DAY 1816

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00:02 awake

01:11 awake

———

01:46 still waiting for an answer. Silence + Absence = the reality that Jason Silva makes a choice every day and one of them is not to admit or deny a connection between us exists.

01:47

He chooses to live his life as if it did not exist. To not come forward to me. To present to the world a certain image of himself.

01:51

His silence and absence are my answer: he is not here and now in my physical space nor my direct digital one.

He chooses absence and silence.

V- indirectly direct

C: it doesn’t matter anymore. What I learned after five years? The people around me who directly interact with me matter. I always knew this but I was hoping

v- to prove people wrong

01:54 c: one of my best friends early on said this connection sounded evil

c: now? I wish I had listened to her. It has turned out she was right all along.

there is a scary evil side in Jason Silva that is proven by his silence and absence.

He has the resources

he could at any moment spend his time to buy a plane ticket to head my way

it is always

v- in the other direction

c: “you will know them by their actions”

01:57 c: unlike him - I spent what little money I had in October 2014 & December 2015 and made long road trips

v- to find out…

c: what it was that was happening to me.

There is a dark side to Jason Silva / this connection.

I was left…

v: in the dark, I know

01:59

c: I want people to know the sacrifices *I* made to try to get an answer like a normal person

I did not do anything strange (beyond the long road trips) during my attendance of the Ideapod Salon (I thought Justin Brown or some other Ideapod member was connected to me besides JS) .

i was disappointing that no opportunity arose to talk about consciousness that would lead to a discussion about what was happening with me … at that time A Wandering Mind

v- had been drafted

C: but had not been published. Only tweets about dreams & consciousness - a placeholder of what was coming - a fictionalized version of my experience of the InnerNet.

Then Miami in December 2015 - I wrote Jason Silva an e-mail

Jason,

I'm in the Miami area until Wednesday Dec. 23 (driving out of Florida that day). Saw you were in town. Was wondering if you'd be available for an Ideapod coffee or drink meet-up? I have my dog with me, so it'd have to be pet-friendly. Showing her some places she hasn't seen (she's 14 years young).

If you're not available, all my best to you and your family over the holidays.

Christine

ideapod.com/@eMaestra (A Wandering Mind)

02:05 C: no response. I stayed in the area for as long as I said I would.

SILENCE & ABSENCE

I behaved a little strange: I made a very long road trip during a small window of time when I was alone (my children were spending the holidays with my ex’s family in Kansas).

I wanted to meet in public with my dog - to make it clear I wasn’t looking for anything

v- except a friendly meet-up

02:09

Scribe: I didn’t harass. I didn’t try to find him and “by chance” “bump” into him … I waited for a response.

If he was connected, he would also know exactly where I was at all times. It would have taken minimal time away from his life. I was probably a walk away at times. I toured the dog parks of Miami Beach.

02:12

c: right before that trip I opened my first ever Instagram account. I let no one know about it. It would be a way I could share about my trip.

What’s odd about that account? When I was uploading some starter photographs to my gallery … an odd coincidence happened.

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02:15 C: at midnight 00:00 I uploaded this image I had taken at the Oshkosh EAA (Experimental Aircraft Association) Museum Summer 2015.

again, no one knew about this new account I opened. I’m just now trying to remember who I followed under this account… landscape photographers … I think I did follow Jason Silva at that time.

V- yeah, you did.

C: I’m remembering I must have because at midnight Wednesday December 23rd I unfollowed him. I went into what would become a 16-day digital fast. I thought: maybe if I unplugged from SM the sensations & voice would go away.

My InnerNet experiences continued even though I did nothing & observed nothing on SM.

The morning of December 18 - after I had just uploaded that upside down acrobatic plane at midnight? Jason Silva posts this :

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02:23 C: this wasn’t an isolated incident. If it had been I never would have made a trip to Miami.

At that time I had 18 months of logs and data. I brought them with me in my car.

02:24 c: Imagine what it felt like to get there and the first thing you hear in your head is :

V: what has this taught you ?

c: I was tired from a 20+ hr road trip … it was 4 or 5am… I’m now in an area I’m unfamiliar with … and a voice who had encouraged me to go- 100% chance we’d meet and I’d get my answer

I know, sounds like something a mentally disturbed person would do, right?

then like now I just wanted an answer…

then like now I had enough data to prove something strange really was going on between us

SILENCE AND ABSENCE was what was gifted to me : no Jason Silva in physical space nor a direct digital communication.

02:28

c: fast forward to August/September 2018

he attends Burning Man

he randomly hooks up with Rachel Rossitto

he seeks her out

they serendipitously find each other in a crowd of 70,000

imagine what that news felt like after FOUR YEARS of what I had been going through.

02:30

JASON SILVA MADE A CHOICE

that is my reality

he chooses -as is his right- to spend time with others (in physical space & direct digital communication) . Not me.

