An ode to deleted posts
01:49 posting - 02:30 separate SPLINTER notes post for Day 1879 ]
V- so, this post about “in a relationship”…
c- stop (chuckling) oh, I posted it for several reasons
v- oh, I know you did
c- … you feel tired… I hope you can get some rest. I’m about to go back to sleep.
roll over on left side to try to fall back asleep
05:41 eyes open
05:43 v- write it
This has been my life for five years … trying to explain the sensations that are distinct from my body’s natural rhythms
C- so the next thing I do..
v- SM (social media) check
05:49 c- part of my research
SMNN (social media nothing new) IGFBTWNN
06:05 cheekbone pressure (interpretation: a sense that someone is smiling … it is a pressure point that transfers nonlocally )
06:50 v- you found it …
c- yes. The other kiss “scene” is from 15 July 2014.
[ subtle shift like rolling over in a soft bed … inner body heartwarm ]
c- don’t … don’t
V- you’d rather not feel. I know.
c- I gotta get up now anyway.
C- I question myself and my experiences all the time … and what I post about?
c- you know what it feels like to question yourself for years on end and then against all odds
v- there’s a source?
07:13 c- and how no one believes you no matter what you present or how your present it?
C- and how … if people really did their research … they’d discover that my side effects ?
v- aren’t uncommon
c- if compared against similar experiences
v- throughout the centuries … millennia- but i’m the insane one writing insane things … even IP posted about
you’re only crazy …
v- until you’re not
07:15 c- what people need to understand about me is that I am that type of person that questions the validity of my own claims
v- time and time again
c- I am fully aware that I don’t have sure-fire proof.
C- and I NEVER take second-hand claims as sure-fire proof
v- want to hear it from the horse’s mouth
c- and EVEN THEN I want evidence to back up a claim …
c- INSANITY is to think I would believe someone else’s word and accept it as an answer. That ain’t an answer.
07:18 v- it upsets you
c- it frustrates
v- it upsets you
c- look. Until you experience what I have?
v- you have no clue
c- until you experience what I have, documented it, tried to track it to explain it?
v- you have no clue
c- and Grim Weeper I SWEAR …
v- i’m Be good
c- for a stoic I am pretty tolerant of these surges of emotion
v- drip drip
c- yeah yeah yeah TNM (teary not me)
07:20 tele(m)pathy is possible. Others have experienced it. Why is it SO vehemently denied as a possibility … and deemed insane
V- THAT upsets you
c- first off: emotion tends to …
v- cloud judgment
c- oh, no… those emails are warranted. And a long time in coming.
c- what may not make any sense to someone else WITH NO REFERENCE POINT
yes, perhaps they were incomprehensible
c- at what point does everyone catch up?
v- a while
c- Delusion, yoy’re Making me look bad
C- yeah, i’m going to be funny about it
C- i’m Going to hold my tongue … i’m Really going to hold my tongue
v- you checked out Ideapod again
c- and I will remain silent.
V (chuckles) I know
07:25 c- blech. The design factor is blech.
v- will you be good
c- it looks like 90s Reddit vomited
v- oh, you are not right
07:26 c (chuckling) ANONYMOUS SURVEY SAYS!
v- this is not anonymous
c- this is publicly accessible and if the Ideapod TEAM wants me to take it down I will. As with anything I post.
To date? No one has asked me to remove content.
1 ) too many conflicting fonts
c- i’ll Let them figure it out
i am being a bit harsh … and I say this as a woman starting her own business … and it is very basic (I don’t even have a brand label created yet - designed/drafted, yes. completed? No) and I know it’s not how I would like to make it as presentable as possible … but I’m getting there
07:31 c- the discussions area is functional just
v- bad design
c- appearance-wise, yes
07:32 c- but don’t listen to me, the criticism comes from an INSANE woman
V- do you spread false information?
c- I base my posts on
1) the possibility that I am affected sensorially by Jason Silva (violación sensacional)
2) he and Rachel Rossitto like a slew of things without explanation or elaboration … I use them as source material as any good journalist would (can’t wait to hear/see the twin flame evidence that they claim about… .)
