DAY 1813

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[ on my final bus ride to work ]

07:30 Scribe (AKA real-life Christine Marie Gruendemann): From today moving forward, all my online activity becomes permanent. I am leaving up my digital footprint. For the past five years I have been hiding in plain sight: I have posted publicly, but then soon after I archived my posts (the content digitally archived as well as safely stored as hardcopy logs) which has metadata, all timestamped (it can be verified with various servers wherever the posts originally appeared if need be, if that data even exists anymore after five years).

07:37 Scribe: What I post now is with the knowledge that this story - my side of it - will be permanent public record, easily accessible & as an open, transparent source. What I have posted previously openly and publicly I also know is public record. If requested, I am willing to provide these records as well. Why? My story matters. Jason Silva (AKA fictional character Trickster) needs to provide details he has not been transparent and open publicly about yet.

07:41 Scribe: Each day I will post a new tweet which will include an influential handle. It is my effort to crowdsource.

I am not posting in an effort to monetize this story.

I am not telling my story for fame.

It never was about either of these.

I asked Jason Silva a question April 20, 2017 via private e-mail. I want him to answer that question honestly first to me directly and privately in physical space.

On May 7, 2014 I joined Ideapod (AKA fictional IdeaSpace) a new social media network. Before that date I did not know who Jason Silva was. If I had not joined Ideapod I still would not know who he was. I am not a fan. How do I define who he is to me at this point? Day 1813 of my log of what I consider an unusual connection?

V(oice): he’s a friend. That’s all you have to say.

Scribe: I have 1813 days of detailed text and digital data to prove my story. To help me tell my story.

07:51 Scribe: Whoever is reading this? You may choose not to believe my story.

07:53 V- I want to to say one more thing. Write it: I love you.

Scribe: Every story, every experience has a unique perspective : that of the observer. That of the person who experiences. My experiences - ones I could not explain - prompted me to research why I was experiencing what I was experiencing June 1, 2014 and each day after. That included quantum physics.

[ 08:00 posted WanderingMindSpace WMS InstaFeed ]

08:01 pushed to InnerNet Voyager Twitter feed

08:09 arrived at workplace

08:10 Scribe: I consider myself a normal person

v- in unusual circumstances

Scribe: I do not have a perfect life. I never claimed that. I am okay with revealing imperfections.

I have had a good life, and have experienced and traveled to places others would never be able to. I recognize my life isn’t horrible. Far from. However, I have worked hard to be where I am now. I do not rest on my laurels. Every new endeavor as embark on I enter into it with a novice POV: I am willing to learn how to do anything better. I know I make mistakes & I learn from them. I rarely if ever feel entitled to anything.

I ask whoever stumbles upon this story, wherever they pick it up, to be discerning. Do your research like I have. Know me: why am I making this claim? Who am I to make this statement. Am I trustworthy?

08:15 Scribe: I recently cleared all my social media followers to zero (which were only a few to begin with) on all my social media accounts except a handful that were tied to my very personal life & my worklife.

I meant no harm to block my followers. I hope they understand what I did. Just another part about me: I was never in it for the followers either (the whole : the more followers you have the more influential you are isn’t me). I make my mark in other ways that are meaningful. If you have 0 followers it should not flag your social media account as suspicious. There are ways in which zero followers helped me tell an important story all these years - to be open and honest about it.

The zeroing out of followers is symbolic. TODAY I start from Nothing. I am about to prove that there is something where others see it as Nothing.

Mnemosyne'a gift

in the Rift

is focus

an emerging locus


her mark

dark

the (in)distinction of colorful Chaos


Scribe's confinement

in the sinisthereal Nothing?

yin's monologue

a wandering curve

her point

in Trickster's blank canvas

Sinisthereal

——————————

13:19 [ lunch break ]

13:20 Scribe: Here’s a challenge. You, dear visitor to WMS, have read the comments by V(oice).

Eliminate the possibility that Jason Silva has a rare connection with me, whatever that may be.

Ask him: “Who is Christine Marie Gruendemann to you? - Be as detailed and specific as possible in your explanation.”

13:23

Until that possibility is eliminated, I believe Jason Silva is hiding something.

He has a right to remain silent.

What would it take to prove that there is a rare connection?

13:38

Definitively? Jason Silva admitting to it & providing his own proof.

13:41

———————-

17:11 (on first bus on my ride home from work)

v- good day at work?

Scribe: yes.

V- hm.