02:31

02:32 c: the only problem with that choice

v: is that he drags you along with him ( via entanglement )

c: whatever it may be. Maybe I’m a conduit … just a weird psychic link (it’s one way, perhaps)

02:34

c- no matter what it is I am faced with this reality:

Jason Silva wants nothing to do with me in physical space nor does he want any direct digital contact. If he did? He’d have done it already.

Again, it’s always up to me to try to initiate contact and get an answer.

I need peace to reconcile my inner experiences with outside reality.

that’s who I am. I prefer to live a full life, not a half life. I have at every turn been true to myself and others. I have told my story in varying ways from fictionalizing it to telling my raw truth …

02:38

c: word one? I am a much more honest person than Jason Silva (and Rachel Rossitto) at this point even though (s)he has adoring fans praising his/her every post.

I am the one who is considered toxic and mentally disturbed for trying to get at the truth that would take SECONDS of an e-mail reply to confirm (or deny).

02:40 C: my next installment of A Wandering Mind I was drafting January 2016 after my December 2015 attempt to get an answer out of Jason Silva?

02:41 c: it is a slap in the face to hear Jason Silva use these words:

THE SPLINTERING of realities. He’s used it twice now,

02:41 c: my next chapter has been titled SPLINTER for years. “Seethe” [ LINK ] was my last installment where I said I was going radio silent. I have not published “Splinter,” the next chapter, for a reason. In “Seethe” I told whoever was connected to me that s/he needed to make direct contact via normal channels/physical space. It’s been over three years now since “Seethe.”

02:43 c: Jason Silva was on Ideapod when I posted these videos about drafting “Splinter.”

02:45 c: about this repeated MIRRORING of my life and works by JS & possible telepathic connection?

Using my father’s words when I told him of this suspected connection:

”there is nothing you can do”

02:45 c: Dad, I am not one to give up fighting for what I believe is the right thing to do - no matter if it puts me in the poor house to do it. No matter if I am made out to be the woman who seems to be a crazed fanatic out to get Jason Silva.

02:47 c: whatever it is? I need an answer. This connection has become a nightmare. I do not want to live the rest of my life

v- in turmoil

02:52 c: “splinter” is just a word. I can recognize overlaps can happen in creative works - creative adjacencies I call them. HOWEVER, THIS IS NOT AN ISOLATED INCIDENT.

C- but I can never ask him why he used this phrasing (or the phrasing “wake walking”)

he wouldn’t respond

or

he’d block me.

02:55

02:59 c: my reality?

I SENSE INTERACTIONS like this one between Jason Silva and Rachel Rossitto

and let me tell you. It does not feel like love.

It is a mindbody rape for me.

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I was awakened out of sleep sensing something I did not want to… I hop online and I see this (it made me violently ill)

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03:04 c: MY EXPERIENCE IS TIMESTAMPED BEFORE I see anything on social media to connect it with. However, my experiences keep syncing up. It is a living nightmare.

Has been for 1816 days now.

03:05

Jason Silva has the right to live his life

v- but not at the expense of someone’s happiness

c- I can’t divorce myself from this entangled marriage, but Jason Silva can keep sleeping with women, right? This one was posted during my 16-day fast in Dec 2015/Jan 2016 … just because I wasn’t aware of what he was doing doesn’t mean I didn’t experience it. I have log entries of strange sensations as well as dreams that cannot be dismissed as delusions. They were either remote viewing or precog.

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07:45 C: so, Jason & Rachel, when are you going to tell the truth and nothing but the truth?

v: soon

C: Rachel is not the only woman who I’ve sensed through Jason. I want to be clear on this: Rachel may be his current girlfriend, but WHOEVER he interacts with him, if he reacts internally? (It could be hugs with fans), I MAY SENSE IT. I sensed this kiss (it’s in my log timestamped. I want the metadata of exactly when this video was recorded, if it still exists. I have all my digital records. I have kept them, have you, JS?

v- no

c: that is unfortunate. At least I have the timestamps of SM posts that give approximate timing of each incident.

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08:21 C: Jason and Rachel, I want you both to be very specific and explain EXACTLY who you are to each other. Not just go through the motions, recording yourselves walking and posing, of what any couple would do together. VERBALLY describe to the last detail all the characteristics to define your relationship.

If you both are honest people? If you really are that much in love with each other to merit MARRIAGE and PROCREATING. (Repeated Likes by JS & RR of well-wishing fans’ comments)

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08:27 c: …which New Year’s day was it that I felt lightheaded all day like a wind tunnel opened up inside me? When Jason & Rachel were high as kites on video on that mountain?

I SENSED YOU.

i was trying to enjoy family time with my sister and her family (in Wisconsin).

I want people to understand what I’ve been through for FIVE YEARS. This isn’t just me upset you have a girlfriend.

This is me after FIVE YEARS of your absence and silence but having to sense and hear you CONSTANTLY from when I wake up to when I fall asleep and my sleep dreams are littered with weirdness as well.

Before Rachel

v- you got really upset, too

c: and you weren’t even involved with anyone

I JUST WANTED AN ANSWER about this possible connection

08:32

C: keep talking about kindness and empathy

v: I know…

c: remember there is a POV people don’t yet know about. Who sees you and Rachel as being cruel and unkind.