3) a Wandering Mind is all about resemblances - Scribe’s everyday encounters with media … perhaps there is something to the resemblances - an intentional direct sync between inspiration and someone else’s larger-scale creative production … I never say there is. I just pose the possibility … and what that would mean…
v- for intellectual property rights
07:38 v- SPLINTER
C- the splintering of truth…
v- is a matter of perspective
c- I do not see what I am doing as a threat to the future of humanity
quite the opposite
v- it’s a test
c- what will people do with that information?
Who do they trust & why?
what discernment tools do they use to make those decisions?
v- (very quiet and under V’s mind’s breath) exploringintimacy.com is one of my favorite places …
c- I get to it when I can which is never right now because I have a tied-to-a-cubicle day job to help pay bills
07:42 c- I keep accumulating data, tho …
v- the splintering of realities
c- was drafted years ago … the vision of what it was … with far less content to expound upon the main theme [ now, SPLINTER posts are placeholders for what “Splinter” Part 24 of A Wandering Mind will be
v- you saw…?
c- I did see that … (side smirk) the old-school architecture book based on …. themed patterns [ a JS share ]
c-so, a similar format as the series Wandering Mind has … each part has a theme and the story revolves around that part’s theme
07:47 c- splinter’s theme is quantum physics-based … quantum ghosts are virtual reality possibilities that are REAL … until the wave-form collapses and we focus on one reality … and then the ghosties go POOF!
c- it’s well hell … that POV in a well of a realm of many possible …
c- no… possibilities that are occurring at the same time
v- all at once
c- I mentioned the phenomena of dream splintering … which has an anchor in quantum physics / telepathy / remote viewing
c- I know, right?
c- I watched Supernatural … the rift episode and Satan’s spawn
v- so seethey
c- I know, right?
i was … intrigued by the alternate reality that had …
c- rock-like formations that jutted up …
07:52 c- just an artist’s / researcher’s observations
More about the quantum corral / mirage (artistic style is videographic inversion (Turning an inside out what is hidden within / negative film… before being fully developed :)
08:01 Scribe: COPYCAT
08:02 Lawyers, are you CURIOUS about his sources of inspiration?
v- haha stop. Trickster here.
c- AKA Jason Silva
08:02 c- TIMESTAMP, PLEASE
V-I got it… metadata
C- what is that saying? (chuckling)
good artists steal
v- the great ones come up with their own shit …I remember
C- Justin, “: see what a KIND ARTIST does repeatedly for years …?
if you paid attention to the DETAILS
V- the devil’s in them
C- now… what was that video about …?
[ call to market director … no car = no market -= no income ]
08:18 subtle left deaf ear
08:20 c- after three months? That dayjob may just go bye-bye…
v- it’s not worth it
c- I should be fully trained by now
c- and how it ties down my life?
v- it shouldn’t be that way
c- and I’ll keep my typing mouth shut about all the other shit going on
v- you’re about at your breaking point
c- we all have to make decisions about what our time is worth
$10 an hour after taxes, health care & transportation ?
no retirement plan?
c- I am a much more valuable asset and my good could be used elsewhere
v- for better pay
c- and benefits .. come on!
08:22 “get a job any job”
v- yeah, I know
c- reveal: Quite a few employees I talk to ..
v- would leave
c- if they could … the pay & benefits are horrendous … there are other perks
v- and that perk
c- is parked at the mechanics …
v- not being used … omg
c- tell me about it (well, if i am to believe N)
08:24 v- there is that
c- argh … in the midst of office politics and drama
v- the merger
c- on the job training is worth something
08:25 c- it’s not all bad… some days are worse than others
C- with this job experience
v- you could work at home…
c- yes… and when they interviewed me they knew that’s what I preferred
[ previously public comment archived in private log ]
11:48 home from errands
CG sees MP IG (aka the inspiration for Hunter of A Wandering Mind, v- a manuscript in the making c- quite messy, that v- yes, it is 11:53)
c- she’s so SLATTY
C- I don’t usually check
11:51 c- but it’s TP aka
v- potty time (pronounced paaaarrrty time)
c- I didn’t see it was a gallery swipe…
11:56 c- WILD RASPBERRIES?!? You lucky girl.