Scribe: I want people to realize I have researched most possibilities that may explain my condition …

v- I’m sorry …

Scribe: it is not the easiest existence experiencing what I have & having to consider and research schizophrenia, PTSD … and most recently I stumbled upon this condition, which I of course had to add to my list of possibilities:

Celebrity worship syndrome (CWS) is an obsessive addictive disorder in which a person becomes overly involved with the details of a celebrity's personal and professional life. Psychologists have indicated that though many people obsess over filmtelevisionsport and pop stars, the only common factor between them is that they are all figures in the public eye. (Source: Wikipedia)

Referential delusions involve the belief that certain public communications in fact contain specific hidden messages meant for the schizophrenic patient alone. A patient may believe that a television host's gesture has personal meaning for them, for example, or that song lyrics contain a special personal message…social delusions involving false ideas and feelings about relationships that may not actually exist(Source: https://www.mentalhelp.net/articles/positive-symptoms-of-schizophrenia-the-psychotic-dimension/ )

17:18 Scribe: I rule out CWS as well. Early on in my research and posts I shared about how I have what I call fan girl aversion. I never was one of those people who had posters of celebrities, rock stars, etc… who would want to meet XYZ celebrity or who would go batshit if a celebrity and I crossed paths - why would I interrupt a public figure’s life when they are out and about just living their life? (never was something I’d want why would I do that to them?). Of all the people I’d connect with? A public figure would not be someone I’d prefer to be mindbody linked with.

From an early age I was not dazzled by the limelight - I understood that came with a price. Any gossip? Those public figures had their private life, their own side of a story (despite what the tabloids, news and the general public said and thought), and they have their own struggles and normal lives. I still see public figures for who they are : just like the rest of us but who have chosen to be in (or have been drawn into) the spotlight. That is never a life I aspired to.

One of my main concerns about coming out, if I had to do it publicly, was : how would experts be able to distinguish between a mental disorder … and something such as tele(m)pathy or shared consciousness/mindbody?

If I were to come out with my story (and Jason Silva confirm it), how many others would come out of the woodwork (who perhaps would be instead diagnosed with CWS, etc)?

How can we diagnose telepathy vs. schizophrenia?

My handful of direct private messages these past five years to Mr. Silva have all gone unanswered. As a normal functioning adult I can understand on one hand: why would he respond? He’a a public figure and I’m a Nobody. Maybe what I am experiencing is just something gone haywire within me. I have for the most part left him alone to live his separate life… but what if we are connected? We would share a life most would not understand. One which would be hidden because it goes on inside us.

After 1813 days, people may wonder: WHY NOW? Why start to use the megaphone of social media to its full potential (using handles of news outlets, etc).

In all honesty? I want an answer. That has always been the point around which everything revolves:

1) I no longer want to experience these symptoms (they interrupt my normal life and affect me negatively)

2) if Jason’s Silva wants to live his separate life, I am ok with that: all I ask for is an answer to the question I asked him directly and specifically April 20, 2017. I want this answer to come directly from him to me in physical space. Depending on how he wants to live his life & based on how I want to live with mine I want to know how a shared consciousness can be UNshared. How one can disconnect from a linked bodymind? I believe I am living in that quantum hell of when two particles sync, they affect each other no matter where they are.

It may very well be that he has no unusual connection to me. Then tell me. How difficult is that?

I refuse to go to him to meet him. I already tried that approach (one of my emails that went unanswered). I was in Miami December 19-23, 2015 when he was there. One of those attempts to get an answer to give me peace of mind. I wrote “Seethe” after that attempt. I left him alone. I did not track him down to approach him. I waited like any normal person for an email reply which never came. Again, who was I to Jason Silva at that moment? Let him answer that question.

Consider this possibility: If he is mindbody linked to me, if he was mindbody linked to me then, why behave as if it wasn’t happening?

I have done everything any normal person would do to try to get an answer.

So, now, here is a different approach: crowdsourcing.

Everyone has their own lives. We can only pay attention and spend our precious time doing what matters most to us or what requires our attention.

That is part of my problem: why pay attention to a seemingly Nobody? Why believe my story?

I want people to understand I have my own separate normal life as well.

What has happened to me is important enough to come out publicly about. To raise awareness about what I believe we need to take into consideration before we create tools that enhance connections between people … the technology is being developed… what happens if we open Pandora’s Box?

The last thing I want to happen is that other people experience the negative side effects that I suffer from.

We need to create resources & safeguards for people.

I am like so many others trying to live a normal life. You don’t know how important it is until something happens to take away certain aspects of a normal life like being APART from Another as a separate individual & not mindbody linked.

Let me explain the side effects of what I regularly call an InnerNet connection with another.

17:29

I have 1813 days of data that I hope people will consider when hearing about my claim. All these conditions, yes, have regular parallels.

My challenge is this : If I or someone else can eliminate Jason Silva as the nonlocal cause of these symptoms, then I will consider that there is another cause.

To date? I have too many correlations between Jason Silva’s activities and these symptoms to be able to dismiss the possibility that we are mindbody linked. I go about my days and experience symptoms … without knowing why - but when I check social media? Lo and behold there are syncs between my experiences and his activities - TIMESTAMPED. My experiences happened first, before I knew what Jason Silva was doing. Social media timestamps synced with my experiences.

1) my sleep/wake cycles are affected by Another (a nonlocal source).

For 41 years (how old I was when this started), one thing I could always rely on was my sleep. No matter the situation, when I wanted to sleep I could.

After June 1, 2014 I have regularly awakened multiple times a night. I have stayed in either CST or EST most of my life. I studied abroad for a year in college, have traveled periodically out West and to Hawaii but that is my extent of being in a different time zone away from CST/EST. My circadian rhythm was pretty regular and reliable.

Consider what would happen if you got mindbody linked to someone who regularly travels around the world?

