DAY 1830

IMG_0050.jpeg

01:26 cool fresh air in throatCTR

vaginal fresh air pocket

c- annoying entanglement issues continue

01:28 c- here’s a long game you can play with R

place your very broad foreheads with receding hairlines together and see if you can read each other’s thoughts.

I mean, you gotta get some sort of frequency from those gargantuan surface areas

01:30

how’d the mousy voice with very limited range do tonight?

v- I really don’t like you

c- she needs to take public speaking lessons. Her voice does not project a sense of stength. I am sure she is a nice person.

I am sure her clients (who pay for her services) and followers think she is a sweet woman.

Besides taking her clothes off and having a good sense of Self image, she needs to really work in other areas beyond flaunting her body as if she were Vanna White of trailers.

Yup. Mixed message there.

so, are you white trash or a wanna be hippie who can’t quite get out of privileged society & do the hard thing… GET OFF THE PRESERVE.

01:35

01:36 v- I said BE NICE

c- nope. It’s called I’ve worked too hard in my life, been too nice to be treated like shit by the two of you.

to be associated with a man who CHOOSES to be the playboy instead of doing the right thing?

v- disappointed, I know

c- can you tell? You need to figure out how to disconnect from me so you can live your life free of me

v- no. I know what you’re trying to do… BE NICE.

c- shakes her head : you both should be together … there are some glaring similarities that truly make you an ideal pair… not anything I admire … but I understand

01:41 c- I don’t f—-ing care. All I care about is trying to separate myself from this TORTURE.

I don’t want to be feeling this.

this Knowing that I’m somewhere else ALONE

v- I know

c- it is THE WORST Prison anyone can put another in

01:43 and you’re supposed to be good?

C- and I have to deal with loss of sleep because - YUP! Once again he’s Traveling and in a different time zone

WITH HIS GIRLFRIEND

which I am in a constant state

v- of fear … I know

01:44 c- bitch & asshole who terrorize my life day in and day out …

c- so, excuse me for highlighting flaws that no one else cares to point out

v- demoness

c- you are the devil incarnate. Wolf in sheep’s clothing

v- i’m sorry you’re having a hard time

01:45

c- I DON’T WANT TO BE CONNECTED TO YOU

V- I know

c- my life WOULD BE BETTER … and I’m dealing with this shit?

apologies if I have to WORK MY ASS OFF with these side effects dragging me down … and I work just to survive while you resort hop

THAT HISTORY DOESN’T GO AWAY

01:47

C- … can you even hear with those small ears?

01:54 c- haha… I can’t help it … it keeps coming out

v- it’s like Tourretts

———

05:43

v- you’re just getting started

c- both of you make it so easy.

Thank you for helping build my case.

I cannot respect people

v- who torture

c- it’s incredibly eye opening to realize people who are respected as you both are truly are dark souls.

05:44 c- every day for five years i’ve realized how my life would be

v- upended

c- because of this

c- I realized that as soon as the news broke … if it ever did? My life as I knew it was over

that private & simple life that I curated?

gone.

i wrote these posts

v- as a testament

c- of what five years

v- of hardship

c- of how utter pain and agony has made me hard as nails

i want for you both what I know will happen for me

for the curtains to be pulled aside and for a raw truth to be reveaked

at each step I said

YOU ARE ON THE RECORD

at each step you both had a choice of which path to tread

05:48

c- it is disappointing for a woman with such high hopes for the good this could have done to

v- to watch it wrecked

c- by two people who only prance around playing Good

c- and you know what the SM interactions reveal?

c- it truly is only about you

05:49

c- THANK YOU FOR LIKING ME / US?

05:50 c- I don’t want people to LIKE me

v- you want people to know the truth

c- so, I have an incredible power, Rachel Rossitto & Jason Silva.

If you haven’t already surmised what I’m up to?

v- expect the unexpected

c- even Jason doesn’t know. I have become very good at hiding what I will do at any given moment … until I do it.

(how else to manage decision making when you share consciousness? There are no secrets. And the asshole connected to you refuses to work with you)

I am a battering ram and I will not stop

05:52

c- so, I encourage you to show your true colors.

There is great power in a scribe… that of recording pieces of history to present to the world

I get to record and present history in a way that isn’t from the POV of unreliable narrators like yourselves who only warp reality with your Me!Me! posts

but the stories

v-behind the scenes

c- that are being told by your interactions (datastream)

c- you both are ugly … or at least your social media interactions are.

You are selfish

if you believe that liking thousands of compliments is a way to build community?

Think again.

Your scope is limited just like the falsetto voice without much range.

you may numb people, Rachel, with your voice, as small as it is in a very local environment.

Read this: you currently have 15,700 IG followers most of whom are thanks to your association with JS.

05:59 c- if JS has been honest with you (moreso than be open & honest with me out there)

i hope you can recognize that in the first minute that news breaks about us?

i will have a voice that isn’t falsetto like yours.

and at that moment?

Your lives as do-gooders end- that perception you held onto so TIGHTLY ?

06:01

c- your lives will be upended, ripped apart - just like mine.

i’ve always been willing and ready to show my dirt.

THAT is true integritty.

not hiding behind the superficiality of likes and love of just your fans

but recognizing that

THE TRUTH is more important than IMAGE

and how I may look to the world.

06:03

06:04 c- so I encourage you to live a life that if ripped apart and dissected and overanalyzed …

is one you can be proud of

know what’s truly important

what is truly EPIC

You both are bad actors whose talent only goes so far.

Once you recognize that?

you work on what’s more important.

