DAY 1843

IMAGE: Smurfette of the  Smurfs  by Peyo

IMAGE: Smurfette of the Smurfs by Peyo

occasional InnerNet tune

🎶 La La lalalala …🎶


C: if I have to be the one to inject some sense into social media drivel, so be it.

c: you can’t just put out meaningless woo 💩 jargon and expect me to be okay with it if it can in any way be associated with me.

you can’t just say

“yummy soul connection”

Amd not define exactly what that means,

so is it on a personal level? In what way?

is it artistic? In what way?

is it some unusual telepathic connection? You know, like SHARING CONSCIOUSNESS with the man?

if not, you had better define your relationship of how EXACTLY your soul connection is … “yummy”

those sorts of statements to me? Are empty cookie cutter statements that are meaningless when talking about TRUE CONNECTIONS with people and relationship aspects.

Some may eat those statements up like candy.

There is another part of society that listens to that shit and considers it meaningless bullshit put out there to sound … GOOD.

Falsetto through and through. If you want to change your image, change your language.

until then? You do not impress me

you both ARE NOT couple goals material

c- my entire life I have been surrounded by long-term relationships

my parents have been together for over 47 years

my grandparents were together for 70 … my aunts and uncles … and on and on … rarely did I encounter divorced couples … i’m An oddball, perhaps …

I observed and experienced first hand many ways in which those long-term relationships lasted.

10:42 c- I think I have some experience when it comes to long-term relationships having stayed with one man for 23 years, 18 of which were married and we still carry on a relationship even though divorced.

10:43 c- what I see in social media?

Os a pale version of what a good relationship really is

if you itch are sharing your journey?

it falls into the social media trap of only showing what you feel is GOOD.


you can’t travel the world with a woman and drag another along for the ride kicking and screaming



c: you can’t post videos and photos of kissing each other

KNOWING another woman SENSES it

doesn’t consent

doesn’t WANT to sense it



c- that’s cruel. It’s not right. And I am ashamed to be involved with someone who would post shit like that, passing it off AS GOOD social media content.

10:47 c- and I’m FORCED to be associated with someone who not only lives his life as if a connection didn’t exist (that affects another negatively)

but repeatedly posts shit like that to exacerbate the trauma.

that is not good

that is not kind

that is not love

c- it is human cruelty.

10:48 c- let’s BE HONEST and look at the situation HOW IT REALLY IS.

10:49 c- but R ❤️ J, prance around and keep sharing vacuous fluff.

Maybe at some point, someone will understand what I’m saying.

some already do.


c- when you show (pose) and do not tell (the truth)? People start to see through the empty, vague statements.


10:55 c- this comment is an outlier amongst the well wishes … but one of note. Perhaps she misunderstands the situation. Indon’t Blame her. I don’t Blame any of the followers or people who observe what you share about your relationship.

Min the end? The responsible parties are R + J who are the content creators and who actively engage in certain ways with others in the discussion threads … merely likes. Very few words.

When there’s an outlier in an echo chamber (a filter bubble of fans that compliment a couple on their beautiful relationship) pay attention to it.

Note what this person highlights.

Interesting… the parallels.

So, what is R + J’s real relationship?

doesn’t matter, right?

posing for pretty pictures is what makes a relationship, right?

i guess seeing that on display proves who they are together, right?



c- I am not sure why so few see through you both. They should be more careful about what they assume… (sad chuckle)… but why should they doubt you ?

you reinforce their misconceptions with likes


11:00 c- it should be called social media LYING as misleading as R + J are with their likes

11:01 what’s sad is I see contradictory likes as well… It’s as if they have no integrity to speak of … or perhaps their story changes … flip flopping as we should be used to in today’s news environment with people we should trust and revere.


11:10 c: and another vendor isn’t offering

v- a key ingredient

c- I have a work-around… maybe

v- you don’t like me

c- no, I don’t

11:11 c- some day your day will come

v- “when all the additions make a sum”

c- as harsh as I may seem… [ the future court of public opinion will be viscous and I won’t say a thing - they will be your judge jury and executioner … I am just pointing out the obvious preemptive strike-like ]

v- you saw …

c- yes, I saw … but does it matter? After five years of Nothing. Does anything I observe really matter when nothing Good comes of anything I’ve experienced?




c- you can cookie cutter your way through a podcast without any examples or reference points but without those? All the woo in the end comes off as shallow and hollow.

