DAY 1882

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06:44 Scribe: you want a peek?

v- just a glimpse…

Echoing whispers throughout history …

QUOTE: Poppy Northcutt, first woman in NASA’s Mission Control

QUOTE: Poppy Northcutt, first woman in NASA’s Mission Control

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07:13 Scribe: What would “traveling” in quantum be like?

Scribe: Don’t ever be that person …

v- to call someone insane

Scribe: or delusional …

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07:16 Scribe (lighthearted chuckle): a toast to all those women throughout history and who just live their everyday lives who understand this meme.

07:18 Scribe / Christine Gruendemann: who would I trust? A woman who has tracked Trickster’s / Jason Silva’s every move (shares on social media) … and even potentially those he hasn’t shared (the “control experiments” ) for nearly four years to compare with her unusual, unexplained experiences? (I started to track JS after August 27, 2014 when that wayward ball of a voice identified itself as Jason Silva )

Or would I trust Justin Brown who has dedicated more of his life to Ideapod than telepathic research / Jason Silva’s social media presence & life?

Scribe: Personally? I’d trust the woman who has researched Jason Silva’s life for nearly five years.

Against all odds, I would at least consider the possibility before judging.

Do your own research.

What is your judgment based on?

07:33

Scribe: Has Jason Silva denied to Justin Brown that he has an unusual connection (telepathic connection)? If so, then Jason Silva chooses to be open and honest with only a select few.

Perhaps my connection is only one-way. That still is not cause to call a woman insane and delusional.

07:36 And, Justin, you of all people should be aware of the possibility of a wide range of human abilities beyond what society deems “normal” … yes, I’m talking about the paranormal.

You have A SHAMAN (Ruda) as one of the Ideapod team members now … SERIOUSLY?

And you call me out for being insane and delusional. Ruda would be the first person to tell you what I claim is possible.

07:38 c- yeah, I KNOW. I was researching your every social media move, what was going on on Ideapod, how it came to be, what its mission was, its funding, its investors, its supporters, and your every SM post for three years … trying to trace the source of what I started to experience on what I now call the InnerNet.

IT JUST HAPPENED TO ME since joining Ideapod.

07:42 C: so, if lawyers are asking you questions? GOOD. They should be.

07:43 C: I welcome it. Dig, research, compile what happened on Ideapod 2014-2017 and offline related to Ideapod and its members, including Jason Silva and your interactions with him. His support of Ideapod and WHY. ALL the whys.

07:44 C: after 1882 days of data I have confidence that I am NOT insane NOR delusional…

v- and the data keeps coming

c: HOWEVER you want to interpret it. Perhaps it is just a story…

v- and a good one

c- definitely lots of conflict … in addition to what good could come out of such extra - ordinary phenomena.

c- yes, at some point I expect to talk about the negative aspects. I DEMAND IT, which includes the necessity to safeguard people against unwanted sensorial intrusions into their private (inner) space (what I now call VS - violación sensorial … which in Spanish can mean two things … sensorial rape or sensorial violation)

07:49 c- to be forward-thinking is not a crime. To shock people into awareness borders on or is definitely inappropriate …

who has harassed whom?

my point is this : I have been harassed by what I have self-diagnosed myself with : a tele(m)pathic connection with Jason Silva.

Is it just one way or is it a two-way connection?

it has been his choice to remain silent both publicly and privately.

This all could have been resolved by a simple and direct message/email

”No, I am not connected. Please don’t contact me again.”

I have, to date, not received any communication via normal means (phone, email, text, direct message, social media interaction) FROM JASON SILVA.

He chooses to communicate directly on a pretty frequent basis with other strangers (via SM).. why?

So, what are the proper channels?

Apparently, at this point? LEGAL ONES.

04/15/20 is my deadline for him to do the KIND ARTIST to KIND ARTIST direct communication (phone/email/text/direct message/physical meet) with me.

c: after that? He gets contacted by my lawyers, which I made clear in both my private email to him and Rachel Rossitto and posted publicly to make the world aware of my intention.

07:58 get off bus, bike to work

08:04 at work.

08:07 c- I am a decent human being with a squeaky clean record. I am a smart woman with good intentions. My finances are a mess BECAUSE OF THIS UNPAID WORK.

08:07 c- I have NEVER hidden who I am, and yet I get called insane and delusional for telling my raw truth.

Before name calling, do your own research.

I may typecast Rachel Rossitto as the woo queen… but she does nothing to persuade anyone that one of her personal aspects is very woo-ey.

v- and the luxury …

c- oh, PLEASE… what you both share has been called out by some as sharing not the best content BECAUSE of the resort-hopping / spa-treatment ( $$$ lifestyles of the richer and more privileged ) vibe you proliferate via your social media posts. It’s not just me.

