DAY 1852


06:51 c: this day is dangerous. I opened my journal

v: log

c: from five years ago for another reason

v: just say it

c: no… but I was wondering what happened on that day [ five years ago … anything strange ]

v: recently, yes … [ something significant happened this year ]

c: and of course, after reading about that day, I paged forward to today -it’s in a different journal- that was Eleuthera five years ago- but I do have some notes in this one journal … from yesterday 5yrs ago

06:54 v: dollop & swirl

c- how time circles back … why am I getting this impression of Tom Hanks … how I was dreaming (?) and discussing him as if I were talking about a film he did in the past … but it has to do with the present … and then this thought that it may have been a mindchat or a real conversation recently … argh … vaguity in my memories … ANYWAY …

time circles back and fast forwards… I am meeting with the owner last week & I see this new wooden box on her desk … it has this quote on it…

”Life is not finding shelter in the storm. It’s about learning to dance in the rain.”

C: I recognized the quote. I wouldn’t have been able to pinpoint at that time when I came across it…

not a huge fan of it

but there it is

v- on her desk


07:01 c- and, then, random journal reference … BAM! It’s there

v- dollop


c- oh, there is a Great Minds quotes and Lachlan Brown connection. I did my homework.

07:04 c- so, now… I have to get up and get the travel journal before my coffee and art

v- girls are gone?

c- just yesterday & today. The ex has a brutal travel schedule this month … new rev of the ConnectEd initiative … it’s called something else now … same initiative, though

v- giving grants to needy schools

c- and support, yes


v- dollop & swirl?

c- oh, you know what it is … especially for the pricier pigments, I’ll be creating

v- sample swatches

c- that I can sell for less … so people can afford them

v- aw ❤️


c- we’ll see how it turns out … building on a concept …

v- I remember ..

c- quit making me tear up. You get this acknowledgment (TNM) because it’s pertinent to what I’m about to post

[ searching for image … ]

IMAGE:  Ocean’s 8

IMAGE: Ocean’s 8

07:11 c: of course I find the resemblance before the original image … I have the darn paper out in the living room … (chuckling) this is one if the instances of trying to find the remote

v- when the tv is just across the room …

07:13 v- and last night [ Jessica Jones Season3 ]

c- yes, yes, yes… now that I have this dollop and swirl I’m working on, i’m seeing it everywhere

IMAGE: Scribe’s ink made from lapis lazuli pigment [ from 23 June 2017 ]

IMAGE: Scribe’s ink made from lapis lazuli pigment [ from 23 June 2017 ]

07:17 Nestle (?) has a logo like this (I did some research)

[ i’m Only finding the best and bird logo online right now, though … ]

07:20 c- so, 1/4 tsp dollops with a swirly watercolor swatch … like a sample palette

v- I like it! And you have the pricing

c- you know how anal I am about my visit base analysis … but, yes, I hade the cost … just have to figure…

v- you’re price point … nice

c- (mumbles) I have to consider the watercolor paper cost, too (where are those figures?…)

v- and your time

c- hm-hm


07:23 v- everything is handwritten

c- hey! It’s just me, and it’s something … eventually they’ll get to the spreadsheet / inventory software phase … NOT THERE YET



Power went out (I was working remotely as the director of a mostly online foreign language program, it was the first week of summer classes - orientation)


07:38 back to present

raining, distant ongoing soft rolling thunder

DAY 1852

1+8 = 9

5+2 = 7

9+7= 16

c- i’m Weird like this

07:40 v- this day is going to be weird

c: (chuckling) … yes, it is… I hope you’re not traveling

v- thanks, C…

07:41 c- time for coffee

v- do… that was the day

c- yes, Eleuthera (and other variables) pushed me over the edge to making that decision to leave my job in higher ed

v- you were working at all hours

c- the new administration …

v- didn’t have vision, I know

c- (shakes her head ) making bad decisions, and I was having to put out so many fires because of them (which deterred me from doing what I needed to do)

v- students’ welfare

c- it was time to leave



Working on the to-do list I whipped up last night (doing some labeling first, though)


08:34 v- hot seller

c- yes. Sold out yesterday & none in inventory.

found my notes about the watercolor paper tile cost 👍


08:40 single and palette-sized (to fit in existing rectangular & square tiles)


[ it’s just a gentle rain & far-off thunder… frickin’ Ohio ]

tornado app says all is well.

08:42 v- dollop and swirl

c- (lol) I know, right?

08:45 c- lol… I don’t usually do this, but this is my initial base cost figure (but today is 06/16… and it’s funny)


08:47 c- blue ochre is expensive… (not THE expensive - like Tyrian Purple) but as I tell visitors … depending on your project, usually a little pigment (watercolor paint) goes a long way.

V- omg, will you show… (Tyrian purple pricing)

c- it’s insane.

V- poor snails …


c- side note: Alaska women who stopped by & bought some of my watercolors ..

v- can you show what they bought

c- before I get side tracked : she’s into color theory

v- yikes!

c- and we geeked it out about computer coloring vs. the naked eye seeing colors

c- she left her coin purse. She has my contact info but I don’t have hers … I hope she contacts me about Crafty Scribe in general

v- ____

c- no just some coins and maybe a dollar bill or two

v- phew!

c- I know. I freaked out because I noticed a minute or two after they left and I rushed around the market to see if they were still around.

v- but they were gone


08:55 c- they got my Mayan color collection

v- watercolors

c- and a few extra colors … she got a Mayan purple half pan, too… I have swatches out, otherwise it’d be difficult to tell the darker colors apart in the pan


They had attended a dying workshop recently & gave me some good references to research and look into

v- fabric dying

c- it’s One of these back-burnered things for Crafty Scribe

v- only so much you can focus on

c- … sold the Mayan dye-based pigment (bulk size jars) to someone who was getting a gift for someone going into fashion design

v- I know!

c- totally did the saleswoman pitch on that sale

v- I know you did …

09:02 c- and those Alaskan women helped me close that sale : I gave them the reference they gave me.

v- nice!

Here’s one reference they gave (I have not researched it, just the link I JUST FOUND)

C- I usually gleen & then curate / Crafty Scribe- it

v- if it meets your standards …

c- this might be the artist whose book she recommended :

09:09 v- and your workshop invites?

c- yesterday it was an educator of autistic children

c- I also had a young …

v- local artist … just say local artist

c- haha…. a young gentlemen … take it card and say he’d be in touch …

v - haha, stop

c- … about my WATERCOLORS

V- haha, stop

c- what?

V- I know what you’re insinuating

c- and my InnerNet teasing

v- hm-hm… let’s not go there


[ figuring & writing down dollop notes while InnerNet teasing continues ]


09:16 v- you are going on the record for this


[ working on design sketch work on graph paper for dollop & swirl & continue to joke around ]

v- mock up




—- individual price points figured for dollop & swirl

v- swatches

c- now labeling naked bottles

v- (chuckles) stop

c- then, pigment bottling

v- no children?

c- they’re probably still sleeping

v- (chuckles) I know

c- I pick them up LATER… along with the furry one

v- haha, I know



V- I want to know how much these things cost

c- (chuckling) no, you don’t … I can tell you that for every five labels it’s 3 cents

v- haha, you would

c- those fractions …

v- decimal points

11:05 c- not factoring in labor

v- of course


v- done with kitchen?

c- ha! Not entirely … never entirely … always in a state

v-‘of organized chaos

c- it’s called a home studio… art supplies here, smeared paint surfaces there

v- cleaning

c- yes , cleaning. Taking a quick break in between washing and cleaning STUFF

v- from market

c- and the usual : dishes

v- (quick chuckle) hm-hm

c- so… everything is so…

v- dark, I know

c- soft lol


12:09 c: so, I ask myself: is that the “Hurricane” artist? … it is.


V- you don’t watch Black Mirror

c- no, not usually… not sure how many episodes I’ve watched… just one a while back, the Baldersnatch … is that part of Black Mirror?

v- yes, it is… you can check

[ incoming text ]


12:13 c: yes, it is, and interesting image.


13:03 still labeling & organizing, but this will be easier to transport, store, and find what I need at my mobile storefront… (using what I already had but hadn’t found a use for yet)


13:06 posted

v- do you sense anything?

c- slightly jittery heartbeat, subtle blood coursing sense .. [ projection received ] and why are you doing that?

v- because


SM check (is there anything there about the SAHB?)

[ InnerNet commentary … ]

V- do you like it?

c- is that an Otis moment?


13:11 [ projection received ]

c- stop it. I gotta get back to work.



c: re-pours (to top off and cover cracks), new pours and dollops

v- our color

c- hm… is it?

v- Rifty Blue



18:53 c- they’re not quarter teaspoons … but they are still dollops

v- less

c- less...yes. 1/4 tsp would have been way too much for the sample card

18:54 c: i’ll figure the new pricing

DAY 1850


13:21 c: G called her 36 year old lover …

v- a demon. I heard.

13:22 posting


13:25 v- going through a divorce

c- a nasty one. I feel for her. I told her no worries about venting. I won’t reveal details. Just … I feel that demon comment …

v- was too funny

c- oh, they’re still together

v- which is funny in itself … still not divorced

c- no, she is not. Talk about the nightmare divorce … argh. ANYWAY.

v- but you’re divorced

c- yes, I am officially CMG

v- unofficially official

c- yes, I need to officially go through the legal hoops of proving I am with signed, stamped, etc papers in front of all these folks to get new IDs

v- which you din’t havr Yet


v- and you can’t take time off

c- because I don’t get paid (if I am not physically in the office M-F 8:30-5pm)

v- I understand

c- anyway, working girl not happy about the lack of flexibility

v- it sucks, I know.

C- I try to be positive about it

v- but it sucks. I know.

c- market is 9-12pm Saturdays…

v- I understand

c- so, no, unless I take unpaid time off? I don’t Get legal shit done.



[ chit chat over lunch with L ]

13:54 v- I want to talk to you … do you like your job?

c- again, not my dream jib

v- and that’s All you’ll day

c- I had no illusions when I applied nor was offered the job.

v- agreed

c- I knew what I was getting myself into

v- new field, I know

c- quite frankly? It’s been better perks than expected …

v- right from the get go… say it… [ a different topic related to the in-bed roving reporter ]

c- no, that’s ok

v- no, say it

c- what’s the point?

v- it never comes to anything … I got it… so what do you want to talk about?

c- I feel all soft and poofy

v- ( outside )

c- I have no clue

v- … for a while … you’re outside?

c- yes, picnic table … chatting with L. She cracks me up

v- you helped her out?

c- yes, of course. She’s been without a car … I have the company car. Her place is on the way. I have no problem carpooling with her

v- she tried to give you $

c- yes, I shut her down. No reason to give me money.

V- it’s on your way

c- and I have the company car, it’s part of my “responsibility”

v- aw

13:59 c- she’s a Green Bat Packers fan

v- I know …

c- she is so funny … I told her we’d have to bring in STUFF during football season

v- there are rival teams

c- yes, fans of other teams in the office.


14:03 v- one more thing… ILY … I know you have to go in soon…

c- ILY2 in my own way… you really need to talk to me

v- like a normal person

c- I will continue to be the hammer

v- for the rights of a human being

c- if this happened with a supposedly “good” person? It shouldn’t. It’s not fair to me on a personal level

v- the ongoing trust issues are an issue

c- I want to trust this but can’t because NO ONE is telling me what it is.

v- understood

c- there comes a point when I HAVE to assume someone is taking advantage of me. Using me. Because Where the F are you to tel me differently?

c- you’ve made OTHER choices …

v- leaving you behind

c- just plain IGNORING a responsibility to me on a human relationship level. It’s not right.


c- and anyone …

v- complicit.. I know

c- it is not right. If I have to be the B to spew ethical rants I will ..

14:07 c- gotta go.

