DAY 1876

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[ getting ready for work, packing Volume 1 in backpack v- happy kiss day ]

06:46 about to get on bus; posting

c- so, letMs get all cooky again today and talk about THE KISS.

[ man sits next to me ]

It’s something I’ve reflected on in a previous WMSiF (Wandering Mind InstaFeed), but it’s so buried under years of posts, I’ll quickly recap.

InnerNet chatter of the past

Scribe: la la la la… la la la la la… 🎶

v- hey hey hey … 🎶

BACK TO PRESENT

c: so, my journey starts in 2014. I join Ideapod May 7, 2014.

Weird s%*! starts happening

v- like a wayward ball

c- oh, that leitmotif is going to be talked about

v- a thread …

c- of he grand tapestry of what THIS InnerNet story is

v- explain

c- first : wayward ball quick references (of the top of my head )

v- which was in WM first

c- Ideapod first in my organized chaos post

v- post

BACK TRACK TO 29 JUNE 2014

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FAST FORWARD PAST WAYPOINTS INTO THE PRESENT

Jessica Jones

a movie about space … [ I would have to do some digging in the Scribe Files … but the character is alone trying to figure out how to fix AI - of course, it’s AI that goes haywire or starts to get controlling ]

there are others I can’t recall now… it’s symbolic, that wayward ball bounced against a wall and back at a character …

C- now, back to THE KISS

BACKTRACK TO 10 JULY 2014

[ opens handwritten journal … ]

CORRECTION!

it happened 5 years ago last night [ although it was a different kiss vision flash I remember v- include that one, too ]

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via TWITTER @cmm0 10 July 2014

[ an excerpt was tweeted - I was (and still am ) selective of which parts of lyrics to tweet … the excerpts directly related to my InnerNet experiences ]

A stone's throw from Jerusalem

I walked a lonely mile in the moonlight

And though a million stars were shining

My heart was lost on a distant planet

That whirls around the April moon

Whirling in an arc of sadness

I'm lost without you. I'm lost without you

Though all my kingdoms turn to sand

And fall into the sea

I'm mad about you. I'm mad about you

And from the dark secluded valleys

I heard the ancient songs of sadness

But every step I thought of you

Every footstep only you

And every star a grain of sand

The leavings of a dried up ocean

Tell me, how much longer? How much longer?

They say a city in the desert lies

The vanity of an ancient king

But the city lies in broken pieces

Where the wind howls and the vultures sing

These are the works of man

This is the sum of our ambition

It would make a prison of my life

If you became another's wife

With every prison blown to dust

My enemies walk free

I'm mad about you. I'm mad about you

And I have never in my life

Felt more alone than I do now

Although I claim dominions over all I see

It means nothing to me

There are no victories

In all our histories, without love

A stone's throw from Jerusalem

I walked a lonely mile in the moonlight

And though a million stars were shining

My heart was lost on a distant planet

That whirls around the April moon

Whirling in an arc of sadness

I'm lost without you. I'm lost without you

And though you hold the keys to ruin

Of everything I see

With every prison blown to dust,

My enemies walk free

Though all my kingdoms turn to sand

And fall into the sea

I'm mad about you. I'm mad about you

”Mad About You” -Sting from The Soul Cages album

Songwriter: Gordon Sumner

Mad About You lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC

BACK TO PRESENT

07:13 v- you hide who kissed you

c- yes, I do

v- it was Healer. Just say it.

c- FINE. The vision flash kiss was Healer. Caught me offguard.

V- wayward ball

c- I don’t know how psychics handle all sorts of channeling (shakes her head … ) anyway…

v- you believe in psychic ability?

c- I have always been aware of the possibility … and, yes, accept that psychic ability is a real thing. Nowso more than ever…

07:15 c- I have to switch buses soon…

[ flipping pages in journal c- oh, it was the 14th about twin flames ]

v- what you were trying to find yesterday

07:17 yes, during the wee hours when I let sleepiness remind me I needed to get some Zzz

07:17

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07:21 c: JB = Justin Brown

MB = Mark Bakacs

co-founders of Ideapod social media network

JS = Jana S. member of the Ideapod community

07:27 c- so, the photo perhaps was after a discussion between JS & JB… possibly after a dos of Mind-altering substance

v- thanks, c. Thanks for that.