08:11

08:12 c- live an honest life. Live a whole life. Jason Silva is trying to hint at what he’s been hiding all these years, but he’s a public figure. How in the heck do you come out as …

v- a telepathic partner …

c- with a married, middle-aged mother of two? (I’m divorced now, but for most of this journey I was legally married albeit separated)

v- haha, I know

c- a relationship with Rachel Rossitto makes more sense, right?

08:13 c- i’d Definitely say so….

v- if you weren’t experiencing something else

c- whatever it is… Jason Silva needs to be honest with me, directly and specifically.

that’s all I’ve ever asked for

I haven’t ever asked for money

i have never asked for fame (I have avoided the limelight my entire life because that is never where I wanted to be)

08:15 THIS changed how I had to be.

08:16 c- I question myself every day … i have - every day - for the past five years.

there is something strange going on.

Jason Silva is a part of that puzzle.

08:17

——-

SAHB, open air sense in upper chest

ctrTHROAT wisp

10:11

v- I’m pissed, C

c- i’m not going to say why… I’ll handle it, ok?

(gentle hand on cheek)

v- ILY… sorry

c- it is what it is…

v- you’ll handle it

c- my life has rarely been easy… it has made me who I am … stronger? Ok?

v- ok…

c- calm , ok?

10:13

—-

[ working ]

Soft warm and fuzzy (I associate it with drug use - sensation / effect transferred from one location/individual - suspect JASON SILVA - to another, me CG via quantum entanglement)

11:03

11:05 c- prove to me what you are doing RIGHT NOW - go live with EXACTLY what you are doing whoever you are.

prove me wrong

or prove to me whatever the frick this sensation-feedback is that is looping back to me

11:06

c- prove me wrong .. that you are doing NOTHING

that you are not in the sun

that you are not indulging in food, drink, drugs

that you are not talking to someone else

WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING right now, document it..

11:07

[ in training … still warm and fuzzy ]

11:46 [ Welcome, Inconvenience … let’s work with just another aspect of you … ]

12:32 [ training done , back to my to-do list for today ]

12:38 v- 🎶“Just keep swimming, just keep swimming” 🎶

C: 🎶it’s a hard knock life .. 🎶

12:43 v- there’s so much meaning in that post …

C: 🤷‍♀️

12:44 c- I am being FUNNY… (you know the whole story)

v- yeah, I do… sorry

c- it is what it is …

v- makes you stronger

c- makes one realize that if roles were reversed? … what would I do?

That has been what I have learned in my life.. at each turn, my actions, my interactions, what would be the better way to handle whatever situation?

12:46 c- you live, you learn, you move on

v- with some people…

c- hm

12:47 c- every time I write LIVE it autocorrects or I hit the “o” by mistake

v- and it spells love … CLASSIC

12:47

12:55 c- here’s one of my theories about life and living

we learn through our social interactions & associated events …

v- who to give your attention to

c- over time, redundancy matters in relationships

treat others as you would want to be treated

as my boss told me when I thanked her profusely for the company car

N: I never know when I might need help in the future … if I can help? I will help because it might be me out on the street some day

v- she comes from an interesting background

c- she is a character … BTW she’s headed to Russia after so many years

v- she hasn’t been back since her childhood

c- headed to Israel after that

v- she’s Jewish

c- yes

12:58 v- you are surrounded by Jewish people right now

c- it is a very strange recurrence the past 6 months or so … i’ll explain over lunch … back to work

12:59

13:00 c- I love my family, let me be clear on that

v- alright …

c- but they are not my only family . I have had incredible role models and mentors, substitute mothers, fathers and sisters over the years who were not biologically related to me… we draw from all these people …

13:01

[ being hailed by N from her office .. ]

13:03 c- aw… she’s using the chart I whipped up (and adding to it for her training materials ) ❤️

V- can I see?

c- yes, it is from my training with N … it’s a general template that I can share with the world (and my version is incomplete - that’s why I gave it to her, so the world doesn’t get the final draft)

v- ok… another piece to the puzzle…

c- perhaps … BTW from this AM’s meeting I learned as of 08/01/19 the government is tracking (geotagging within a ten foot radius?, timestamping) medical professionals who go out into the field

v- home care

c- FINE, I’m working for a home health care organization - nursing, aides, physical and occupational therapists … and we take a slew of insurances … and this chart is a glance at what those insurances cover

