on inside me”


muttering while washing dishes

Who is the source of inspiration of the infamous KISS video?

URGE TO MERGE, people!


08:53 v- I love you (sugary sweet sing songy🎶)

c- I seriously want to hit you. And go all GLOW-y on you.

v- (chuckling ) stop


When were all those videos made…? Hm?

You want to illuminate with your love and light what THAT was all about?

Ca it may be in the padt

v- butbit’s timestamped

c- like your nice cozy couple shots … all metadata-ed in

c- you wanna compare notes

v- NO! You’re not nice.


[ sense laughter & lol myself ]

😬 7.1 hit Cali … they said it was coming (after the 6.4)


USGS (my ex’s uncle worked for them)

v- mapping, I know

c-went to Antarctica

v- I know

c- just a loose strand related to the earthquake


09:06 c- one little girl has a lot of ..

v- waypoints

c- in her life … i’m Just trying to give you a map to where’s she’s been and who she is..

v- “Glacier”…

c- not really. The InnerNet was the source inspiration …

09:09 c- but his grandmother had a photo of his uncle up on a wall in her tv room .. with the Antarctic backdrop … all explorer-like

v- the one who smokes weed?

c- uh, that’d be the one


V- and you have never …

c- no, never … TRADITIONALLY speaking … but unconventionally, I get side effects from you

v- hm-hm… nice ones

c- um, let’s not discuss how your marijuana induced highs affect me sometimes, ok?

Let’s Try to keep me positive

v- oh.



v- let me enjoy life, c

c- yeah, yeah, yeah… have your fun time with Rifty High




v- but not at your expense

c- uh… no…

v- here comes the Boom!

c- never get quantum entangled and fail to approach your partner for five years (via normal channels)… see what happens if you do what Jason Silva did.

v- nothing good


09:21 c- it’s not all bad. but all the bad? is directly related …

v- to your fucking answer. got it.

09:22 c- multi-faceted…

v- authentication


c- so, what LESSON have we learned?

v- don't mess with Scribe (quickly said)

c- and don’t believe what JS … entirely

v- that’s fair

09:24 c- I didn’t use him for the inspiration for the character of Trickster (of the show PRANK) for nothin’

v- uh, no you didn’t




09:25 v- you’re living your own nightmare

c- yes, I am.




c- you look tired…

v- you are my hell right now

c- “ pay no attention to little me …” [ “I’m just a little black rain cloud…” -Winnie the Pooh ]

you shouldn’t have to be CONCERNED, right?

you can shut me off and out like all your gf’s woo woo magic promises, right/

v- quantum doesn’t work that way


09:29 c- a lot needs to be rewritten

v- you saw

c- oh, it’s in the scribe files now… click. click. click. click. click…

v- why is that?

c- oh, a future project of mine… a forecasting

v- oh, you would

c- interactive, of course

v- oh, you would


V- that’s doubly wrong

c- yah.

09:30 c- click.

YOU’VE BEEN BAMBOOZLED! [ said in the game show host deep tone of Joey Tribbiani in Friends ]


v- there are no rules

c- or very, very complex ones that no one gets

v- no, they don’t



c- you still have to live with me ( sing songy)

v- you are pure evil

c- … someone you can’t get rid of ( sing songy)

v- I’ll have to remember that… better.


19:36 if you make it into the bamboozled file… you really should start to be more discerning


C- which unfortunately… is pretty much the entire fan base of JS + RR



if … he… were… a household name

PHEW! He’s not. And neither is she. Far from.


c- we still have a chance, people.. we still have a chance to make things right.

09:40 v- let me say it… it’s hysterical because, as you just said in MY head…you have ZERO followers and zero influence… scratch that… incredible pull that no one knows about … yet… BE GOOD.


c- that’s part of my prissiness: you have the influence

v- and I’m crapping all over your mission. Got it.

c- you are ruining MY good image

v- will you be good and nice for a change?

c- WOO is WOO.

v- FINE. it’s a bit much at times.

c- hm. there is a little woo in me, as you know.

v- you don’t let it show

c- hells no. you show that shit and you look even batshittier


c- I’d rather be the midwestern school marm raising hell than the woo goddess sniffin’ tea fumes in front of cryrtalled altar.