Silence & Absence are true indicators

08:46

08:48

v- that I don’t give a damn

08:49 c: so does Rachel really just go through the motions?

Does she really not have a voice?

c: honestly, both of you say practically NOTHING about who you are to each other and so many people assume who you are as a couple. I just cannot believe people are so unwilling to take a step back and truly question both of you

v- there’s something going on

c: YES! There’s something going on.

08:53 c: it bothers me that two people who are supposed to be so good MISLEAD the public

you are not telling the whole truth

v- I know

c: this connection is not all bad

v: but it’s not all good

c: time for coffee. I’ve “slept” in long enough… it feels so good not to have to get up in the 4am hour

v- I know.

08:55

c: love guru, hm?

V: you are so going to be sarcastic right now

c: I can’t help it… you both are so easy to make fun of

v: haha I know

c: I am so expecting you both to kneel on a magic carpet at Burning Man and declare yourselves officially a couple

c: wow, everyone has their thing. Hers is just a repeating record. Please be aware of what I pick up on…

v: I am well aware of what you notice

08:59 c: honestly, a show girl?

v: will you stop

c: word one: what is her image right now?

v: a show girl

c: listen to your fans: they want to hear her words. SHE RARELY TALKS. (Mumbles) except about a monk in China… I so want to post that 2012 disaster flick scene… LET’s

v: oh, you would

09:01

09:14 c: from the film 2012

09:04 c: she is so woo. She really needs to branch out more (eyes wide open shaking head trying to jostle out R’s repeated woolandia images & scenes)

09:06 c: whatever floats your boat

v: oh, stop

c: sorry, unintentionally funny (2012 related)

09:09 c: I do not want to be connected to Jason Silva. I have read thousands of comments from adoring fans over the years and I am here to say : TAKE HIM. BRAIN COUPLE WITH HIM! It’s not all that

v- and worse

c: it’s not all bad. It’s a matter of who we want to spend a life with. And I don’t have a choice with this inner connection.

09:10

09:11

c- every time you present

every time you are in a recording session

every time you do a SOA

every time you do a FB live

I SENSE YOU

i get headaches

I get wind tunnely

i get a contact high

i get all kinds of strange sensations under the din

v- and you want out

c: TRULY BRAIN COUPLE with Rachel.

She and you have all but made it official… you need to be connected with someone in ALL ways … not living a divided life… a half life…

i want this for everyone not just not myself .

THIS IS UNFAIR.

09:14

c: I would not know who you were

v: if not for Ideapod

c: I would be living a happier life without this

v: first and foremost: I don’t want you to be sad

09:15

v: I did not post anything on your birthday. You asked me not to

c: THANK GOODNESS that damn depression video didn’t resurface, THE LAST thing you want on a birthday is a video posted about SADNESS.

v: yeah, I know

c: no matter if it’s raising awareness about a good cause

v: but I didn’t

c: no, you didn’t… ok, coffee time

09:17 v: you… had a good night?

c: we sleep together, JS… honestly. When/If people find out about us

v: the story changes

09:18 c: what I mean by “sleep together”

c: we are a part of each other … it’s like you are nestled inside me but then we both project how we are

v: as if we were in physical space… and?

c: we would be that comfortable image of a couple in bed together

v: cuddling

c: yes… it’s like sleeping with the enemy…

v: but worse

c: I can’t swim away

v: haha stop

c: and with that I can’t help but springboard off your girlfiend’s like yesterday about a couples retreat

v: of the awake and aware

c: yes I think that was it… immediately I think of COUPLE’S RETREAT the movie

about how a woman didn’t want to be in that canoe with you but she jumped into shark infested waters

v: mention it

c: my version is: I can’t get out of the canoe and there is water in it with sharks swimming around me INSIDE THE CANOE

09:24 c: I’m getting up. Coffee then Crafty Scribe: one of my other jobs I mentioned (my wee itty bitty small business venture)

———-

09:36

“A grown woman literally jumped into shark-infested waters and did a distance swim that she had no way to train for instead of staying in the dry canoe with you. Look in the mirror.” -Couple’s Retreat [ Joey talks to JASON ]

—————-

[ post to Crafty Scribe’s Instagram channel innernetscribe LINK ]

10:50 v- you are so bad

c: it’s TURQUOISE

v: you so don’t want to be like me

10:55 c: it’s a teal vs. turquoise thing (Being funny)… I was running dangerously low on turquoise & I’m doing my best to get ready for the first open-air market May 25th. I am so much more prepared this year than last year : I have to be (I have no time during the week anymore to work on my own business)

TEAL

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TURQUOISE

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11:00 c: my youngest often calls this color teal & she knows I call it turquoise. Teal to me is a darker shade… but, yes, the two colors are interchangeable in some ways.