13:10 c- I would never share sensitive or private information. I am well aware of HIPAA, etc and have been trained for data security)

13:12 c- there are varying levels of (prior) authorization, and they differ by insurance type, which this chart does not cover …

again, this is a very rough draft

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13:17 c- the geotagging? Checks and balances . You had better be where you are supposed to be and with whom you are supposed to be ..

v- or …

c- it’s a potentially jailable offense. They are not messing around

v- there have been issues …

c- there are dishonest people in every industry

13:19

13:20 v- she loves your chart

c- (shrugs shoulders) it gives her a start … it was something she hand drew … and I have had to refer to it both for my own reference and also to help teach other newbies …

v- it’s useful

c- for an overview, yes

13:21

v- you guys are creating something

c- yes, we are … Biller Extraordinaire…

v- not just a biller

c- no

13:21

13:22 c- you can understand …

v- why home health is an important industry …

c- we have an aging population …

v- the comfort of their own homes … omg, nice

13:23

V- your friend

c- has worked in home health as a (home health) PT for years … now works primarily with a hospital, but, yes, she referred me to this organization

13:24

13:29 c: getting back to one of my theories on life

v- your philosophy

c- what I’ve learned over the years

v- through experience

c- attention … you can only focus your attention on certain aspects of your life, including the people most important in your life

those most important people in your life?

c- are there for you … no matter what. They understand who you are …

v- and when you ask them for help

c- if someone gets a call for help from me in my life ? I am stubborn and will usually figure it out and do it by myself …

v- a one woman show

c- have been for most of my adult life … if you get a call for help from me?

v- there’s good reason for it

c- if those people who I (rarely) asked for help - of any kind - for whatever reason?

V- aren’t there for you?

c- I will eventually give my attention to those who matter more

v- understood

13:33 c- who want to be in my life more

c- this? Is tricky

v- understood

c- i’d be long gone by now … but you are STICKY

13:34

13:42 (lunch out on picnic table …)

v- with switchboard lady

c- she does more than that, but her main role is that, yes. The first person who will pick up on an “all-call” to the main line

13:43

V- so, talk about this distancing

c- i’m The oddball in my family. I’m independent, and I am reverting back to original.

i love and adore my children. They have a good relationship with me

v- the best, c

c- … there may have been a time when I had that relationship with my parents and sister …

v- but that’s long gone…

c- IDK when that disconnect happened, but my family will never have the type of relationship that I have with my family / daughters (including my ex)

v- agreed

c- I am going to publicly say this : I know I have my faults, I know my life has been so busy for so many years and I would have rather been able to pay more attention …

v- to those people you should be closer to

c- but you know what? That should be a two-way street

P reading me a meme (haha, funny)

”you won’t have to get mad if you take me off your budget”

13:48 v- wow… damn, woman

c- yeah, so, lesson learned: just live your life as if there is no one in the entire world who will ever help you

v- damn

c- in a couple months?

v- this will be all behind you

c- you learn who are the most important people in your life

v- when you have nothing

c- and word one?

my ex

my children

I made good choices

v- damn, woman

13:49 c- who else is there for me right now?

v- damn…

c- hm. It’s more than complicated.

Relationships are NOT just based on money

v- they are based on attention

c- you know I have friends who call and email and text me more than my family?

v- oh, lord… sorry

13:51 c- family is more than blood related, I learned that long ago

13:51 c- so, there comes a point in everyone’s life where you say : …

v- enough is enough

c- place your attention on the people who really give a f*&#…

THIS? Is complicated

v- i’m always with you

c- that’s Why I can’t disregard you or just turn the other way. I am forced to address whatever this is

v- on a daily basis

c- oh, Chillaxy one

v- you are pissed

c- i’m Upset because in my ENTIRE adult life how many times have I asked for help?

v- never

13:53 c- don’t be concerned about me, i’ll Figure it out and deal with it

ALL BY MYSELF

V- and be better for it

13:54

c- no matter how difficult and inconvenient my life is right now?

c- when it isn’t … I’d rather be the one who cared enough

v- to lend a helping hand

c- you live, you learn, you move on

c- my background? Isn’t resorts, spas, manis and pedis for the body or soul.

v-damn, stop

c- it’s grueling : work as hard as you can, use the tools in your toolbox

and just be sure you have everything covered

all on your own

with no help

because most likely?

no one will be there when you most need it

c- and I’m not saying I haven’t gotten help along the way.,.

v- it’s just the timing

c- it’s a snowball effect

what someone could have done at a certain time?

if it isn’t there?

affects decision making

affects you negatively - even moreso ..

i have so many inconveniences right now because, yes, I have no money right now

v- but you will

c- I will be debt-free soon…

and then, I can focus on what’s more important

and the people who are more important to me

v- which aren’t your family

c- as I said, if I didn’t call, e-mail, text ? For the most part

v- they wouldn’t contact you

c- I learned during these five years …

v- who to trust

c- my family let me down

they don’t believe me

they are “concerned” about me..

but don’t really do much …

v- but listen

c- that is their role … and even then?

