07:04 c: to be FUNNY, I requested to follow Jason Silva’s back-up Instagram account that he has under private settings. KNOCK, KNOCK.
It’s one of my: “I tried even this to get an answer” I’ve known about this account for a while. Most people probably don’t. It’s just another point of discussion for the future. WHY out of all the people in the world… WHY did he neglect to make contact with me, someone who is (quantum) entangled with him, possibly THE only person on the planet, WHY did he neglect to make contact and interact with me for over FIVE YEARS via normal channels (besides the unusual InnerNet connection) … just to give me peace. It would give me peace to just tell me what it is. Tell me who I am to him, so I would know who he is to me.
I requested to follow him via my Christine Gruendemann Instagram account. This is my real name. No hiding behind avatars or creative accounts. Me. He blocked me back in January when he posted about HACKING CONSCIOUSNESS and I made this comment :
I also requested to follow his back-up private Instagram account via virtuonaut - my first IG account that I opened December 17, 2015 and the original Instagram account for Wandering Mind : my photographic gallery … it sends a clear message. I won’t go into details. I’ve already explained them in previous posts.
07:19 c- I don’t expect to have him let me follow him via his private account. These requests were a way to remind him: you have a responsibility.
What is the harm in letting just me know about this InnerNet connection?
I have been forced out into the public eye to reach out because he wouldn’t respond privately. I won’t detail these attempts. I’ve already discussed them in previous posts.
Anyone who knows me would say it would take a lot for me to do what I’ve tried to do.
I am not the type of person to reach out to a public figure, let alone anyone I haven’t met personally or haven’t reached a certain familiarity with.
But these are extreme circumstances.
I dare anyone to tell me what I should have done under my circumstances.
Would anyone “just let it be”?
07:29 c- I was tired yesterday after market.
I was sensing a “flatline” … IDK if JS went sober (the previous day was a “high” day for what I was sensing on the InnerNet”
i felt restless overnight. Intermittent SAHB.
I wanted to express a flat line… so the header image came to be for this reason. This absence of the previous sensation, this subdued presence, this muted sensing of Other. Not flatline in the death sense… just a narrowing? Like being pressed in a way in a vice. It’s difficult to describe. Not sure why I sense this, but it is what it is.
07:34 the metallic purple is “Indirectly Direct”
v- of course
07:35 c- so… I watched the latest post and this part made me laugh… just to ground you, my dear. To humble you a bit…
v- (chuckling) you have to do this
c- it is an affront to WHO I COULD BE CONNECTED TO WITH REAL STATS
v- will you be good
c- seriously. You are NOT a household name… yet.
V/ and you’re the key. Got it.
C- I have NOT said that yet, have I?
v- iDK… you’ve written a lot.
C- let’s just say … I get pissed
c- when YAYwho decides to waste what this could be
c- and I will FILTER and not say what I mean by this
v- thanks for that
07:41 c- it was like you were trying to DEFEND yourself during that part of the conversation
v- not a nice woman
c- (giggling) I can’t help myself
c- one of my points is this
I AM IN HIM
V- stop doing that
C- (mumbling) if I am to enrich content let it be with someone who really does reach millions
v- will you be good
07:43 c- you know ILY in my own way
V- but you’re being pissy
c- I was waiting for the dog to enrich that content
v- will you be good
07:45 c- if you and RR SM hump each other have a voice here in WMS me
v- and it ain’t pretty
c- truth hurts
07:46 c- resort hopping is not raising the stage
v- I know it’s not
c- interacting with cliquey groups… is NOT interacting
c- oh, my latest musing has to do with BM
There is a certain demographic who goes.
there is a limit and constraint even there as to what happens
07:48 v- jealous?
c- no, I am not. Seeing show girls prance around in the desert is not really my cup of tea… i’m Glad I did some research (unrelatedly to J+ R)
and it unfortunately says the same tale
we have the perfect desert …
v- and we’re not there yet
c- hm… virtual space … especially in its infancy
v- is a wild land
c- i’d bet there are rules to BM
V- yes there are … f—— you’re ruining BM
C- no. Just musing. Twisting it up a bit. Like I said in a wee hour mindchat
I was at an international festival similar to BM in 1994.