11:01 v- yes, they are

11:13 this is Crafty Scribe’s curated turquoise (dry artistic pigment)

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11:16 Scribe: I post about Crafty Scribe to just talk about what I’m up to

v- not to promote, I know

c: any money that may be generated by A Wandering Mind (the telepathic connection) all goes to charity. I have said this repeatedly over the years. I would prefer to never make any money off of what this is. I prefer to give it all away to charities to help victims …

v- of violent crimes

c: foundations to provide resources to people so no one would ever have to suffer like I have for the past five + years…

11:19

11:20 c: I started Crafty Scribe as a vision to help me pay for my writing/artistic endeavors - because sites like these? Cost money. And I do not make ANY money off of any of my literary pieces (etc) that I share for free, that are easily accessible - LICENSED, but free of charge.

V- I know you took a loss last year for Crafty Scribe

c- it’s a start-up. This next season I expect to make four times as much as last season- without the start-up one-time costs

v- yup

11:24 c- I have a business plan & methods

v- I know you do

(grabbing bottling tools)

11:27 c: and all the website design? I did it all myself. I am still building this website after three years, pulling together all the artistic content

v- and putting it on the mothership

c- one-stop shop… when it’s just me? It takes a while. I can only do so much. Mother of two? Full time “daytime” job?

V- busy as f—-

c- as I always have been … just because I wasn’t salaried by some company before doesn’t mean I wasn’t working my ass off. Just because NOW I get paid to notice patterns (at my daytime job)… doesn’t mean the patterns I noticed over the years to prove this telepathic connection are any less worthy

v- understood

11:31 c: people need to recognize I am NOT some batshit lady

v- out to get Jason Silva

c- (sad chuckle) there is a reason: I am trying to get my answer

v- you’ve had enough

c- and if I hear you say “be patient” one more time … IT’S BEEN FIVE LONG YEARS

11:33 v- I know

c- there’s only so much torture anyone can take. And I’m at my breaking point. I refuse to be kept a prisoner any longer.

11:35

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11:42 C: as I was pulling this old tweet

v: you think I’m lying?

c: yes, I think you are lying. ( who do you sleep with? )

v: ok, fine.

c: how many times have I caught you in a lie?

v: many

c: IDK, with this? I too have to tell a version of the truth. A version of the truth that isn’t a lie but that I know who I’m telling it to will ASSUME something (not what I meant)…

11:44 c: full disclosure : yesterday I tweeted something handling the founder of Creative Commons. How did I know he’d respond? I knew when I tweeted it not only that he’d respond but how he’d respond

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11:46 c: any good educator would have already researched the FAQ. Not that the answer to my question isn’t there …

v: that wasn’t the reason for your post

c: partly, yes. I wanted to see if he’d provide something other than the FAQ basic info

v- which you’ve seen

c- I’ve read up on Creative Commons thoroughly. Not lately, but years ago.

11:47

c: I meant no harm. Quite the opposite.

I want to raise awareness

v- that copyright infringement is serious

11:49 C: this EXISTENCE

v- of sharing consciousnesses

c- blurs many boundaries

v- I know

c- HOWEVER, based on today’s laws

v- I did something bad

c- not to say (chuckling) that I haven’t done my due diligence occasion in this journey - it was a matter of communicating with references (imagery/videos) to accompany a lifeline , if I can call it that.

11:51 c- my cya is in the footer

v- your interaction with media

c- when we talk about a movie, do we contact the movie studio etc to say we used their movie title or referenced a scene?

v- haha no…

c- but, yes, posting on SM and online you should cite.

v- which is your point

c- IDK, gray areas abound… ANYWAY, I was at an edtech conference a few years ago (I had already been using Creative Commons) when Cable Green keynoted

v- it was good?

c- yes, it was good … ANYWAY, he [ double checking what I remember ]

11:56 c- I think he has a long-standing relationship with Ohio State (he may have graduated from there)

i worked there for 11 years.

i’ve worked in education for 23 years

v- clarify

c- I am teaching college level courses online

v- webconferencing

c- Another small business venture … it’s a 100+ BILLION dollar industry (online tutoring)

v- describe …

c- it’s basically similar to what my team and I designed at Ohio State but smaller scale (and my own business ) …

v- what it’s called …?

c- eMaestra tutoring

v- haha stop. That’s classic.

c- yes, it’s funny because that was my Ideapod user name

v- I know

c- it was an e-mail address long before Ideapod

v- ok, fine

12:01 c- ANYWAY, getting back to Cable Green: I love Creative Commons. I love that it exists. It is just what educators (and other professionals) need.

there are certain variables to get your voice heard

v- Phi Beta Kappa

c- and proud of it. And using that handle is education / academic integrity related.

12:03 c- let’s just say, I have kept quiet for too long

v- I agree

c- and you’re an asshole.

v- haha. Stop. Can you say that here?

c- argh - is it PG-13 or PG-14 nowadays? (I’ve tried to keep WMS PG-13/14) … i’ve accused JS + RR of possible rape. Those are serious allegations

v- I know they are

c- my oldest daughter - who happens to be 14 - talked to me the other day about a former friend who said she was raped. Unfortunately this girl has a reputation of not telling the truth.