V- they don’t really listen

c- if they paid attention ?

V- they’d Follow up

c- I asked my parents to visit my girls and me at my new home

c- they have yet to visit … but drive right past where we live on the their way to and from their winter residence … you tell me… is that messed up?

v- very

c- they have taught me how I WILL NOT BE when I am a grandmother

V- you’re not them

c- each person teaches us … we all have different take aways and how we react to them … I have tried to spin their story in a positive light .. have said little about my childhood and subsequent years …

but this needs to be said

as a model

14:04 v- of what not to do

14:10 c- when I am the only one calling my parents and contacting them (and they never contact me)?

v- that’s messed up

14:11 c- so, I’ve dealt with THAT for years, even before all this …

v- absent grandparents

c- I HAVE TRIED to mend that relationship between the generations .. to have more of a relationship like I had with my grandparents

v- but it’s not there

14:12

14:15 c- I know the difference between a good relationship and a bad one.

let’s just call the relationship I have with my parents?

v- distanced

14:15 c- this goes years back … back to when I was a child … I never felt extremely close … after a certain point in time

IDK what happened … but ..

v- you grew up

c- yeah, maybe … and I started valuing closer relationships more

I had a closer relationship with my ex’s mother than I ever had with my own mom

v- and that’s saying something

c- their family? Had incredible holiday gatherings

v- which you drew from

c- my childhood wasn’t awful .. we had fun holiday gatherings when we had family reunion type holiday get togethers.. but the immediate family events?

c- lacked … something

14:19 c- you’ve heard my phone calls with my parents …

v- you have very little in common

14:20 c- I TRIED

V- I know you did

c- I’ve Tried over and over again

v- same results

14:20 c- worse results sometimes

14:21

[ working ]

14:22 c- family .. is family

You can’t just write them off .. [ and here I am “writing” about them ]

v- I know (lighthearted humor) … oh, lord, you’re mad

[ in bathroom - potty1 humorously “going off” ]

14:30

lightheaded

14:48

SAHB

[ in meeting ]

15:21

right deaf ear

15:23 TP

15:31 (out of meeting)

ongoing TP

V- do you …

c- no, I’m fine with sharing My life …

v- is an open book

c- it’s part of who I am

v- be careful

c- I am not saying they are not good people

v- just with faults

c- just like me

15:33

15:34 c- it’s part of who I am, how I got here, … you want open source? This is what it is.

—-

15:40 c- with most relationships

v- you can turn the other way

c- with this? I am forced to give it my attention

v- because it’s a part of you

TP (stronger)

15:41 v- i’m Sorry…

c- eh. Turning in the other direction.

v- won’t ask for help again.

c- nope. I move forward in my life. If some don’t want to be a part of that life

v- meaning your family

c- then, after so many attempts

v- to mend

c- I just move on and never look back (unless they contact me)

v- agreed. Sorry…

15:43

15:44 c- so, their part of the story

V- is in the past … sorry

c- (shrugs shoulders)…

only so much

v- bandwidth

c- the type of relationships we have

v- is in part due to how they treat us… I get it

c- THIS is complicated

v- yes, it is… get back to work

15:45

16:07 v- moving on?

c- at this point? It’s just me. I’ll figure it out.

i’ll focus just on me… that’s where the attention lies.

When I get my finances in order?

it’ll just be me & a crusade to get back me space.

v- oh, you would

c- IT’s important … you do NOT invade someone’s private space against her will; take what is hers …

v- f—-in’ A i know

c- mm-mm (pissy)

c- and if someone calls me

v- haha… I know what happened today

c- oh? That my children and I don’t have cell service? Hm. Guess that support isn’t Enough, huh?

v- yeah, I know .. wireless it is.

c- 16:11

GRAY AREAS of support: I can’t pay for it. Guess who CAN pay for it?

16:12

v- Inconvenience factor sucks

c- hm-hm. I have NEVER had my cell service or any utility cut off IN MY ENTIRE LIFE.

16:13 THIS IS WHAT THIS HAS DONE TO MY LIFE: it ain’t positive right now,

16:13 c- mm-mm if not for this?

v- this all wouldn’t have happened to you.

c- eh delays in divorce SUCK.