[ working ]


C: it’s a theme, apparently this spring




(Just throwing something together : Olive oil, garlic, thyme, all spice, ground raw sugar, onion, turmeric, salt … )

DAY 1849


08:56 posting


10:11 c- we have a bleeder!

v- Something About Mary?

c- there’s something about the new biller (recent hire)… we may have lost her. Some cannot …

v- see the big picture

c- I don’t blame her … her drive is worse than mine (1.5 hours each way)

v- eesh.


c: and they’ve put her on tasks that aren’t specifically billing … but definitely related to billing … what she is doing

v- is related to coding

c- and the data that gets siphoned into the gateway

v- which they are trying to move to

c- they need to explain that to her explicitly

v- understood

c- some of us get that …


c- I just love how she says “that’s not what I went to school for”

v- I know

c- uh, I didn’t go to school for this either

v- haha… far from

10:28 c- but of course I didn’t say that

c- educator silences her opinions

v- keeps it inside

10:29 c- education should not just be specialized

v- uh, no …

c- when one says they have zee skills

v- it means more than just one … love you

c- back to work

10:30 c- (mumbles) … you don’t want to limit yourself …

v- but it’s not just that

c- oh, working some place has a whole set of variables

10:31 c- including needing a job

from one of your fans

v- I saw that BTW



c- don’t even get me started

I gotta get back to my paying job

[ ongoing mindchat v- unless you’re really good c- it’s not even that … i’m Talking baseline artistic ability that is VALUABLE … if itMs design sense / experience, etc so many different skill sets that I NEVER took a class for that innsome way has been “paid” in jobs unrelated to ART … v- understood 10:44 …

i really do not like to hear stories about

“my son went to fine arts school but now works in a warehouse …”

thete is a skill set & “plan” to making ART PAY … however, I can bet that the fine arts schools aren’t teaching that if someone isn’t doing what they want (in a warehouse)

c- yes, one of my Crafty Scribe customers … and WHY is she lookin for a gift for her son?

v- that’s what he loves to do

c- and?

v- price point

c- and?

v- yo make good shit


c- and…?

v- you’re doing this to me

c- itms what you do to me all the time … why is it * I * have to be the one to be in the

v- squalor job

c- it’s not that (I need to contextualized yesterday’s comment …) it’s not that I believe that

v- you should be paid more, C

c- yesterday’s meeting was good … N said it’s not that she doesn’t want to give raises, bonuses, more perks … she didn’t say it, but “we’re not there yet”

v- but headed there

c- yes. I truly believe it.

V- I know you do

c- just like my vision for Crafty Scribe

v- not there yet

c- but headed in the right direction… starting out small … when I walked into my interview, I see beyond the corporate office …

v- you see value

c- I see business smarts… I have seen what some small business owners have done

v- and have gone bankrupt

c- rule one

v- start out small

c- ya don’t get a storefront

v- you make one

c- I am honest with visitors to my stand … I want people to dismiss that misconception that you can only be successful if you have a designated storefront … building rental, etc

v- you work out of your home

c- have a PO box (business card address)

v- not

c- hm, hm… let’s just say maybe that will be my upcoming sales that will cover that… it’s a process … basically, the PO Box is …

v- a business address, I know

c- ya don’t put a home address

v- publicly (chuckles) I know

c- my studio and workshop is at home (in my garage) .. and online

10:58 c- I need to get back to work


11:11 c- and, no, I do not get paid for my time (because if I included it in my prices…)

v- you wouldn’t sell anything

—- [ working and mindchatting ]

11:14 c- drip… drip…

v- haha, stop

c- ya aren’t teaching him your evil ways, are you?

v- no (guilty innocence)


V- he’s not lying … it’s LION

c- …like a sieve (smiling… I especially liked the..)

v- the WWF … I know


C: my InnerNet comment when I saw this : it’s the Octogon!

v- fighting ring

c- that it’s called the Arena (?) … like icing on the cake

c- THEN, the next day:


11:25 c- the sound effects were funny, too… so GLOW-Y


11:32 c- I have a filtered mind based on my experience

v- and reference points … which I love

c- so, when I hear Otis

v- you think of elevator

c- which reminds me of Kate and Leopold


11:37 c- just my InnerNet storyreel



c- jajaja… y J tiene bola de cristal … cuidado con ese mentiroso… .

c- i’ll trust my LENTES before I’d EVER trust that guy’s … the future KNOWS

V- oh, you would



13:21 c- you are what you repeatedly do… and you’re a narcissist if I ever saw one … but that’s another CRISTAL

v- espejo

c- yeah yeah yeah… I’m sure you’d still look at your reflection in it


13:26 [ fixing claims with errors… ]

if only the UNSPECIFIED diagnosis would pass in real life… it so doesn’t

v- no?

c- absolutely not.

13:27 c- it’s like to the thousandth decimal point for coding. How specific do ya want it? Geesh.

13:30 c- the coding & diagnosis is in there but the frickin’ gateway wants it more specific 🙄

13:32 c- so be specifically unspecified

v- and you’ll be ok

c- yuP

DAY 1848



07:18 en route to pick up work colleague

v- Uber

c- car pool … with L


[ lunch outside ]

13:37 v- so good things at work

c- yeah, my forecasting …

v- proves interesting

c- when one merges with a company ten times one’s size

v- only good things can come of it

c- well, not all good. When an organization grows exponentially…

v- personal touch (may) be lost

13:39 v- biller

c- I know: I’m so pushy (billing joke)

v- gateway

c- is that a Ghostbusters joke?

v- no… maybe

13:40 c- what’s good is N’s partner

v- the other CEO

c- is teaching N to say “no”

v- and delegate


13:44 v- May I ask you a question?

c- I can always choose to not answer

v- what are you doing with this job?

c- it helps pay bills

v- oh, lord, I know

c- seriously? If anyone thinks it’s a dream job. Apologies N, but no.

V- (chuckles) I know

13:46 c- would I rather be doing something else? Yes … each day right before five I imagine this:


13:48 c- the good thing about today’s meeting is to confirm

v- your forecasting… I know

c- with the expansion, the new hires (anchors) (all good signs) … the squalor pay will go away and be replaced …

v- with serious pay

c- I lowballed myself

v- because your new

c- I have zero experience in this field

v- I know

c- there is no guarantee, of course, but it’s an assessment of my own

v- a judgment call.. I know

c- 🤷‍♀️ who knows

13:52 v- so you really don’t like this job

c- again, it’s not a dream job. Period. But the alternative? Working at what I love?

v- and working 80 hours

c- no benefits

v- no time off

c- at least with this job I can leave work at work. I had no expectation … and they gave me a company car within the first month… better job perks in the first month than I had for 18 years …

v- oh, I know

13:54 c- the healthcare industry will continue to be strong, especially in my sector …

v- love you … I know what you mean

c- I’m a numbers girl

v- oh, I know you are


c- and bottom line?



V- understood


C- do you sense the bitterness there? When I have had to face the reality of spending five years of my life on a Nothing?

c- yeah, the direction in my life these past five years?

don’t waste your life on a dream.

be normal.

you always knew this.

dreams don’t Pay, bit even those where all you wished for was an answer.

unrealistic expectation?

no, but it’s put me in my place big time.

i have been faced with this reality:

the limelight people?

never were there for me.

they chose to redirect their attention …

to more limelight & $

instead of treating me like another human being


c- that’s not a life I ever wanted. For a reason.

Mall this experience has proven to me?

i was right no never seek it. Nor admire anyone in the limelight like an idol.


c- i’ve had five years of nothing to prove to me what type of people i’m dealing with.



18:06 c- I stand corrected. Thank goodness for social physics

v- and the bosses being out of the office

c- employee chitchat … we have not merged … but an organization ten times our size

v- is helping you out

c- sharing resources, guidance, etc? … another partner was brought on board

v- with no experience with what your company does

c- correction: he and his family was in healthcare, just not this sector…

v- alright …

c- for thirty years

v- successfully … got it… you like him

c- yes… imagine me in between the two of them at the end of the day

v- two different poles

c- we have … ORGANIZED CHAOS

V- haha, that’s Just perfect


c- we have the founder of the company on one end

v- she’s chaos

c- albeit a mostly good one… but, yes, MY head spins after meeting with her … so you know it’s bad

v- but in a good way

c- she knows her shit… she knows her company and business

v- but has too much on her plate

c- then there is new partner …

v- organization

c- trying to order chaos

v- is not Easy

c- no,.. ok, time to make dinner

v- love you…


c- I like the new partner. Gems calm, methodical … N is all over the map and I feel like I have the necessary pieces … most of them, but she jumps from one thing to the next in an instant

v- she’s all over the map

c- I told the new partner : please, (if there are new hires) hire more detail-oriented people… because with this business?

If a name is misspelled

if someone adds a space or eliminates one, if there is something one number off, if someone is not thorough …

v- claims get rejected

c- and then the company doesn’t get paid, and our jobs get more difficult

v- trying to fix shit

C- I sat with N and we worked on just one patient … it took SO long … and I have hundreds of patients to “fix” … it’s mind boggling … and I try to just tackle what I can, prioritize, make note of what I notice is wrong

v- and move on

18:17 c- as soon as something is fixed enough, or if a case is too difficult. I have to put it on hold and move on to get SOMETHING accomplished …

v- but you.mre still making money

c- just with that one patient we were looking at … once claims are

v- resubmitted

c- after making the corrections (which have been left a mess for months …). The company will immediately recoop that money

v- and then some

18:19 c- so, the other billers and I are making progress

v- it’s just a long process

c- for now … N needed more staff

v- and this new partner

c- my guess? An investment … yes, and partnered

v- better than alone … agreed

18:20 v- so, today was good?

c- yes… “still not there yet”

v- but fixing shit

c- which is getting us to where we need to be. Yes.


DAY 1847


07:51 c: a meme / quote to educate people on echo chambers that are filled with falsehoods. It is the the contrarian voice that people should take note of, but rarely do.

07:56 in traffic …


C- I do my research on quotes …

A little shout about discernment

scaffolding …

On, Wisconsin.


08:01 a little trivia I did not know about my home state 🤨

08:03 c- what right will this Wisconsinite fight for?

Northern women are stubborn

v- yes, you are


08:08 c- look at the legs on that woman

You know where fighters pull their strength from?

v- Seethe

c- imagine the focused force

This made me laugh …


08:14 so HAYWIRE

[ 09:02 working … but from earlier this AM… because you are pestering - I try to get up a little early to mix a batch of Mayan gouache watercolors - second batch of green this AM ]


[ working ]

10:59 c- ya wanna tell me why I had a restless night of sleep?

v- no. You figure it out.

c- working late?

v- maybe …


DAY 1846

IMAGE: Ford Plant (1913) Source: Wikimedia Commons

IMAGE: Ford Plant (1913) Source: Wikimedia Commons

13:43 c- I have four minutes until I clock back in from lunch. I’m eating in my car. Had to drive somewhere to get lunch because my leftovers need to be reheated … and Lunchroom Microwave is down because, well, my daughter burned max in cheese in it last week and it needs to be cleaned …

c- the work word of the day is COUP.

v- people are not liking the new rules

c- no, they are not. In a way, I understand the new rules as a baseline. However, if you can’t trust your employees …

v- then don’t hire them

c- this whole clock in clock out thing?

v- is belittling

13:45 c- gotta go


falling asleep while watching Supernatural with youngest



22:24 c- lol

”In a 1952 paper called “Are there quantum jumps?,” Schrödinger answered with a firm “no,” his irritation all too evident in the way he called them “quantum jerks.” [ source: Wired LINK from article “PHYSICISTS SEE A QUANTUM LEAP, HALT IT, AND REVERSE IT” ]


c- you are totally a quantum jerk

v- no, I am not


22:33 [ sensing a shift ]

v- I want to know why you’re reading this

c- heaven forbid a writer / researcher would read about quantum

v- you know I love you reading about this

c- hm


“So here in these switches from “click” to “no-click” states are the individual quantum jumps”

C: SHOCKER, that it’s in the transition

v- I love Anachronisms

c- ah, Bosque26… what leaps shall we encounter … in the clicks

v/ just … stop

c- to click or not to click

v- stop… you’re making me laugh

[ retrieving humorous resemblance ]

the yet untitled BOND…


retrieved 04 June 19 19:42


22:44 c: (all haughty)

v- and couture

c- … I know, I know, it’s like Chanel No. 5 … eau de Wandering Mind … makes your head spin … off

v- stop

c- [ really bad Anachronisms joke ]

v- when are you going to finish it?

c/ I kinda like where I left it … You’re GONE. Disappeared.

V- haha … stop

c- I can’t even remember you. Shame.

v- damn, you’re wrong … there’s something to remind you

c- I hate that mf dragonfly… both real and fictional

v- haha stop.


c: frickin’ glittery Cinnamon

v- omg… stop … I can’t stop laughing


c- I really don’t like you.