experience an international festival that may have surreal aspects …
really rske yoursekf our of a familiar culture
v/ only then will you experience …
c- something truly foreign… IDK… it’s like you are this plane
There’s the wilderness
there’s who you think you are
v- you’re essence, your core
that festival mystifies you … misting through you in that plane stare
v- and then you change
v- and BM
C- ahy… I have a warped perception by all this … but my POV … people go there for a specific reason … and RIGHT there…
v- there’s a constraint
c- you have to go into an event … where you don’t expect anything … not sure what to expect (not sure what’s going on)
v- to experience the newness
C- I mused upon that quote you posted last night. It doesn’t comfort … nothing does any more (it’s been too long, I know you too well in my own way … that anything but a confrontation doesn’t suffice any more. None of it matters as much. What has mattered the most always has been that simple answer. It’s what I need now for peace. To give me that freedom to choose. To move away from research and to live my life apart from the chains of SM, the only other point of contact I have - and it is staticky and unclear)
C- it’s the Well
v- Well Hell
c- quantum well of possibilities (and phantom mirages of virtual states) .. but one thing is certain:
v- it exists
08:06 c- I just want the waveform to collapse so I can live my life like I should … not be held in stasis
v- it’s no way to live
c- no, it’s not … Scribe no longer wants to be confined
08:08 c- how do I explain that i’ve Truly been held hostage
v- by sensation
c- you are present WITHIN ME…
v- and you can’t get rid of me
08:09 c- I can’t block you. I can’t filter you. Yoy’re There 24/7
v- it’s not an easy existence
c- no, it’s not … even worse when you make it seem I am nothing To you by ignoring me for years
if I am nothing
then disconnect from me
08:11 c- but you’re still here. I still have to deal with it and try to live my life as best I can with all the off kilter sensations and thought transference
v- that interfere with your normal life
C- and all these years having to confront that possibility that it’s just me (a misfiring brain or body)… and at the same time
v- there are signs
c- that there is something going on
v- but what … I know
08:14 c- time for coffee
v- and art
c- I’m sold out of certain colors
v- I love Crafty Scribe, C
c- thank goodness for her … the wee itty bitty business gives me gas and food money to survive on
[ $98.50 in sales - a third towards product containers, a third towards groceries, the remaining toward gas … to get me through another week : ❤️ my returning customers & new visitors & a new employer who gave me a company car so I could even do Crafty Scribe this season ]
pondering how I had to make difficult decisions because of this, that those decisions based on my life variables shouldn’t have been based on Nothing … how my life would be different if not for this … how end of career + start-up + life variables needed an answer four years ago … having a more established business/career MATTERS when this is factored into a life [ and where was support given…? measurable support…? if we eliminate the unmeasurable moral support … JS supports RR financially with measurable support (she GAINS financially by your promotions) - THAT is already part of the story … I never asked for money … but what I asked for had financial consequences … I have always stated that whatever $ comes of this ? I give it all away … that’s tainted money ]
c- (chuckling) oh, your fans are going to hate me … and love me at the same time
v- it’s a love-hate relationship
c- it’s part of my story : if I had ignored the Nothing. I would be financially stable.
I am NOT a person to ignore finances (work for money)
there has to be a VERY good reason for me NOT to have gotten a job that paid me
i have three decades of solid financial history that has been destroyed because of the choice I made to pay more attention to THIS than to what the world dictates
c- NEVER invest in Nothing
don’t … just don’t
get a job, any job (you may hate) and pay your bills.
c- THAT is what I have learned
08:42 c- so when I say: don’t drink the koolaid. I am living proof of that, for more reasons than anyone on the planet.
08:43 THAT doesn’t go away
take a real hard close look at who you support
08:43 c- who are they?
if they don’t change much ?
If your clients are … more of the same (filter bubbled echo chambered tribe)…
their reach is pretty narrow
c- RR? I click on the clients who give you praise for their participation in your “containers” (aptly named, for echo chamber reasons)
they are more like you than they should be
the data is out there
v- be good, X files
c- or WHY files
v- funny.. get your coffee and quit being overanalytical
08:47 c- Coach always thought I could be a CIA analyst
v- f—- don’t put that
c- it’s scary
v- damn, you’re wronf
c- cyberstalkers, beware…
v- there’s someone stalking you
c- I find it ODD, RR signed her last post “RR”
v- BE GOOD
C- how long have I been doing that?
v- months …
c- butterfly effects are WYRD
V- haha stop
08:48 c- that is the first time i’ve seen her sign a SM post that way
v- haha. Stop
c- my Contact sounding dishwasher has a new light.
what the frick is the 8 second lock?