23 year relationship and I get ..

v- debt

c- hm.

16:14 c- he gets the house. He gets a cushy job (apologies, Apple, but please do an assessment of productivity and what you pay your employees for … I have some INTERESTING DATA )

16:15

c- we’ve discussed this topic over hundreds of hours

v- I get it

c- I am not blaming anyone … I am just saying a little…

v- goes a long way

16:31

c- this will go down in history

v- going from bad to worse

c- one thing leads to another

i have a job …

v- that doesn’t pay enough

c- I didn’t ask for what I could have

v- because of this

c- this NOTHING …

16:33

C- again, I value relationships over money

v- yeah, I know you do

c- and you know what?

v- when you don’t get either (oh, you’re so pissed)

c- it’s time to REASSESS

(grumbles about a charitable donation to Ideapod - IT WAS SIGNIFICANT… so, don’t EVER say I didn’t help anyone out … )

v- omg … over and over again

c- frickin’ I want my 600 pennies back

v- be good

16:35

c- no, really. I need them for BUS FARE.

v- stop don’t this … honestly you’re bad about this

c- don’t rely on anyone.

Never think those people you think are important …

v- are important enough

c- it’s all about ME MYSELF AND …

v- your pocketbook

c- $$$ that’s what I see all around me

me myself and $$$

good role models, huh?

16:36

C- i’ve Given more away than I’ve kept… you do realize that

v- yeah, I know

c- ARGH! And * I ‘m * the one people are concerned about ?!?

WAKE UP.

16:38

me myself and I

me myself and i

SELF LOVE

SELFIE

LOOK AT ME!!!

v- stop (lighthearted) you are not going to stop

16:39 c- this is what makes some people ESTRANGED

V- but it won’t you

c- uh, no… but our relationship will be … distant

v- yeah, I know

16:39 c- revert back to original

at 18 I packed up and moved out

v- and never looked back

c- well, not really … but those years were some of my best

v- yeah, I know

-—

16:42 (chuckling) c- apologies. I am all riled up right now

16:42 just me myself and I

16:42 c- and maybe someone who is very tolerant

(presence hand on my cheek)

v- very …

I am with you, ok (chuckling )

16:43

c- when it rains it pours

16:43

[ multitasking at work ]

[ changing into biking clothes ]

[ tidying up work space ]

v- did you get work done today?

c- I’ve fixed thousands of dollars worth of claims … caught some auth issues, contacted necessary people, had a few meetings, trained, took notes …

so, yes, I have had a productive day at work

and talking to you, YAYwho.

17:00 all for $10 an hour (after taxes, health insurance and transportation costs )

c- what’s my time and talents worth again?

c … with no perks … except a company car [ which I am forever thankful for ] (that currently is in the shop so I can’t use it… getting its REQUIRED MAINTENANCE and fixing Bluetooth and a dashboard sensor )

17:13 c- so, let’s sum up what a telepathic connection to Jason Silva

v- suspected

c- or whoever at this point

c- I had to make difficult decisions based on data available - theories based on data …

i had to focus on a condition that could have easily been diagnosed … by said suspect(s)

c- f*^~ing “CARING PROFESSIONALS”?!? What the frick, JB… and YES, I did research “caring professionals” open to the possibility that this could be telepathy or something medical doctors (sad laugh) are NOT trained for.

And there are none in my immediate area.

i have no car.

I have a very strict budget

17:18 c- prove me wrong first … and you can’t, can you?

or no one is willing to either come forward or go that extra step and look into the strangeness … and consider the possibility and MAKE whoever come forward to me

v- because it’d be the right thing to do … it’s coming

c- either way … denying or admitting to me directly would be the right thing to do

17:20 c- I am not going to harm anyone

v- I hear you …

c- I am not going to harm myself .. but you bet your ass that I will FORCE the issues to be discussed one way or another

v- publicly

c- hm.

18:08 on an unsecured network at the terminal … one of my no-no’s

v- for data security .. I know …

c- OH WELL!

BACKTRACK

17:24 

I tried to connect to the bus’s WiFi unsecured network (big no no for me... ) and it didn’t work

And I got locked out of WMSiF ... “no innernet connection”

So let’s recap

17:25 

[ woman needs a dollar for bus fare ]

C- and I have to decline ... why?

V- you have no money 

C- when you have no money? When you only have enough “just to get by” ... when you have to scrounge around at home for those coins to make your own bus fare to get to and from work (you plan ahead and make do...) 

C- when you only have JUST ENOUGH ?