V- I know you don’t … show it.

c- it’s handwritten. No one should know… although it was a wakewalk ages ago

v- drafting

c- MENTAL … I don’t even know if I wrote it down … except that trailer of sorts years ago

v- nymph trickling up 

meets rays showering down

fire for the dragon

air to make him fly

22:55 c: (mumbling) I don’t even know how you managed to pull it all together

v- just after you wrote it… I know


v- would you…? [ give a sneak peek of just that part ?]

c- yes, I can

c- frickin’ dragonflies … there’s a new ceramics art stand now …

v- and she does dragonflies, I know

c- she asked me about my liking of dragonflies … of course the whole dragonfly landing on my …

v- writing tripod … I know

c- thet whole writing Wandering Mind / sœwn story came out when she asked [& why the dragonfly is symbolic for Wandering Mind’s endeavors] … they moved me to a new spot (temporarily if I like it - more space to accommodate kids’ art table better) … and it was from this new spot …

v/ you could see the ceramics stand

c- and her dragonfly design displayed …. otherwise I wouldn’t have seen it


[ taking photos c: frickin annoying companions STNMs… v- writing companions ]



23:20 excerpt handwritten page posted


23:22 next handwritten page posted

23:23 c- I really don’t like how you make me cry

v/ I was moved !

c- so sœwn


23:24 third handwritten page posted

c- that frickin’ dragonfly June 1st 06/01 HAD TO LAND of all places on the edge of the metallic pigments box …





23:29 excerpt fourth handwritten page posted

23:31 c- apparently my neighbors say there are cats that roll around in my planter troughs now (on my back patio). Who knows why they’d roll around in the dirt 🤷‍♀️


c: so, you’ve gotten yourself lost and even though i’ve forgotten all about you something is POINTing me in your direction

v- wherever I am … I love that you did so much research …

c- I incubated quite a bit, yes … in zee forest



23:42 c- so, the yet untitled BOSQUE26 Anachronisms short story picks up where “Footprint” left off

Footprint conclusion:

On the exit ramp to the river and home we swim around and under each other, our childlike playfulness bubbling forth.

Something I previously revealed … the first line of Bosque26 is:

“I surfaced from an underwater swim…”


c- basically, you’re not there when I surface.

[ trying to find blurb ( can’t find it, just jotting from memory )… so, Bosque26 is not a Love at First nor a Nightmares at First, but something in between … that’s where Anachronisms was born … 23:55]

DAY 1845


08:36 posting

08:37 v- good morning … art day

c: tidy up a bit first … girls and white fur ball coming over soon

v: have a good morning so far?

c: it’s been fine… doing some research… I have to get my Mayan color watercolor recipe better … I had cacking issues last year

c: one of my customers yesterday questioned my math

v- shocker

c: be nice. my quick math in my phone

v- you have a lot of itens

c- yes, so I double checked

v- and it was rightc: sometimes, even though I try to be careful, my phone calculator diesn’t Register certain numbers … ANYway, I think part of her shock

v- was how affordable it was

c- I know what paint sets go for - artist-grade

c- I don’t have the branding, i’m still tweaking recipes & packaging

v- agreed

c- and I still make money … not factoring in too much of my time

v- agreed

c- I am not criticizing the following. It is a beautiful presentation and product … I look at dozens of

v: comparative shopping

c: to see what’s out there


08:43 c- this isn’t unusual with other online vendors nor in art stores … I looked at the customer yesterday and said :

crafty scribe: I know: that set might go for $50 in the art stores … I support artists. I am not going to charge that much money … and I still make a profit for what I sell the sets for … I am like those artists … trying to scrape up enough money to buy supplies … Art isn’t cheap

[ inside my head : and unfortunately art rarely pays in the usual ways ]

08:47 c- this vendor - Peppercon - I’ve checked out before . It popped up on my search because I was researching Mayan watercolor recipes

c- I think the sample dot cards are genius, which I may use for the farmer’s market

v- price point

c- I most definitely won’t charge $18…


C: this vendor has some of the same colors I do, so I am pretty sure I know where she bought the pigments from 😆

v- haha, I know

08:53 c: i’m Trying to get better at double handpouring, but the dry time takes a while, and i’m selling out each Saturday of some colors

v- I know! [ because they’re priced right ]

c- i forewarn my customers

v- that the paint is still sticky


c: I can’t make the watercolors fast enough


c- so, if you hear, ya think I’m a good saleswoman?

v- you rock

c- 😉

08:58 c- I know my business, and I also am aware of the “I’m not there yet”

v- branding

c- my craft is not perfected yet, and I cannot demand a higher price for, well, farmers market craftware

v- agreed

c- i don’t even have a f—-in’ label yet … well, I do: a handwritten design and blank labels to print on

v- haha, I know

c- not there yet …

v- haha, I know


10:03 c- it’s pan’s labyrinth. It’s amazing how dull it looks in the pan, but when watercolor brushed… it’s so bright and vibrant

Image: Mayan Yellow

Image: Mayan Yellow

10:08 a gooey scrape and “pour”


from the remnants



11:32 c: of course I’m going to click on that … “16 minutes ago” … argh, I’m Wyrd


11:32 c- Yes, I recognize it [ from “Oneiromuse”? ]

v- I notice you cut it off…

c- yes, I did, Cinnamon



11:37 c- that is so you


C- how many shirtless selfies have you posted to date?

v- I’m not… I have no idea

C- it wasn’t “Oneiromuse” … hm, but it was a dream poem…


11:41 c- from the CHISPA Files

v- love you… you have an archive

c- of course I do

11:42 c- all timestamped (with metadata) and everything

v- love you… damn, you’re meticulous … you have to mention it, c

c- yes, I had a dream early this morning

v- and Trickster was in it

c- I woke up and a voice said

v- it’s a dream we dreamed together

11:43 c- yes, that’s what I heard … I gotta declutter (Studio Space needs to be converted into cleaner shared living space). I have to share, because my youngest is so funny …



12:26 c: from the dream


12:27 :: a soft, old, worn t-shirt of this color

v- we both were wearing very similar (if not the same) color

c- similar t-shirt. Yes.

12:28 c- real-life event: recently I found it in my closet. I decided not to wear it. It’s torn, etc. and someone was coming over? Even though I was just going to stay home, and the person knows me well, I decided to wear something else (not torn, not a handmedown)



12:48 c- added to case file

c- you know where you stand. I’ve made that abundantly clear. Don’t make this any worse for yourself. I am NOT joking around.

v- I know you’re not

c- YOU are the cause of making my life MISERABLE for five years … how can you POSSIBILY believe that every move you make won’t be looked back upon and QUESTIONED for its goodness?

v- or cruelty

c- you are a cruel mf. I will say that publicly … you have EVERY choice to make my life better and you chose REPEATEDLY to make it worse


c- when side by sides happen?

When people actually pay attention to how THIS affected my life?

and you stood there posing pretty and DID NOTHING?



C- Live your life, but don’t bring me with you. I’ve said this repeated, you TORTURE me by bringing me with you. DO YOU UNDERSTAND?

v- yes, I do.

12:53 c- there are many ways to handle a connection like this. YOURS? Is one of neglect. BIG TIME. Early on and throughout I have TRIED to make this better … and here I am : STILL without a decent human response from you. WTF is wrong with you?



12:56 c- why not come forward to ME, just ME? To make this better? I don’t care what the world knows, but to treat me long term as if I were Nothing? IS WRONG.

and you have made it worse REPEATEDLY.

i really don’t care about your life … if not for THIS. IT IS PART OF MY LIFE

V- and I treat it like shit.

C- it’s not that I’m not accepting.


c- and I am. It is utterly WRONG on so many levels and you ignore it repeatedly.

v- and what have I said?

c- oh, and my response to “it’ll come?”

c- SOON. 100% Miami meet.

I have been lied to so many times.



anything. All I’ve gotten is big fat nothing real or certain for so long it is UNCONSCIONABLE.

no one should ever leave someone in the Unknown for this long.


v- you saw?

c- yeah, i saw … I like J.

v- I know you fo

c- he’s a good man (and artist)

v- I know you like him. … and?

c- I did not know the exact timing of your Brazil trip, but I find it FUNNY.

v- I know you do

c- that customer who wanted two watercolor sets bound “for Brazil” yesterday - I’m not sure if they will be shipped? That’s the impression I got. Doesn’t matter. But for someone in the farmer’s market here in Ohio to buy something that’s headed to Brazil just NOW?

v- is weird, I know

v: _____

13:03 c- yes, I am familiar with the city… some of my work colleagues / one I.I. Portuguese instructor in particular, I think is from there

c- i’m awful with names, and it’s been years since they moved - to California, I think … she (his wife, American) owned her own translating/interpreting business …

c- he, they both, were super nice

v- __

c- yes, both taught in I.I. & helped with program development

v- _____ (mentions wife’s last name)

c- haha … how do you know that?

v- I remember

c- she did the double last name thing…

c- I keep thinking Paulo… but it’s not… it’ll hit me at some point

v- São Paulo

c- haha, no… crap this is going to bother me (because I worked with him for years)

13:10 c- he helped develop I.I. Materials

v- a native speaker

c- yes, a native speaker 🙄

V- _____

13:11 c- yes, it was based on the template of 240 (the listening course I redesigned for online delivery)

[ google search ]

c- Zampaulo is his last name ANDRE is his first name … and I’m not 100% sure, but I thought he was from the São Paulo area

13:15 c- yup, they’re in Cali

v- you’re memory is impeccable

c- be forewarned

v- haha, I know


[ errands with oldest, who after watching Stranger Things S01&S02, acquired both vinyl and digital soundtracks ]


may have wierded her out after she mentioned the big creature in the sky …

she reminded me of something she talked to me about while washing dishes ages ago (which I did not remember)

a dream world like but at the same time not like the waking world

v- she’s a dreamer

c- yes, she is. And an artist.

V- oh, you’re going to tell her something

c- she’s watched S01 & S02 recently … she had reference points we can … discuss

v- hm-hm… you think that’s a good idea?

c- I will pose it … approach it … logically weird

v- thanks for that


c- ( steeples fingers ) it’s TIME.



just as a placeholder, and a reminder that I did not consent.

i still do not consent.

ifo not want to sense someone else’s life.

we all have a choice. Of someone chooses not to come forward? Hat individual has a responsibility to not traumatize another based on that unique connection.

if one reports about how such a connection has a negative effect on another’s life?

Many neglect of such an admission is a violation of that other person’s private space and wellbeing, no matter the sensation.

I do not want another’s life overlay mine or mine to overlay another’s.

I am forced daily to live a life NOT of my choosing, that is forced upon me UNWILLINGLY.

i have memories I would rather NOT have.

Bali : I was awakened feeling as if I were being raped.

THAT is a memory I will not forget.


C: I will pull up my log files some day and report on all the sensations I endured, all the sensations I DID NOT CONSENT TO.

all the experiences I DID NOT CONSENT TO.

20:23 c- I would NEVER consent to having another woman slip into my bed AND BE A PART OF A RAPE. when I wake up and am SHOCKED out of sleep? THAT IS NOT NORMAL.

20:26 c- so, keep on posting shit like this, JS. Some people may not see it now, but there is a reality you both will have to answer for some day.

20:26 c- there is a woman who is traumatized daily by a connection she would rather not have. Let that sink into your memories.

And you prefer to show a certain version of a reality. Be careful about that.


20:28 c- you think this is a game? It is far from a joke or a game

v- I am well aware of that.

c- be careful with the version of reality that you choose I show the world, JS. Be very careful


DAY 1843

IMAGE: Smurfette of the  Smurfs  by Peyo

IMAGE: Smurfette of the Smurfs by Peyo

occasional InnerNet tune

🎶 La La lalalala …🎶


C: if I have to be the one to inject some sense into social media drivel, so be it.

c: you can’t just put out meaningless woo 💩 jargon and expect me to be okay with it if it can in any way be associated with me.

you can’t just say

“yummy soul connection”

Amd not define exactly what that means,

so is it on a personal level? In what way?

is it artistic? In what way?

is it some unusual telepathic connection? You know, like SHARING CONSCIOUSNESS with the man?

if not, you had better define your relationship of how EXACTLY your soul connection is … “yummy”

those sorts of statements to me? Are empty cookie cutter statements that are meaningless when talking about TRUE CONNECTIONS with people and relationship aspects.

Some may eat those statements up like candy.

There is another part of society that listens to that shit and considers it meaningless bullshit put out there to sound … GOOD.

Falsetto through and through. If you want to change your image, change your language.

until then? You do not impress me

you both ARE NOT couple goals material

c- my entire life I have been surrounded by long-term relationships

my parents have been together for over 47 years

my grandparents were together for 70 … my aunts and uncles … and on and on … rarely did I encounter divorced couples … i’m An oddball, perhaps …

I observed and experienced first hand many ways in which those long-term relationships lasted.