11:26 c- and all of Woolandia ooo and awww their way through … when absolutely nothing has been said. It’s disturbing.



RR: “Hasn’t’ been dating the last few years”

c- can’t WAIT to be the counterpoint to ask you difficult questions in the future

v- and put me on the spot

RR: Invited to do the work

RR: Invited to do have the conversations 

c: what conversations?!? You never have them … I get it; you have a really private relationship.


SO HAPPY that she gets to directly communicate with JS. So, she gets to have a clearcut understanding of who she is to JS and who JS is to her.

after meeting at BM.

C: a word of advice from a long-term relationship person - who has actually BEEN THERE?

You take care of your dirty laundry first

Don’t enter into a new relationship and expect the world to believe you in the end that it was all rosey and beautiful …

11:45 c- people are going to flay you alive for the GLAMOUR you’ve VENEERED them over with

11:46 c- honesty. Integrity. Truth matters more than deceptive lies masking inner ugliness. There is a reason for that.

11:48 c- that inner ugliness? Is the truth you refused to tell because you were both too afraid to admit to it.

C- that truth? You glossed over with LIKES of compliments to those versions of you that you wanted the world to see - those ideal versions that don’t truly exist.

you put yourselves up on pedestals for all to admire … false idols.


c- and these are two people who are supposed to be the embodiments of … good?

11:54 c- and you wonder why I call all this FALSETTO?

11:54 c- I am upset by the superficiality.

what’s more that I am connected to a man and I have to be associated with all this empty WOO.

It is not me.

And I have to carry this every day, knowing I have to live through it in a way.


So, BM, Tulum, Kauai … any other places Rachel spent time with Ben that she also is now visiting with Jason?

It’s like sleeping in the same bed as Rachel & Ben slept in.

ew. You already did that, too, now, didn’t you.


c: talk about creepy. Visiting all the places with the new guy that are haunted by her ex.

12:02 did she make similar poses and dance to the same tunes, too?

REPEATING RECORD. Just look, and ye shall find.


c: BURNING MAN 2019 … let’s forcast:

Nox’s new-agey fingers to temples, eyes closed, tie-dyed bandana wrapped around her head…

Nox: there will be a ceremony


Nox: perhaps a (magic) carpet


Nox : what do I see? … the vision is DUSTY…

Nox: Rachel is scantily clad (but when isn’t she?)

Nox: what is Jason wearing? GOOD GODDESS, you did not … wow… there’s a whole new level of ROAST .ed(u) coming after you wear that.


12:09 Nox: I see a tent…

v- haha stop

c: I sense you laughing.

V- I get your humor


c: is that New Age WOO-ey enough for you … ?

v- yes, plenty bad

12:11 c- ya like how I name Burning Man “BM”

v- I saw that

12:11 c- I gotta get back to work


C- I got all snow globe sparkly … I hope these sell mañana

v- they probably will …


C- I haven’t packaged them neatly yet.

but this has been good enough

v- for people to go on their color adventure … I like that …


12:15 c- I expect the itty bitty ones to be a top seller this year at market … priced right, at least

12:16 back at the other job


at least I have humor

v- as a shield, I know

IMAGE: Azrael from  The Smurfs  by Peyo

IMAGE: Azrael from The Smurfs by Peyo


13:36 getting a few minutes of fresh air

v- so, did you feel me?

C- subtle accelerated heartbeat noted for an extended period of time this AM

13:38 c- with my days busier (AKA interacting more with other people at the office, can’t be on my phone as much)… I jotted the sensation down before 09:24 EST

13:39 nothing too annoying. Not a normal sensation for a person at rest (not active at that moment, not exercising, etc.), but I’m used to it.