V- you can’t help others

17:27

So, for the first time in my life (and I tried to plan ahead )

V- and no one helped you 

C- I have ONE MONTH maybe a little more to get through and I don’t know if I’ll make it that long ...

V- before you go bankrupt 

17:29 c- so...

A suspected telepathic connection

Which you poured so much time, effort, attention including money to post shit here to open source it ... 

Which sucks your energy

Which puts me into altered states and which gives me odd sensory feedback 

And you get NOTHING in return? (Not even an answer?)

for the first time 

C- I have no checking account 

17:31 c- I am close to losing my only debit card 

V- PayPal 

C- I lost cell service today 

V- for unpaid bills 

C- because I don’t have enough to cover basic bills

C- I pay for food and transportation 

To get to and from work

V- survival 

17:32 

C- all these bills? Get paid in about a month 

I can pay back EVERYONE

V- but no one helps you now

C- when I most need to …

Keep my checking and business accounts 

V- omg

C- you know how many bills CANNOT be paid in cash?

C- seriously. I did things I would have preferred not to do.

V- but no one helped you.

C- my entire adult life I never asked for help.

V- except for this past year

C- because, from my estimation?

Out of a sense of “the right thing to do”

V- tough love

C- $25 would have helped keep THE ONLY debit card I have left

V- your business account 

C- which I haven’t been able to keep money in ...

V- because you don’t have a car

C- to go to market and make money ...

17:36 v- this is bad

C- so, when history looks back on this? 

When I look back on this moment ?

When I reflect on what I should have done?

Right now?

I should never have joined Ideapod.

I should have stayed married no matter what ... 

I never should have jumped without a safety net 

I should never have trusted a KIND ARTIST would do the right thing

“the right thing?” 

Is traveling Europe with his girlfriend

V- WHO I LOVE

C- and you had an OBLIGATION

almost five years ago to follow through and let me know definitively ... for my own welfare and everyone who has been affected by ...

V- your distress

C- I place blame where blame is due 

17:39

C- I blame myself for trusting in people who I THOUGHT were good people ...

I never will ever ask for anyone’s help ever again

C- I WILL DEMAND what is owed to me to the letter of the law.

I will NOT be nice.

I will let the lawyers decide what is fair and truly equitable 

V- to the letter of the law

C- then, give it away to charity ...

And never EVER trust that good, honest, pure people would do the RIGHT thing .

17:41 c- we all make decisions based on the variables of our life 

C- this? Whatever THIS is?

Messed with my life in very negative ways.

17:42 c- I at every turn never had a choice 

V- it just happened 

C- what I blame myself for is hoping GOOD could come out of it

And sacrificed my and my family’s welfare in that hope ..

V-For a better future 

17:43

C- my Better future ?

ME MYSELF AND MY OWN

I protect what is most important to me

AND YOU TOOK THAT

YOU CONTINUE TO TAKE THAT 

V- your most private space

C- and ongoing asset 

And you have not paid up 

V- recompense 

C- don’t EVER think that you can take from me without ..

V- consequence

17:44 c- something I have to relearn

Never rely on anyone 

17:45 c- it’s a really sad way to live .. but lesson learned

17:45 c- I’m so pissed 

V- because if roles were reversed you’d help them 

C- yes, I would help me .. however I could .. if I had even $25 ..

What pisses me off?

That is NOT a large sum of money 

V- AT ALL

17:46 c- and that is the amount that would have helped keep THE ONLY banking account with a usable debit / credit card number 

C- so, I’m bottoming out

I am Better able to understand 

V- why poor people stay poor 

C- it is SO DIFFICULT to do ANYTHING without certain things such as a checking account & credit / debit card

17:48

First time in 25 years i’ll be without a credit card & checking account.

C- and I am going to emphasize

V- you asked for help

C- to keep said checking account 

C- oh, and it gets worse: 

 I am on the verge of getting evicted 

V- because someone wouldn’t help

C- and they could

V- yeah, I know

17:50 c- I have said over and over it is a loan that ..

V- that you would pay back with interest 

17:51 c- nope. This is who I am to them.

V- you’re just another person 

C- who has asked and gotten enough support from them

V- and they drew the line 

C- everyone has decisions 

V- and you’re so close 

C- so close ..

V- but you have a plan

C- I never wanted to go that route 

V- but you have to, c

C- survival 

V- i know 

17:52 c- I hate my gut .. 

v- it told you not to ask

C- I should have just done what I’m about to do 

V- and be done with it

C- I am never asking for help again

V- and your relationship ...

C- ... is distant. 

polite. Small talk.