10:42 c- I think I have some experience when it comes to long-term relationships having stayed with one man for 23 years, 18 of which were married and we still carry on a relationship even though divorced.

10:43 c- what I see in social media?

Os a pale version of what a good relationship really is

if you itch are sharing your journey?

it falls into the social media trap of only showing what you feel is GOOD.


you can’t travel the world with a woman and drag another along for the ride kicking and screaming



c: you can’t post videos and photos of kissing each other

KNOWING another woman SENSES it

doesn’t consent

doesn’t WANT to sense it



c- that’s cruel. It’s not right. And I am ashamed to be involved with someone who would post shit like that, passing it off AS GOOD social media content.

10:47 c- and I’m FORCED to be associated with someone who not only lives his life as if a connection didn’t exist (that affects another negatively)

but repeatedly posts shit like that to exacerbate the trauma.

that is not good

that is not kind

that is not love

c- it is human cruelty.

10:48 c- let’s BE HONEST and look at the situation HOW IT REALLY IS.

10:49 c- but R ❤️ J, prance around and keep sharing vacuous fluff.

Maybe at some point, someone will understand what I’m saying.

some already do.


c- when you show (pose) and do not tell (the truth)? People start to see through the empty, vague statements.


10:55 c- this comment is an outlier amongst the well wishes … but one of note. Perhaps she misunderstands the situation. Indon’t Blame her. I don’t Blame any of the followers or people who observe what you share about your relationship.

Min the end? The responsible parties are R + J who are the content creators and who actively engage in certain ways with others in the discussion threads … merely likes. Very few words.

When there’s an outlier in an echo chamber (a filter bubble of fans that compliment a couple on their beautiful relationship) pay attention to it.

Note what this person highlights.

Interesting… the parallels.

So, what is R + J’s real relationship?

doesn’t matter, right?

posing for pretty pictures is what makes a relationship, right?

i guess seeing that on display proves who they are together, right?



c- I am not sure why so few see through you both. They should be more careful about what they assume… (sad chuckle)… but why should they doubt you ?

you reinforce their misconceptions with likes


11:00 c- it should be called social media LYING as misleading as R + J are with their likes

11:01 what’s sad is I see contradictory likes as well… It’s as if they have no integrity to speak of … or perhaps their story changes … flip flopping as we should be used to in today’s news environment with people we should trust and revere.


11:10 c: and another vendor isn’t offering

v- a key ingredient

c- I have a work-around… maybe

v- you don’t like me

c- no, I don’t

11:11 c- some day your day will come

v- “when all the additions make a sum”

c- as harsh as I may seem… [ the future court of public opinion will be viscous and I won’t say a thing - they will be your judge jury and executioner … I am just pointing out the obvious preemptive strike-like ]

v- you saw …

c- yes, I saw … but does it matter? After five years of Nothing. Does anything I observe really matter when nothing Good comes of anything I’ve experienced?




c- you can cookie cutter your way through a podcast without any examples or reference points but without those? All the woo in the end comes off as shallow and hollow.

11:26 c- and all of Woolandia ooo and awww their way through … when absolutely nothing has been said. It’s disturbing.



RR: “Hasn’t’ been dating the last few years”

c- can’t WAIT to be the counterpoint to ask you difficult questions in the future

v- and put me on the spot

RR: Invited to do the work

RR: Invited to do have the conversations 

c: what conversations?!? You never have them … I get it; you have a really private relationship.


SO HAPPY that she gets to directly communicate with JS. So, she gets to have a clearcut understanding of who she is to JS and who JS is to her.

after meeting at BM.

C: a word of advice from a long-term relationship person - who has actually BEEN THERE?

You take care of your dirty laundry first

Don’t enter into a new relationship and expect the world to believe you in the end that it was all rosey and beautiful …

11:45 c- people are going to flay you alive for the GLAMOUR you’ve VENEERED them over with

11:46 c- honesty. Integrity. Truth matters more than deceptive lies masking inner ugliness. There is a reason for that.

11:48 c- that inner ugliness? Is the truth you refused to tell because you were both too afraid to admit to it.

C- that truth? You glossed over with LIKES of compliments to those versions of you that you wanted the world to see - those ideal versions that don’t truly exist.

you put yourselves up on pedestals for all to admire … false idols.


c- and these are two people who are supposed to be the embodiments of … good?

11:54 c- and you wonder why I call all this FALSETTO?

11:54 c- I am upset by the superficiality.

what’s more that I am connected to a man and I have to be associated with all this empty WOO.

It is not me.

And I have to carry this every day, knowing I have to live through it in a way.


So, BM, Tulum, Kauai … any other places Rachel spent time with Ben that she also is now visiting with Jason?

It’s like sleeping in the same bed as Rachel & Ben slept in.

ew. You already did that, too, now, didn’t you.


c: talk about creepy. Visiting all the places with the new guy that are haunted by her ex.

12:02 did she make similar poses and dance to the same tunes, too?

REPEATING RECORD. Just look, and ye shall find.


c: BURNING MAN 2019 … let’s forcast:

Nox’s new-agey fingers to temples, eyes closed, tie-dyed bandana wrapped around her head…

Nox: there will be a ceremony


Nox: perhaps a (magic) carpet


Nox : what do I see? … the vision is DUSTY…

Nox: Rachel is scantily clad (but when isn’t she?)

Nox: what is Jason wearing? GOOD GODDESS, you did not … wow… there’s a whole new level of ROAST .ed(u) coming after you wear that.


12:09 Nox: I see a tent…

v- haha stop

c: I sense you laughing.

V- I get your humor


c: is that New Age WOO-ey enough for you … ?

v- yes, plenty bad

12:11 c- ya like how I name Burning Man “BM”

v- I saw that

12:11 c- I gotta get back to work


C- I got all snow globe sparkly … I hope these sell mañana

v- they probably will …


C- I haven’t packaged them neatly yet.

but this has been good enough

v- for people to go on their color adventure … I like that …


12:15 c- I expect the itty bitty ones to be a top seller this year at market … priced right, at least

12:16 back at the other job


at least I have humor

v- as a shield, I know

IMAGE: Azrael from  The Smurfs  by Peyo

IMAGE: Azrael from The Smurfs by Peyo


13:36 getting a few minutes of fresh air

v- so, did you feel me?

C- subtle accelerated heartbeat noted for an extended period of time this AM

13:38 c- with my days busier (AKA interacting more with other people at the office, can’t be on my phone as much)… I jotted the sensation down before 09:24 EST

13:39 nothing too annoying. Not a normal sensation for a person at rest (not active at that moment, not exercising, etc.), but I’m used to it.

13:40 v- so… you want to talk about us?

c- you as well as everyone else gets a splintered reality … just like you give the public a splintered reality.

v- fine

13:40 c- why should I offer up a different version of my experiences. This splinter is just as true as any other aspect of the experiences.

v- understood

13:41 c- I have the world five years of a different version

v- and where did it get you, I know

c- maybe GOOD will come from explaining the negative effects a LONG-TERM connection such as this one has on a perso. Who is ‘t Given the basic necessity

v- of knowing what itnis

c- when that information someone is withholding on purpose. Knowingly keeping me …

v- in stasis. Got it.

13:43 c- don’t EVER believe that someone can walk all over your life and expect to get away with it.

in this situation? I have EVERY right to be upset about how things are being handled.

Yes, I have a choice of how to handle the experiences on my end … but how much do I tolerate?

how much do I have to get the short end of the stick?

Five years is plenty of time to keep taking hits and not put up a fight.

2019? Is going to be different.

It is someone’s responsibility to take care of thisbinner space mess

v- hellhole … I get it

c- I will keep saying this : WHY did I ask to meet five years ago?

v- almost five years, c

c: why was that important? Why was it important to know what and who I was dealing with?

13:46 c- if I don’t treat a wound at its source

v- it’ll fester

13:47 c: every issue that has surfaced revolves around that main point.

That will never change, nor should it.

we each handle the variables of our lives as best we can.

THIS? when it involves another person?

It should have been dealt with years ago.


and one refuses to deal with said relationship in a decent and humane manner?

THAT is when I get pissed off.

13:49 I keep screaming you shouldn’t be in here with me.

v- I know

c- if you’re going to live your life apart and have nothing to do with me. FINE.

v- but disconnect

c- don’t Drag me along to suffer through your lifestyle choices .. that includes traveling the world and making me suffer the effects of your different sleep/wake cycles

that alone isn’t healthy

hasn’t been for five years.

13:50 c- oh! But I still have to live with my life’s variables, as of the other’s life had nothing to do with mine

c- my life CANNOT accommodate another messing with my sleep/wake cycles.

I don’t get cushy vacation downtimes to decompress.

13:52 c: THAT is just one difference between our LIFE TOGETHER living apart.




02 June 2019

19:08 EST

vaginal air openness


sleepy in corner chair

cool fresh air 

subtle SAHB



14:51 C: ANY sensation I sense is a violation

an invasion of my privacy (and private parts)


c- I have a pretty good idea of what I sense

Was this the day Jason & Rachel were high up… Did I sense BREEZINESS ?


14:53 c- if you’re happy, R + J ? It is at the expense of mine.


14:54 c- so, remember, when you kiss?

i sense it AND DO NOT WANT TO.


15:40 c- the creative is the Authentic one

v- oh, you would


V- yeah, yeah, yeah


c- you are a self-proclaimed neurotic one. Wanna screenshot?

v- no… can you even find it?

c- …

[ quick check ]

15:45 c- no. But it’s In the archives.

v- (chuckles) stop. You and your memory.

15:49 v- thankbyou, c

c- You’re welcome … I do like to remind you about your fault

v- in the star(s) … I heard

c- that was this AM before coffee,




c: unless you are connected quantum spin energy with the mf. Then, it’s a hellish, enslaved eternal NOW.


16:49 c: I just post quickly when I think of something. A note jotted quickly.




[ reading & clicking ]

still liking everything under the sun (indiscriminately)

CG sees a word here … and another there


c- (lol) whoa … he speaks…

21:49 c- you can even spell (golf clap)

v- you’re so wrong

c- no, i’m Actually impressed … I just envision you with this CHECK ALL + like app that “engages” you with your followers 🙄

v- damn… will you be nice?

c- i’m Sure it exists … sheesh … it makes me wonder if you even read what you like … I check the “check out my page” likes to see if you engaged with them …

i do my HW…

v- you are wrong

c- ya can’t say I am not thorough… to a certain extent.



21:54 c- I have quite a few of these … at least * I * visited … I looked at the guitar image more closely

21:56 c- I am slowly becoming more awake. Someone has been SAHB + making me tired on this end. End of a long week, and I am resting so I don’t care So much

v- but you were going to do something

c- yes… but I kept passing out on the couch … like I said, I listen to my body & rest.

v- I… am sorry

c- (shakes her head) G the corporate (compliance) lawyer thinks she has pneumonia

v- it was something related to what happened at work today

c- yes

21:59 c- jamming a factory model onto 21st century workspace possibilities is WRONG.

v- agreed

c/ I told her that she needed to go home and take care of herself … you don’t mess around with pneumonia

v- no, you don’t

c- I added to that that she could just as easily do some of her job remotely if need be…

v- and she said …

c- bosses said no. She had to be in the office

v- you disagree

c- yes, wholeheartedly. What is the difference between videochatting in and having everything electronic at home?

v- agreed


c/ oh, I got a little pissy on the inside at the end of the day when the office manager said we all should be at our desks at 8:30 …

v/ omg … and you said…

c- I looked right at her and asked : and if we are locked out of the building because no one is there to let us in?