13:40 v- so… you want to talk about us?

c- you as well as everyone else gets a splintered reality … just like you give the public a splintered reality.

v- fine

13:40 c- why should I offer up a different version of my experiences. This splinter is just as true as any other aspect of the experiences.

v- understood

13:41 c- I have the world five years of a different version

v- and where did it get you, I know

c- maybe GOOD will come from explaining the negative effects a LONG-TERM connection such as this one has on a perso. Who is ‘t Given the basic necessity

v- of knowing what itnis

c- when that information someone is withholding on purpose. Knowingly keeping me …

v- in stasis. Got it.

13:43 c- don’t EVER believe that someone can walk all over your life and expect to get away with it.

in this situation? I have EVERY right to be upset about how things are being handled.

Yes, I have a choice of how to handle the experiences on my end … but how much do I tolerate?

how much do I have to get the short end of the stick?

Five years is plenty of time to keep taking hits and not put up a fight.

2019? Is going to be different.

It is someone’s responsibility to take care of thisbinner space mess

v- hellhole … I get it

c- I will keep saying this : WHY did I ask to meet five years ago?

v- almost five years, c

c: why was that important? Why was it important to know what and who I was dealing with?

13:46 c- if I don’t treat a wound at its source

v- it’ll fester

13:47 c: every issue that has surfaced revolves around that main point.

That will never change, nor should it.

we each handle the variables of our lives as best we can.

THIS? when it involves another person?

It should have been dealt with years ago.


and one refuses to deal with said relationship in a decent and humane manner?

THAT is when I get pissed off.

13:49 I keep screaming you shouldn’t be in here with me.

v- I know

c- if you’re going to live your life apart and have nothing to do with me. FINE.

v- but disconnect

c- don’t Drag me along to suffer through your lifestyle choices .. that includes traveling the world and making me suffer the effects of your different sleep/wake cycles

that alone isn’t healthy

hasn’t been for five years.

13:50 c- oh! But I still have to live with my life’s variables, as of the other’s life had nothing to do with mine

c- my life CANNOT accommodate another messing with my sleep/wake cycles.

I don’t get cushy vacation downtimes to decompress.

13:52 c: THAT is just one difference between our LIFE TOGETHER living apart.




02 June 2019

19:08 EST

vaginal air openness


sleepy in corner chair

cool fresh air 

subtle SAHB



14:51 C: ANY sensation I sense is a violation

an invasion of my privacy (and private parts)


c- I have a pretty good idea of what I sense

Was this the day Jason & Rachel were high up… Did I sense BREEZINESS ?


14:53 c- if you’re happy, R + J ? It is at the expense of mine.


14:54 c- so, remember, when you kiss?

i sense it AND DO NOT WANT TO.


15:40 c- the creative is the Authentic one

v- oh, you would


V- yeah, yeah, yeah


c- you are a self-proclaimed neurotic one. Wanna screenshot?

v- no… can you even find it?

c- …

[ quick check ]

15:45 c- no. But it’s In the archives.

v- (chuckles) stop. You and your memory.

15:49 v- thankbyou, c

c- You’re welcome … I do like to remind you about your fault

v- in the star(s) … I heard

c- that was this AM before coffee,




c: unless you are connected quantum spin energy with the mf. Then, it’s a hellish, enslaved eternal NOW.


16:49 c: I just post quickly when I think of something. A note jotted quickly.




[ reading & clicking ]

still liking everything under the sun (indiscriminately)

CG sees a word here … and another there


c- (lol) whoa … he speaks…

21:49 c- you can even spell (golf clap)

v- you’re so wrong

c- no, i’m Actually impressed … I just envision you with this CHECK ALL + like app that “engages” you with your followers 🙄

v- damn… will you be nice?

c- i’m Sure it exists … sheesh … it makes me wonder if you even read what you like … I check the “check out my page” likes to see if you engaged with them …

i do my HW…

v- you are wrong

c- ya can’t say I am not thorough… to a certain extent.