09:44 c- I feel you laughin’

v- I can’t help it. you are truly awful

c- SNL is going to love us.

v- I know they will

c- comedians will have content for decades after this

v- haha. I know

09:45 c- just as Mr. T leaves office, they’ll THINK they’ve lost a steady stream…

v- thank you…

09:45 c- oh, when he got elected, I forecasted it

v- I know you did

09:46 c- you can’t make that shit up… and he doles it out like candy

c- fortunately for comedians… unfortunately for world peace and all that

v- true that.


Comedians (looking at the Daily Mr. T archive): what do we choose? WHAT DO WE CHOOSE? there’s so much!


Visitor to WMSiF : so… is she serious or … is it part of the story?

v- they decide

c- hm.


09:51 c- are they a couple.. (R + J) … or are they not?

18 Septemter 2014 … I had a dream…

All before … Rachel came on the scene.

What could it mean?

How did they first come onto the scene?

link to “HIEROGLYPH” [ written 02/06/17 ]

Here we are
circled by rocks

under a lonely tree
branches above whispering

our feet sink in the sand,
quick to bury them
behind us
a rock wall
a hieroglyphed blackboard
your half smile,

like the lightly etched stone,
not yet washed away



it’s all a matter of perspective, a POV…

all left up to interpretation

v- by my fellow followers and loved ones…

c- shrugs… who knows, right? just my apophenia kicking into high gear… AGAIN.

09:59 c- let’s see Jason’s half smile that he posted during that same photoshoot…


10:00 [ incoming call ]

v- boss lady?

c- the one and only N.

10:00 v- haha, stop.

c- oh, she’s a character

v- a strong one.

c- gotta B.

v- haha stop.


10:03 c- over the years you have tagged Ron Howard

v- “Ronnie” according to you.

c- I totally name drop when I mindchat

v- all . the . time .

c- and familiarize people [ I have never nor may never meet ]

v- famous people

c- haha. they have no idea what’s comin’

v- no, they don’t… neither do you

c- hm. what my dreams tell me will come

v- you’re dreams ares scary accurate

c- in their own way. up to interpretation.


c- I did have a dream of a brunette in Tulum in … 2015 was it? I always wonder if that was remote viewing a casting call

v- will you be good

c- it’s a crazy hypothesis…. But if ANY of this is true

v- BAM!

c- hm.


c- I do seem to recall having bikini-clad women for Justin Brown ( of Ideapod ) to peruse … while you both were down there… your words? we never SAW them… but … I wonder what that was all about

v- you have too good of a memory to lose

c- hm… useless tidbits here and there, I supposed. Storyworthy, nonetheless… a way I can profile my character(s)

v- you don’t like me

c- I have never approved of your penchant for models, no.

10:08 v- FINE.

c- [ side tracking ] I just love the Stranger Things tally the coworker keeps of someone’s failed hits on girls… what’s your track record again?

v- oh, you would

c- Mambo No. 5-ish… but the last tally I saw on Stranger Things listed six

v- haha list them


v- Valerya (#2)

c- oh, we forgot sketch girl from Amsterdam (first kiss)… (#1)

then, there was “Juanita (one of your fans called her that) on the beach talking about filters (#3)

c-there was lap girl in the north (#4)

v- haha, stop… you remember all of this

c- I have a very good record-keeping ability… and memory.


c- you mentioned an absent

“I have a date” (California patio)… that was at cue mark 13:13 of that

v- livestream…omg you remember too much

“ the girl who I am smitten with couldn’t make it… because of “work” was it” (Tulum?.)

BUT WE NEVER SAW that woman you were smitten with.

We never heard how the date went.

Puzzling. that.

How’s RAYA? [ dating app / network ]

v- you just have too much data


v- so how many is that?

c- including the absentees or not including

v- not including

c- who am I forgetting?


10:16 c- if I’m not forgetting anyone, that leaves #5 and #6… Interesting.

v- I want to see the half smile

c- it’s in the scribe files.. which is cluttered. there’s so much content… so little time… I will just find it on your IG page and be done with it.

