DAY 1829

IMAGE: JS TW while CG in Miami Dec 2015

IMAGE: JS TW while CG in Miami Dec 2015

04:11 awakened

JS post :

Here is a compelling reason to have an EGO DEATH, it could help you heal!

c: Let’s hope that Jason Silva isn’t connected to me. Because if he is? He has a lot to answer for. When I wake up multiple times a night (JS is in a different time zone)

FOR FIVE YEARS

trust me, there is an ego I want to die, and it’s Jason Silva’s

get off your high horse and admit to a connection.

Be done with it.

04:28

c- we are talking about the loss of another person’s LIFE’S POTENTIAL for happiness

you wake me up for years throughout each night with your world traveling into different time zones

pushing and pulling me around YOUR LIFESTYLE

and I am supposed to be OK with that and tolerate your bullshit?!?

04:30

04:37 c: I DON’T CARE what life you lead but DON’T DRAG ME ALONG

04:38 c- that is utter human cruelty on the most basic level and here I am suffering the blunt force trauma of it day in and day out at the hands of a sadistic SOB who the world thinks is GOOD

04:39 c- heal the trauma at its source and BE DONE WITH IT.

04:40 c- yeah, but keep posting the bullshit. It sends a message in the end LOUD AND CLEAR.

V- that I wasn’t there

c- all I ever asked was to know.

that’s it. Now five years later? I’m still dealing with this f—-ing Unknown?

C- no one. NO ONE should have to endure what I have for so long.

04:42 c- your popularity is NOT going to save you from that ( your fans’ & followers’ perception of you at the moment is irrelevant - they don’t know yet)

C- I am one woman who will…

v- seek the truth till your dying day

c- I am an HONEST woman, for better or worse, the raw truth or one less harsh… but I tell an important truth

v- that’ll be your truth

c- you CANNOT keep torturing me

v- I won’t

04:44 c- seriously: THE WORST possible scenario and it happened to me. Getting entangled with THIS public figure who thinks handling simple human relationships is not important

v- I understand

04:45

c- who you are to each other - no matter WHAT it is - IS IMPORTANT

especially when a RELATIONSHIP exists IN THE MOST INTIMATE WAY, even if it’s nonsexual

c- you are a part of me and I can’t get rid of you

I AM FORCED to be associated with you no matter what

v- and I’m ruining it

c- I just want to live my separate life and NOT have to deal with these damn side effects because of my entanglement with you.

———

INNERNET LOG (side effects from a suspected connection to Jason Silva)

01:04 awakened

SAHB
02:00

cool fresh air in nostrils 
02:25

———

08:24 at work (no one else here yet …) … picked up the company car this AM… imagine my shock when I look down and the plates read:

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08:26 c- I cannot make this up. Oh, the Randomness!

——

[ working at desk / computer ]

C- I’m hungry …

11:12 soft push push push

11:46 chillaxy relax

V- you know what this is

C- no, I don’t

11:52 subtle blood coursing 

11:53

moist chillaxy 

11:59 slightly increased SAHB

slight fatigue

Subtle shift (somewhat sexual sense)

12:10 lunch (HeartCTR SAHB, blood coursing)

outside at picnic table

12:16 c- this is the sort of thing I never know what is going on

v- but you heard words

c- again, no confirmation in five years

if JS is up and walking? FINE.

but it is SUGGESTED and ASSUMED that there is a couple

v- J+R

c- in that glamper (it’s about 06:15am there .. J+R may be waking up… )

c- what am I to think?

12:17 (slight heartachey CTR)

v- I will give you peace … as much as I can

12:18

c- I, like everyone else, has to TRUST what you reinforce about each other

v- which is

c- A SEXUAL RELATIONSHIP between you two… why do you think I ASKED A SPECIFIC QUESTIONS?

c- THIS affects me in negative ways because I am confronted

V- with an asshole

c- you both have LIKED certain comments … am I to TRUST that those are accurate representations of a relationship between J+ R?

why would I think differently?

if they are GOOD and HONEST people who wouldn’t mislead people?

if that is the case

v- then; you’ve been raped

c- you both haven’t said ANYTHING specific EVER.

you have NOT defined what type of relationship you have

you spend time together

you privately know who you are to each other

you’ve kissed on camera

you’ve intimately embraced on camera

you spend time with family and friends and work colleagues

you travel together

it is assumed you sleep together

v- but the world doesn’t (know)

c- I don’t either

but I keep sensing SOMEONE.