11:57 c- she TOTALLY gets quantum
ya got the slits
ya got the grid
ya got the photographic spacetime portals
ya got the virtual storage (it’s a stretch with “depository”)
13:18 c- although I may delete… I archive
13:19 c- what do you see?
V- a reflector… frames … like in film and a bike wheel .. spokes
13:22 c- it’s all up to interpretation. Which I am fully aware of
v- that’s why you’re trying to get an answer
c- I want my life back. I truly am pushed and pulled
v- etherically … not today
c- no… it’s been rather quiet… just earlier I had an energy drain, but i was relaxing in my corner chair after a couple bike rides
v- to do errands
13:25 v- and…?
c- what do you want me to say?
v- that this isn’t going away
c- apparently the magical health professionals will wave their wands and everything will be ok .
Eliminate this rare possibility
c- then, I’ll decide what to do next. But until I get a denial or admission from the KIND ARTIST, I’ll wait until 04/15/20
v- your ultimatum
c- five years is a long time. Six is even worse.
13:28 c- I was working on an inversion
c- this AM … didn’t finish it
13:31 c- I can’t Hold back ..
v- stop. Be good.
c- you listened.
v- maybe … what was that?
C- oh, I may have mindchatted about the necessity of designing … for the masses
v- avoid the luxury bent … what were you going to say
c- Jason Silva calm is like the Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey
c- it’s fine. I was just teasing.
v- you do this ALL THE TIME
C- I can’t hold back.. it’s not cruelty
v- it’s TEASING … it was ok?
c- it was fine.
13:34 c- sparkly pink watercolors
v- and ?… the shirt?
c- I notice details and how it may relate to A Wandering Mind
c- it’s “indirectly direct” (a poem about Tyrian Purple / Metallic Violet )
13:36 c- it’s not all about me, ok? It’s just a quick pondering
v- that slips through your mind
c- up.. I was on the crapper again, if you wanted to know
[ up from corner chair to reheat tomato rice soup ]
C- a man talks about REFLECTion …
[ quick math 13:30 minus 14 is … 1:16pm my time ]
13:43 v- so?
c- you did that on purpose
v- maybe .. I love what you do .. yes, for free
c- (soft chuckle) you are so far down the wabbit hole
v- yes, I am
13:49 v- ____
c- I don’t want to post any more photos of you than I have to … if I do I really will look like a crazed fan.
c- and I don’t like you. To be a fan i’d have to LIKE you.
14:58 awakening from a light nap in corner chair
[ walks to get mail ]
c- squee! They came early (I’m weird)
C- they’re so LITTLE
C- they’re so cute!
16:23 Crafty Scribe: First: mix up a batch of sparkly pink pigment (a special blend of micas and pigments)
16:53 c- first quarter pan filled for Crafty Scribe
17:06 small sparkly pink watercolor batch poured
17:27 base materials cost figured; price point set for Season 2
v- please include
v- are you making money?
c- yes… depends on how you look at it
v- significant mark-up?
c- depends on how you look at it
if I figure ALL business maintenance costs
v- including website … I know
c- etc … yeah, so NO… I am not factoring those in YET… but yes there is a markup from base materials cost
17:38 c- still need to paint/stain the frame …
17:39 c- we’ll see how this new selection & pricing works out (at the farmer’s market)..
C- I plan to sell sets at a more affordable price (if they buy the set, it’ll be less than if they bought individual pans)
17:46 next up: light gold
[ dance music … ]
[ no change in place - still indoors ]
19:12 cool fresh air in nostrils
subtle cheekbone pressure
20:26 momentary right deaf ear
[ thinking … ]
21:25 c- you are there …
v- I am … hang in there
v- a resemblance?
c- to something you do all the time with me
v- you don’t ever talk about it
c- what good does it do?
v- you’re there & I’m here … with someone else. I know.
falling asleep on couch watching tv
up to go to bed
what is this?
subtle but stronger Accelerated heartbeat
WHAT IS THIS?
c- yes, I am uncomfortable
23:23 c- do you know what thoughts go through my head when I sense shit like this?