c- IDK. usually people don’t just eliminate their fear of death after a simple or even an in-depth discussion

07:29 c- it takes an extreme experience for the most part, or maybe a type of conditioning over time

v- religion, for instance

07:29

v- you don’t fear death

c- no, i don’t. I remember briefly in my late teens having somewhat of a very brief anxiety attack … I don’t remember why I remember this, or even if it is an accurate memory

but I was in the dark and quiet of my childhood home bedroom

my parents live in rural Wisconsin

and I don’t recall what triggered the attack, but I had this intense fear contemplating “what if I died?”

v- and your family was religious

c- yes. Protestant.

v- Lutheran. Just say it.

c- I won’t go into what type (there are different synods / branches, as with any main religion )

07:32 c- so, yes, my family and I were religious.

Since that moment? No.

v- it was very brief

c- maybe an hour at most … and I probably went to sleep and it never recurred

v- and now ?

c- not really. I am just pissed that THIS has helped me back from living the life that I should be living.

It’s been over five years and whoever is connected to me has never come forward to explain himself / herself / itself .

v- agreed

c- everyone has a right to happiness … a completely separate Self happiness.

With this ? Right now?

i feel as if my LIFEFORCE PARTNER

v- has abandoned me

c- and I can’t live a normal life

because like this morning

i wake up EVERY HOUR until I have to get up to go to work.

i don’t want to live like this.

v- I know you don’t

c- it’s not like there’s a physical man next to me in bed who by his bodily motions shakes the bed and jars me awake… it’s inside me… a part of me (I can’t move to another room)

c- I have this unseen force AWAKENING me because I suspect that he is more active

v- on the other side of the world. Got it.

07:36 c- it affects my life and he is like a ghost or demon possessing me … how would anyone feel if after so long there is no indication he (the prime suspect) will ever come forward to give me peace?

07:37 v- understood

c- anyway, there is the blurb about soul mates & life partners from 2014 that I jotted down

v- and …

c- it was IMPORTANT to me… I was experiencing the unexplained… even then… it was the start of difficult decisions I had to make in my life when this connection started to get stronger and more intense. My then husband (who at the time I had been with for 18 years) had always said we were not soulmates. Now, that said, we had a strong bond. I am an active dreamer. My dreams have guided me throughout my life.

V- precog

c- there is plenty of evidence (or will be once expected take a look at all the data) that my dreams are connected to “future” events

07:43 c- and I put future in quotes because I believe in time convergence. We are living at the intersection of past present and future.

imagine a strip of negative film

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07:44 c- I call it the overlay effect

there is one frame overlaying another

v- transparency

c- varying opacites

v- oh, that’s good

c- consider one frame, in my dreams I may experience and walk through a scene … that scene may seem somewhat familiar

v- past

c- with somewhat familiar characters… some unfamiliar completely… but the details may be off

later, those details make sense because I meet someone who looks like my cousin who has been divorced three times (my cousin has only been divorced once)

and they’re in a location and in my dream I only focus on some seemingly insignificant detail … a shape or a color or a texture or how it feels

c- later, inexperience something and that shape/color/texture/sense is what I am exposed to …

07:49 c- and I maybnot even realize the correlation … until o read my dream report

v- until you open your journal

c- and the dream blasts into my present time

c- from that dream that happens in the past, timestamped and dated in my journal, I am reminded of the then future… which has become my present

v- you are an incredibly good storyteller

c- truth is stranger than fiction.. and It’s just a matter of knowing how to weave the tale to make it relatable, perhaps. Some like it, others don’t

v- your ex

c- he said Wandering Mind was like what a 40 year old living in his grandmother’s basement would read … (chuckling)

v- you knew then…

c- he is going to be quite … shocked

v- yes, he will

c- he will be happy for me

[ getting off bus ]