12:23

C- you can see why there are huge problems

V- you’re scared

c- I DON’T WANT TO BE RAPED

12:24

calmer

12:25

12/27 c- people don’t Understand what kind of hell this is

and it would have taken a short conversation to resolve all this

THAT is why I am so upset

12:27

——

12:38 back from lunch

on and off SAHB

12:58

increasingly more sleepy

13:02

“soft happy” sense

13:13 

wave of sleepy

13:15 

extreme fatigue (eyes drooping)

13:35

leaning back in chair 

resting eyes (I’m fighting to keep them open - just a couple minutes closed - I’ve already gotten up a few times to walk around and redirect my attention to try wake up)

Body Moist 

EXTREME FATIGUE

13:51 

13:55 fatigue lifting

——-

15:43 fire antsy soles (on and off today while I’ve worked)

—-

18:12 c- home. Gah. So much time saved when one has a car

[ need to vacuum out and clean… penny in the cup holder … ]

c- haha

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C- what are the odds?

v- very great

c- haha… ANYWAY, this car needs a vacuuming & wipe down.

18:17

18:20 c- I gotta figure out what I’m for dinner

v- I love this car

c- I love it for the sheer time and effort it saves me on workdays, etc. It’s a 2015 and it drives very smoothly

v- you like it?

c- I do. I do not mind in the least that there is advertising on it

V- it’s free

c- yah. So very generous of my new boss

v- and kind

c- yes, yes yes. I thanked her several times.

v- you have got to better

c- I do not have to be. When one is nice for years and gets nowhere

v- one turns into a mean bitch

c- in the face of YOU and what you do? Uh, yes, putting up a fight is necessary

18:23

18:30 c- Momma tired. Momma no want to cook nor wash dishes/clean

v- Momma has to get ready

c- trabaJO nUmerO dos…

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—-

resting after work

18:52

18:55

SAHB

18:58

eating dinner

SAHB

falling asleep watching tv

(partly because of a long day, partly due to the asswagon moving around)

19:41 

SAHB

19:45 

SAHB

19:53

SAHB

20:06

c- nothing like trying to rest after a really long day and you have a chest sensation of your heart racing.

AWESOME.

are you almost done?

v- yes, I am. Sorry.

20:07

——

20:16

c- damnit! Someone followed me again.

SM really does need to come up with a public status with follower buffer feature

v- you’re so weird

c- eh. I have my peeps. If I don’t know you, I don’t care if you observe… but following to me means something more personal. IDK.

I’m just a more private person.

Have thousands/millions of followers just seems like a massive peep show.

v- thanks, C

c- manwhore who takes his shirt off for extra likes

v- hm hm

C - oh, like that thought hadn’t crossed your mind… DEUCE.

20:20

v- why are you being…

c- you treat me well… I will TRY to keep my digital mouth shut

v- fair enough … sleep well?

c- no, I did not. I haven’t slept well since this entanglement crap took hold

v- sorry…

20:22 c- it is not an existence I want to live

v- in perpetuity

c- you and that word. What’s with that?

v- it’s … something I have in mind, ok?

20:22

v- what do you mean by “treat you well”?

c- my determination.

V- it changes by the minute

c- it wouldn’t if a jackwagon would be a decent human being out there

v- and let the truth be known … your answer, I know

20:28 c- it’s good to have you calm again.. I need rest.

—-

SAHB

20:31

20:32 c- why don’t you give this gift to R…?

v- no, I don’t think she’d like it

SAHB

20:36 dull thud (inside my head - like a heavy door thudding shit all at once)

Calm
eyes closed resting on couch

fire antsy soles 

20:40

20:43 SAHB

—-

c- coming from a rapist, a repeat-offender? those are meaningless posts.

keep posting about kindness

keep posting about respecting nature.

Remember where you are and the plot of land you’ve parked your well-off Colonialist ass on.

THE MOMENT when you post memes about doing good and being good? At this waypoint?

Is when I will stand up and scream about your crimes against humanity.

21:54

KINDNESS is NOT mistreating another human being and pretending he isn’t a part of that mistreatment. INSTEAD? He comes off as a

v- doGooder.

21:56 c- he may have his public face. Unfortunately I know all too well his dark side.

21:57

21:58 fire antsy soles

21:59 SAHB

22:01 c- first fix the shit in your life… even though the public doesn’t know.

Until that time?

It’s unfortunate the parallels that will be made in the future.