06:07

c- but maybe you aren’t smart or resourceful enough to adapt. To truly create. To truly reach beyond a fanbase and niche market.

c- you deserve each other in that way.

Limited scope. Falsetto ways.

06:08

06:09 c- before I fell asleep I had an episode of not wanting to sense sensorial rape.

I want to AGAIN emphasize

v- the gravity … I know

c- if what this is

v- I know, I love you… i’m sorry

c- it doesn’t matter if you think you are good. If everyone thinks you’re good. If everyone that surrounds you supports you and says you are doing…

v- the right thing

c- there is one woman who

v- thinks the opposite

c- for her very real entanglement experiences

06:12

c- you have a responsibility

v- i’m taking care of it, ok?

06:13

c- you may walk around having the best day of your life

I am here EXISTING not wanting to experience someone ELSE’S life sensorially.

06:15

c- I have my own life to live.

If Jason doesn’t want anything to do with me (if he is connected to me) - FINE.

but come forward to me.

V- ease your suffering

c- let me figure out a way to live my in as much peace as possible.

Disconnect from me. There has to be a way to DISentangle us.

V- I don’t want that

06:17 c- I keep hearing that. However, what I observe out there? Contradicts that statement.

My reality is that no one comes forward

v/ to ease your pain

v- i’ll make it better, ok… i’m sorry your suffering

c- I gotta get up to get ready for market.

c- just another hour of my time to continue to report about how this needs to be made right. How two people are wronging me.

06:19 I will NOT stay silent about this. It’s been too long. It affects my life negatively. And that is just SENSORIALLY and ENERGETICALLY.

this has NOTHING to do with your SM presence.

that makes it worse, but at its core it’s the connection itself that is a problem.

06:21

06:22 c- knowing the truth makes it better and worse at the same time.

knowing these inner experiences are tied to another individual

v- and he doesn’t do anything about it.

hang in there

06:23 v- be nice

c- no. How NICE is she being in all this? People have no clue what I observe knowing a truth she refuses to tell. She tells a self-serving one.

06:24 c- I don’t want this truth to come out just for me.

v- I know you don’t. You don’t have to explain.

06:25

IMG_8540.jpeg

[ standing at booth at open-air market, talking with passersby & assisting children at craft table (rock painting) ]

Vaginal sensation uncomfortable TO (“turn-on”)

Cinnamony 

11:31 

—-

12:55 home

unloading car

falling asleep on couch 

SAHB

Blood coursing 

13:36

13:40 TP

on couch .. still falling asleep (SAHB) 

energy drains

15:08 

——

15:58 c-you on the move

v- exhausting, I know

c- I’ve had a long week, but this isn’t that type of fatigue … it’s s little bit better now

v- are you going to be nice?

c- probably not

v/ (chuckling) stop … some day you’re going to have to explain what just happened

c- I WAS RESTING

v/ AGAINGST ME

C- it’s one of the things you’re good for. You’re there. You don’t move. I’ll lean in. It happens

v- THANK YOU.

16:01

16:02 c- it’s VERY CONfusing in here.

v- you would

——

16:16

IMG_8570.jpeg

c- my prices are very reasonable.

Someone who knows an artist got excited… I looked at her and I said

c: you don’t find this in art stores, do you? (and at an affordable price)

v- because you know

c: ”if you build it, they will come”

v- haha… Field of Dreams, really?

c: she was looking at my rare finds section

b- and you make money

c- yes, I do… I don’t set exhorbitant prices for a reason

v- you support artists

c- of course I do… art supplies are not cheap & I set my price point for the market I’m in & for a slew of other reasons.

and I WORK MY ASS OFF TO KEEP MY COSTS DOWN.

—-

16:25 c: these little guys didn’t sell today, but I think they will this season.. people wanted the larger sizes.

v- May we …see?

c/ my pen got gloppy (heat & humidity)… I have to re-do my sign

[YES, I was marking prices on the spot this AM - it’s called I work my ass off at a dayjob… + 5 hours travel time each day… ]

IMG_8571.jpeg

these little guys are a hot seller at $0.25

IMG_8572.jpeg

YES, 25 cents.

V- and you make money.

c/ yes, big picture, probably break even

v/ debt.

c/ start-ups be start-ups

16:33 c- I’ll Have to check, but I think I made double today compared to last year.

v- you were so much more prepared this year

c- yes, I was… sort of (chuckling)

thank you new employer for the car ❤️

v- it’s a mystery

c- I got me some more locally harvested honey to make more watercolors

v- I know

v- you give (them) a plug

c-of course I do… the vendors all help each other out

v- he gave you a discount

c- (chuckling) yes, he did … the couple who has the honey stand are very nice, as are the rest of the vendors at this market. The visitors are great, too.

16:37

16:49 v- you sense me?

c/ cinnamony warm dry heat but a slightly moist touch …

i sound like a wine connoisseur

v- so today was a good market day

c- yes, I had visitor after visitor stop by

v- and the kids table

c- my biggest attraction

v/ kids sell

c- (haha) … yes… their eyes light up when they see the painting table. It’s heartwarming to see them smile.

v- you’re the paint lady

c- yes, I am

16:44 c- DON’T BELIEVE ME (Being funny)

IT’S ALL A PLOY TO GET THE ADULTS TO STICK AROUND AND MAYBE BUY MY STUFF

V- haha stop

—-

17:18

v- I like that first one … I’m seeing it [ LINK ]

c- I was impressed with what she (a returning young local artist) came up with (the color combo)

v- with your new color

c- yes…Cærulean

—-—