DAY 1874


atziba: I wanted to give you some Mayan Red.

also, to let you know someone has blocked you.

00:11 posting

00:12 pushed to twitter

V- I feel you laughing … oh, just say it

atziba: no quiero que lo arreglen

v- jajaja


v- atziba, be good

atziba: conquistador

v- stop

atziba: no te entiendo… pero si ves que hay respuesta a un comentario pero no aparece para ti… no sé por qué

v- mientes

atziba: quizás sea tu sombra

v- falsedad


00:19 atziba: el MOMENTO cuando todos tus seguidores pueden verme… y no puedes.

v- you’ve known about this for quite some time

c- hm-hm

00:21 c: atziba’s got some Mayan witch doctor in her

v- omg, stop

c- she can cause some real havoc on your SM pages now. You should NOT have blocked her

v- (lol) that Mayan magic

00:24 c- just be careful 🎶 now you know there’s a work around 🎶 (sing songy)

V- you are pure evil


00:26 c- IDK out of sight… out of mind? …but really sticky in the minds of all your followers

00:27 c: so, who really needs to see what I have to say? 🤔

00:27 c- superpower: I’M INVISIBLE

V- cloaking device. Thanks, Chris

00:29 c- let’s just say I have A LOT of tricks up my sleeves.

You don’t want to play fair?

So be it.


c- Rachel & Jason, I have spent over five years learning the ins and outs …

v- and back passageways …

c- … of social media


V- oh, you would.


c- ever wonder what it feels like to only have access to certain pieces …

v- … of a thread

c- like only hearing certain parts of a conversation that cuts in and out across the room?

00:33 c- let’s give you a taste of your own medicine shall we? … and I’ll wait … and you’ll never know who it is or when I’ll post and when I do?

You won’t even know I’m there

v- worst nightmare

c- of course, if JS hears me telepathically he has nothing to worry about

c - advantage of TELEPATHY (with me) … Rachel, unfortunately you don’t have that skill set.

Let’s hope your talented bf clues you in.

Helps you out. Supports you in your time of need.

00:37 c- am I breaking rules?

v- yes, yes you are … RULE BREAKER.

C- but… perhaps it’s not my fault. The person who designed …

v- it’s a design flaw.

c- tsk, tsk, tsk. Those design flaws. Well, kinda makes up for me not being able to block yaywho (telepathically).

v- I am not a yaywho.

c- oh, yes you are

v- then you are… a _____ with ___ ___ ___ and … nothing else.

00:40 c- bedtime

00:41 c- oh, I know it’s easy enough to find out … would cause some extra work, though

v- yeah it would … you’re a tangled mess.

C- so, which accounts have you blocked so far?

Jason: CGisWMS IG, virtuonaut IG, atziba IG , virtuonaut TW, Christine Gruendemann TW

all for posing challenging questions and contrarian comments … nothing horrifically awful … just against the grain

Rachel: CGisWMS, Christine de Pisan

again, a block for posting non-fluff … you know, those comments and questions that make people think and start to actually discuss something?… to discern for themselves? She blocked me for that.


01:00 v- are you done?

c- you want me to have some choice words for your mom?

v- please don’t

c- I have a lot of opinions in here

v- I know you do … you like my mom

c- yes, I do… just be careful with this…

v/ it’s a doozie

c- there’s a certain responsibility with it

v- i know

c- sleepy …


[ hearing Madonna’s material world in my head foreigner’s first time .. like echoes from ST and the other day’s repost from WMS of lyrical TW ]

05:28 up

P1 … rdg log, p102

scribal pause

c- how did you know?

v- I knew …


05:33 c- I have never posted this part of the log … (I am pretty sure about this)

you (V) kept repeating “doozie” yesterday … it’s just an usual choice of word… I just typed what I heard.

v- I know you did… you gotta go … you’re already late. GO.

c- biking … erg



leaving for bus stop (to head to work) on bike

[ headphones still synced with other phone … ]


[ biking through metropark on main road ]


Wanna make up for lost time ?

V… (let me say it) or make out?



c: and you put that up on your page?!?

atziba: ¿Hecho y dicho?

v: (let me say it): o hechecería

[ biking typing one handed ]

06:38 at bus stop

[ bus arrives ]


c- this is why I packed my sweatshirt …



06:50 bus driver just shut off bus 🙄

passenger : he was just checking the engine a minute ago…

c- really?

