DAY 1826

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00:30 awakened

02:05 awakened

03:24 awakened

C: did not sleep well. Awakened every 1-2 hours.

Again, why? Why am I awakened like this?

Why is my life affected like this?

what GOOD does this do in my life HERE & NOW?

04:01 posting SPLINTER notes DAY 1826

04:04 posting WMSiF DAY 1826

04:08 getting up for my 15 hour work day where I won’t make enough money to pay my bills. I have no idea how I’m going to pay all my bills.

Do you see where I’m going with this?

MY LIFE HAS BEEN NEGATIVELY AFFECTED BY A CONDITION DIRECTLY ASSOCIATED

by someone who FOUR YEARS AGO could have come forward

said: this is what it is

this is who you are to me

I COULD HAVE MADE DECISIONS FOUR YEARS AGO so I wouldn’t have been in this position HERE & NOW

c- but that is not what happened

it’s all MY FAULT, right? (For spending all that time in unpaid research & unpaid creative work)

04:10

c- please be good and do good, because quite frankly?

V- your life is a disaster because of this

04:11 c- a decent human being?

comes forward

let’s that person know what it is so she doesn’t spend 1826 days in the dark not knowing what it is

a mental disorder? Or something else.

are people doing GOOD with this?

or MAKING MONEY off of her (while she suffers)

04:12

c: remember, I am watching.

If this is telepathy / quantum entanglement? There will be A LOT of people who will be upset - not just me.

They will be upset because

v- the privileged took advantage…

c: influencers? of what?

04:14

04:18 c: we all make choices in life. I tried to do the right thing at every turn

v: to make everything better

c: SILENCE & ABSENCE

Except on the inside… BECAUSE THAT MATTERS right now, right?

do you know what a connection as intimate as your own inner self is like? … and there is no contact in other ways for FIVE YEARS?

PURE TORTURE.

04:20

—-

04:25 c: so you can see why I don’t want whatever this is …

v: there us nothing good in it

c: my life was better before this started… and now? I can’t get rid of whatever this is.

v: double the torture

c: I am paying for something I had no control over. It is a disease.

v: and you’re paying the price

04:27

c: all I can do now? Is be that normal person I should have been five years ago.

THAT is what this connection has taught me.

Don’t believe in ________.

04:29

04:31 c- continue to love your life as if this isn’t happening

v- there will be s price to pay…

c- people will recognize what that silence & absence meant

v: some day … I know

c: for the cruelty … utter disappointment when it could have been handled better.

04:33

c- just… live your life

people will never be able to understand my perspective … because it’s always yours that gets…

v- the light… the spotlight

c- and that’s truly unfortunate

04:35 c- it’s the way of the world

c- and I knew better. I should have known. And I drank the koolaid for a while. I should have known better.

04:37

I am a simple person who never wanted anything like your lifestyle

04:39 v- that’s not fair

c- I’m forced to live it … under my separate circumstances.

there is no collaboration when there is no acknowledgment in other ways

v- that a connection exists… I know

c- and that really does make a difference

c- I’m not talking monetary ones

v- I know you’re not

c- but i’m talking nonmonetary ones that would have affected how I lived my separate life

THOSE CHOICES WERE TAKEN FROM ME.

04:42

——

04:47 c-: I just do not like being pushed and pulled by something that has nothing to do with my life

[ mindchatting as I get ready to leave for work ]

no money should be made off of this (nor my life nor my creative works) … inlocenaed my content a certain way for a reason … if in the future it can be proven that any money was made? There will be an accounting - and all that money will get directed to charity/non-profits

v- agreed

05:11

c- and if people didn’t set aside whatever portion of income? They should have planned ahead later and may go into debt … for charity

05:13 c- do you see where i’m going with this

v- yes, I do … man, you’re a bitch

c- no, i’m Jot

v- in the best way

05:14 making coffee and packing my lunch

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05:41 c- really? Really?