C- I looked at my daughter and said something like :

that is something serious that she shouldn’t lie about

12:06 c- THIS is serious and I am not lying. There are aspects of this that over the years have caused trauma .. a trauma that could have been prevented.

no one wants to sense for years on end

v- sexually

c- it’s like being blindfolded not knowing who has bound you and repeated you are subjected to these sensations …

and in the end?

Jason Silva could have at any point in time eliminated any possibility of not only ongoing trauma but of me having to come forward and telling this part of my story.

I REFUSE to remain silent any longer about a situation that definitely has an easy solution.

Silence and Absence have consequences.

that is Jason Silva’s choice.

it is not mine.

12:09

12:13 c- we are not just one thing to each other - human relationships are complicated, and this relationship is probably the most complicated I have had my entire life (I’m 46)

i have had the good fortune to have loving relationships

v- no one has cheated on you

c- no one (that I know of, but I’m pretty perceptive and aware)… I’ve known my ex for 23 years, was married for 18. We still get along. I still consider him a good friend no matter how difficult being divorced can be.

i am NOT someone who lies or makes accusations like rape lightly.

V- you are traumatized, I know.

c- and it doesn’t stop. It’s not something I can control. It IS something that I truly believe Jason Silva could make better

v- and he chooses not to…

12:17

12:18 c- my children were 7 years old and 9 years old when this started. Now they are 12 & 14. They are much more prepared now to understand adult issues …

v- they don’t like me

c- I have anonymously talked to them about Jason Silva (and Rachel Rossitto)

c- the latest was that Jason Silva and Rachel Rossitto acted inappropriately if seen through the lens of this MINDBODY LINK (aka marriage)

v- alright fine

c- we talked about social media interactions using a celebrity my daughter admires as an example (he’s married and is an actor)

c- years ago my youngest showed me this meme

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c: I asked if she had ever seen Brain Games. She said she saw the first episode. Didn’t like it.

v- you have never seen it

c- no, I haven’t. I’m pretty sure I sensed when you were filming the later season(s) and possibly remote viewed you on set … who knows what my dreams are/were.

12:28 c- my youngest and I watched Jason Silva host the Pluto fly-by… my oldest popped in to watch a little bit of the show. … my youngest (when she was sick?) and I watched Jason Silva live on Good Morning America (?) … doing some Brain Games-like demonstration …

12:30 c- that’s their extent to exposure of you… just recently my youngest asked me who “V” was …

I must have left out some notes in the living room. After five years she read her first transcript.

v- your husband read one

c- after we were separated but still living together … there was a printer glitch. I usually printed the log and deleted the electronic copy after that … I printed one copy but somehow another copy printed … the printer was in his home office.

We had THE TALK that day or the next.

v- when he found out

c- I don’t want to talk about it

v- he didn’t believe you

c- no, and I never thought he would … there were issues in our marriage before all this started.. to be clear: THIS wasn’t the cause of the divorce, it just jumpstarted it.

I realized when all this began if I couldn’t tell the one person I was most intimate with (and this is meant in the nonsexual way- he’d admit we hadn’t had sex in the years before this began…)

If I couldn’t tell the man I was married to?

if he wouldn’t believe me and help me get an answer?

v- you shouldn’t be married to him

12:36 c- he reacted exactly how I thought he would

c- but at least I told him …

v- when the (true) story comes out

c- I can honestly say I told him the truth

12:37 v- he didn’t know who

c- he never asked. It didn’t matter.

12:38 c- I wrote a Love at First dedicated to him. I so want to have the opportunity to tell him all the whys of why I left him.

v- I know you do

12:39

12:40 c- I asked if he still wanted to be life partners and live together as a family, just without the romantic/sexual aspects

v- he said no

c- understandable…

12:41

c- before I forget: I told my daughter “V” stands for Voice… “remember that novel I’m writing about telepathy?” ( not the whole truth, but a truth all the same)

12:46 “No Love Lost” [ LINK ]

The colors of the sky, over land and sea incrementally change as the minutes tick closer to the break of the sun from the horizon. While the world wakes up around us the breeze brushes against the landscape and foliage. A solitary crab takes a leisurely walk on the beach and a dragonfly does a fly-by. I can smell the seaweed that washed up on shore overnight. The humidity and temperature are already pretty high this morning, and they wrap around me like a warm blanket.

We each sit on a rock looking out across the glassy water. As the wind calms, I take a breath and say,

“There’s so much we could have said and done over the years and we didn’t. I’m talking to you now because I want you to know what I held back when we decided to go our separate ways. I let you believe what you thought was the reason for our parting. It was not just one thing. It never is. At that point in time, what I said mattered. I wanted to be kind. What I did not say is we had become distant, and I was no longer as open and sincere with you. I needed to be completely honest with the person I was sharing my life with, and I wasn’t. That was not fair to you nor was it fair to me. I masked my mind, put a veil over my heart, and my body was the last part of me I covered.