21:54 c- I have quite a few of these … at least * I * visited … I looked at the guitar image more closely

21:56 c- I am slowly becoming more awake. Someone has been SAHB + making me tired on this end. End of a long week, and I am resting so I don’t care So much

v- but you were going to do something

c- yes… but I kept passing out on the couch … like I said, I listen to my body & rest.

v- I… am sorry

c- (shakes her head) G the corporate (compliance) lawyer thinks she has pneumonia

v- it was something related to what happened at work today

c- yes

21:59 c- jamming a factory model onto 21st century workspace possibilities is WRONG.

v- agreed

c/ I told her that she needed to go home and take care of herself … you don’t mess around with pneumonia

v- no, you don’t

c- I added to that that she could just as easily do some of her job remotely if need be…

v- and she said …

c- bosses said no. She had to be in the office

v- you disagree

c- yes, wholeheartedly. What is the difference between videochatting in and having everything electronic at home?

v- agreed


c/ oh, I got a little pissy on the inside at the end of the day when the office manager said we all should be at our desks at 8:30 …

v/ omg … and you said…

c- I looked right at her and asked : and if we are locked out of the building because no one is there to let us in?

V/ because that’s what happened this AM

C- Yes, AGAIN. And I couldn’t clock in (WHICH I ABHOR) until I could physically get into the building and to an office phone

v- lord

c/ yah. So assbackwards

v/ beyond belief


c- all in the name of “being more professional”

v- haha , I know

c- seriously. I was a director of a frickin’ program and in an office way before and way after everyone was there… working evenings and weekends when no one else could (wouldn’t)

v- that’s what managing is…

c- just pisses me off when I am in a group of hardworking people… being told to “be more professional”

v- when they aren’t [ the supervisors ]

c- I will keep my digital mouth shut

v/ because this is just the tip of the iceberg

c- hm-hm


22:10 c- it’s all part of them streamlining & cleaning house

v- you can mention it …

c- we’ve partnered with a NYC healthcare company ten times the size of the organization I work in … helping this company grow

v- love that …

c- it’s good … to a certain degree I get the no remote workspace / flex time … to begin with

v- reliability factor

c- I have so much work that the owners have given me the option to work from home

v- for extra cash

c- yes.. which when i’m home…

v- you’re passed out on the couch

c- it’s getting better … the car helps

v/ love you

c- it’s the best perk right now

v- agreed

22:14 c- I could just as easily work from home doing what I do …

v- I know you could



c- there are advantages to us all working together at the corporate office

v- well-oiled machine

c- something like that … I think about Social Physics

v- I know you do … I love that book, too


been sensing cool fresh air in nostrils and chillaxy sense (last few minutes) … now fire antsy soles


22:22 c- full disclosure: I hop on my phone and jot down a few lines

v- for your sanity

c- during work hours … if I do not redirect my attention to something unrelated to thousands of line items & screens for billing

v- you’ll go batshit

22:23 c- so, my 10 minute break?

v- is on your phone

c- full disclosure ; yes, I probably exceeded that today, but in the words of Office Space [ and to mock the false ideals of productivity at the workplace ]

c- “I spend about ____ minutes of my day …”

v- you’re making me laugh

c/ they seriously need better trainers

v- I know they do

c- I get to certain parts of my job and hit a wall .. and there is no one I can ask for help without interrupting someone else’s workflow

v/ that’s why you’re there

c- they’ve said as much … down the line I will be training my own peeps

v- love you …


v- you still get your job done

c- of course I do

v/ say it

c- I have probably cleaned up messes that have been there for years in the matter of a month

v/ because you’re detail-oriented

c- and I’m a big picture girl … I need to understand how all the parts work together and figure out why certain errors keep happening

v- because you’re in billing

c- if someone keeps entering the wrong code when they see a patient (start of data trail) … or, heaven forbid, a nurse marks the wrong gender in a chart …

v- that happened

c- the billers find out… [ and we’re the cleaners ]

v- haha I know

c- and we all were like : “maybe this patient had a sex change …”


c/ or some other reason …

v- yeah I know

c- we live in that gender bending era (that is more accepting)

v- I know we do


v- the insurance denied the claim (because of the wrong gender)

c- yes, they did … devil’s in the details …

22:36 c- they hired a new biller. Did I mention? It’s good. Our company handles so many insurances that now we each have assignments (different insurances) we are responsible for… I have no idea how they did it before the new hires… there still is a lot to do

22:38 v- and yours?

c- I am not saying