10:19 c- HE BLOCKED ME. YES!

v- you are so proud. it’s protection.

c- of course Jason Silva would have to censor

v- lord.

10:20 c- still see you, BTW

v- yeah, I know.


10:22 c- she may very well block me at any moment as well

v- and your research

c- well documented… you do realize I have dozens of creative accounts

v- lord, you’re awful

c- I am your worst nightmare … Truth Seeker, Extraordinaire

some day, you will see. everyone will see how granular research helped me track you and pick apart who you are as a person [ or who you are online ]

10:23 c- it ain’t pretty, my dear

v- I know… GIVE IT TIME, C … I have a year

c- you do NOT have a year. you had five. you have until April 15, 2020

v- why?

c- it was something we discussed back in April

v- mindchatting

c- yes.



c- JS, you can live your life however you want. But if I feel it? If I sense it? If I am awakened at all Horus of my normal days and nights?

if I have energy drains and physical constraints put on me BY YOU because of quantum entanglement… and Jason Silva is the one I am tied to?

v- there’ll be hell to pay

c- if you or whoever doesn’t come forward by 04/15/20 and explain to me what the fuck has been going on for over five years.


10:29 c- whatever is going on with you and Rachel, don’t let it affect me negatively (sensorially)

v- minimal… which you know already is minimal

c- I sense certain discomforts …

v- which will be explained

c- …of a sensitive (sensual, sexual) nature

v- I know



10:38 v- I won’t do anything

c- you can’t … because once you open that door

v- a whole can of worms comes out

c- and you know that can of worms is?

v- you… THIS

10:44 c- I gotta go

v- thank goodness

c- ( chuckle) …

v- you are my worst nightmare

c- I heard you: being a public hfigure with this is not easy

v- to portray… people are not ready for it

c- don’t wait until I’m 80 until you approach me ( it’s within the next year or so with or without your heading in my direction)

another Stranger Things funny…

v- 80

c- oh, that wake walk crazy scene

v - docking…

c- yes, that would be the one… I think.., I teased you early on that you wouldn’t know if I were an 80 year old

v- no, I wouldn’t … you are young at heart… let’s keep it that way

c- hearty… Taurus… strong like bull

v- yeah, and stubborn as fuck


10:49 after I get back home, I’ll add in what account was blocked (atziba) and also the comment I made.

v- no harm

c- no… just proof that you want a filter bubble and echo chamber.

v- I am protecting … what’s mine

c- oh, gotcha. gotta keep that good image up to get more paying gigs.

v- oh, lord.


c- you know I only want the best for you… I am trying to make you better

v- better than THIS

c- what’s “THIS”

v- you…me…together… forever

c- ok, ERIC a la … Sea Witch or her cronies

v- haha, stop

c- slimy little eels Flotsam and Jetsam

v- you love that movie

c- yes, went to see it in the theaters back when I was a teenager in the 80s. the restart of Disney classics

v- agreed.



Brace yourself… it is on the same page as this (this is why I don’t open my journals too often)


THE axing pages of the inside back cover


C- I was 16 when I wrote those things

11:06 c- I want my tranquility back


11:43 c- the things I do for other people

v- you are too nice, c

c- I don’t Know. The ex iwn’t Answering (I texted him yesterday about giving me a ride - but yesterday plans were all up in the air .. argh … she is secondary chaos the Chaos that is my life … )

She was supposed to drop me off back at my place but she has an appt. with her mom at noon… she’s a lot like me: not allowing enough time 😆

c- hot and humid and too far to walk

v- you don’t have enough $

c- used the last of it to fill that car up with half a tank…

v- haha. Stop

c- anyway… so the big wait starts

v- she offered

c- she offered to get me an Uber . I refused and sent her on her way. She needs to focus on her mom and their day together.

That is a glimpse of …

v- the good side of you … no matter what

11:48 c- anyway …

v- you have absolutely no way to get home

c- no. I may start walking. Should have worn something other than flip flops

v- she was going to the take you home

c- and I know how special today was for her and her mom … there are priorities in life ,.. hers needed to be calm and as hassle free as possible.