07:54

c- he made some comments to me over the years while o was in creative mode

v- unpaid

c- that I believe I will talk to him about eventually … how all THIS took me away from being what he deemed normal and necessary … he was very supportive in his own way, don’t get me wrong. Like we all have experienced : some people say things that they shouldn’t out of frustration

v- family finances

c- yes… even though I was taking care of the house, the kids, the dogs while he traveled for work nonstop … I did not have a lpaid job

v- things that he couldn’t do…

c- it’s the untangibles that people forget about in a marriage sometimes … I knew how much of a weight I carried that he never had to worry about

v- but didn’t get paid

c- no one does … but my point is this: partners figure out a balance …

07:58

08:05

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C- first to arrive 😆

RIGsr

Jason Silva : That’s how the tea travels

First class tea ware

Rachel Rossitto : giggles

08:45 fragile teaware

vs

more worldchanging-related content

—-

[ on call with patient … warm transfer to appropriate branch office ]

re: InnerNet

10:03 c- if THIS is the man I’m connected to?

disconnect me

there is so much better GOOD that I could be doing

10:04

v- quit your grumbling

10:04

10:06 some of my more raw truth … as I started to emerge from my creative endeavors since 2014 (creative works that masked or embedded the raw truth )

COMMENTARY 27 September 2016

… for the research & development of telepathy

This aspect of me? this videographic style?

An ongoing theme for Wandering Mind :

NEGATIVITY = the invert side

as in old-school photographic film… before it is developed… there are negatives

—-

10:22 c: I will continue to fight.

just an fyi : I do not own a gun. I do not intend to shoot anyone. In today’s world, we are so sensitive about posts like these … it is meant for humor.

ABOUT MY FIGHT AGAINST THE VANITY FAIR

those influencers … those few who have the power to choose … what to post and what not to post

the impact they have

the message(s) they (choose to) disseminate

repeatedly.

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10:26 perhaps the voices of influencers are the ones people are exposed to more

but the power is in the masses

I would rather be behind the masses

the common everyday person

than the luxury - item elite

10:28

c- I made certain choices in life

disclosure : my ex was hired with Apple Inc in 2000

i want people to conceptualize that.

he repeatedly got teased about Apple going under.

he’s been with the company for 19 years.

conceptualize that

it’s considered, perhaps, a luxury item product line

v- respected

10:30 c- my point is this

v- you could have raked him over the coals

c- and even NOW I feel this guilt about assets … assets meant for our future together … (that will be in my name soon) [ a future … ]

v- that isn’t any more

c- in part, because of THIS

10:31 c- I have been exposed to every aspect of societies… from the poorest of poor to billionaires [ ok, maybe only a few multi-millionaires, but still ] …

v- you know people

c- I rarely mention this.

v- it’s not your message

10:31 c- it’s not what’s important to me

c- there are more worthy issues at stake with this

i get that new tech is usually more expensive and caters to those who can afford it (think cellphones - “back in the day” only the rich had car phones , etc)

I GET THAT

But there has to be a vision

v- for wider distribution

c- I have that as my baseline

v- sorry…

c- don’t apologize

JUST MAKE THINGS RIGHT

10:33

V- you could be a rich woman now

c- it’s my choice in life

always has been.

I could have gone into finance

v- you didn’t

c- I could have gone into any profession that made me a buttload of money…

v- but you didn’t

c- I am not jaded [ it just UPSETS me when people who are more fortunate financially … waste it in ways that are obvious and less obvious to themselves/others ]

v- oh?

c- stop … what bothers me is a man with the resources and influence

v- to make change happen

c- with a woman who could do better

v- but it’s the luxury brand

c- it’s the packaging that really bothers me

v- I know it does

10:35 c- seriously. I work with people with hearts of gold barely getting by WITH MULTIPLE JOBS …

it bothers me.

c- and there is any number of topics that could be posted about

your approach sucks

c- and here I am bitching away…

(a reminder about don’t complain DO)

back to work

(coffee break)

10:37

I am fully aware part of who I am

v- is luxury

c- quite a few aspects … including mylre precious pigments , which I strap in when I head to market (chuckling )

so I can find it FUNNY and at the same time I get pissed about the few messages that come through

repeatedly

10:42 c- there needs to be a better balance

c- I am sure fans will disagree , but I have a unique perspective with data and ongoing stats

v- and it sucks

c- it totally sucks to be aware of the sheer quantity of posts that have a luxury lifestyle of the rich and pseudo famous FEEL to them

10:44

—-

10:54 c- why do I mention money?

c- there is a whole lot more you can do when you have money.