V/ because that’s what happened this AM

C- Yes, AGAIN. And I couldn’t clock in (WHICH I ABHOR) until I could physically get into the building and to an office phone

v- lord

c/ yah. So assbackwards

v/ beyond belief


c- all in the name of “being more professional”

v- haha , I know

c- seriously. I was a director of a frickin’ program and in an office way before and way after everyone was there… working evenings and weekends when no one else could (wouldn’t)

v- that’s what managing is…

c- just pisses me off when I am in a group of hardworking people… being told to “be more professional”

v- when they aren’t [ the supervisors ]

c- I will keep my digital mouth shut

v/ because this is just the tip of the iceberg

c- hm-hm


22:10 c- it’s all part of them streamlining & cleaning house

v- you can mention it …

c- we’ve partnered with a NYC healthcare company ten times the size of the organization I work in … helping this company grow

v- love that …

c- it’s good … to a certain degree I get the no remote workspace / flex time … to begin with

v- reliability factor

c- I have so much work that the owners have given me the option to work from home

v- for extra cash

c- yes.. which when i’m home…

v- you’re passed out on the couch

c- it’s getting better … the car helps

v/ love you

c- it’s the best perk right now

v- agreed

22:14 c- I could just as easily work from home doing what I do …

v- I know you could



c- there are advantages to us all working together at the corporate office

v- well-oiled machine

c- something like that … I think about Social Physics

v- I know you do … I love that book, too


been sensing cool fresh air in nostrils and chillaxy sense (last few minutes) … now fire antsy soles


22:22 c- full disclosure: I hop on my phone and jot down a few lines

v- for your sanity

c- during work hours … if I do not redirect my attention to something unrelated to thousands of line items & screens for billing

v- you’ll go batshit

22:23 c- so, my 10 minute break?

v- is on your phone

c- full disclosure ; yes, I probably exceeded that today, but in the words of Office Space [ and to mock the false ideals of productivity at the workplace ]

c- “I spend about ____ minutes of my day …”

v- you’re making me laugh

c/ they seriously need better trainers

v- I know they do

c- I get to certain parts of my job and hit a wall .. and there is no one I can ask for help without interrupting someone else’s workflow

v/ that’s why you’re there

c- they’ve said as much … down the line I will be training my own peeps

v- love you …


v- you still get your job done

c- of course I do

v/ say it

c- I have probably cleaned up messes that have been there for years in the matter of a month

v/ because you’re detail-oriented

c- and I’m a big picture girl … I need to understand how all the parts work together and figure out why certain errors keep happening

v- because you’re in billing

c- if someone keeps entering the wrong code when they see a patient (start of data trail) … or, heaven forbid, a nurse marks the wrong gender in a chart …

v- that happened

c- the billers find out… [ and we’re the cleaners ]

v- haha I know

c- and we all were like : “maybe this patient had a sex change …”


c/ or some other reason …

v- yeah I know

c- we live in that gender bending era (that is more accepting)

v- I know we do


v- the insurance denied the claim (because of the wrong gender)

c- yes, they did … devil’s in the details …

22:36 c- they hired a new biller. Did I mention? It’s good. Our company handles so many insurances that now we each have assignments (different insurances) we are responsible for… I have no idea how they did it before the new hires… there still is a lot to do

22:38 v- and yours?

c- I am not saying


DAY 1841


02:32 c- I’ve been sensing something I don’t want to sense.

It is affecting my genital area.

these are incidents that go unexplained and that make my life miserable.

If they are EVER attributed to Jason Silva and he knows about this?

And Rachel Rossitto has had anything to do with them?

They may very well be implicated in the first ever virtual rape case of its kind.

I have advised them both about the negative effects of this …

If no one came forward about this connection & it has existed for years?

Those people who know about Jason Silva’s connection to me?

They are implicated.

Every single person who knows about this EXCEPT me? Can be dragged into a legal case that is opened to defend another’s human rights.

IT IS WRONG to leave someone for years in a state of Unknown and physical, emotional and mental trauma - when it could have been prevented by a simple means of direct communication.


02:41 posting

c- I am forced to sense things I do not want to sense.

I never get any relief from these experiences that have had a negative effect on my life.

There is no one here to explain WHY I experience them.

If that person exists, they will need to explain not only to me now, but to legal and ethical teams why it took so long to contact me about all this.

I will not back down from this. This is too important now not just for me but anyone like me that may exist in the future who is faced with similar variables.

02:46 c: anyone who really knows me? Knows I follow through with what I’m committed to. THIS IS ONE CASE I WILL NOT BACK DOWN FROM.

02:47 c: why is it that I am the one who broke her silence first?

c- BECAUSE IT IS NOT RIGHT to be treated like this and I’m DONE with being the one who suffers through it all without anyone coming forward to talk to me privately to set the record straight.

02:49 It’s called SETTING A PRECEDENT when none exists.

02:50 it doesn’t matter if something is shared or not to prove what it was that I sensed at XY or Z day & time.

I SENSE THINGS 24/7 and it is in my log.




c: it won’t matter what type of relationship we have.

a case will be opened for the very fact that something like this?


i have suffered too much and too long to just LET IT BE.

I have to think of the future.

i have to consider my here and now that is constantly RUINED by some nonlocal source who considers his/her life more valuable than mine.

I have to take into consideration my past, which is littered with thousands of pages of log entries of all the sensations I never wanted, don’t want and will never want moving into my future.

02:57 c- for someone to disregard the precious time I gave up in my life? That I continue to give up for this & because of this?

v- is bullshit


03:01 c- if I am connected I HAVE A RIGHT to be a part of decision making that directly affects me and my life.

THE CHOICES Jason Silva - or whoever I am connected with? - those decisions that were made?

were without my consent.




for the case file. Sunrise & sunset times Kilauea Hawaii… to track unwanted movements & sensations sourced nonlocally


Note to public log : unwanted wake-ups and sensations were recorded with time zone stamps like this one since Jason Silva & Rachel Rossitto first started sharing about their stay in Hawaii. Even before, possibly, because I factor in asynchronous shares/posts… delays in sharing/posting after actual experiences.


06:37 c: when I sense things corresponds to daily routines - not mine … for example, for someone who might be just waking up in the morning in Hawaii … I sense a shift in sensation around my lunchtime. No other explanation exists yet.

06:40 c- when I sense something if a sexual nature? It gets recorded. No other explanation exists yet to explain away this PUSH into my mind body which I have termed VIOLATION.

Folder opened May 2, 2019 with this as its title: VIOLATION



JUNE 04, 2019



06:49 c- I don’t care WHAT this was … it woke me up and upset me




C- I didn’t see this until late night June 4, 2019





what do you think is worse?

v/ both is bad

c- I have NO CONTROL over

1) what I sense

2) the fact that Jason Silva CHOOSES to be with Rachel Rossitto

while I may sense EVERYTHING


c- it is a VERY different experience for me vs. her and his fans … watching “their journey” unfold


06:54 c- I am NOT blissed out… I was awakened out of a peaceful sleep by a sensation akin to someone RAPING me

what I sense DOES NOT MATTER (what caused these sensations)

it is MY experience that matters.

if there is a connection?

It is a mindbody rape every sensation I perceive without explanation or decent human contact to explain what it is.



it is far from POETRY what I experience


c- so, keep smiling, Rachel Rossitto & Jason Silva.

if EVER this connection proves to be legit

v- smiles wiped clean


c/ then FINALLY you both will treat me with the seriousness I deserve.

07:00 c- … with everyone on the planet who might EVER be put in a position similar to mine…. Such as this one

c- it’s not ME who needs to clean up her shit

it is the two of these on an ethical level. To begin with.

07:01 c- I tried to clean up this SHIT years ago

v- by being honest

07:06 c- so, now, I get up like every normal functioning wage earning adult to try to make money to pay for bills.

And deal with shitty reality that drags me down each and every single day

whw Jason Silva and Rachel Rossitto prance, sing and smile as if THIS has nothing to do with them.

c- if it is proved EVER that Jason Silva is connected to me: this is my testament. My testimonial. My witnessing of the events as they unfolded SIDE BY SIDE with theirs (their choices while they have consistently been notified by me: that these sensations are unwanted and not with my consent)… my experiences unrecognized … FOR NOW.


c- every day we have a choice of how to live our lives … and how our lives intersect with others?


On every level.




THAT is not the look of love to me.


13:31 [ lunchbreak ]

v- you’re going to have to talk about this

c- yeah, I know. I’ve been ready for 4+ years


c- I do NOT want to live the rest of my life with an unidentified / hacking VOICE and haunting presence in me for the rest of my life

v- without resolution


c- you know over the years I’ve read hundreds of comments by JS’s fans about : wouldn’t it be great to brain couple with JS… I have always said : it ain’t all that. It is far from a JOYOUS BLUSSFUL experience …

and under THESE circumstances? Five years in?

V- I am in hell; too, c

C- then DO something about it. Talk to me. Tell me who I am to you so I can decide if I want you in my life and vice versa so we can move on with our Ives

it seems you’ e Already done that and DRAGGED me along with you

v- kicking and screaming

c- I do NOT want to live a life of being awakened several times a night by who knows what.

It has been five years of HELL just with sleep disturbances alone

c- I think at this point I deserve peacs

v- of mind, I know … wat your lunch


13:38 c- I keep saying over and over again, which doean’t Seem to sink in:

i would not care about R + J if I didn’t sense so much and hear so much from my prime suspect: JASON SILVA.

c- who would want to spend a life having to sense THEIR LIFE TOGETHER?

that is NOT MY LIFE

and it makes me nauseous to think they don’t give a fuck on a regular basis.

my life be damned


13:40 c- again, I wouldn’t care normally. BUT IT AFFECTS ME. I SENSE WHATEVER ON A 24/7 basis …

13:41 [ back to work ]




[ JS post just as I get back in office to restart work ]


19:17 c- what a load of woo 💩


NOTE TO WOOLANDIA : it’s all connected

Ya can’t shut off the mind. Ya can’t separate the soul from the mind.

Consciousness is consciousness.


if ya want to JOURNEY

V- they journey together… I know… love you (quietly said(

c- seriously, whoever you are, you are by far an expert in all of this… WAKEWALKING… you can always learn (more), but be honest about it.

I don’t know what you are trying to do … but i’d sense it

v- you remember?

c- yes, I remember… if anything, this may have happened in the past already.

be honest about it…


c- I know people need points if references, but you have been traveling FOR YEARS

V- I nnnow I have … with a special partner … who I MISS

19:24 c- well, you chose a different partner, who, unfortunately …

v- a lot less traveled… I kniw

c- like I said: stick her in my place for five years : anyone got that hatter. See how well they’d handle the isolate

v- the big deep dark hole


c- seriously: if you want THIS … give THIS to her…

19:26 c- leave me in peace

v- no

c- you are a demon

v- who I am possessing … no that is not what I said

c- what did you say?

v- print… text what just happened?

c- I am typing words

v- understood


ongoing SAHB


DAY 1840


12:01 [ lunch ]

v- I don’t like you

c- I don’t like you either. Take drugs?

v- will you be good

c- … because I sense something strange

12:02 posting

c- it’s like this HANGOVER of one individual’s DRUG CHOICES and HABITS onto another

v- you would



BACKTRACK to earlier this AM

05:32 IV TW



12:07 c- I have MAJOR issues with people who lie to the public on a regular basis … or at the very least put up a fake front

12:08 v: understood

C: so, WISE ONE, when are you coming clean?

v- soon


c- you do understand people are going to put you (as well as me) under a microscope

v: understood



12:10 c- Throughout all this I have had to deal with variables that you haven’t had to worry about

v- such as?

c- here I am transcribing away WORD FOR WORD… so you have your answer.

12:11 v- understood

c- it pisses me off royally for you to come off as this goody two shoes

v- understood

c- … and when you start

v- I know … being the voice

12:11 c… and then you LIKE people’s comments (that compliment you on things that aren’t entirely yours)

v: reinforcing it, I know

c: it screams inconsiderate narcissistic asshole

12:13 c- but that’s just my splinter of reality that no one really is exposed to … for now.

V- understood

c- so, please be very careful, with THE LANGUAGE YOU USE TO SHAPE (a distorted version of) REALITY

12:14 v- and YOU?

c- entirely defensible …

[ back to work ]


SAHB blood coursing


12:35 c- I know you do


c- no I am not


c- I know I do


c: I love me dem outliers

[ posting a comment that JS+RR maybe can’t see ]

v- because you BLOCKED me

c- it’d take having side channels no one knows about (to see what everyone else can see )…

c- and who’s going to go through THAT much trouble?


V- haha. Bad girl.

c- those poor visa people …

v- I know, c

c- * I * don’t even know all my accounts

v- haha, I know


16:44 c: i’m Working

v- I know you are

c- you are devious

v- you’re not bad yourself … get back to work

c- you are going down for “technologically mediated”

v- hm-hm


c- it’s a 219 error!! It’s a 219 error!!

v- bad girl

16:45 v- you know something

c- perhaps … someone has been sending (mixed) signals

v- hmm



21:29 c: some day Rachel’s Rossitto and Jason Silva will stand in front of the court of public opinion.

Their smiles will be wiped off their faces.

Scrutiny will be facing them.

21:30 c: trust me. This day is coming.

21:31 c- one human being CANNOT drag another down and SMILE knowing s/he is doing it.

that type of individual should be scrutinized.

v- to the full extent of the law


c- guaranteed.