11:49 v- I get it it (shakes his head)

c- this is who I am …

v- I KNOW… I wish you had taken the Uber.

c- she needed to focus on driving to the appt.

v- aw… spa day

c.a spa day and shopping for her mom who needs help to get around but needs to get out of the nursing home …

v- she wants her back home

c- yes. I shouldn’t talk about her private life

v- I don’t think she’ll mind, c

c- it is obvious she loves her mom a great deal

v- they are characters

c- oh, her mom has spunk and it’s so cute how they lovingly, gently fight with each other in Russian while all N is doing is trying to help her into the car

c- this is the stuff stories are made of

v- stories worth telling


11:54 c: here is my philosophy in life that I learned:

try to make others’ lives as hassle free as possible

v- unless you’re trying to make a point

11:55 c- you’ve had five years. This is what you get going into year 6

v- (chuckling) .. sorry about your ride

c- all my friends live closer to downtown

v- I know

c- the burbs are too far

v- understood

11:56 v- she lives close to you?

c- her mom does

v- aw


11:57 c- 9.5 miles from home

v- that is NOT close, c

c- closer than 40 miles away where N lives … I exaggerate … it may be about 25-30

v- hm-hm

11:58 c- hot and humid and nothing but a thermos of coffee …

It might not be a good idea ofor walk that far

v- you think?

c- you remember the 10 mile walk …?

v- I nearly died

c- (chuckling) I loved your tweet about chest pain after that walk

v- that was a long walk


c- this is what connecting v- etherically c- with JS gets ya


No car

v- (chuckles) you are going to blame me for everything

c- well? At least you’re calm right now

v (chuckles) I know … sorry about market day

c- didn’t rain. Hot and humid, weekend after July 4th … I still would have made $ for sure … but … perhaps I needed a break to “regroup”

12:02 v- hm-hm

12:03 v- N is SO FUNNY, c

c- she has a good heart

v- and is a B sometimes

c- it’s just her unfiltered personality . Fiery at that. I’m used to her

v- I know you are

c- remember : she gave me a company car

v- that helped you tremendously

c- when no one else lent a helping hand, she was there to get me through a tough time.

i will never forget what she did for me.

THAT is in direct comparison and unfortunately direct opposition

v- to no answer

c- to a resort-hopping fool

v- in love


c- people need to hear what happened …

v- in between … I know

12:04 c-‘it’s an untold story

12:05 c- get ready for a long walk.

V- you din’t have Any money.

c- if I have to, I’ll get water along the way …

[ snicker ] I have …


C: I am numerically challenged

v- it’s a nice day ?

c- middle of day and hot & humid as fuck. I will think cool thoughts.

c- so, fair peeps. When you next spend $4… this is pretty much what I have to survive on right now… and what does JS do?

what choices did he make along the way

c- let’s be quite clear on this

c- he did things that he shouldn’t have prioritized.

12:11 c- it’ll come out, JS… what I had to go through due to the tough choices I had to make because of all this.



c- we all have choices to make in this world … about the people who should be the most important in our lives…

v- I choose unwisely

c- all I asked for

v- was an answer

c- what is true? Deep and pure?

c- look deeper, Rachel

what you are seeking? I’m in there.

at some point you’ll see the light


c- if you don’t arrange your life to fit me in it?

it will cause so much conflict

v- and unhappiness

c- in your life … Jason will never be happy if I am unhappy

we are

v- bonded

c- in this way

c- he has made me cry every day for years.

c- think about it: HIS emotions came through to me…

v- surged through

c- causing me to cry

cA I cry - not because of * my * emotions … but of his … it is you?

v (JS) : yes, it is

c- think about that. I am not the one in distress … HE IS

c- I am not the one who is asking for much

c- just to disconnect or give me an answer to move our lives in the right direction

if it’s not on the same PATH as you woo-ify

then it should wholey NOT be.