v- don’t … admit to anything

c- you really need to explain yourself some day

v- understood … and ILY

C- oh, I saw it

v- I know you did … I couldn’t help it

c- it’s not timestamped …

v- stop

c- but a day later … which…

v- perfectly syncs up… I know

c- but it could be interpreted in several ways

v- you read it…

c- yes, I read it. Remember, I can.mt remember everything I’ve created … there’s A LOT… and I remembered correctly.

v- I know you fid

c- I have to put my coffee in my thermos…

v- I want to see your lunch

c- leftovers …

homecooked A1 chicken, brown rice, sautéed bell peppers in olive oil

homecooked A1 chicken, brown rice, sautéed bell peppers in olive oil

05:47 c- (chuckling) and I make these awful dying chicken sounds in my head on a regular basis just to piss off the vegans, vegetarians and animal rights activists .. let’s throw in environmentalists, too, since chickens ruin the earth

v- haha BE GOOD

c- and nutritionists… since chicken/meat is bad for your health

05:51 c: Scribe is five years cranky

v- yes, she is

c- yes, a la So I married an ax-murderer scene

Close, but not quite : dying cow sounds at cue 01:19 (not 01:16)

05:55

06:37 one of my uphill battles every day

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Stars fall at my feet,

Keep me grounded as I reach

Higher than I see.

Is there something there for me?

Pulling back the reins,

Letting go again

I'm not afraid. I'm not.


[Chorus:]

All my life,

One page at a time

I'll show you my-my true colors

No, I won't apologize

For the fire in my eyes

Let me show you my-my true colors.

It ain't no rainbow


A promise with a lie

Is broken by design

What we thought we knew

Has been swallowed by the truth

It's time to light the flame

Right before it rains

I'm not afraid. I'm not.


[Chorus]


Something tells me I know nothing at all

We've escaped our capture

Yet we have our masters

And somehow it's like I've waited...

Flip side

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one page at a time

SPLINTER

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c: i’ll Show you how FUNNY this house of mirrors is… .

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06:59 almost to bus stop (fingers numb)

Stuck inside of the wrong frame
I don't feel attached to this name
My body, I must reclaim
With different eyes
and no shame

Try, try to just hear me out
Don't ask why, why
But I'm taking this route
It's alright, right?

That's what I tell myself, but I don't know know

So I ran 'til I couldn't and I screamed, 'til my voice was gone
I believed what I shouldn't have, I don't know why

These memories are nothing to me just salt

Look in the mirror and tell me
What it is like to be free

How do I grasp reality
When I don't have an identity!
Who, who can I look to 'cause I'm not like you, you
And I don't believe in the truth, truth
Because all of my life's built on lies

So I ran 'til I couldn't and I screamed, 'til my voice was gone
I believed what I shouldn't have, I don't know why

I know what you're implying
I'm trying to get my feet off the ground
I know, I know, I'm trying, I'm trying
These memories are nothing to me just salt!

Stuck inside of the wrong frame,
I don't feel attached to this name
How do I grasp reality
When I don't have an identity!
Who, who can I look to 'cause I'm not like you
, you
And I don't believe in the truth, truth
'Cause all of my life's built on lies, uh!

So I ran 'til I couldn't and I screamed, 'til my voice was gone
I believed what I shouldn't have, I don't know why
Yeah, I ran 'til I couldn't and I screamed, 'til my voice was gone
I believed what I shouldn't have,
I'm trying to get my feet off the ground
These memories are nothing to me just salt in the wound

Songwriters: Christopher Michael Bowman / Gavin Austin Bennett / Miles Scott Atkins Kottak / Raymond Torrey Libby

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SALT … and we know about THAT FILM

V- weavers

arrive at bus stop

07:03 bus arrives

c- wax on…

07:07 headed downtown

07:11 headphones on, transcribing club scene from FALLOUT

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07:13 c- A Wandering Mind … challenges the established publishing / media world … page by page

v- a manuscript in the making…

c- placeholders that I return to as I have time in my way too busy burdened life … because of Scribe has one thing …

v- she has a point

07:15 c- “Splinter” has turned into something I hadn’t intended … but some things take time to … FESTER like an infection from a splinter

v- will you be good

07:16

IMAGES:  I Remember You  (2015)

IMAGES: I Remember You (2015)

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07:30 (being snarky) I wonder: will they have a problem with me providing the transcript instead … you know, a public service for the blind

v- and dumb (i’m Being funny, too)

07:32 c- I get so bent out of shape they may have nothing to do with me -Doña Quixota

c- and I know full well it’d be Quixote. I’m just emphasizing my gringa-ness.