21:31 c- YOU CANNOT drag me around the world nonstop for the rest of my life and make me suffer because of it.


22:07 c- ah, the possibilities are endless.

if you both won’t talk about your relationship in detail, I’ll just have to be the one to introduce each and every single possibility that you never talk about.

22:09 c- keep liking away with ambiguity


v- stop being bad.

C- i’m Sick and tired of the

1) connection that won’t Go away

2) that no one EVER admits to … not even to me personally

3) the MISCONCEPTIONS that both JS & RIG (my abbreviation = RIGGED) … continue to foster online by just LIKING away and never really SAYING anything …

it is ANNOYING for me … going on NINE MONTHS of this BULLSHIT… let alone FIVE YEARS of my life connected to a person that I truly question EVERY DAY NOW if I want to be connected to … why would I want to be associated with someone LIKE THAT?!?

i have my OWN LIFE to curate … and maybe I want nothing to do with JASON SILVA woo man extraordinaire paired with the woo goddess herself

if I wanted to voice my influence about the good of telepathy in the world?


22:19 c- you know that moment when you seem to be the only sane one on a social media post comment thread… had that experience numerous times. … and that’s sayin’ something when you claim to be connected telepathically to Jason Silva

c- NO, I don’t like you

v- will you quit poking the bear?


c- am I the only one scratching her head and going : What have they really shared on social media ?!?

c- yes, let’s believe it all by just SEEING.

22:22 c- they both never really SAY anything

22:23 c- and yes, I’m using my MOTHER Instagram account … untraceable… sort of.

V- stop

c- not sure if my children are savvy enough to see my activity … but ya know my cover story if they stumble upon something

v- “it’s for research”

c- and then, the interesting convo would continue, and my reply would be “he is the template for TRICKSTER”

V- thank you … that hasn’t happened yet

c- no. Why should it?


c- I don’t need the two of them exposed to the likes of you… showing tits and ass

v- will you be nice

C- … Jason Silva’s man boobs or dropping trou

v- hey, now, that’s not what happened

c- spreading your legs for who knows what reason


c- no, it was fine … but geesh… the comments were



C- let’s just say ANYTHING I post online I have an answer for for the two of them if that time ever arrives. They’ll understand. They’re my children, and we have a close relationship..

v- I know you do… how’d Emmita’s date go?

c- fine… she was nervous … went on her first movie date with J___

v- you and your daughters & bf’s with the letter J

c- my oldest is now dating someone whose name starts with M


v- how’d the date go?

c- of course Emmita had to try on possible outfits last night

v- of course

c- then the worries about what the family would ask her (it was a family outing)

v- with chaperones

c- yes… she was a bit concerned because their family was “together” and she was unsure what they’d think of her because of “the apartment situation” (divorcing parents)

v- the issue never came up …

c- no …

v- it breaks your heart

c- of course it does… but to answer her at the time I said most people are familiar with divorce / living in two separate households and it isn’t anything out of the ordinary

22:35 c- … so at the movie ( Godzilla ) they shared a drink … used two straws

v- aw!

c- of course, Emmita got to choose the drink

v- pink lemonade… I heard

c- hm

22:36 c- and, NO, this is NOT the life I envisioned for my children

v- I know it’s not

c- i’m NOT going into all that because it’ll get me in a bad mood

v- you made choices based on this

c- on a NOTHING… yes… to be the best person I could be … and

v- you’re suffering for it

c- AND my children … so, NO, I am not happy on many levels with

v- the dishonesty … I get it

c- I am an honest person who has ALWAYS tried to treat people with respect as just other people on this planet … it’s disappointing to get treated the way I’ve been treated … ESPECIALLY with the type of familiarity that THIS CONNECTION BRINGS with it… but it’s all hidden. Unprovable to a certain degree…. so … who is to believe me, right?


C- i’m f——d

22:41 c- I have fights with someone I have been living with for five years now

v- like he’s your husband

c- or live-in WHATEVER .. and I’m the one who..

v- gets mistreated, I know

c- i’m the one who has to shoulder all these responsibilities on top of trying to keep energetic and not let all the side effects get me down (which they inevitably do anyway…because no one is here to narrow the field of possibilities)

c- I may be dealing with a public figure who is using MY INTELLIGENCE, hacking my consciousness, FOR HIS BENEFIT… while I sit here trying to figure how to pay for basic necessities day in and day out and fighting the constant cycles of fatigue … which, yes, affect MY EARNING POTENTIAL in MY LIFESTYLE & LIFE VARIABLES …

C- i could have …

v- you were trying to be good

c- but I didn’t because … I wanted the best for him… I always had his welfare in mind … always looking out for his future…

v- at your expense


c- so, yes, if I have this constant connection with someone

the side by side is UGLY…

i have a deadbeat significant Other on my hands who all I asked for from him

v- was an answer

c- and I didn’t get it


c- oh, but what does he do instead?…

v- understood

22:49 c- apologies, but the scales are out of whack here…

c- so, I keep asking: when do I get to date?

When do I get to have some independence and find my SOULMATE?

because OBVIOUSLY being connected

v- telepathically

c- doesn’t mean SQUAT


C- don’t * I * deserve my separate happiness ?

To find someone to spend my precious time with?

C- trust me, it won’t be shared on social media … but I want my life back to be able to experience life

v- to the fullest … I know

c- and I am HELD BACK by this f—-ing connection…


22:58 c- I hear a lot in my head … but no one is ever here to tell me what it is I am hearing … is it accurate? Is it distorted? Is it filtered?

all I have is what has happened in my life for the past five years. That is testament enough to who I am dealing with … what type of person it is.

23:00 c- they are absent & they are silent & they choose not to be with me nor talk to me in any way except inner space… so who knows what that is …

am I just a natural algorithm?

v- no


c- am I not good enough to approach privately on a personal level?

v- no, you are … just wait, alright?

c- five years

v- I know

c- this goes beyond any variables except relationship 101 (who we are to each other)

v- you can’t simplify it that much … there’s too much involved, c … why don’t you type it out?

c- faster typing

v- fine… you know who I call you … it’s what you asked

c- that whole FAMILIARITY thing we aren’t supposed to have, remember?

v- yeah, I know


DAY 1839


11:04 c: move day, my new office space awaits (working in another office temporarily)

11:10 the tale of the different office spaces …


11:16 c- we won’t show my home studio …

v- cuz “it’s a mess” (said in a certain tone a la The Campaign)

c: artistically messy AKA organized chaos… straight from my studio island …

first set of main sparkles done (yesterday) - white mica, silver, bronze, copper [ I may make more gold watercolors later tonight…)


next up : ROYGBV

11:26 c: my oldest is coming in to help with office work ( organizing, digitizing files ), and I forewarned her …


11:28 c: expletives sometimes slip out in the office

v: not from your lips

c: no… and when it first happened … I imagined her look to be like this kid’s:

IMAGES:  Uncle Buck

IMAGES: Uncle Buck


15:26 c: I now have a phone … with a SCROLL button

v- haha. Stop.

C: need to dust it.

extension 2911 (haha)

V: you are numerically challenged

15:31 c: of all the numbers they could have given me. Oh, the Randomness

DAY 1838


09:56 color on demand. White mica watercolors now drying. Customers requested

v- Crafty Scribe delivers

c- 😉

09:57 c- i’m Making people crazy about zee colors … I mentioned Mayan purple now can’t be found anywhere in the country

v- and she bought them up

c- teaspoon & half teaspoon bottles … yah. Returning customer whose kids kept saying

”Mom, can we go now?…”

v- while she was buying up all the colors

c- that she was missing (my final sale yesterday)

c- she bought some of my gum arabic (all proud)

v- her other bottle went bad

c- I told her to refrigerate if she wasn’t going to use it within a month or two.

v- but…

c- you know darn well my trade secret …

v- I know!

c- I have a shelf/life guarantee now that I can make bulk gum Arabic …

v- and keep it indefinitely

c- now, let’s not say indefinitely … i’m Sure that isn’t accurate … but, yes, I tested it last year

v- and a whole year went by

c- so at least a year

v- yup, I love that


c- this year is so much easier because I could make batches ahead of time


c- I sold a couple 3oz bottles yesterday

v- love it

c- it’s not that big a deal, but that is good …

v- let me say it : your wee itty bitty small business

c- yes… and the local artists are appearing out of the woodwork.. I love trading stories. It’s fascinating to hear about what people are into & what they are working on. OH! I will post on Crafty Scribe, but this lady used primary blue to create this beautiful watercolor :



11:51 c: be very careful about reinforcing AUTHENTICITY claims…

if you are connected to me?

v- that’ll be Putin to question

c- why do you think this is all NONCOMMERCIAL?

v- because of that very concept

c- of we are sharing CONSCIOUSNESS, how do we define AUTHENTICITY

v- between us. I understand.

c- I continue to observe and record.

v- there will be a day of reckoning

c- I always have reminded you this is historical record

v- I know

c- I am not claiming AUTHENTICITY… I track all my sources .. I fully ADMIT to a possible connection

you dknmt see me liking people’s comments about my intelligence, wisdom and authenticity.


Because if this is a

v- shared conscious

c- situation ? That all comes back on you.



11:55 c- you have insulted me for nearly five years by putting content up

v- that resembles your life and work… I know

11:56 c- resemblances that go beyond chance

c- and never ONCE do you approach me and tell me who I am to you


11:57 c- when I hear words that are eerily similar to what I have been posting about over and over again to you?

v- and I put them up as my own

c- that’s one thing … but Jason’s silva LIKING people’s comments about his AUTHENTICITY?

v- that bothers you

c- it’s one thing to put it out there to be heard … to be (part of) a voice that isn’t heard

c- but it is an entirely different matter to reinforce the notion


v- that’s being authentic


12:00 c- I love that video

v- I knew you would


v- you liked…

c- of course I did … my apophenic mind is in overdrive and I have to be careful …

v- ___

c- yes, Odonata… I loved the “watercolored” irridescence … I am an artist, so I interpret your posts…

v- from a very special angle


earphones on (I have some decluttering to do before girls & Ziggy AKA the white furball arrive)

C- A Wandering Mind is many things

v- “it can never be just one thing”

c- and one of those realizations is this: if we are mindbody connected, the dreams I use to tell my story …

v- are (possibly) remote viewing

c- so although my perspective is unique, I use someone else as a conduit, perhaps

v- I … love you for saying that

c- ODK… originality needs a redefinition with this

V- that “deep, dark pool” … I love Odonata

c- “sœwn”



juat a placeholder for eZ… my apophenia

v- is in overdrive, I know

c- made a mindchat comment

v- late at night?

c- maybe… indon’t Think I logged it… but if I did, the timing will be interesting

c- I thought it FUNNY at the time (I was being funny)… a title of something (I di5 remember the convo exactly)


SHE IS COMING (Scribe’s arrival)

v- shitstorm

c- play on words… that personally I wouldn’t use … then, this a couple days ago? (After ..)

v- your nudie pics

c- they are not. Be good. My Rifty Blue swimsuit body shots because I was in a mood.



c- the matrix is being wonky again.






C, mm?


12:27 c: being funny

v- I know you are … now…

c- I was going to wait

v- no

c- ok, 18 years ago…


12:28 c: haha, yeah, I know … the shape

v- now …

c- I am a bit more curvy … but totally look like an MMA fighter

v- funny

12:31 c- the mirror isn’t long enough for a head shot

v- it’s just a body

c- definitely has nothing to do with MY MIND

V- be good


12:30 c: my daughters have full length mirrors…

12:32 v- you’re Haywire

c- thank you. I thought so, too


c- did I hear thunder…?




out running errands with zee girls


v- at our place?

c- (chuckle) stop. You know where I am. A big box store, yes.



DAY 1837


10:35 Odonata, of course you landed by the sparkly pigments


17:21 Momma now gonna rest

v- Thank you.

c: YOU encouraged me to do thar

v: love you

c- I don’t like you, but for reasons that are as mysterious as those of unanswered questions. ….

v- stop…

c- somehow I love you

v- so… did it fit?

c- after much puzzle work, I somehow moved my “storage unit” garage STUFF to one side & onto those very fine shelves I put up last year … so the company car is now safe from inclement and hot weather this summer

v- woot woot!