[ more passengers arrive and pay fare ]

c- just remember, you’re here with me

06:51 c- pulling away (phew) … just keep swimmin’

v- just keep swimmin…


c- and all this? This life of inconvenience? I have lived this way for most of my life. This is nothing new. Would I prefer a car? Yes.

there are certain people in life who are hard-wired a certain way.

i’m hard-Wired to read a situation, decide NO I am not going to inconvenience someone (to call an Uber taking up her time, distract her whole she’s driving her elderly mom around, take time away from her day with her)

v- you walked 8 miles, c

c- people like me DO THIS

v- all the time

c- it doesn’t make sense to some… in the words of my ex:

v- women. Donate the only car they have…

v- it was totalled

c- did we have $ to fix it?

v- no

c- no. Correct that : did * I * have money to fix it?

v- no

c- I take out a loan … to get orthodontic work done …

v- your a / c goes out.

c- who pays for it?

v - you did

c- for the house I gave him … seeing a pattern here ?

I do NOT want to make people’s life more inconvenient … or as little as possible

by anything related to WHY I am in the situation I am in …

v- for the sacrifices you made

c- after five + years ? For something that STILL affects my earning potential? ( energy drains, insomnia due to triggered awake by a life force surge down the line, distractions … loss of focus … ) that affects MY and my family’s wellbeing … after 5+ years

c- uh-uh. There’s a line that has been drawn and I have to say “ enough is enough “

v- you fight for what’s right

c- i don’t care what people think

v- the viscousness…

c- I have WAITED for five long years sacrificing so much of myself and my famiky’s Happiness .. I have to call bullshit and say

when the wealthier walk all over someone like me? Take advantage of what o offered for so many years

other people benefited

at my expense

and no one gave me peace?

there are going to be A lot of loaded off people when the side-by-sides happen

”this is what so-and-so did “

v- I worked

c- yes, I realize you have done what I could never do. Seriously.

c- I just ask: my life has been torn apart … do you really think what you post about - after my vision of the future- do you REALLY think what you post about

v- matters

c- in a way, yes. Big picture?

V- no

c- and I am reminded of that every day


c- still paying off that a/c .. and went into mode debt to pay for my braces

07:09 c- everyone sees things

v- slanted

c- it’s skewed … I know I have a warped POV …

v- you’re suffering

c- yes, i’m suffering . I get up and push through every day … but aboart of me asks

v- why does it have to be this way

c- it didn’t have to be.

People had choices along the way

this is a variable I cannot shut off

mans truly , I want to look the other way and never look back.

but then, I realize : someone needs to answer for how this turned out

why this was unfair

foe the wrongs along the way

i have not been perfect, but there are serious flaws along the way

I ASKED nicely


v- and you were ignored

07:12 c- from my POV?

my talents, my most precious commodity (cuz it ain’t financial)

has been stripped from me and used …

other people’s pockets have been linedother people’s careers have been secured

07:13 c- and me? I’m on a public bus with only spare change in my pocket to HOPEFULLY get me through the week

i won’t list how bad it is … but it’s really bad right now: thankfully I have cash.

07:14 c- and there is nothing I can do to make it better

because I work all day

because I have daughters to take care of

because I am so damn tired because of this f—-ing connection and how it interrupts my life

of not for this? My life would be better.

07:16 c- that’s what pisses me off the most

if i hadn’t gotten on this InnerNet

v- you’re life would be better

07:16 c- i don’t even know if itMs the choice I made … it just happened to me … was I susceptible?

if so, who else like me is vulnerable

v- to attack

c- tobhavr everyone believe they have some mental disorder … all the while scouting the best of them… for their own gain.

07:17 c- no way to prove it

07:17 c- it’s untraceable (in many ways)

c- you try to show evidence and people don’t believe you

07:18 terminal

biking to different bus stop

07:22 waiting for next bus

c- this is a somewhat unfiltered

v- rendering

c- i’m Saying things I probably should hold back… but for all those people who went unfiltered with me over the years and should have held back? Well, I have a good memory. I am going to tell my story and talk about all the bits I took .. and said nothing. And was nice in the face of whatever thrown my way.

v- understood

c- os not that these people are bad people

v- they just said things they shouldn’t (have)

c- and acted in a certain way that affected me

v- you are highly sensitive

c- moreso now with this

v- I know

c- I have to deal with all this shit going on inside me and still deal with other crap in my life

07:27 c- kindness matters, but there comes a point

v- where you have to put people in their place

c- there are priorities in life … perhaps I am not understanding the bigger issues .. although I overthink everything (or so I think I do)

c- we all see things a certain way

v- and when something affects you so much …

07:29 c- it kisses me off that the simple way out

v- isn’t the way taken

c- it’s my point around which everything revolves …

I have a coffee mug

v- where the word coffee rubbed off

c- it says


begins after

07:30 c- it’s not that I don’t have a life because of this now

it’s because when I get that answer

v- you’ll have direction

c- I don’t want to live in chaos anymore

I don’t want to live in uncertainty

i don’t want to live with something that pushes and pulls me around with no explanation

i want that diagnosis for symptoms that I’ve had to self-diagnose for over five years