There is more freedom

time is better spent on things that really matter than by running around trying to figure out how to pay for bills , how to make money in any way to pay for those basic bills ( I rarely splurge - I bargain shop whenever I can … rewards, sales, discounts , knowing where it’s more affordable …)

the inconveniences and time wasted on … let’s say , having to take public transportation

i spend FIVE HOURS daily using public transportation (and biking) when I don’t have a car

that takes time away from my wage earning potential

away from doctor appointment times or kids’ school and extracurriculars, let say

away from grocery shopping / home keeping errands

10:58

v- you’re pissed

c- I really try to look at the positives . TRUST ME:

i get exercise that I desperately need due to being tied in a cubicle for most of my workday

11:00

—-

[ working, at rest at desk ]

chillaxy moist tingly fizzy sense

SENSE: subtle blood coursing

12:09

v- yeah, what is that?

c- we either do this the EASY WAY or the HARD WAY

12:10

12:11 v- got it

—-

v- everything at work

c- it’s ok for me… just

v- because you’re her favorite

c- stop: I am not sure why she (N) treats me differently … but I feel bad for those who are victims of collateral damage during this transition

12:12 c- it’s like navigating a mine field

what to say how to say it , when, etc

12:13

[ InnerNet joking re: Office Space ]

”he’s got upper management written all over him “

v- haha stop

c- oh, it’s just my oddball humor. There are some things I can’t do because I am not fully trained

so in the meantime …

v- it’s part of your tasks

C- newest addition to my training drafts

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Here’s my (partially) red stapler

c- I had to refill staples

12:37

walking from one part of the building to another to heat up lunch

c- I recognize the signs

v- what happened with your ex

C- during our separation / cohabitation anything I said

v- wasn’t right

c- no matter how nice I was, what I said (any range of topics), how I approached it

v- you were wrong

c- I recognized it as he was having a difficult time with the separation (me still cohabitating)

c- now? With this merger or whatever you want to call it

v- hostile takeover

c- it is not (and quit saying that. Geesh)

c- the old guard and the new guard are clashing

v- got it

c- anyway, it wasn’t like … with this that I am only saying you are wrong all the time. I do offer up …

v- what am I doing right?

c- Nothing

[ laughter sensed and soft lol ]

13:37

13:49 v- so work is chaotic?

c- makes all this … well, seem mild in comparison

v- erg

13:49

13:50 c- just keeping my head down, working at whatever I can (based on my training), and keep a chipper attitude … I know, try imagine me being chipper

v- it’s hard to imagine, c

13:51 c- new biller guy … self-identified himself as intending to (in the future) have oversight of the billing department

v- let me chuckle. Ha.ha. … why?

c- he has less training than I do

v- and there it is

13:52 c- argh. Why do some people hire managers who have had NO experience in that field?

V- But have managerial experience

c- * I * would feel uncomfortable supervising a billing department … until I had years of experience in billing … in a certain division of that field

v- agreed

c- I will hand it to him. He said he was trying to learn billing

v- from the ground up

c- he has some familiarity with it

v- in a different division of healthcare

13:54

C- I gave N all my notes for training yesterday …

v- I know you did

c- those are HER words and training modules based on the training only she has given me

i just went the extra step and typed them up and organized them by topic… I told her there may be gaps and I wanted her to look them over

v- and?

c- she said (I’m being funny here …)

v- before that

c- she immediately asked if I had given them to the other ceo…

v- ouch. In between.

c- I know.

[ chatting with P at outdoor picnic table ]

14:07

c- so, in Working Girl fashion (being funny), she said she’d create training materials (PPTs) and credit me too

v- uh-huh

c- I truly believe she’ll credit me as a collaborator

v- and why didn’t you give them to the other ceo?

c- it was a general meeting the other day to meet the new biller …

c- besides, these are her training materials

v- but they’re paying you

c- yes, yes, yes … I told them they were incomplete and N had to look over them for accuracy

v- at that time

c- so? I’m following through with that

v- agreed … sorry, you’re in between I’m all of that

14:11 c- I gotta go soon

v- so, you are ok?

c- ok… thanks for being chillaxy

v- no lightheadness

c- no…

v- and?