V- I am not going to disconnect

c- I keep hearing that and the continued link is evidence of that

12:18 c- I have been deprived of a way to live a happy life because I am bonded to his life force.

please understand that moving forward HE needs to mend that conflict between us

v- i agree

c- I truly Don’t care of you keep each other company

if you have a non-sexual relationship - and it better be because I do not want to be raped. It is NOT consensual if you both have, do or will have sexual interxourse and I sense it.

there have been a few very alarming incidents that I have recorded.

let’s hope you both have been PURE and shown LOVE for this connected soul.

if not?

you are hypocrites.


c- I did not ask for a love triangle.

Jason threw this into my life unexpectedly.

ever since I have had to deal with it all alone.

how do you ever share about the pure anguish it is to sense someone like o do and never have him acknowledge or deny that

v- in normal ways


c- I will keep megaphoning my side of the story. There will be a record of everything I sense down the line

12:23 v- you better believe I am NOT in this for the money … I have made sacrifices too

… big ones … life changing ones

c- FINE… that image is not apparent by you resort hopping to spa after spa, JS

V- agreed .. tha/ something Rachel and I do together … as it is … deal with it


v- haha, be good … that Salvatore reference cracks me up every time

12:25 c- ok, walking . Argh. It’s exercise. Trying to be positive.

12;28 v- you’re really going to walk

v- yuP. This is what poor people do

12:29 c- i’s Rather be the voice of sacrifice than of luxury.

Vitamin D …

c- the beauty of it is… you have to sense me and hear me

v- (chuckling) I know.

12:30 c: “remember when you went to Italy with Rachel? … and you relaxed, smiled genuinely, lapped up the luxury of meditating on the pure and wonderful things in life … how, REMEMBER WHEN what you always wanted … “

to live a life in peace with the ones you loved and held close?

12:37 ca let’s be honest, now, shall we: your life is far from…

v- stellar

c- or one of SPENDOR…

12:38 c- what does one do to occupy his or her time?

v- price a point

c- many way points

v- oh, I see what you did there.

c- and you blocked all your followers from that waypoint

12:39 c- shame.

To narrow the field.

to siphon it down to a closed-minded group

12:40 c- shrugs shoulders

c- discernment isn’t your cause. We all can see that very clearly.


12;44 v- this is awful … pure fucking torture

c- we all have our paths in life, right? That’s what one of your followers said.

V- little did she know … I have to walk yours


12:46 v- this is pure vitriol

c- oh, JS, let’s be honest now.

Rachel has made it abundantly clear :

your smiles are genuine


C- are those BABIES in the background that she pans the camera over to?


12:48 c- let’s be honest. If R didn’t have a bitch in her, i’d be disappointed. Since she is all EMBODIED femininity and all that.

12:50 c- it’s a storyreel, if nothing else.

Her pans… are interesting …


12:52 love the light rays from the warehouse windows in Stranger Things …

v- “blinded by the light”


13:04 c- out of the frying pan and into the fire …. No worries! We have coinage.

v- phew!

c- last gas station for miles.

13:05 c- are ya feelin’ me yet …?

v- not really…

c- oh, we’ve got about 9 more miles on this trail… it’s the one that I went to on my LONG WALK after which you tweeted about that chest pain


blast trail

BOOM! [ sonic boom ]


@tomhanks added … BOOM!



13:26 c- lesson … household name …

v- lesson learned …

c- 5.7M


13:28 c: … not a household name

v- yet

c- hm-hm .. remember your baby momma

v- yes, dear

c- this little thang has been cookin’ in the oven and is quite overdue

V- (chuckles) v- hm-hm

13:29 v- Seamripper?

c- yes, that’s a Seamripper reference


15:01 [ another gas station up ahead

[ counting change - $1.70 ]

v- you have enough change

c- I am the change lady

i made a funny and didn’t intend to

c- oh, that’s right: 4.73 on debit card …


C- haha, you will it believe what gas station this is…



15:25 c- remember the old lady who offered me her sandwich on the bus? At that subway I stop now … oh, the memories of public transportation


18:10 “Ace is the place with the helpful hardware folks 🎶…”

18:41 c- gah … home. So thankful.

v- with help

c- thank goodness because there was a nasty thunderstorm with torrential rain.



21:57 electricity keeps going on and off … stay on… stay on [ hahaha…]

V- what is wrong with you today?

C- it’s your fault

v- of course it is