I want that virus identified

v- so you can treat it

c- appropriately based on exactly what type of virus it is

07:33 c- I can’t do that because it’s a new virus .. or a very rare one

and any doctor I see

v- wom’t Be able to treat you correctly

c- it’s not a virus I can get rid of (easily)

c- but the treatment is out there

v- but someone is keeping it under wraps


07:59 at work

v- no one’s there

c- of course no one’s here. Nice morning. It’s the little things. I have oatmeal here…

v- no coffee this morning?

c- don’t even get me started, Romeo

v- you started it

08:01 c- and of course, I’m thinking : maybe the water is bad in the Keurig tank

v- haha… I know

c- i’m Cleaning that shit out

v- haha I know

c- J the biller didn’t have coffee

v- so it’s probably the water cooler

c- who knows … still replenishing the Keurig water tank with… tap water?

v- omg, stop

c- what could it have been, you know? I don’t want to keep getting sick … I wiped surfaces down … who knows


08:15ish L opens up office

making oatmeal, coffee in regular coffeemaker


S (project manager : compliance)

v- another Jew?

c- you said it. Not me. He said there’s a new biller coming today (from NYC 🙄) “another NY Jew” is how he said it

[ there are so many funny jokes going on in this office and in my head … initiated by the good humored Jews… which I will keep to myself for now ]

i heard a rumor they were interviewing for a supervisor

v- haha omg

c- yeah , admin that has no idea

v- how the company works

c- with no one to train him

v haha stop

c- this gets better and better …

v- hostile take over

c- I won’t say … what I heard

c- what I overheard N say on the phone

v- while she was right there in front of you … not your fault, c

c- I can read body language + what little I heard

c- so, there is definitely a merger … this NYC wants dibs on the OH market

v- yuP

09:05 c- and she (and her company) have a strong one

v- yuP


[ c- i’d Like this job better

v- (let me say it) if they trained you better

c- still have huge huecos with NO ONE to consistently give me training … so we all sit around trying to keep busy … all the while what REALLY needs to get done?

v- doesn’t

c- because there are so many

v- stop gaps

c- hm-hm well put … one of my phrasings from a while back used in a different context ]


[ B the resolution specialist is about to get water from water cooler, I give her a chilled bottle of water from my lunch pack & tell her not to use the cooler… ]

v- thank you …

subtle heartwarm


[ upset ]

c- thank you for letting me know in little ways … whatever it is…

i’ll talk on eZ LiveStream about my perspective of why I believebin a situation such as J+ R ? You both are in the wrong . No matter the love you profess and may have for each other .

JS clearly needs to prioritize better… an agreement should have been reached years ago

v- consent

c- terms … in this type of relationship


11:16 posting

C- due to a lack of agreement a life has been altered drastically

v- and not for the bettrr

c- in certain essential ways no

my compass for right and wrong

v- is pretty darn accurate

c- and if I am to be the one to draft the legal terms of agreement, so to speak (based on experiential knowledge ) so be it

v- for the future


c- i’ll create a map of decision making that was directly affected by this connection

11:19 c- again, if there is anything to my claim

people will be made aware of this in the future

[ left deaf ear ]

v- a guide .. I know

C- i’m Ok…

v- just upset

c- relationships

v- are multifaceted

11:21 c- back to work

Jason Silva’s  Shot of Awe  13 December 2018

Jason Silva’s Shot of Awe 13 December 2018

23 October 2018 16:55

23 October 2018 16:55

Netflix’s  Altered Carbon

Netflix’s Altered Carbon


[ Office chaos ]

J : we’re going to get drunk together …

C: quiet chuckling on the other side of the cubicle

c- that moment when …

v- omg it’s chaos…

c- … the ceo doesn’t know the new hire / temporary biller in OH (from NYC)

… APPARENTLY we (?) are to train him?

v- omg…

12:30 c- w.t.f.


c- reshuffling deck chairs anyone?

growing pains…

v- yes, definitely


J: Christine, you called it…


v- omg , again…

c- I hate it when I’m right

v- omg,,,

c: J says she is now running things by me

v- the psychic in the office … omg this is classic

c- I am a very good reader

v- oh, I know you are

c- not 100% …

v- but wow … I know what you’re talking about


13:13 deaf ear(s) (right ring)

13:20 SAHB subtle blood coursing

v- put what you got …

[ kiss received ] V- i’m Sorry about work…

v- hm-hm remember that

c- Molester

v- you would … Romeo comment earlier

c- I was being sarcastic

v- haha in what way?

c- hm.