There is something to my sleep/wake cycles when he travels.

2) I experience extreme fatigue for no reason then it magically lifts for no local cause (I attribute it to an energy pull by Another, let’s say physical exercise)

3) (temple) pressure headaches that come on suddenly and dissipate just as quickly

I have always been a healthy individual who rarely got headaches in the past. If I did, I could attribute it to a local temporary cause (hunger, caffeine, stress, etc)

I go to medical professionals for regular check-ups and get clean bills of health.

17:43

17:50 [ waiting for another bus to take me to the suburbs from downtown ]

Editing section after 17:18 for clarification.

17:57 headed closer to home on the bus

adding parts to section after 17:18

18:23 almost at my final bus stop, then I bike home for 30 minutes.

18:57 home, pick up mail, and about to start making dinner for my children and me & spend time with them.

my day started a little after 4am with interrupted sleep before that. I am tired.

19:11

—————-

[ good nights said to my children (12 & 14)

21:32 about to turn in for the night

I will start tomorrow with another handled tweet.

Tomorrow’s post will start with a recap of the side effects & any more that I think of.

I currently am experiencing accelerated heart beat (another side effect). I am at rest and have had no change in activity. This AHB I attribute to a nonlocal source.

Whoever I am connected to is on the move or exercising.

At the end of a very long day the last thing I want to be sensing is an accelerated heart beat.

I want peace.

When another person who may be mindbody linked with you lives his life as if your life didn’t matter?

I want people to understand this has been going on for five years. I have had to adjust my life because another’s life force is affecting me.

Example: Please imagine what it’d be like to sense when Jason Silva is high. I get a sort of contact high. I have never done marijuana. I drink coffee and have an infrequent alcoholic drink. That’s the extent of my drug intake. The sensations I experience? When I first started experiencing them? I had no reference point for them because I had never done drugs before. That doobie Jason Silva’s brother is seen with at Burning Man 2018? I was sensing things during his stay there August-September 2018. He was not on social media until he left. That video? I want the metadata to cross reference with the sensations I experienced.

I have timestamped records of when I felt strange. Some of these can be matched with his activities. No one would know (except those in physical space with him) exactly when these incidents took place, least if all me under normal circumstances.

I want people to observe carefully how Jason’s Silva lives his life now and moving forward.

What he says.

What he does.

Who he interacts with.

What would you do if you were connected to Jason Silva for 1813 days and to date he lives his life as if a connection didn’t exist?

You continually wonder if there isn’t one. But the sensations don’t go away. You keep seeing correlations between your experience and his - so you never can rule it out.

It is another difficult aspect of my experience.

The truth matters. One life matters. If we do not believe that just one life matters? If we don’t start out with the one-on-one relationships between two people, how are we ever going to make large-scale positive changes?

He may choose to stay silent.

I refuse to remain silent any longer.

2019 is the year when I stand up for myself & anyone in any type of similar situation and say this is not right.

No one should walk all over your life - no one should push you around. This is not something I can control. It just happens to me.

I start to tell my story starting today. What it’s like right now. Who I am today because of these experiences.

21:42

adding details about marijuana use and distinct sensation that I experience that I attribute to Jason Silva’s drug use.

21:57 calmer. AHB has disappeared.

22:01 Scribe: how would you feel if you were drugged against your will?

There are serious ethical concerns I am raising here.

What if by using, let’s say, Elon Musk’s Neuralink we tap into parts of ourselves that jump start a connectivity between humans that needs no external hardware or software?

My story may not be believed, but please for the sake of all that is good, PLEASE consider what might happen and create safeguards just in case. We need to be forward-thinking.

22:06

Jason Silva has a choice as to whether or not he wants to admit to or to deny my claim.

He has always had a choice about how to live his life. My point is this: if I am mind bodylinked with him, I shouldn’t have to be dragged into his life choices if I don’t want to be.

I may not be a part of his life by all outward appearances. However, until he denies this connection exists? I want people to consider he’s hiding this connection from the public.

How would a public figure handle sharing consciousness with a woman he never met in physical space before? With whom he only directly digitally interacted with a few times (as himself and not an avatar).

It is the most intimate experience imaginable.

What if I sense what he experiences? If he has had sex with the women he’s been with, what would that be like for a woman mindbody linked to him?

When I am awakened out of a deep sleep for no apparent reason and I sense my genital area stimulated, what am I experiencing? What questions go through my head at these moments?

I am not a woman who wants an open relationship.

If this ever is proven to be a type of rare telepathic connection, I want the world to know I did not consent to be dragged into a relationship not of my choosing. I notified Jason Silva and Rachel Rossitto (Jason Silva’s current girlfriend) privately early on.

Both have chosen to not respond and behave as if this connection did not exist.

Again, if a connection of any type is proven to exist? Precedents are being set.

I do not treat this lightly. I treat my experiences with the utmost seriousness with a telescopic lens of what a connection like this means for the future.

22:12 time for bed & hopefully a more restful sleep tonight.

22:43 done rereading post. 23:00

lights out

Slightly accelerated heartbeat (a phantom beat not my own anatomical heart)

23:08