17:24 c: … it’s a very confusing and conflicted love, that turns…

v- seethey in a heartbeat

c- just don’t wait too long, ok?

v- to come and talk to you

c- yes, ‘cuz you know what I’ll do …

v- I am aware …

17:25 c- and do I follow through…

v- yes, you do…


v- good market day?

c- yeah… last week & this week I have the vendor’s fee about covered (for the whole season)

v- nice

17:26 c- so, yes, and lots of interested people. Artists and calligraphists are popping out of the woodwork. It’s very strange. I thought I was he oddball.

v- haha, no.

c: but there are peeps like me

v- haha I know

c- time to get comfy / make some din-din

v- ILY

C- argh..

v- conflicted, I know

c- LY … for now

v- I’ll take it



17:30 c- I just did quick math - I definitely just covered the entire season’s vendor’s fee these last two Saturdays…little by little..

v- yup


21:39 c: one must capture this screenshot on 06/01

IMAGE:  Conspiracy Theory

IMAGE: Conspiracy Theory

v- hue was dinner?

c- it was num… The achey tired me quickly passed out. I did wake up fur the last minute if the movie, though

v- that tired, huh?

c- yah… I did sleep better … got nearly a WHOLE 4 hour chunk of sleep in there (last night)


c- with this? I’ll take it.

v- I know, i’m sorry



c- this is one of those evenings I wish I had that jacuzzi to soak in

v- yeah, I know

c- so is life


c- first world problems


v- so, you sold a lot

c- a good variety

v- come on.. I want to say it

c- (giggling) ….


Crafty Scribe: Rifty sold herself today


c- (chuckling)


v- you’re so wrong

c- something I came up with in the shower after market today (mindchatting with Whoever)

c- watercolor extra full and half pan…sample size & half teaspoon dry pigment … I think that’s it

c- people loved her color ❤️

C- I had a returning customer buy all the colors she didn’t get in her 24-pigment collection last season

v- aw…

c- i’m making people crave zee colors

v- haha, yes you are, my Pigment Peddler

c- … Bill stopped by

v- your Spanish student

c- yes.. with his wife. Such a sweet couple … and so nice to meet up in person…

v- will you stop…

c- some people just go out if their way to meet me

v- he lives in the area …

c- oh!… (now, that I have a car…)

v- oh, I know

c- he offered free tennis lessons for the girls…. hm… not sure if they’d be interested. Tricky schedule I have

v/ which means you can’t…

c- the times he’s available probably are when i’m tied to a desk chair …

v- no lie

c- i’ll Be nice .. N has standing pedestal thingies for the computers

v- nice… do you use it?

c- uh, no.

21:55 v: so it was a good market dsy

c- yes (as I said)

less kiddos but more adult aficionados

c- I totally was able to scribe geek out today … there are people like me out there

v- heaven forbid (Being funny) … nice dragonfly …

c- I can’t recall any dragonfly flying through the market … until today

v- and he landed

c- right at the edge of those sparkly pigments … yah… on 06/01

v- I know

c- shall we?

v- we shall

c- on 06/01/14 my last baby tooth chipped. I didn’t let anyone know about it for a long time, tried to cover it up (not smile, etc.) I later had it extracted and had to have full mouth orthodontic work to bring down the permanent tooth … anywho… 06/01/14 was the day I started Wandering Mind’s official log of my days …


C: there were odd resemblances in SOA over the years that I wondered about, including this videoclip of a boy with a missing tooth. …and of a quick scene with a dragonfly


While researching for the poem “sœwn”

I studied up on

v- dragonfly lore

ODONATA both means tooth and dragonfly

on 08/25/14 a dragonfly landed on my writing “tripod” fingers … on 08/26/14 I opened up my first literary(?)-based social media account, which was a placeholder for A Wandering Mind, whose concept came to me

v/ in a vision flash

c- 07/14/14 … then, 08/27/14…

v- just after midnight

c- 2am hour? Anyway… a voice in my head said it was Jason Silva … which was like a wayward ball hitting me… unexpectedly.

c- I thought I was hearing someone else for a couple months … until then. I started following

v- tracking

c- …Jason Silva on social media for research

v- the data doesn’t lie

Odonata, perched gracefully on the rim
peeks a reader
sneaks, chasing away lies, deceit
seeks skāld
seats, resting lightly on one finger
of a writing tripod,
pointing in the same direction
as the immortalizing nib
meets, brushing for a brief moment
greets, good news of you is on its way.

On its wings I read
and all along its body, stretched
from head to tail

Still, so as not to frighten it off, I whisper
300 million years you’ve been swimming,
skimming the surface
of a deep, dark pool
of (r)evolution
deny the cry
it screams inside
wrecking havoc
flying free
so much to see
darting swiftly
what sways
what gives
you lee way.

In your eyes I see
30,000 ways
that I could get to you
to move you
to tears
watercolor pigment
captured iridescence

absorbed in this
your image statuesque
about to
flutter your wings
and take off
but you stay

absorbed into my storyline.

Fly off
the page
words passed along
across the globe
farther than you could reach on your own
you live millions more times, your fate sœwn


DAY 1836


13:29 c: scribal / billing humor

13:30 c: Oh, the Mundanity!

the signs are everywhere

there’s a shitstorm (coming)

Scribe is sick of Trickster’s bullshit (has been for years)

if one is not the shit, one should never claim to be the shit

v- haha, lord, stop


c: I love Pooh

v- oh, I know you do

c: potty time WILL PROVE IMPORTANT (GOT Sam / WMS humor)

13:34 v: _____

c: (chuckling) you are evil. I thought it was funny.

c: what I did NOT find humorous was being awakened throughout the night, and each time I woke up I felt sexually aroused.

Does anyone know what that is like?

to be vaginally stimulated AND NOT WANT TO BE?!?!!!!! When I was trying to sleep … to get enough sleep for another long work day

i passed out on the couch last night after dinner

NOT ENTIRELY due to my own body

but someone else’s activities

v- nonlocally

c- I finally muster enough energy to get myself off the couch … and I don’t go to bed … but I make a batch of WATERCOLORS

because any money I might make right now HELPS

[ I AM ALWAYS WORKING … have been since I was 13 ]


so, I’m trying to sleep peacefully

but an asshole on the other end of whatever this is




V- you feel sexually stimulated


c- what am I trying to not think about … and still trying to also go back to sleep to get enough sleep

so I can get up in the morning


go to a regular job and BE PRODUCTIVE (so I can earn money to be able to pay for some of my bills)



13:41 c- so, PERHAPS SOME DAY some asshole will get enough courage to FACE ME and EXPLAIN what is going on so

1) I do not have to be traumatized DAILY

that’s about it…

when I have an answer I can better MANAGE whatever this is.

Right now?

i have to assume the worst.

I have FACTS displayed - everyone does - about who Jason Silva is, what he does, who he associates with

and a reminder: I am not a person he associates with.

Why would I be, right? (Sarcasm)

46. Mother of two from the Midwest. Not getting by because …

OF ETHICAL CHOICES I MADE … to change my lifestyle




why would Jason Silva associate with someone who SACRIFICED SO MUCH IN HER LIFE

to accommodate whatever the f—- this is?!?

On a personal level? It ranges from disappointment to insulting.


c: What’s worse? I CAN’T STOP THIS




energy drains

strange sensations of all types

a voice that I attribute to someone else


c- so, I am faced with a public figure



13:52 c: so, I suck it up. I do the normal person thing as best as I can.

[ answering daughter’s text message ]

13:54 c: this has been my life for five years

i want my life back.

I don’t care who is connected to me.

this has been A BURDEN. One that had an easy solution … and is out of my control to resolve BECAUSE IT DEPENDS ON ANOTHER TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT:

tell me what it is or isn’t



14:14 c: I do not want to live the rest of my life like this

v- without an answer. I know.

c: financially, i’ll be ok.

V- in a few months

C: … Right now it’s atrocious. Not horrific. Just atrocious. Oh, I hate how I have to juggle. It’s an ugly juggling act, but one that many are familiar with.

v: so, you thought it funny?

c- yes, it made me smile

v- alright …

c- you are a trickster, that’s for sure

v- I have to play the part.

C: of course you do


—- [ working ]

14:38 c: I’m reverting back to original, and I don’t want this affecting my life moving forward (a Nothing that is like a lifeforce sucking void )


15:35 c: I want to be happy. ..

I want to be able to live my life with someone

v- together, not apart

15:36 c: the way I am living right now? I have a man inside me…

v- right by your side, c

c- hm, hm. Who is at your side right now, hm?

all I am saying is I deserve to be SEPARATED AND DISCONNECTED from anyone who doesn’t want to be WITH ME in a normal way and set the record straight WITH ME directly and specifically who they are to me / I to them



[ workspace moving because of expansion ]

16:55 c: horse’s ass


c- and, no, I have not listened, as I don’t to most of your shit

v- haha, theme for the day

c- hm-hm

17:00 c- i’m Outy…


17:01 c- whatever you have to say doesn’t help

v- until I’m in front of you. I know.


[ at light


🎶ajedrez siniestro🎶


18:38 (monotone)

c: does she coach about a woman who ignores the torture…


C: just asking, because at some point

v- there’ll be a reckoning

c: just keep taking other people’s cash and at the same time keep a woman in your basement in a pit … THAT’LL KEEP THE CLIENTS COMIN’


c: geesh. You both are WINNERS

V- will you be nicd

c: from my dark pit : so not believe that they are love and light. I know differently.

v- will you be nice, please?

c- really? You want me to be nice … AS SHE MAKES MONEY FROM ASSOCIATION WITH YOU?

18:42 c- People will see things with perfect 20/20 hindsight clarity.

I have NO IDEA why two people would continue to be like they are …

18:42 c: without the common courtesy to just let one woman know what she needs to know


18:43 c- the sad part is: I have NEVER wanted money from any of this

v- just an answer, I know

c- and for that, look at my situation right now.

I want people to realize what a shitty situation this really is… when viewed

v- from your perspective

18:44 c- to my dying day I will never understand how a man who is supposed to be KIND and who everyone adores for being the eliding of love and light

v- can be so cruel

c- it affects my life

18:45 c- and you are an ASSHOLE for posting this - since my sleep has been affected because of all this for FIVE YEARS. W.T.F. is wrong with you?!?!

it is one of THE WORST side effects of all this. I have always treasured my sleep and I haven’t gotten a sound sleep since this all began.


18:49 c: I’m the one with the same sleeping pattern - I don’t travel the world and into different time zones all the time.

18:50 c: people will be LIVID with you when/if they discover what all I had to endure through all this


v: you’re not happy

c: why would I be happy? I have a demon possessing me/a ghost that haunts me… and I can’t get rid of this demon/ghost.


c- and since I’m on another rant


I hated that video when you first came out with it, and what it meant to me

i still hate what it means to me.


v- End Game.

c: discard the ruse and just be honest with me. Just to me, which is all I ever wanted.

v- I know you did.


c: going to heat up leftovers for dinner.

C: to be weird and be more light hearted


C: my round corner punched died (BH). I got a new one today.

V- coupon

c- yes, and it will be paid for when I sell the art I’m making with it

v- I love Crafty Scribe

c- yes, I know you do.


c- I have to point out

v- the ROI

C- because right now I shouldn’t be spending the $7.19+tax on a round corner puncher

v- but you have to make money..

c- it was one of the key tools I needed … so, ANYWAY…

v- it’s bad

c- yeah, it’s bad… so, I’ll be the one who made bad choices based on Nothing.

c- if not for this

v- you wouldn’t have made the decisions you did

c- it’s complicated with my variables …

v- you couldn’t keep living with him…

c- no, I couldn’t … and I jumped without a safety net…

v- I know you did

c- if it were the other way around

v- he wouldn’t have been able to afford it…

c- anyway… complicated life variables

v- yeah, I know

19:01 c- I was just trying to be good

v- I know you were

19:02 c- I just want my life back

v- I know you do

19:02 c- and I never will with THIS

[ shipment notification ]

19:06 c- at least my gum arabic is coming … there’s a story behind THAT purchase, too…

v- gum arabic is one of your key products, too

c- yes, it is … ANYWAY…


v- and a movie

c- haha.. there are overalls in it

v- oh no..

c- background film noise while I work to prep for tomorrow’s market


v- there’s painting in this one, too

c- (chuckling) is there? I haven’t seen the movie in many years. it’s me being FUNNY by watching it

v- I see


19:13 c- I don’t want you in here … (repeated)


c- your life is not my life… and that is my whole point : IT SHOULDN’T BE (affecting me)





Please whoever you are please leave be alone in peace.