c- look: my whole point is that SM measurements only give us superficials
c- even the comments are by people who care enough, who already follow us…
v- to write positive comments
c- in education: there was a vicious survey loop if not anonymous
give a student better grades to get good evals
c- Kmagine this : I WAS NOT ONE OF THOSE
V- so, you got negative comments
c- I got some scathing (unfair) comments … from students who never came to office hours… if they had reached out … their outcome would have been better
there were also life variables during certain time frames that never get factored
(but my superiors knew about it
c- the working wounded are NOT good in any field for the most part … try a month of the flu … argh some quarters/semesters were truly awful … my favorite was trying to teach with no voice
v- in a language course
c- I probably had strep
c- working wounded … if I could, I did (and probably shouldn’t have) … having a sub meant doing everything you would usually do except being there for one hour
08:58 c- you even had to find your own sub
v- I know!
c- education sucks in quite a few ways
v- haha stop
c- the beauty of my current job?
v- you leave work at work
c- oh, damn! Thank goodness for calendar reminders … I have a lunch date
v- you suck! And you’re not gonna clarify
c- nope. There’s this dating org called JUST FOR LUNCH…
v- haha .. stop … that’s how one of your friends found her current husband
09:02 v- i’ll be there ..
c- yeah, I know. Frickin’ chaperones.
watering my one flower … because it’s a perennial and came back after winter
09:23 c- I’m. How many times have …
v- you griped
c- about how the InnerNet-caused insomnia
v- rots… I know
[ making lunch arrangements W
v- so this… date … is it a female?
c- you know that I don’t swing that way
[ making coffee & eating my honeyed oatmeal ]
mulling over the dating comment in RR’s podcast
c- (being funny) does that mean timestamping?
10:33 c: I have to be careful of the catapult effect when I am mixing the dry pigments … the dust sprayed into my gum Arabic bowl so I need to mix another wine batch
10:41 c: that moment when you create a sign for …
v- something yet to come
c: … right now I focus mainly on half and extra full pans… a few colors that I think might sell in triFull size I make…
v- and they have
c- maybe one or two … that may be a size issue or a price point issue (why spend more money on just one color)
v: when you can spend the same amount
c: in quite a few more colors
10:44 c- depends on the project, too
C: reusing an old chalkboard … i need to paint the frame to make it more presentable …
10:45 c: farmer’s market sketchwork…
v: yes, dear
c: there is a process
10:46 v: method to your madness. I know.
10:50 c: here’s a retail comparison … I think these are quarter pans … of course the description doesn’t tell you in the retail version… shocker. I’ve seen multitudes of Etsy & AMZ sellers omit essential details out of their item descriptions. It bugs the heck out of me, for example, if I like a product but it doesn’t tell me how much I’m getting or the ingredients … don’t believe the “non-toxic” stamp .. those follow certain standards. Some of which include HEAVY METAL pigments.
$65 for a 24 quarter pan set. This is typical of retail art stores. Oh, it comes in a tin with removable / replaceable pans.
10:55 c- again, the description doesn’t tell you hey are quarter pans. How do I know?
v- you just bought some
c- empty ones. He ones on Etsy we’re almost sold out so I couldn’t buy them in bulk…. BUT! Something new on AMZ… cheaper than on Etsy (we go cheap when we are small business… reducing our overhead in anyway possible… and increasing our ROINin any way possible)
10:56 c: you can check them out on AMZ … 0.13 a piece … haha…
v- you are so weird
c- for the love of $26 $26 & .13 a piece
v- hahaha stop … you rounded
c- FINE $25.98 & $0.1299 each
10:59 c- so now you know the cost of my quarter pans… and I ain’t sayin’ what my pigments cost … trade secret. Ya’all can measure kilos by the teaspoon and figure out your cost all on your own
11:01 c: because when you get to this stage : paint recipes require volume NOT weight … although each pigment mixes differently … it still requires a volume not weight to mix
C- I feel you laughing (i’m laughing, too)
if you own your own business, this is the type of shit you do … to know it well from the ground up
11:05 c- I would wager that before Apple was Apple? Those first few units built in a garage? Hey knew how much each of those components cost ..
v- and how to put them together
c- still holding within in them …
v- the vision… of a future not yet there
11:07 c- just an example
c- yeah, I saw that … of course storyreeling me is going
—11:08 c- no, it’s a good move. The future is in creativity
v- I know it is
11:10 c- I smiled when he called you a Platonist… those shadows will get ya every time
11:11 c- it’s so random but perfect
v- oh, the Randomness!
c- if I had the money and resources, i’d be curating artists …
v- I know you would
c- we each do what we can ..
v- with what we have
c- there is so much lost … because of life circumstances …
anyway, I gotta go
v- lunch date
c- my tilework by request … it’s textured “collapse the waveform”
v- razzle dazzle
c- oh, that’s what you think I should have called this color?