[ gets off bus

c- wax off

bikes a short distance to next bus stop

07:36

07:38 bus arrives

c- wax on

07:40 on bus headed to workplace

[ Transcribing ]

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C: “she had a fascination for paradoxes”

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C: a circle in a square … spinning

07:50

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08:06 c- now, I ask you…

v- years… (of you saying it all goes to charity)

c: and imagine what is going through my mind when I see this scene

v: I know

c- it wasn’t just the scene - one which I sketched out years ago (wakewalked + rough sketch)… but the words spoken… the script

08:07 c: now, Paramount, how much has Mission Impossible: Fallout grossed so far?

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C: this mother ain’t happy.

V: it’s a disgrace (which is funny…)

c: yeah, I know …my mindslip as you say that… dissGrace

v- haha stop

08:11

v- you always make it funny

c- what else am I supposed to do with this f—-ked up situation?

08:12 final bus stop

[ 08:20 boss lady’s here. No waiting in the chill … work chit chat

computer stuff … organizing … asked a backstory question. (the why of startingbher business ]]

08:39

—-

09:35 end brief webconference

c- what is it that I’m always saying? : hush now …. don’t say a word

——

Emma (The Saint) has her pieces of paper …

i have my shifting, scaffolding tiles (of the Wandering Mind puzzle)

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CLOSER

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when was this first sketched?

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11:37 c: i’m Weird … I never electronically revealed some pieces

SENSE: warm

[ note all day long I sense what I deem a drug-enhanced experience … it’s more than just whatever natural environment someone is in ]

——-

[ “i’ve got the power” 🎶 being funny while working with more access / more functionality to do my job ]

13:14 lunch

[ boss lady pops into door frame to check my progress on a work task ]

13:20 c: I swear she has radar …

v- haha stop

c- I AM ON LUNCH BREAK

V: but on your phone

13:22 c- in the future

“N, I needed an eye / brain break …”

i cannot do what I do for 8 hours straight

one cannot look at a computer screen and do repetitive tasks

v- data entry

c- it’s not all that … but at times, yes.

13:23

—-

17:09 on bus before it heads downtown

v- so… how was your day?

c- how did you sleep?

v- I really don’t like you

c- to answer your question : it went ok. The other owner came in today

v- oh…

c- he started to tell me a joke after I said something but N cut him off (in the trenches woman as she is)

v- on task

c- he is too… in a different way

v- New Yorker…

c- yes… I just love how

v- his first initial?

C- hm… tricky … since his first initial is silent

v- haha… I know… you are so going down …

c- the weirdness of this all… anywho… N said he shouldn’t interview

v- new recruits

c- nursing staff … because N wanted someone from the area (Midwest) … just … funny … he is the one who interviewed me along with the operations manager … he was to the point - business like … but an approachable personality

v- good

c- yes … anyway … let’s use his last name for his initial … if I can remember it … erg. I have the flow chart back at the office (I know/call him by his first name)

—-

17:22 c: I think it’s B…

v- which is funny

c- so, I make a funny (InnerNet storyreel) with N, like M of James Bond films… N says it how it is.

17:23

17:24 c (chuckling) we had a TP emergency today

v- I know

c- highly inappropriate humor … Staples didn’t deliver today so someone had to make a TP run

v- haha stop.

C- N, of course, being the boss, simply put, sent out a general office question about why we had used so much TP. … I mean, who wouldn’t, if you’re the boss …

v- haha stop

c- highly inappropriate but humorous banter ensued.