I have a life.

i need what little is left of it right now

just to survive.

please stop.


c- and if RACHEL ROSSITTO were authentic and true ?

she would have done something to FORCE JASON SILVA to come forward to admit to what this is

I don’t care who she is

who she is to Jason Silva or anyone else, but to be someone to ASK MONEY from anyone to COACH them?!? on being a strong(?) woman?

when she is a part of something


it is incredibly reprehensible

this is a five year nightmare for me

if Jason Silva is mindbody connected to me?

i am repulsed that HIS GIRLFRIEND would be a voice for the sacred feminine


c- from my vantage point?

She is an accomplice to human suffering that could EASILY be eased and both of them choose to continue living as if it weren’t happening


c: if there isn’t a connection between Jason Silva. Fine.

If there is?

Then I have every right to scream my protest.


v- you really have a problem with..

c- are you KIDDING ME?!

I spent the five years of my life SUFFERING through the Unknown

NEVER asking for money for ANYTHING


c: I never would.

That is the difference between her and me.



22:47 c- if not for this? I wouldn’t give a fuck.

But when I have to be associated with a man like Jason Silva


anyone he associates with is a part of me

because of this connection


NO SAY in it whatsoever.

But I have suffer the consequences.



with people who model for a career

people who put themselves out there FOR SHOW

22:50 c- she is an insult to everything I have lived for and through since BIRTH.

22:51 c- I work my ass off … for what?

to sense accelerated heartbeat at all hours?

I don’t get to rest

I don’t get peace of mind

22:53 c- because some ASSHOLE deems it not a priority.

Everywhere and everyone else is a priority


i do NOT mean in here

THAT is far too convenient.

22:54 c- you SHOW UP for the people in your life that are most important to you

I DON’T KNOW : when someone is mindbody linked to you … a part of the very FABRIC of who you are as a person…

i think that would take priority, don’t you think?

it did for me VERY EARLY ON

I have NEVER asked for anything beyond a fucking direct honest answer



c- and NO. I didn’t get the work I needed to get done

I was ENERGY DRAINED falling asleep on and off

v- because some jackwagon was active on the other end


23:00 my boss gave me the choice to earn some extra cash … but I am SLAMMED with fatigue because of this and I can’t even do THAT during my time at home.


c- why do you think I am so angry and upset?!?


THIS is preventing me from meeting my EARNING POTENTIAL.


c- I KNOW that without this fucking condition because of JASON SILVA

i would be fine.

THAT is why I am upset

I CANNOT be independent and make a good living BECAUSE OF HIS LEECHING my life force because if HIS LIFESTYLE.


c- why do you think he never has complained about this connection affecting his earning potential?

because he can AFFORD to have this connection in his life.



23:06 c- in other NORMAL relationships of any kind?

if a person snores in the same room or in a nearby room you are sleeping in

you get up and move to a quieter location

or move out completely


i awaken because something jars me awake

I sense accelerated heartbeat


Inner wind tunnel

strange unwanted sexual sensations on my genitalia and within me

23:08 and of course the damn voice at all hours

v- I am sorry you are having a hard time

v- i’m Not to blame for everything

c- oh? And when I asked “when do we meet?” nearly FIVE YEARS ago… was that just a stupid question to ask?

v- no, it’s not, c


c- it was important then as it is now


c/ I want this over and done with so I can move on with my life

figure out howvto either manage this

or get rid of it entirely

based on whatever existent or nonexistent relationship I have with whoever

v- Jason


SPLINTER notes DAY 1836 @justiceleaguewb


IDEAPOD by QuarkFuture 30 June 2014

SCRIBE’s NOTE: Ideapod has since undergone restructuring, so the original link no longer works. I include it here for archival purposes

Ideapod Member : QuarkFuture

Post: What If We Were Superheroes

What would your superpower be?

This raises issues like vigilantism, legality and use of secret identities. 

Therefore I believe, we would need a manifesto or rule book to manage our involvement in other's lives and their expectations of us.

Strangely, this gives a good guide for life. 

Below is an online Super Hero manifesto


I will not self designate myself as a hero. If others call me such, so be it.

I will not regard myself as anything other than a human being.

I will not assume responsibility outside of the actions I commit and the people I affect.

I will not seek any circumstance that puts myself or others in a place of possible harm unless my presence has the potential to cause less harm than my absence.

I will not sacrifice safety for fashion.

I will not sacrifice integrity for fame.

I will not make grand statements of intended deeds, but rather act in the manner which most befits the circumstance.

I will not act at the expense of others without due consideration.

I will not act at the expense of myself without due consideration.

I will not play god.

I will not play devil’s advocate.

I will not infringe upon the basic rights of any human except when they forfeit those rights through the process of attempting to harm another human.

I will be uncompromising


Just one superpower? That seems rather limiting. *chuckle* I'll need to give this some more thought. Off the top of my head, one of these: Teleportation, time travel, healing. Each of these could be used for good.

One of the statements I like most: "I will not sacrifice integrity for fame"

TODAY 31 MAY 2019

Scribe: I joined Ideapod, a new social media platform, May 7, 2014.

Within the first month I started experiencing what I would later call side effects due to an InnerNet connection with someone I rubbed digital shoulders with on Ideapod,

I started my InnerNet travelogue June 1st 2014.

By the time I replied to QuarkFuture’s post about superheroes I was experiencing what I called in A Wandering Mind: a hotbed of paranormal activity.

11:11 posting

Scribe: The Icy Pier photograph was taken in Sheboygan, Wisconsin near Blue Harbor Resort, where my family was spending the holidays.

This trip I made to visit family came after a trip to Miami, Florida to try to get an answer from Jason Silva AKA A Wandering Mind’s TRICKSTER.

A polite unassuming email to meet up in public with my dog who was with me (I had been an active member on Ideapod for a year and a half, so he knew who I was).

No response.

No answer except his silence.

The JUSTICE I want is for him to answer my question I asked him on 04/20/17 in an e-mail.


It is now two years later.

No answer. Still a hotbed of paranormal activity.

Now, like December 2015, I have data to prove there is something to my story, I just have a whole lot more of it.

Some day, maybe Jason Silva will show the world some integritty instead of his mask of fame.


11:37 my second post to Ideapod was to define INTEGRITTY.

Image Source: Mark Engelbrecht

Image Source: Mark Engelbrecht


Image: A Noh mask changes appearance based on variations in light.  Source:  Image may be protected by copyright. Posted on this site in accordance with fair use principles.   Image Source:

Image: A Noh mask changes appearance based on variations in light.

Source: Image may be protected by copyright. Posted on this site in accordance with fair use principles.

Image Source:

August 2015 IDEAPOD



collision course

nudging force

not the time nor place

saving face

jester's dice

release of vice


utter insanity

beauty of anonymity

compelling disguise

word to the wise

beast of deception


treacherous ordeal

player's reveal

ever nearer

naked truth's two-way mirror

looking outside in

of the Veil that's oh so thin

double vision

elemental fission

charade of Sight

coincidental blight

turn of the head

shape-shifting contrasts wed

uncomfortable alliance

easy reliance


crisis point

chance moves

courage proves

nonverbal cues

discard the ruse


the masquerade.

Thanks to Ideapod’s Mark's Myth for lines related to the Veil [ during my time on Ideapod, posts related to this poem were an attempt to foster creative collaboration asking others on Ideapod to participate in writing the poem ]

CG: maybe some day Jason Silva will be the decent human being I have always hoped he would be to just answer that one question of mine instead of dancing and masquerading around it.

Five years is a long time without an answer. Silence has serious implications when it deals with the importance of this Q&A.

as I have always said from the beginning:

it is not about fame.

It is not about money.

it is about being honest with another human being.

Basic human relationships - our existence, our identity as social creatures - rely on this question.

who am I to you? < > who are you to me?

That’s what the question boils down to.

INTEGRITTY is living your life as a WHOLE PERSON… not one that lives a half life.

Why not reveal your “secret identity” just to me?

SPLINTER notes DAY 1835 @starwars


10:06 Scribe: you ever get that feeling that the story you didn’t quite finish (or get to write) yet, wrote itself in other ways?

May the SOURCE be with you… . -Scribe / A Wandering Mind

Ideapod 2014-2016

Twitter 2015

YouTube 2014

10:10 posting … .

Like that extra point in the intro to Star Wars, but a bit different.

Something I’ve been doing for years since this all began. Emphasizing a very important point.

… .

(ellipsis) [ point ]


It has to do with a very important question.



Let’s call it the point around which everything revolves.

10:44 Scribe:

30 January 2016

06 Feb 2019 draft of first part of story (handwritten, unpublished)

DAY 1834



18:11 at oil change place after work (6:11pm...)

waiting in line

18:24 getting oil change

V- with a coupon

C- yah

11.97 in change back (paid cash)

still in my wallet $5 bill with solidified gum (not mine…) that ATM wouldn’t take 

That’s $16.97 (9+7=16)

I pull away from oil change place, that darn MAINT REQD light doesn’t go off 

i pull out the owner’s manual (the car is a 2014 model …)

P611 is the page about the light 

it’s a thing with this car - the 6s and 1s 


[ Meeting with N ]

c- she took my notes

13:43 v- just … be good … she’s the owner

c- but they’re my notes

v- haha, she needed them

c- yes, but …😫 … I even said I’d Photocopy so she could have her own …

v- haha stop


c- now I don’t have my notes

v- haha … you are OCD

C- they are a reminder of what I did …

v- haha… I know … and she’s using them to fix stuff

c- in the trenches woman as she is… she’s helping CLEAN

v- haha … that office…

c- oh, one of the branch offices is not detail-oriented … a lot of the coding is wrong

v- fine-tooth comb, I know … sorry about your notes

c- i’m being funny

v- I know you are

c- scribal humor


— [ potty break … humor ]

c- the coding is why the claims are getting denied …

v- the company doesn’t get paid

c- devil’s in the details … It’s a mess… (said in a certain way)

v- The Campaign



c (mumbling) she took my notes (a la Office Space ‘s Milton’s red stapler )

v- now, you’re being funny

c- again, yes, I’m inserting humor into my day


make dinner

on couch resting for a while after dinner

19:29 heart jump


stronger SAHB


subtle SAHB

dozing on couch

21:35 Head up after rest 



DAY 1833


DAY 1833 and still no contact via normal channels (e-mail, text, DM, phone call, mail, in-person) - still no peace (of mind / body ) in my life

thus post demonstrates the range of everyday sensorial distractions I face at this point.

What does ZERO DEPTH mean?

I find it extremely superficial for Jason Silva to act one way to the general public and then, on the other hand, treat another individual as if she were a No one to him - if I am no one to him, then say as much… or maybe the silence & absence are my answer? : I am a No one to him…

if this is a mindbody connection? not to come forward to me personally and privately just to let me know what is going on to let me know what kind of a connection it is (who we are to each other)…? I should know after five years of this shit.

KNOWING matters. Knowing would have helped me make better choices, having known exactly what the variables of my life were.

I have had to make choices based on what now has become five years of NOTHING… I have made moral decisions based on what now is Nothing.

My life has been affected because of whatever THIS is.

[ I wake up every 1-2 hours due to a self-diagnosed nonlocal source (suspect: Jason Silva) - I do it know what jars me awake, but in any case, my sleep is disrupted. I need my sleep before a long work day … ]

01:32 awake

02:56 awake

Cool fresh air pet back of throat


04:39 awake 

[ disruptions while at work. More concerns. I continue to have no explanation for these continued sensations that interrupt my life ]

08:36 subtle temple pressure ( TP )


SAHB soft faux fur warm inner sense 

09:00 a bit more SAHB

09:08 making love sense (coming to me nonlocally)

C- you know I worry ... and you know why

09:19 soft wrap and eCaress [ I don’t know what this is & I try to not think what it could be … ]

10:22 ongoing subtle TP

Ecaress to full body inner chill

C- stop ... stop ...I am at work 


11:21 subtle TP cool fresh air



12:40 blood coursing 

12:46 drowsy

Taking lunch so I can get up and move around to shake off this fatigue


subtle SAHB


cinnamony drowsy 


soft floofy sense [ making love sense - again, a concern, what is this that I am sensing?!? I am trying to not think what it could be (mindbody rape) : Distracting while I am trying to work ]


15:23 right ear high pitched ting (like a pressure change)

ongoing soft floofy high sense


SAHB subtle blood coursing



cinnamony slight cool upper back palate of mouth


18:13 waiting in car - getting oil change for company car

still ongoing chillaxy liquidity


on couch resting after a long day at work

subtle SAHB





21:32 in bed


22:44 awake 

22:45 heated. “Drug” heated 

[ I fall back asleep only to be awakened again at 00:35 DAY 1834 ]