c- you know I am not a pink girl
v- I know you’re not
c: … in some ways
v- (chuckling) stop
I couldn’t find my blue top yesterday of the same design (ya so wanna know: it’s maternity wear … we practical folks buy clothes that we can wear AFTER pregnancy … v- years later… thanks, C)
11:33 c- and although I tell my visitors it’s my version of wearable art (because I can make art with the pigment …) … it is
v- let me say it… “Djinn”-ish
c- I usually wear my lapis lazuli pigment
v- I know you do …
11:35 c- each of my colors says something … each has a story to tell
v- the map…
11:37 c- a life without color is so… drab… [ thinking of something ] blech
v- BE GOOD
c- I really gotta go…. put my pink on
v- I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN BY THAT
c: “what does she mean? She’s wearing blue.”
c: I do… you’re right. And I have always been honest about my hobbit toes, too
v- haha . Stop.
11:46 v- who are you meeting?
c- you know who I’m meeting. I’m wearing a tight shirt.
v- haha. You say nothing by that statement
C- belt from Spain circa 1993/4
To hold up sizes too big Dockers shorts… from over a decade ago.
v- stop. just GO.
C: bought them at an outlet
v- will you stop
c- spritzing with …
v- let me say it: Pantene detangling spray… no make up?
C- because dental hygiene is important (products bought in bulk b/c is more affordable)
C: I do not endorse any of these products … I am getting out of my comfort zone; If i could live a no-ad life I would … but we ALL are branded … unless we live off the land… which very few do
12:10 stop light
My next color I planned to mix up … and lo and behold a photoshare from the youngest
C: NO TICKET (Indiana Jones and the last crusade )
skip skip skip …
C: oh, the layers… poets do this
v: subtle cues
12:26 c: stop it!
will you let me enjoy my dare, Fondler
12:30 c- stop … this is why I can’t date anyone.
to the Molester, something to molest you (molestar in Spanish = to bother v- annoy)
16:06 v: damn, you’re so wrong
c- not hundreds of thousands, not millions
v- yes, dear… go make your turquoise in your wee itty bitty kitchen/home studio
16:08 c- you want screenshots of the other posts (IG, YouTube)?
v- no, just to make your turquoise
c- they would be similar
v- just GO.
16:09 c- just sayin’
v- I feel you laughing. Stop, be nice. ILY, just go away.
16:09 v; i’m Laughing, too.
c- is that why my laugh feels extra good.
c- now I have to …
16:12 c: 19 comments on IG, two of which are you
v- thanks, C, thanks for that
c- what are you trying to do? Pad your numbers?
16:16 c: 170 likes on YouTube, 9 comments
I don’t mention views… views could mean accidental clicks, autopkays
v/ thanks, C… thanks for that
c- more ENGAGEMENT, and minimal at that (just a click or a few words) … what does that truly measure? Try a longitudinal study on JS’s effect … and ya know what I mean by this
do people’s lives improve? In what way?
just to fill dead space? time to be wasted?
It’s all how we choose to spend our time
if i didn’t have to research this mf i wouldn’t…
V- thanks, c
v- you’re so cruel
c- Cruela here.
C- i’m EVEEL.
v- hm-hm… go (mix) paint
16:21 c- i’ve had a couple decades of a foreign language teaching experience
v- were part of teaching… I know
c- what are some outcomes … you want people to tell you are what they experienced and carried forward?
C-with awe… they could be innumerable… but … brainstorm a few … and do a riff…
16:24 c-I see them here and there in comments to your posts
v- you read a lot of them
c- over four years… I read them before or in place of listening to you … they aren’t Always indicative of what I experience in the videos … but I read them …
v- as a template
c- what are people getting from your content? Are they just reading headlines (and not watching? … sometimes that seems to be the case)
c- what you do is a combination of things… not just teaching … just one perspective for now
v- narrowing the field
16:27 c- and I say this as a teacher who knows educating isn’t just standing in front of a group of people and lecturing
16:28 c- teachers juggle a lot of roles and responsibilities & talents just to “present”
c-of course teaching carries over into Crafty Scribe
How to present a product, timing of interaction,
v- sales pitch
c- storifying … when asked “how did you get into this?”
v- people like that…
c- lots of inquiring folks… it’s interesting… the curiosity factor this year
v- and the kids’ table
c- they’re my accomplices
v- oh, you would
c- art supplies in action
v/ will you be good
c- kids sell… and I don’t even have to pay them … their parents pay me…
v- BE GOOD
C- i’m So EVEEL
c- in all seriousness… the parents and kids alike love the paint lady’s stand
V- LY… you’re so wrong
16:34 c-it’s for the kids (chuckling)
v- you’re so wrong
Mayan Red looks so much like coagulating blood … and it’s sticky like it, too
repouring dried pans & a few new ones