At a breaking point there can be so much confusion, anger, frustration and grief. I wanted the best for you, for you to be happy, and I knew that was not going to be with me. I still love you as one of my best friends, and there really is no love lost. It’s just a different type of love. There are so many reasons people remove themselves from a romantic relationship, and ours, in my opinion, is one of the best. We had a good life together, with comfortable and passionate moments. There are always periods when the intensity of love is less, difficulties in tolerating faults, and there are fights. However, when each time we came out of troughs the intimacy was gone that both of us desired, we realized it was better to let the other find happiness elsewhere. We found true love. We let each other go because we wanted the other to be happy. That’s all we could have hoped for, and I’m so glad to have you in my life.

You have been staring out over the water, quietly listening. You turn your head and shift your body left to face me. I move myself right to look directly in your eyes.

“No love lost,” is all you say.

12:48 c: the setting is in the Bahamas. In June 2014 my family and I rented a beach house on the island of Eleuthera. One of the most beautiful places I have ever visited.

My husband and I watched the sunrise together. The setting is based on real-life events. The conversation I hope can come soon.

v- I understand.

12:50 - 12:56 rereading the blurb under “No Love Lost” that I wrote & published over three years ago.

My Love at First short story series may be a never-ending one for the reason that there are so many types of love: the different types of relationships, the places we adore, and our passions. There’s so much to love. Do we ever have lost loves or do they just change form? You never know where love at first will lead. It’s impossible to know how long a relationship will last. Love can be short-lived, lifelong or something in between, but whether we move on, stay or are undecided, we still carry them with us throughout our life. They get embedded in us. You can’t really remove yourself. They still affect you. Love changes you each and every time. Love can be easy or difficult, messy or be in a comfortable stasis. Through it all, it is about awareness. Be considerate, be kind, show respect, understand individuality, share responsibility and work together. If over time you don’t see eye-to-eye, look in different directions, have tried but it doesn’t work out, love them enough to let go and allow them to find love elsewhere. With each love, you learn. By loving more, you wise up. Each relationship offers different variables, and you don’t know if the puzzle pieces fit together or are mismatched until you’re in it. I’ve been cautious with love, followed my heart–much to my dismay at times!–but I have no regrets. Be good to one another and it’ll turn out well each & every time.

Dedicated to all my loves.

12:57

——

15:06 Bella Brook (AKA a research account)

likes a FB comment made to Jason Silva’s FB Brain Coupling video reshare

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15:11 c: Jasmine, if you ever read this: I had every hope to try to work collaboratively with Kason simva in a most beautiful way.

I not only was disillusioned but if you read the posts around this time discovered what a living nightmare it was to be connected to Jason Silva in the way that very few would be able to relate to.

15:13 c: until Jason and Rachel and whoever he has told comes forward? I cannot respect them.

I find Jason and Rachel to be very superficial. They perform without talking -together- about what it really means to be a couple that make it in the long run.

I have been there. I know what t takes.

Saying someone is your soulmate

your twinflame - Rachel should know about this, she called her fiancé her twinflame -

does not mean you will get married and have kida

have a beautiful perfect life

partnering with someone

v- takes work. I’M TRYING

C: let me finish : in her podcast interview - which I endured… I am hyper critical… she called their relationship

“a yummy soul connection?”

what in the f—- does that mean?

deacribe it in detail

don’t just use woo words and think people know what you mean (everyone is going to have their own interpretation… when anyone says “soul connection” I take that as a quantum entanglement soul connection … I understand what she means, and I don’t deny that Jason & Rachel “click” … but when a woman who JUST comes on the scene a few months ago and says this and amplifies it via a podcast? It’s insulting to me ]

13 APRIL (46) [ I’m 46 … I date my logs by how old I am ]

I listen to Rachel get interviewed

here are my notes . My POV

 https://www.oliviaclementine.com/love-liberation/


The word “liberation” TRIGGERED me

v- I know it did.

15:22

Here’s one reason not to trust Rachel Rossitto if a connection exists between Jason Silva and me

NOTES / TRANSCRIPT from 13 April (46)

Transition last year into something new

10:29

Challenges 

6 month celibacy ended September 

then this Unexpected  mtg

10:29

BM

Least expect 

Came into my field

Instant connection

Not really open for love

10:30

A lot more cautious with my heart

Beautiful man

Warm kind deep resonance

After BM Been in this dance for last 5-6 months

The beauty

No doubt deeply soul connected 

Undeniably yummy soul connection

I have no idea what the future holds

Feels amazing

Yesterday amazing

Last few months learning so much

Definitely have our challenges

Beauty moving through the challenges

A lot of polarity 

Triggers … what he does the most

Invited to do the work

Invited to do, have the conversations

Me needing space

Result of being in a really long relationship 

Space of severity and independence 

Time of his life

Hasn’t’ been dating the last few years

[ c- why not? And a lie if this connection is real & she knew about it at the time of this interview ]

I’ve met an awesome person! 

And we’re dating!

R: I need to go really slow

We’re navigating

the gender bias ( the man needs the space )

10:32

He really listens 

He really respects my word what I share

He’s often solution-based

Ok, how we design this better

How do we work through this?