17:28 v- you fit right in

c- I know - it’s public potty time.

v- haha stop

c- but not. There is a door with a lock

v- well, good

17:28

—-

17:32

c- so we will storify the corporate office crew:

N- boss lady, Russian, CEO/founder of company

B- CEO, from New York (I can’t remember the exact title, but he is head of a certain aspect of the company while N is more operations(?)… it’s on my flow chart)

v- you have to mention…

c- FINE… I made a mindchat comment today about the ongoing office humor … and it is a strange rendition of The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel

v- they’re Jewish

c- yes, they are … not that it matters

v- no, it doesn’t

c- anywho

17:35 c- N is, in her own word, HILARIOUS… she switches the tone of her voice and I can immediately tell who she might be talking with … familiarity-related

c- she has this super soft nice voice

V- the Russian abrasive voice

c- haha…. another employee, K, said two weeks in N’s office door was closed. She was in there with a couple Russians and it sounded like they were fighting

K didn’t know what to think (“what did I get myself into?!?”)

v- you’re not worried?

c- no… I see big picture …

v- you’re fixing things

c- both N in the trenches and B who is helping streamline (and expand/more staff) are making the company better … it’s a bit messy now but I can see their plan by what I’ve been told and overhear

v- it’s a small office

c- it’s a building … the other half is being restructured (for the expansion)… but yes, for now, it’s a small office

D and J (haha) are in marketing

So, K is a nurse in charge of intake (new patients, authorizations via insurance companies)

S is director of nursing - in charge of training & scheduling, etc

hm… P not only handles the switchboard but steps in to take care of other important company tasks (helps out as we all do with checks and balances of data, correct scheduling/coding)

L helps with orientation, the checks and balances & switchboard (L is not her initial but I’ll use it because I love her laugh)

R (I’ll call her this since she’s transitioning into billing resolutions - she’s the 11yr veteran healthcare biller)

C is the operations manager & has been with the company since early on - I interviewed with her

and another new hire who helps with scheduling …

What initial to use …

17:50

we’ll call her I (she’s also part of the intake department)

17:56 just made it before the bus left …

v- wax on

c- hm hm … so that’s Corporate for now … in another year I expect more people

v- underlings

c- stop it ,… but, yes, there will be new hires that the core people will manage

v- you being one of them

c - perhaps… nothing is guaranteed

v- she called you the manager

c- I know.. N was getting a little ahead of herself there …

17:58 c- so, today we cleaned some more

v- messes

c- oh, it’s a bit difficult now .. it’s a matter of streamlining processes and there are a lot of cooks in the kitchen … besides corporate there are about five other branch offices around the state.

C- here’s me : I get to a point in billing

v- and there’s always a problem

c- yes… it’s frustrating because I have to interrupt others who are busy doing their own thing to figure out pieces in the puzzle … so, N wants to meet with me (I didn’t understand why) … I tell her I’m still working through some issues … and she a bit later pulls me into her office to do a large billing batch - apparently claims were due today by 5pm (made a note).

I’m like: ?!?!!!

v- flying by the seat of your pants

c- as a part of the streamlining process

v- there’s a portal

c- let’s call it a gateway - a mothership of billing … each insurance has their own portal … right now we’re transitioning to the mothership and importing all our clients and their data

v- and pushing it through

c- yes, it speeds up the process … last week I did one insurance (one type of that insurance - there’s like four designations : medicare, medicaid, etc ) … “manually” via their online portal

v- claim by claim

c- with the mothership it’s a matter of uploading a batch of claims & running it through the gateway - errors pop up, which took me about an hour to work through … versus all week to enter claim by claim.

v- nice

18:07 c- so, now we wait to see if insurance denies claims and why … those that got pushed through but didn’t have “algorithmically challenging” errors

18:08

18:28 c- timestamps … parallel…

v- parallelogram

c- it’s a New app … (tele)GRAM

V- parallel realities

c- side by side

18:29 biking …

18:56 home

19:00 c- I am totally pooping right now and it is just AWESOME!!! (Oh, the parallels are going to rock)

c- it was solid. Thought you’d like to know.

—-

Made dinner fur my girls and me

Chitchatted about their days

watched Supernatural with the youngest… fell asleep

the youngest watched as I “twitched”

apparently I was hypnic jerking …

tired after a long day + couch + tv = doze off

potty2 [ watching ]

21:25 c- (lol) oh, I was having an experience alright …. And just took another dump.