And there will be.

I’ll make sure if it.

22:03

—-

c- when you RAPE and TORTURE just one other human being, you DON’T GET TO BE a model of good.

22:04

c- go get paid for your woo.

It’ll do the world a lot of good.

Again, a huge disappointment and day to day I am disillusioned even more.

I see you both for what you really are.

22:06 c- just be thankful I tell the raw truth of my story in my own space. It stays here, though, as a testament that I tried OVER and OVER to make things right.

22:07 c-and REPEATEDLY J+R chose to live their lives as if an entanglement between J & C wasn’t happening.

22:09 c- so, again, when the time comes?

Let’s hope you have all your t’s crossed and i’s dotted.

22:09 c- I have data spanning back years.

That data tells a story Jason Silva refuses to admit to publicly or privately with ne via direct electronic means or a physical meet.

22:11 c- the countdown clock is ticking.

It doesn’t matter if Jason comes to me like I’ve asked.

I don’t expect him to. Why would he after so much time?

I am in control of my fate now.

And again, I will spend every last hard-earned penny to get your privileged lying ass before me and witnesses to give me the answer to that question I have asked RELEATEDLY.

22:13

22:14 you know what ticks me off.

THE MOST INTIMATE relationship I have and I can do NOTHING about. And that asswipe PRETENDS this doesn’t exist.

He behaves as if ONE human life doesn’t matter.

How in the f—- would anyone TRUST a human being like that?!?

22:17

c- just keep loving your life, Rachel Rossitto, as if you didn’t get involved in a mess of enormous proportions.

Keep making choices that never lead to a resolution.

That behavior tells volumes about your character. Shallow and self-serving.

Look at me!

Look at me!

look at me! (Photo of Self. Video of Self.)

22:19 c- and it’s all there. I criticized you for your image problem, and you keep feeding into that same script.

Typecasted & a limited scope as far as your reach.

QUIT GIGGLING and use your f—-ing strong feminine Voice.

DO YOU REALIZE how many times I’ve transcribed a giggle of yours AND NO WORDS?!?

Truly unfortunate.

You are NINE MONTHS into a relationship with Jason Silva and we have only heard a handful of your words with him at your side.

Mid are we to assume people have to PAY FOR YOUR SERVICES to get to hear your voice as a strong woman next to your public figure boyfriend?

He overshadows you.

He shouldn’t.

I may sound like a bitch.

There’s an old saying: people shouldn’t talk shit unless they can back that shit up.

Don’t be all that unless you really are the shit.

22:21 c- I am proud to say: a shitstorm is coming. I am the shit(storm).

22:22

22:23 c- and that’s saying something, coming from me. People who know me well, know I have a long fuse.

People who know me? Know I don’t forecast unless I’m damn sure of that forecast.

The future of THIS? Whatever THIS is? If J doesn’t take care of the shit?

Is shitstormy and 100% shitty.

22:26

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22:35 c- THE ANSWER IS STILL NO.

Jason Silva repeatedly presents his girlfriend, who is supposed to embody the divine Feminine, AS A BODY.

Never her Voice.

W.T.F.

22:37

c- and I’m not talking her falsetto singing voice… repetitive and monotone even though melodic in a way.

I AM SAYING YOUR TRUE VOICE AS AN INDIVIDUAL.

SPEAK UP.

You have a mind. VOICE IT.

22:38 c- on a regular basis

your face next to Jason Silva SPEAKING YOUR MIND.

AS YOU SHOULD BE AS HIS PARTNER AT HIS SIDE.

22:40 c- why am I THE ONLY ONE to point this out?!

22:41

OVER THREE YEARS AGO AND THE STORY HASN’T CHANGED.

Just the woman who POSES with him.

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22:46 c: and you know what?

We never heard HER VOICE either.

C- you want me to show more MODELS POSING with Jason Silva?

10/09/16 “sculpting lucid dreams with someone special”

10/09/16 “sculpting lucid dreams with someone special”

What kind of a man is he?!?

what kind of woman would WANT to be associated with a man who parades and shows off HIS GIRLFRIEND / LOVE / SOULMATE …

as a body and never a beautiful mind?!?

THAT is the question THIS STRONG WOMAN SCREAMS OUT TO THE WORLD.

22:48

22:58 c- and here I thought that Jason Silva would end up with a woman who could be his equal in every way.

Strong in her own right.

A Voice to be reckoned with.

With a MIND of her own.

23:01