13:22 c- re: work

[ c- I’m getting paid ]



13:46 v- happy 90 days


V- yes, you did … will you

c- we’ll see… I’m new

v- still in training … explain what happened

c- i don’t want to give too much away

V- please have me say it

c- oh, voice in my head …

v- yes, you’re scary smart

c- I have a knack for putting little bits of information

v- and seeing the big picture

c- I don@5 need all the puzzle pieces…

v- to know what the picture looks like … you can tell … so, what is it telling you?

c- growing pains. With this merger or whatever the technical term is that is going on, N has had to let go of her baby

v- understood

c- i know from 1st hand experience what that’s like

v- so you know the signs

c- she’s going about it differently …

V- ____

c- i’m Not going to transcribe that … but, yes


C- so many cooks in the kitchen right now…

v- understood

13:52 c- BUT… like with anything in life- you read the situation

c- you get used to how things work

v- and go with the flow

c- that is pretty much it

13:52 c- you know me

v- over achiever …

c- I have training materials

v- and you’re not getting paid for it…

c- it’s one of those gray areas … I created personal checklist reminders of what I needed to do..

v- hm-hm

c- on comp ah time… but they are just personal notes …

v- oh, I see what you’re saying …

c- I heard you


C- (chuckling) I have a tendency to give things away for free … there’s a fine line between proving to be an asset

v- just getting by

c- setting expectations

v- agreed .. don’t give them what you came up with … let them ask you

c- yes.. this is what happened when I was on my way out of the program I helped build …

v- they didn’t ask

c- I just left

v- yuP

c- if they want to move in a different direction

v- yup, that’s their choice .. they have to pay for you, c

c- it’s a glaring realization

v- yoh’re over qualified

c- i’m Learning a new trade .. I look at it like that … I am getting (sketchy) on the job training … i’ll Get there

v- but it’s taking a really long time

13:57 c- more than it should

13:57 c- but there’s a lot going on right now



v- (let me say it) .. so, Thursday

c- I need to survive through Thursday without a car, Friday until payday … and who knows when I’ll get my eviction notice .. any day now (sigh)

14:05 c- AWEsome



oh! Electricity & phone gets cut off in two days

14:06 c- this is the cost of this connection

v- you go broke

14:06 c- yuP

c- kindness PAYS

V- in spades


C: oh, this domain is about to expire, too

v: I know

c- so, i’m About to turn away and never look back

if I still sense…

v- you’ll record

c- if 04/15/20 rolls around and I hear from nowhere

v- lawsuits will happen

c- shrugs. Five years. Too many resemblances that go beyond the odds of chance

v- I know

14:09 c- look below

v- licensed


C- just will try to recoup what was mine to begin with

of there isn’t a greater cause

except taking advantage of

v- a source … of inspiration.



c: I never intended to have to head in this direction

v- I know you didn’t

14:19 c- but if I am to go with hard evidence?

v- (quietly) soft evidence

c- ah, hard evidence how many times it’s occurred (Redundancy matters)


quick tally

32.75 in bus fares… although J

v- the biller

c- offered to give me a ride …

v- oh, hell, yeah! TAKE THE OFFER

C- yes … she drives right past my home

v- gotcha … your side of town. Sweet.




C- I didn’t realize it’d Get this bad

v- it’s been a long time…

c- linger than expected


-c- calm down … i’ll Figure out something …

v- you always do

c- I just wanted to be transparent about it

v- you haven’t lied at all

c- why should I? People need to understand the costs …

v- and sacrifices … i know

c- I am sure you have them too


V- calmer?

c- yes …




then calm



[ working with J on work - problem solving ]

fizzy … light-headed



16:09 feeling less lightheaded

[ mtg ]

c- the new biller … is not just a biller


[ cooking & watching Supernatural after J gave me a ride home ]

v- and your bike… ILY

C- hm-hm , oh, fizzy one.

v- you have me freaked out

[ kiss rec’d ]

18:14 c- no te preocupes


c- so…

v- ____

c- I’m not writing that, although it definitely is reminiscent of that

v- they like you 🎶

c- (head down) I showed them my notes

v- I KNOW YOU DID… I like ___ (the other owner) … N is a good character, too, C

c- yes, she is …


v- so this “new biller”

c- he was in charge of a company

v- haha, I know

V/ he’s a cleaner

C- part of the streamlining , yes



[ SAHB ]