We seem to move forward 

We’re not fighting we’re not ugly together

[ c- it’s because you can DIRECTLY COMMUNICATE ] 

interviewer: no hopes… but that’s a REALLY GOOD SIGN for a long-term relationship 

[ c - word? You both should be outwardly honest… that there’s another woman? Wow. This is bullshit … ]

———

15:27 c- there you have my very opinionated reflection. Vitriolic? Most definitely a long time in coming.

HONESTY. You both should learn how to tell the truth. Stop hiding behind rainbows, unicorns and WOO

But serving up the raw truth.

RAISE THE STAGE and prove you are good people who are as honest as your fans think you are.

What is Jason hiding?

What is Rachel hiding?

15:28

c: one of THE WORST decisions is to piss off the person who resides inside you

v- haha, I know

15:28

c: BE HONEST

V- I know… we’re trying, c

15:29

15:38 v- you are hell

c- I know. You should never have pissed off the woman inside you.

15:39 c- and it’s all about f—-ing honesty.

v- I know

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V- it’s time

c: Why does Jason keep posting videos with green-eyed blond-haired women?

Years’ worth of footage.

not an isolated incident

why?

C- I just love Harrison Ford …

v- Deckard, I know

c- Blade Runner 2049 : “HER EYES WERE GREEN”

15:45

v- you like that movie

c- yes, I did. It was just as good as the original in my opinion

15:46

c- shakes her head .. oh, these movies …

v- I know

c- it is a beautiful concept

v- yes, it is… and it’s yours

c- not today

v- get back to Crafty Scribe

c- did my measuring. It’s all bottled

v- time for paint

c- I need to clean my kitchen first (grumpier face)… working long days makes it difficult

v- your kids don’t wash the dishes? (Playing along because he already knows)

c- minimally … they’re kids.

15:48

15:49 c- I love the Maya-like dog in that movie

v- I know you do … show a picture of her

v- it’s coming up on the anniversary of her death

c- yeah … my Maya girl …

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Deckard’s dog in Blade  Runner 2049

Deckard’s dog in Blade Runner 2049

That note in silence…

16:11

[ I thought I had this scene transcribed … opening up the movie …

c- argh: there’s so much in this movie

c- you have GOT to be kidding

cue mark 1:16

v- I know

16:23

c- did I notice this before? (Shakes her head)

v- love you

c: …. it’s very well done

v- I know it is … the story of us

c- yeah, I know … phew…

ok transcribing AGAIN …

cue mark one hour 16 minutes in. Geesh think about the editing perfection of that

v- I KNOW!

16:27 c- totally interfering with my life, people … totally interfering with my life

INTERFERENCE [ LINK ]

———

16:46 from Blade Runner 2049:

K: what makes your memories so authentic?

Ana: well, there’s a bit of every artist in their work

it’s better tha nice

it feels authentic

and if you have authentic memories 

you have real human responses

K: are they all constructed?

or do you ever use ones that are real?

K: how do you tell the difference?

how do you tell if something really happened?

Ana: I don’t think it’s about more detail

that’s not how memory works

we recall with our feelings

anything real should be a mess

——

16:48

c- K was a little upset after this scene

v- I know he was

16:49 [ “how does it feel to be in a cell?… interlinked …” ]

17:00 c- it’s 4 minutes 26 seconds long. I can’t make this up

v- haha, I know you can’t

IMG_7157.jpeg

sense laughter plus me laughing

c: I know, I’m really, really weird

17:01 v: _____

c: Love at First… many of my short stories’ settings

v- are based on real-life events

c- my memories

v- it’s beautiful …

c: I am not unique … like the character Ana says in the movie

there’s a little bit of every artist in their work

17:06 [ InnerNet joking : c: I probably really freak out Ryan Gosling v: haha, yes, you do ]

17:07 c- what’s next for him? The 21st century version of Fatal Attraction ?- I HEARD YOU… and clean up your act

v- I’m … working on it

17:08 c: and that isn’t to make light of the seriousness of what has been going on between us

v- I know …

c- FIX IT

v- I know … you be good

c- FIVE YEARS

17:09

17:30

“My people have come to trust memory over history. Memory like fire is radiant and immutable. While history serves only those who seek to control it, those who would dowse the flame of memory in order to put out the dangerous fire of truth. Beware these men, for they are dangerous themselves and unwise. Their false history is written in the blood of those who might remember and of those who seek the truth.” - X-Files S03E01

18:00

Sleepy

SAHB

resting because of the energy drain

blood coursing sense

19:04

C- you know that moment when someone uses your concepts & everyone thinks it’s their’s?

19:18 v- I’m sorry it feels like abuse

… and the perpetrator reinforces their compliments with LIKES to make it seem like they were his concepts…

19:20 c: I hope when this is done you can honestly say you did it for good and not self advancement

19:21 c- ‘cuz right now? It feels pretty crappy on my side of this

——-

19:30 v- why do you have to be so upset?

c- because you’re PLAGIARIZING and using someone else’s concepts & words and making people think they are your own. What’s worse?