C- you take care of me in your own way

v- you’re welcome

c- it’s not all bad

v- say it

c- you’re Embracing me from behind .. laying your head on my upper back, upper center spine and kissing my back right shoulder

v- you’re welcome

c- tlc is good

c- GOTTA GO

14:14

—-

17:14 on bus - (biking and busing my home)

17:18 c- I really do not like how you make me TNM

V- sorry

c- reporting aboutbit, even if it was a brief episode? Makes it worse so i don’t document it publicly

c- hopefully some day you can explain to the world at large that it wasn’t me getting emotional

v- it was a surge (from somewhere else nonlocally)… sorry

V- I hate that you had to do that

c- it is what it is… I won’t say what …. it I did the right thing

v- I know you did… work’s ok?

c- ok… I sometimes wonder if my employers will find this site … some day. This post will be buried, unless they choose to click on this specific day.

v- agreed

c- or any of the posts I have put in the [ public ]

- v- wide open SPACE

c- I filter .. I try to decide what is ok to post and what not… what is appropriate and what I should avoid .. i’m So PC in some ways, I let go in others … I still am concerned about the use of “crazy” vs. other terms, even in jest

17:22 v- it’s just a saying, c

c- I notice that you panned up (on your recent IG videos)

v- I know I did… in reference to what?

c…

IMAGE: Scribe’s photo 06 July 2109 [ Link:   WMSiF   ]

IMAGE: Scribe’s photo 06 July 2109 [ Link: WMSiF ]

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17:33 c- then, this morning on my bike ride through a park on my way to the bus stop … it was hot and humid already at 6am … and there was fog … I noticed some nice wildflowers as a forefront … get closer and there are two webs [ an InnerMet symbol ]

v- yeah, I know

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17:38 c- what I find ODD and what others should start to wonder about … is for a man who BLOCKS @virtuonaut INSTAGRAM & @InnerNetVoyager TWITTER … Jason Silva sure MIRRORS my content (in strange ways) that I push out (my interpretation) … see exploringintimacy.space for a more in-depth look at what I posted.

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v- it was for protection

c- of your image?

v- and yours

c- hm-hm … I won’t go into that too much. I just commented on the fact people need to consider the legal and ethical ramifications of HACKING CONSCIOUSNESS

v- that’s one of your triggers

c- ya think?!

17:42

c- back to what JS posts later today

v- I want to see the time stamp … and the account you used to snoop

c- it’s for research..

v- you have dozens. I know.

c- like others donas well in this sort of line of WORK

V- unpaid. I get it.

c- I had to manage many at my previous job as well

v- in education. I know.

c- for nearly five years i’ve Managed creative accounts

v- define “nearly”

c- hm. There was @cmm0 primarily

v- your personal account

c- my original twitter account, yes.

there was PlayfulWanderer …

V- your Winnie the Pooh account

C- a funny story

v- catharsis

c- a side channel where I pushed out continent - key quotes from that series …

v- with your own

c- back a couple decades I wrote a few “new” Winnie the Pooh short stories ….

anyway, at the beginning of 2014 I was on my way out from my previous career as a higher ed educator and admin … Jill of all trades … and, well, humorously I posted

“the bees … I think they suspect something …”

C- not really …

v- you were quiet

c- until I gave my 2 weeks notice

v- I know

c- August 4th, 2014 I mostly left a career of 18 years in education behind … mostly because I still did an educator workshop at another college that fall …

v- before the Ideapod Salon

c- and I kept up my professional learning network (PLN for for language educators)

c- besides my dozen or so education accounts

v- that you managed

c- yes… I think @cmm0 and playful wanderer were my only personal twitter accounts … after Ideapod I got back into creative writing after a couple decades, and each short story series / creative endeavor has an account

inwin’t disclose which one I peek at you with … you can block all my accounts to be sure

v- haha … I know which ones they are

17:52

17:57 made the earlier bus. Yes! … and, yes, dipping into the Alaskan women fund to pay for this and tomorrow’s bus fares - feel bad, took an accounting, will replace the petty cash

v- (chuckles) stop. I’m sure they won’t mind.