23:24 FIVE YEARS & you know what I am thinking?
v- that you’re being raped
c- THIS is what these sensations feel like after all that time waiting… THIS is what you have boiled all those years down to
being with another woman
and ME possibly feeling it
having to SENSE it
v- better? … f— you’re unhappy
c- I CANNOT be happy sensing any and all things that cannot be attributed to my normal functioning body
23:29 c-no matter what it is? I am in hell because someone chooses NOT to tell me what this is …
I AM NOT DELUSIONAL.
these sensations I KNOW are tied to someone else’s novements
c-it is an insult to my character and integrity as a decent human being … my entire life has been dedicated to being
c- reliable … I FOLLOW THROUGH … and I am the one who gets called out for being INSANE?!?
pay attention to the details.
Pay attention to what is possible (not what most would find as normal) Don’t make assumptions
[ unless Justin knows something the rest of the world is exposed to? JS most definitely is not living with Rachel Rossitto… how is anyone to know their relationship? He stays over at her place. So what? It is very easy to post suggestive content and people to interpret it one way (different than how it actually is) … if he is? Fine. None of anyone’s business .. but if he has been living with another woman … who shares mindbody space? That may be an issue for her ]
And if it isn’t JS?
Then he should deny it himself or have a legally binding document signed saying that he isn’t connected.
c- because whatever this is?
v- is ruining your life
c- my daughter asked why I kept waking up every two hours (when we chatted about how our nights went…)
c/ she gets to sleep through the night
I used to be able to do that. No problem, no matter what was going on in my life. Like clockwork.
c- so much has been taken away from me
v- in an instant
c-DO NOT MAKE ME OUT TO BE THE UNSTABLE ONE
C- whoever or whatever this is?
I cannot stop it. It comes through me.
c- trust me: I would love the fairy tale, but this has gone well beyond anything GOOD
V- it’s evil
c- where is that good person…?
v- to say it’s okay?
c- THERE IS NO ONE coming forward to me .. and i’m supposed to sit back and keep taking hit after hit?
What kind of a person does that for years … YEARS of someone’s life?
23:40 c- so, if it isn’t JS? FINE. Maybe I sense him and he doesn’t sense or hear me
c- FINE… but that doesn’t Make my experience
v- any less traumatic
c- NOTE: I sense something and there has been ABSOLUTELY NO SOCIAL MEDIA ACTIVITY BY JASON NOR RACHEL in over 8 hours.
C- I am not triggered by something I see on SM…
v- this is internal
c- it’s traumatic … and it shouldn’t be
i should trust the person on the other end … and i’ve Learned not to based on whoever it is never coming forward to explain.
C/ no, it’s calm now … stopped when I started to complain
c- I woukdn’t Care
v- but it’s been too long
c- and there are factors that affect me negatively now
v- that you don’t know
c- I don’t consent to sensations that come through me and make me uncomfortable & worse
c- just rambling NINSENSE, right?
v- no, it’s not
c- it’s not for anyone who knows exactly what this is …. it’s not for anyone in the future who experiences something similar and us helpless against the onslaught
c- frickin’ compassion is confronting me privately and being specific about what this is or isn’t (to that other person) … who I am to that person and be done with it.
c- what’s sad now is all I want is my freedom
v- to choose
c- I won’t accept someone else’s word for it
who can’t even remember a talk with Jason Silva (or where it happened)
v- along the waterfront
c- * I * remember, Justin. I remember what Jason talked to you about on camera…
why didn’t you remember?
v- frickin’ Mnemosyne
c- (soft teary chuckle) yeah…
IDEAPOD POST 19 April 2017
Ideapodders, Pay Attention