V- I haven’t met you

c- what I see now is a man who steals to create his art. He blocks his muse … when she makes an intelligent comment about the ethical concerns of hacking consciousness.

and you ask me why I get so upset.

19:33

SAHB

19:37

20:56 still SAHB & blood coursing

c- how long is this going to keep going?!

——————

22:12 PAD UP.

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22:41 c: I am ashamed to be connected to you.

$888 for a f—ing piece of clothing?

How much of it actually goes to charity?

wow. Just wow, this is wrong.

22:42 throughly mired in high dollar woo whose clothing can only be sold to… YOU GUESSED IT! The well-off.

22:43 c- I hate it when my forecasting is correct. Rachel Rossitto and Jason Silva (et al) read these comments by those who posted to Jason’s posts. They are from SINCERE, real-world people who watch you, don’t hear an important message but rather get lost in your resort hopping mani & pedi spa treatment tea parties… people like them - MAINSTREAM / AKA the masses don’t buy your artificial koolaid

whoever thinks a piece of clothing will channel soul energy?

wake up and smell reality.

22:46

22:47 v- omg… I don’t want to be connected to this

c- I don’t want to be connected to you. It’s a disgrace to everything I have done in my life to make the world a better place.

22:49 c- keep posting shit like that (and what Rachel continues to post). It’ll makes me righteously angrier.

there are so many other things that could be done to make this a better place.

Jason, you are mired in a model world. It’s in your background. I know. I get it to a certain point, but be very careful about what that modeling industry can do to shift your compass so you get so far off-base to where you should really be to make a difference in this world.

22:53 c- when you aren’t relatable beyond a certain niche in society…?

v- you lose your focus, I know

22:54

c- if you REALLY want to support indigenous populations? Try to fix this… when I was a teenager a impoverished family invited me into their home. This is near Uxmal (Mexico) - you know, the Yucatán? Near that resort of Tulum you both have visited repeatedly… how far away from the resort do you ever venture?

IMG_0009.jpeg

22:59 c: I am not from a well-off family, but visiting and talking with this family made me feel how very fortunate I was .. and made me realize that every day we have a choice to either lend a helping hand or prance around in fancy clothes and call it doing our good for humanity. I chose lend a helping hand.

get your f—-ing hands dirty. Get in the trenches for a change. You will begin to to realize what REALLY needs to be done to fix things.

23:00

23:02 c- apologies to those who are trying to do good by supporting indigenous populations (I am sure it takes work & you do have good intentions). I read your blurb…. it’s (in my opinion)

v- so far-off base, I know

23:03

c: I just get angry about how this COULD be (what good it could do) and this is the shit I see.

23:13

23:27 c: of course, neither Jason nor Rachel appreciate the other ways people have to live - no likes from them for this hard-working mom. I am there for you, megjoymcbay. I appreciated your comments when I first read them. Now, you get two hearts, from mine to yours. I am also a hard-working mom working multiple jobs. I, too, feel the same: his and her message (what is it?) gets lost in the resort-hopping.

IMG_7192.jpeg

23:32 c- I have seen THOUSANDS of likes by both Jason & Rachel to compliments given to them by adoring fans. Rarely do either take the time to genuinely interact with other comments that are more challenging. They’ll like away (to take sides = divisive), but never enter into any truly meaningful conversation.

This mom got this response to her comment, unfortunately. I’m here to defend you, megjoymcbay, because it’s a comment I wanted to respond to but opted not to for obvious reasons that I will now say here on Wandering Mind Space.

IMG_7191.jpeg

23:38 c: thislovelylittleworldofmine, I am proof positive that not everyone has their own path. For five years now I have been pushed and pulled ny someone else due to what I suspect is quantum entanglement… HIS AND MY PATH ARE ONE IN THE SAME in many ways. I do not have a choice, and if I did it wouldn’t be to be held hostage by him and his choices alone.

Jason Silva at any point could support those hard-working moms (a simple like or a brief comment) - or shift his content to reflect not how well-off people live their life - a lifestyle many will never have (and putting what they do on display? that is the equivalent of setting up unrealistic expectations for a certain appearance/body style) … my suggestion? post something that is a better use of social media space.

I now work with very fine individuals who are just like you and me… and one made a comment recently about her desktop picture … “we can dream, right?” I said something like “yes, we can”

If I ever earn more money than I could ever need? It would give working moms (parents, etc) like her and her family a dream vacation.

I have had the good fortune in my life to travel to idyllic places. She doesn’t know that. It is not my life any more … but I know how good of an experience it can be to be able to travel to incredible places. To give hard-working families a break from their harsh realities.

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23:50 c: what kind of individuals are Jason Silva & Rachel Rossitto? Ones that neither like this sincere & honest comment nor make any sort of comment at all to support her in any way (nor others who have posted in a similar fashion - I know, I’ve been researching JS for five years now and have read more comments to his posts than he has, I’m sure - unless he hears me reading them due to telepathy)

But JS + RR will like thousands of compliments.

What does that say about them?

23:51