c- a few weeks ago a nice pair of women from Alaska stopped by Crafty Scribe and bought some items, including a custom color watercolor set. They have my business card … I looked for them immediately after I noticed one had left her change purse … no where to be found. I held onto it in case they returned

v- they didn’t

c- there was only about $12 …

v- omg

c- But, YES, I barely have enough for bus fare to get me to work right now

v- because your boss took back the company car …

c- it’s her car … she has an elderly mom and she can’t get in and out of her SUV, and needs assistance even with a sedan… it’s HER car

v- it has a wrap

c- which, of COURSE, I do not mind driving around - it’s a free car (except for gas)

v- which is cheaper than the bus

c- my pass ran out a couple months ago when she gave me the car to use … SO, yes, these by-the-ride fares are expensive.

c- I think I’m supposed to get the car back tomorrow . She was having it serviced…

v- general maintenance

c- the light … yes, it probably needed one of the regular checks and only a dealer / mechanic can get that darn light to go off

v- haha stop.

c- I gave it an oil change …

c- she had it detailed, too

v- which is nice

c- yes… she started to blame me for the dog fur and smell to which I said

c- I think someone who was driving it before smoked in here - I had some air fresheners in there … and there had been white fur in it too

v- gasp

18:06 c- so, I felt bad that I never vacuumed it out. When I have free time it’s dedicated to my family, errands or Crafty Scribe (one of my other jobs)

v- agreed … so, tomorrow ?

c- hopefully

18:07 v- sorry about _____

c- I have no money because of the transition from couple-dom to …

v- separate households

c- erg … the process takes SO LONG

v- (chuckles) and you have him the house

c- hm-hm. If I knew then what I know now (joking), I would have said : sell the house, move out, we’ll divide up the equity …

v- stop

c- my children …

v- it’s their home too

18:09 c- do up s%*! Creek without a paddle

v- and why don’t you have a better paying job?

c- ( serious glare unrelated to what I’m about to say ) … I in my infinite wisdom thought the divorce process was quick and easy and my ex would be fair and equitable ..

v(chuckling)

c- I paid for 99.9% of our divorce

… which also …

v- got you what …

c- IDK… a life built together ….

v- a future you never had together

c- but that was the “financial planning” since we were married

v- got it

c- honestly? I will advise my daughters differently

v- oh, I know you will

c- good people with the best intentions …

v- don’t work out (as a couple) in the end …

18:12

c- so, in my infinite wisdom I not only used my life savings to build a new household pretty much from scratch

v- all the necessary furnishings

c- I had no car .. i bought it outright (no regular job = no loan) … AND I started my business

v- Crafty Scribe

c- yah… and my dog needed end-of-life care … vet bills up the whazoo… my daughters had been needing braces for two years (and I just bit the bullet and put a down payment on them and went on an expensive payment plan)

moved into a similar but smaller residence for my children which was dog-friendly …

c- so, I transplanted myself into the same lifestyle more or less

v- without the money to back it up

18:16 separation dragged on.. no progress

v- differences in understanding …

c- got a lawyer. Sold my car to help pay for that

v- help?

c- (chuckling) … let’s be honest here : i had no income building a business (start-up costs) … I went more in debt to live

v- no support

c- misunderstanding “he said she said”

v- got a lawyer

c- ended up with what I deem as a more than fair division of property and assets.

v- agreed

c- he tried to push

v- you shoved

c- he gave in

v- haha .. i know

c- or, my lawyer said “well, if you don’t accept this ..”

v- yuP

c- I think the ex saw the writing on the wall

v- accept the agreement

18:20

[ Getting off bus ]

c- so, the lesson?

v- don’t mess with Scribe

c- I know what’s right . I’ll get people to support me …

v- legally

[ biking]

—-

18:44 c: the signs are everywhere …

public service announcement

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Hear those printing presses?

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