V- omg.. it always is anyway

C- shakes her head: when someone has no clue what’s going on in your or your family’s life ?

V- they are not close

C- because they choose not to care enough 

V- yeah, I know 

C- it’s always me ... 

v- keeping in touch

17:55 v- you’ll keep ...

C- .. yes .. I’ll keep up the threadbare relationship

V- the small talk

C- it’s why i left 

V- they didn’t care enough 

C- I know the signs Well enough ... it’s why I left in the first place

They pay more attention to friends than their own sister and daughter ...

C- ANYWAY... so is my disfunctional family life ... and I’m not saying the half of it 

V- I know you haven’t ... I’ve lived through it, too

V- SHOW HER THE MONEY!!! (lighthearted scream like Tidwell in Jerry Maguire)

C (soft smile) thanks for making me feel better 

V- I know your family ... and it’s jacked up

C- IDK... it’s not that they haven’t helped out ... far from. They’ve gone above and beyond what I would have expected ... what has it been ...

V- ever since you got the lawyer 

C- starting a separate life ..

V- isn’t easy.. I know 

C- I feel for those who don’t even get the help I did... I don’t know how people get through some of this shit without help

V- I KNOW!

18:04 

-—-

[ SM checks ]

v- so, you’re pissed at your family

c- for this game they are playing

v- they’re talking to each other

c- of course they are

v- you do not trust your sister

c- no, I don’t. And there is a reason for that.

C- whatever sense of right they are working with?

v- it conflicts with yours

c- whatever … I won’t go into details

v- but they are frugal to an extreme

c- well known for it.. it’s why I never wanted to live that way

C- and here I am broke … IDK…I would not have lived differently

v- it’s LIVING

C- I have one life

my children have one life

i’d spoil my grandchildren rotten instead of complain that they are spoiled

v- yuP

18:16 c- within reason…

v- of course

c- i am always reminding my children

v- to be appreciative

c- and so has their dad… I have plenty of teaching moments with my children

v- about their relationships .. I know

c- I ask them how they would handle X Y Z situation

v- and they answer .. in a good way

c- I talk to them about what it means to be a good host / hostess … and what it means to be a good guest

v- last March was not good

c- no, it was …

v- until a certain day

c- the last thing my children needed (that was a trip I had hoped would help mend their already threadbare relationship with their grandparents)… the last thing they needed to feel …

v- was unwelcome

c- everyone has “house rules” I GET THAT ..

(shakes her head… oh, the stories I’ve told you about guest/host issues …)

c- … but when you don’t see your grandchildren

v- hardly ever

c- treat them like you may never see them again

v- yeah, agreed

c- there came a point in that trip that I called it quits. It was their spring break. We needed to enjoy it.

v- and you left

c- and had more fun than if we had stayed

18:22 c- i’m Opening this up publicly because relationships

v- are messy

c- it’s not that I don’t love my family .. but not ONCE has my mother apologized for what she said and did while we were their guests

v- you drove

c- 20 hours there, 20 hours back.

v- f***ing A

c- so, no, my children and I had a better way to spend our time than to be treated ..

v- like unwelcome hotel guests

c- WORSE THAN THAT…

v- I know what you’re trying to say

18:24 c- ARGH… just treat guests like royalty .. especially family

v- agreed

c- and we were FAR from doing anything

v- out of the ordinary

c- argh. I don’t want to say too much… but some of my stories looking back are FUNNY

V- so bad they’re funny

c- at the time NOT funny

v- you remember ..?

c- you were halfway across the world .. different time zone

v- I know

18:26 c- you are there for support … more than anyone, ok?

—-

19:23 home

shower

chat with girls

make dinner

dinner over Supernatural

21:00

21:01 v- please say it

C i’m Having one of those moments

episode in Supernatural

kid in car kills grandmotherly woman

[ talking about cookies ]

c- my children were (humorously) mad that I took the last three chocolate chip cookies to work to share

v- that your daughter made

c- yes … they had plenty of that batch yesterday (and ate more than a few cookies) … so my youngest said “if you want to bring cookies to work, make your own”

v- gasp!

C- and I looked straight at her and said “if you want to make your own cookies buy your own chocolate chips” .. she knew I was teasing

v- I know

scene in Supernatural is a small kid that kills the grandma …

IDK what the

v- segway

c- was … but somebody said

“what grandmother doesn’t bake cookies?”

and i said

“some don’t …”

Their B doesn’t bake

v (chuckles) the novelist ?

c- correct … and since I feel like throwing grandma under the bus today …

v (chuckles) oh, no

c- “well Grandma G makes cookies … she just freezes them before anyone gets to eat them”

v- oh, wow

c- WHAT IS IT WITH THE FREEZING?!?

c- it’s like the windex obsession of the dad in My Big Fat Greek Wedding

c- some things are just really better fresh ..

v- haha … I know

c- it’s a THING with my parents

v (chuckling) stop

c- I sensed you laughing when I was talking with my girls

v- I know …

c- i try not to… I really try not to make fun of other family members

v- but sometimes it’s just hard not to

21:11

eyes are getting droopy

I fall asleep in the corner chair watching Supernatural

i wake up … see the tv is turned off

E: i’m Very disappointed, Mom (Teasing me because never fail : I fall asleep … long day )

21:34

21:43 c- thus Endeth the rambling insanity

v- of Chris. The End.

c: Zzzzz

v- you’re not sleeping yet

c- Zzzzz

v- haha stop

21:44

[ again, that makes NO SENSE whatsoever … it’s like Greek and STILL people are like 💏 ]

SAHB

blood coursing around sternoclavicular

21:51

“Frankenstein never scared me … marsupials do … ‘cuz they’re FAST”

c- I mean … WTF?!

”grateful to this man for being a strong anchor and holding it down on land while we fly”

MAKES NO SENSE

V- if taken out of context

c- if I repeated that sentence to anyone on the street?

they’d be “WTF” too

22:01 c- first impression?

they’d say (as I would) : are they talking about or taking drugs?

I can tell you one person who is on land while someone flies and she senses it

v- yes, dear.

22:03 c- mm (grumpy old bear)

v- curmudgeonly is right

22:03

c- that’s how this InnerNet Voyager rolls all the time with…

v- this jackwagon … you can say it.

22:04

c-oh, the followers spin it in woo way

he’s SO EARTH (in that cult follower dazy voice)

they are SO HEAVEN (all airy and flighty)

22:05 v- omg , stop

c- ya know I love your followers … ALL of them … some I just don’t understand because of the language they use or how they use it

v- there’s a disconnect

c- the gist is : they appreciate you. They support you. They continue to contribute to your posts

v- engaging… yeah, I know

22:07

[ reading an article … chuckling… man, I am so in love with this journalist right now ❤️ ]

public.jpeg

C- when your every word

V- and post

c- has been analyzed

v- patterns emerge

c- trust that journalist who does the hard work .. the research … the data collection…

22:52

public.jpeg

22:54 v- don’t even do that … I know what you’re getting at…

c- haha… who would you believe works? A woman who splays open her private life and IS HONEST (to the point of too honest)

v- let me ask this question

c- let me finish …

c- or a man who makes his life look too good to be true ?

v- haha STOP.

c- hm. COMMENT on your perfect coupledom .

YOU NEVER TALK ABOUT RACHEL

V- enough

c- enough?!, when gavecyoybtaljed about your relationship?

you are very SHOWY

v- but never telly

c- TUBBY

V- oh, you would

c- man titty

v- omg. Stop. I know egatvyou’re Referring about. You can’t ge nice.

c- hey, I bike 13 miles every day

v/ because you have no car

c- I don’t get chauffeured around and FLOWN to other continents

POLLUTING this fine green earth

v- oh, you would … FINE , i’m A destroyer Of worlds … KALI

22:58

v- now, my question … you’re settled down

c/ less insane and delusional.. yes

v- and less rambling

c- yes

v- you make me laugh

damn. You don’t let shit go

23:00 c- not fur a while

c- like I said when I got home all grumpy sweaty and pissed (my daughter had her windows open … and the A/C was on ?!? )

i’ll be On my death bed (and if you’re still

alive)

v- or not … you’ll harass me to death before then (I heard you)

c- I was turning into my neighborhood at the moment … still mindchatting away …

c- anyway … I start taking off my clothes to get in the shower VERY SWEATY AND PISSED

C- and I say : my dying last words (when I am very old, years older than anyone thought i’d live)

will be “KIND ARTIST”

V- stop … you’re making me laugh … so wrong, c… so wrong

23:03 c- you’ll hear them one way or another

v/ you’ll make sure of that

23:04

c- and this sweet old lady is still

pissy as ever, even with her dying breath …

public.jpeg

23:08 “so is she being serious?”

v- they won’t know how to take you..

c- “is she being nice? … or bitchy?”

SAHB

23:13 V- so, we got off target

c- yes. Dear…

v- do you love this man?

C- which man?

v- the one inside you

c- it’s probably the same sort of conflict that we all deal with : there are parts of ourselves that we live, we cherish… and other parts we know are dark, areas we perhaps recognize as needing improvement

23:16